~Drive~
The first time Shin thought he saw Akihiro driving a car was when he was on his way back home from the Live House one night. As he stood at the level crossing, he waited for the lights to change, stood in the small crowd that anonymously waited alongside him. He hadn't been thinking of anything in particular but one car slowed before going over the marked road and for an idle moment, the thought "That looked like Jinguuji" crossed Shin's mind. And then he realised what he'd been thinking and rejected it without much thought. The city was a sprawling metropolis and how many people were there that could be mistaken for that Jinguuji?... Shin didn't like to entertain the prospect that maybe the other boy had been playing on his mind and so decided it was a fairly healthy percentage and thought nothing more of it.
The second time, Shin knew he'd seen Akihiro in the car that time. He was walking out of the school gates and along the path that would take him to the city centre when he happened to look up past the railings that marked off the staff carpark and saw, amidst the now-empty parking spaces, Jinguuji stood next to a reasonable-looking red car. Shin knew enough about cars to say that it was red and that was it, but that it was Akihiro next to it gave it enough interest to catch Shin's attention. He leant his fingers in the gaps of the wire fencing and silently watched until Akihiro happened to look up and see him. In another situation Akihiro might have made some kind of jibe, some flirtatious comment or devastating put-down or perhaps Shin might have done the same, but the look on Akihiro's face when he finally looked up spoke of someone who wasn't in the mood for any of that today. Shin supposed that if Akihiro wasn't in the mood for that then he wasn't in the mood for Shin himself either, but that wasn't the kind of thing Shin paid attention to. Instead, he sauntered around the perimeter of the carpark to the main roadway and sat down wordlessly on the kerb touching where Akihiro had parked. He put down his bag and leant his hands on his knees, silently watching for a short while.
"... What are you doing?"
Akihiro glanced up as if he hadn't realised Shin's presence, though Shin knew it more likely that Akihiro had been ignoring him.
"What does it look like?"
From the path, it'd looked like Akihiro was washing the car. And that was acceptable in itself, but didn't you usually wash a car when it was at your home? However, now that he was on the other side, Shin realised the situation. It seemed that some graffiti had been sprayed across one side in crude white paint; Akihiro was in the process of scrubbing it clean. He'd cleaned enough for the graffiti to be unreadable now, though Shin had an idea of what it'd once said. Unprompted, Akihiro spoke again.
"Fortunately they keep that kind of stuff in a school. In any school you're gonna get some fucker who considers himself a damn genius artist with a can of spraypaint, and, well, this is what happens. Jesus, I don't bring her in for ages and then the one time I do, something like this happens." Akihiro stood up and wiped the back of his wrist over his forehead. "Guess it's gotta be expected though, though I'd like to know what fucker knew this was my car out of all the cars in the carpark... though maybe they just wanted to get a teacher's car and struck unlucky. Whatever. Not like anybody's gonna admit to it."
Shin wondered if Akihiro spoke for the sake of conversation or merely to fill the silence between them; the latter seemed more likely. When Shin did speak, he didn't acknowledge what had been said before.
"... I didn't know you could drive."
"And there I thought most of the year had nothing better to do than cream their panties over turning eighteen so they can drive."
"But you're--... oh."
Akihiro resumed scrubbing at the side of the car, making a small noise of amusement as he did so. "Hfn. Even if I hadn't been held back that year I'd still be good for it. Almost two years older than you now, how's that? Weird how the school year works, isn't it..."
Shin remembered as far as his birthday being in March and Akihiro's being in May, but had never thought of it quite like that. The slight difference meant that Akihiro was one of the oldest in the school year and Shin one of the youngest, and that would have been even without Akihiro's extra year added in there. Thinking about it, Shin supposed that Akihiro was right, but found it a little strange to think about, and so didn't.
"... But don't you normally walk to school?"
"Normally. Depends on what I gotta do. Sometimes I pick up my sister if that woman can't." (Shin knew Akihiro meant his mother, with his usual lack of respect for her. And well-deserved, from what Shin knew of the situation.) "Sometimes I pick up some shopping if we're low on something and it's not a shopping day. That was today's errand, need to pick up stuff for Yukari's packed lunch. I'm sure it'd be fun to drive to school every day but they don't really like students in the staff car park. Only got in here today 'cause Megumi-sensei told me she was gettin' a lift in with Enami-sensei. Otherwise this'd be her spot. And besides that, it's pretty expensive keeping up a car. Not that you'd know that, getting driven everywhere like the little diva you are..."
"And being months shy of eighteen."
"Well, come back to me when you've got a car and then talk to me about it."
"I don't remember raising the subject in the first place..."
"... Whatever."
The conversation died with that, and Shin saw no reason to hang around. Part of him considered helping Akihiro with his task, but supposed that Akihiro probably wouldn't appreciate such an offer.
The next time Shin saw Akihiro in his car it seemed that he'd cleaned the graffiti off without his help anyway; it was a Friday night and Shin was waiting outside of the Live House. It was raining quite heavily and by the time Akihiro drove past, it seemed that Shin was soaked through. Shin saw Akihiro drive past and for a moment their eyes met, though Akihiro didn't slow or stop. Not the first time. He did, however, make the circuit around the shopping island once more now that he had warning and instead slipped into the bus lane further up the street. Shin couldn't think of any reason why Akihiro would stop other than for his sake and so walked up to the car; Akihiro wound down the window, "Get in."
"Don't you get into trouble if you get into cars with strangers?"
"You get into more trouble if you get caught parking in bus lanes. Just get in the fucking car."
"Always the sweet-talker." Nonetheless, Shin quickly put his guitar on the back seat and then threw himself into the passenger seat. He sat there for a moment before buckling himself in, chancing a glance towards Akihiro to note his reaction. It seemed that he was too busy checking the flow of traffic for an opening onto the road, so Shin turned his attention back to nothing in particular. Akihiro positioned the ventilation to try and dry Shin off a bit, to try and warm him up.
"You trying to catch a cold?" He steered out into the traffic.
"... My brother was supposed to pick me up on the way back from his work. He didn't."
"When was that supposed to be?"
"... Two hours ago."
Akihiro wondered if he should have been shocked on hearing something like that, that Shin had waited outside for that long... but there was something miserable about Shin's tone that only made Akihiro put the heating up to maximum. He sighed. "You could have just waited inside the Live House."
"If I wasn't right outside he'd figure I'd already gone home."
"He forgot, then?"
"Seems like it."
"... Mother'd kill me if I forgot to pick up Yukari from somewhere."
"You happen to have a mother who cares about her offspring."
I wouldn't say that much. Akihiro just raised an eyebrow, said nothing and concentrated on the road. He would have been the first to admit that he wasn't in possession of a wealth of knowledge about the Nishimura family, just that he knew Shin had both parents and some brothers or sisters or something. He'd never seen Shin's parents at any school events, but then his own mother had never turned up to those either, though for likely different reasons. Akihiro wasn't sure what Shin's family was like but was fairly convinced that neither of Shin's parents would be the type to wake up sometime in the afternoon and spend until the evening drinking before falling asleep and repeating the cycle. Office jobs and other such things had been mentioned, that seemed more their kind of style. In Akihiro's mind he saw a sleek and efficient family, successful and rich and capable of producing spoilt offspring like his current passenger. It almost seemed depressingly predictable; it was lucky for some.
"... So where's your brother work? Maybe he got held up in traffic."
"Works at my father's offices down in the southern sector."
"Oh." That more or less confirmed it.
"No, he probably just forgot. It's not something he usually does, so it'd be easy to forget."
The traffic moved slowly, product of the start of the weekend. Large cars of businessmen sailed past, the brighter vehicles of those out for the night making their way back into the city centre. Akihiro looked over to Shin, who was looking out of the window. It still rained. Since Shin wasn't looking, Akihiro allowed himself a small smile; perhaps it would be wrong to class Shin as being talkative in this situation, but despite his moody tone and sullen words, he was answering to conversation in a normal fashion without falling back on his usual jibes and stabs. For Akihiro, that counted as a successful conversation. The heater system was on its most powerful but Shin still looked soaked, maybe that had something to do with it? Akihiro couldn't imagine that anybody particularly liked being caught in the rain for two hours, having been forgotten by their lift. Perhaps that was something to do with it, too. It didn't sound as if Shin felt particularly close to his brother, but it was still a small kind of betrayal to just be forgotten like that... wasn't it? Or maybe this was just how the Nishimura family worked. Akihiro didn't know.
"... We're driving to your house, right? You'll have to remind me the directions, I... don't know where you live." Akihiro knew that, if he got the bullet train then Shin would catch the one that headed to the western suburbs, but that was it. He didn't like to admit that he didn't know where Shin lived, but what more could he say? They could have driven around the shopping district for the rest of the night and not got any further. Of course, it wasn't as if Akihiro was the kind of person that Shin would invite to his house (or even admit to 'friend' status) but it vaguely stung Akihiro that they'd known each other for so long and yet he didn't even know a small thing like that. After all, Shin knew where he lived, easy though he was to locate. He could have said many things about his mother but at least she'd chosen a good place to live, equidistant from the school and the main shopping district.
Shin found himself distracted simply by being in Akihiro's car. Part of him felt conflicted; half of that part wondered why Akihiro would pick him up in the first place and the other half found this perfectly expected and reasonable, the other half then arguing all the more for treating something like that as 'expected'. Akihiro would bother to drive him home? He'd accept such a thing? Shin felt cold and tired and relieved that Akihiro didn't seem to be in an antagonistic mood. Indeed, he seemed quite civil, which was something Shin never particularly saw Akihiro as being. Then again, why wouldn't he be? He saw someone he knew quite well out in the rain, he'd pick them up and drive them home. Why not? Wouldn't it just be callous to drive by and ignore them? This was true, but who would blame Akihiro for being callous?
"... Nishimura?"
Sat in the passenger seat, Shin could feel the cold draining from him against the building warmth of the radiator's air, could feel himself drying off. Akihiro's car was well-kept, neat and tidy and smelt of the various shaped things that hung from the rear-view mirror. A vague sweetness lingered in the air. Sat in Akihiro's car like that, Shin thought about how he felt... comfortable, somehow. And yet it seemed a strange place to find comfort and a strange person to find it with, but--
"... Oi, Nishimura. Don't fall asleep when you're still cold."
"... M'not asleep."
"Coulda fooled me. I can't drive you home if I don't know where you live, so..."
"... Go right here. Take the next left."
Akihiro wordlessly obeyed.
"Just along here, then right."
And again.
"Left... the next left... straight along here... oh, hang on."
"... We've gone the wrong way?"
"... Park here."
Akihiro did so, looking out of Shin's window afterward. Without saying anything, Shin got out of the car and headed into the building; seemed they'd stopped outside of a convenience store. Too far away from Seirei Gakuen to be the choice of students, but it seemed to be somewhere that Shin knew; Akihiro sighed and supposed he couldn't begrudge Shin stopping off for whatever it was he wanted to get and leant back in his seat, waiting for Shin's return.
He emerged about ten minutes later with a carrier bag. He got back into the car and put the bag on the car floor, "... I haven't eaten since lunchtime."
"Fair enough. Now where?"
"... I got you a nikuman."
As if on some kind of reflex, Akihiro turned to face Shin. "Ooh, really?" A moment of staring at the face of his sullen passenger; Akihiro remembered who he was talking to. He let his expression fall slightly, "Why would you buy me anything..."
"Because you're driving me home without question."
Akihiro felt a small blush, which he tried to fight. "Y-yeah, well. Leave it in the glove compartment, I'll have it when I get home."
"It's better while it's hot..."
"I'm not eating and driving at the same time."
"You're not driving right now, either."
As if to prove the point (and to hide his embarrassment), Akihiro started up the engine and drove back into the stream of traffic. Out of the main city centre the traffic wasn't quite so heavy, but anywhere was going to have its various rushes and jams on a Friday night. Akihiro drove along the straight road, noting no input from Shin; he glanced over for a moment to express this, noticing that Shin had clearly bought himself an onigiri and was slowly eating it. Akihiro sighed, "This the right way?"
"Mmph. Keep going."
Supposing that Shin knew where he was leading, Akihiro did so.
They drove in relative silence (other than Shin's occasional directions) for quite some time. The rain heavied and eased off, the traffic grew and waned and the more they drove, the more Akihiro wondered if Shin was leading him in the right direction after all. He'd prompt Shin's next directions with 'are you sure?' and Shin would reply that yes, he was completely sure. And they drove, they drove through a residential district and they drove until the artificial light fell from the sky, they drove until Shin had finished his onigiri and they were on a road that Akihiro recognised. He pulled over on the pathway next to a steep flight of steps.
"... Wait. This road leads to the next prefecture."
"It does, eventually."
"Just where do you live, again?"
Shin glanced off towards the direction they'd just come, "... Almost exactly on the other side of the city to here."
Akihiro kept his hands on the steering wheel, more to steady himself than for any other reason. "... I'm getting petrol money out of your next paycheck. So what are we doing here, then? Or did you just want to see how far you could take me until I noticed?"
Noting the edge of irritation in Akihiro's words but ignoring them, Shin picked up the shopping bag. "Now the rain's moved off, I thought we could climb the hill."
"Why do you--... Nishimura, wait--" Akihiro had been in the middle of speaking when Shin casually left the car. He left his schoolbag and his guitar but took the food, scaling the flight of stairs that led to the top of the hill with surprising speed. Akihiro got out of the car quickly, locking it behind him. He stood by the car for a few moments, watching Shin's receding back. It was getting late, it was already dark, they didn't know if the rain would return and both of them were on the opposite side of the city to where they needed to be, but... as he watched Shin climb the hill, something in Akihiro told him that maybe it would be okay to entertain Shin his strange whims, some of the time. A lot of the time he came across as a bit of a spoilt brat, but what was the harm in climbing the hill? Exercise was exercise, after all.
The main purpose of the hill, if such geographical features could be said to have a 'purpose', seemed to be to split off the two cities in the close region they shared. The hill split them and the road between them would indeed lead to the next prefecture, if one were to follow it for long enough. The top of the hill was classed as an area of natural worth (or something along those lines), otherwise it seemed quite likely that it might have been built upon, were it not for that fact. From the top of the hill, you could see the city; which city you saw depended on which side you were standing on, dense woodland separating the views.
The flat area overlooking the city, in better (and brighter) weather was popular with families and picnickers. Talks of attacks in the woodland late at night had detracted most of those who would come after the sun fell, and Akihiro kept this in mind as he made it to the top of the staircase. Still, even if anything happened, he liked to think that (if nothing else) he was fairly good in a fight. It seemed like one of those things reported that didn't quite feel real and wouldn't become an issue unless it happened. So there had been some attacks, but they weren't of any current concern. Just meant that the hilltop would be quieter on a dark, rainy evening. (Not that the weather was such that it would attract many people in the first place.)
Shin was at the edge of the hill, where it leaned down and sharply fell back towards the city. Sat on a large rock, he took another onigiri out of the bag and set about eating it. He didn't look to see if Akihiro had followed him, he didn't look around at all; he simply seemed to be staring ahead, eating. Akihiro's mind urged him to walk over and join him, but something stopped him, just momentarily.
The view from the top of the hill was, of course, quite breathtaking. The city was maybe not as large as some were known to be but it still stretched across the immediate horizon, buildings and landmarks standing proud of the urban sprawl. The city centre was of course the most easily seen, neon signs and moving cars blinking and moving and shining, even across the distance. From there you could see the route that led to the school, could see the darker patch of ground that surrounded it and set it apart from the bright city and illuminated housing estates. At this time of night, there wouldn't be anybody left there.
The school was dark, the city was alive and above it all, Shin silently watched. Akihiro wasn't sure what it was about that sight that made his breath hitch, only that something did and that some small part of him both found that sight terribly sad and wanted to keep it forever as a memory. That thought frightened him slightly and so he approached Shin instead, trying to keep his tone bright but hearing the crack in his tone that said everything he wanted to keep silent.
"... You can see everything from here, huh. Could probably even see Ouran if we were standing on the other side."
Shin was still eating, "Mmph."
"Idiot, sitting down when it's just been raining. You'll get wet again, and muddy."
"Sorry, mother. S'why I sat on this rock."
Akihiro tucked his hands into his pockets. "So if we're here and the shopping district is here, where is it that you live?"
Shin pointed outward to indicate, though it did little to illuminate his point. "See where Seirei is?"
"Right?"
He moved his finger, "See the darker suburb up there?"
"Ah-hah?"
"I'm in there somewhere."
Akihiro looked up towards the sky, breathing in the scent of the land after the rainfall. Grey clouds still hung in the air but around them were patches of sky, a darkness that could never be absolute now due to that which resided below it. However, further away from that it was easier to pick out the clouds and, on that night, the stars. Akihiro checked at his watch; it was late enough that his mother would probably be wondering where he'd got to, but he didn't really care. He'd be back eventually, that was the most important thing. No, more important than that was sharing a moment like this with Shin, he realised that much.
"So was there any real reason you wanted to come up here?"
"It's beautiful."
Shin could be blunt with many subjects, Akihiro had learnt this. Stating something like that... there was no doubting the truth of the matter, but it was still rather hard to reply to. Yes, it was beautiful. Akihiro wondered if he had the capability to talk of beautiful things with the person he found the most beautiful. No matter how beautiful the city lights, they could still only hope to enhance Shin's presence, while he remained in their presence. If Akihiro had come alone then of course some beauty would have remained, but to be there with Shin made it a completely different experience.
"... Any idiot could see that."
"Even you?" There was a lightness to Shin's voice Akihiro felt he could get addicted to.
"... Even me."
"... You haven't eaten your nikuman yet."
Akihiro realised that despite the advancing hour, he didn't really feel that hungry. Still, Shin had gone to the effort of buying him food (and such a gesture seemed alien in itself), it seemed ungrateful not to eat it. Akihiro went for the bag and took the nikuman out, unwrapping it and stuffing the crumpled plastic bags into his coat pocket. Supposing there was nothing else for it, he sat himself down on the ground next to where Shin sat on the rock.
"... Weren't you the one just telling me off for getting muddy?"
"S'not too wet. Guess it dried off a little while we were getting here. Besides, it doesn't matter if my coat gets dirty, that's what it's there for."
Silence fell between them and for once, Akihiro noted, it didn't feel uncomfortable. He'd started to wonder in the past if Shin was in fact the master of uncomfortable silences - he knew how to spin a moment into a song and how to cherish a small feeling, he could write poetry of the wind and suggest everything with just one glance. So much seemed charged between them. The animosity, the irritation, the lust, the need, the want, the yearning... too much about their relationship seemed to contradict and yet it only seemed to serve to bring them closer together. Many things Shin did annoyed Akihiro but it was each of those things that made him more determined. Determined for what, he wasn't even sure anymore - was it even possible to not want to lose somebody you couldn't say you had in any way? Shin would loudly deny any words of friendship or openly-offered comfort, and yet it always seemed to be Akihiro he returned to. Akihiro didn't understand that but couldn't question it, for if he did, what if it stopped? He didn't understand Shin, didn't understand himself, didn't understand anything of the situation and yet they could still sit there and watch the horizon. And the nikuman was really good, too.
"They always this good from that shop?"
"I don't know, I don't really eat them that much."
"Hrm. I'll have to go there more often. How was the onigiri?"
"... I always like them from that shop."
"Must be a good place, then. Shame they're not on the school route, isn't it?"
Shin didn't reply to that. Instead, the silence lingered between them for minutes at a time, neither seeming to see the need to break that small atmosphere bridged by staying quiet. If all it took to create such a feeling was not to talk, then that seemed quite simple.
After a short time had passed, however, Shin did speak.
"Hey... Jinguuji."
Akihiro finished off his nikuman, deftly licking his fingers afterward. "Mmn?"
"... I didn't know you could drive. Before."
"You said that when you first saw the car. Guess I never saw the point in telling you. Never seemed to come up in conversation."
"You could go anywhere."
"With enough petrol." Akihiro kept amusement in his voice to compensate for the lack he heard in Shin's own. There was something about that tone, something Akihiro couldn't help but recognise; that slightly distant feeling, all of a sudden. The kind of voice he had when he'd make his darker suggestions. Still, in this situation, what kind of suggestion could Shin make? Akihiro held his tongue, just letting Shin speak.
"We're on the edge of the city now."
"Mm."
"We could go further."
"Mm--...?!" Akihiro had been in the process of replying when what Shin was really suggesting dawned on him. Go further? Go further than the city? They could, but to what end...?
"We could go anywhere, if we really wanted to."
Akihiro found himself completely lost for words, falling back on familiar territory for some kind of comfort. "... You're only saying that because I've got a car. Enami-sensei's got a car too, hasn't he? I guess you've already said this to him, then."
"Why would I want to go anywhere with him?"
"Because you think so highly of him..." Akihiro didn't bother to hide his jealousy. Shin looked down at him.
"I wouldn't have thought you'd care what I did with Enami-sensei."
"Yeah, well. You know that's not true."
"... It wouldn't be any fun. He's an adult, it'd... it'd be like going somewhere with a parent or something."
"Be better than going anywhere with me. You make it pretty damn plain what you're thinkin' about me, after all."
"... No."
"Hm?"
"... I don't."
That was unexpected. Akihiro stared up at Shin for a few long moments, but the glance wasn't replied. He took a deep breath and looked back out onto the city, feeling two ways in which the current situation could hurtle off a precipice. Shin, however, didn't elaborate on his meaning.
"... If you and I went somewhere... if we just drove anywhere, on our own..." He turned to face Akihiro with an expression somewhere between fear and yearning. "... Don't... don't you feel what that could be like...?"
Akihiro wasn't sure, but from looking at Shin, he dearly wished that he did. Shin's brow furrowed at Akihiro's silence, "... I can't... explain it."
"Says you who's always writing the heartwrenching songs."
"... This is beyond that. I-... haven't--... haven't you ever just wanted to escape?"
"... Sometimes."
"You've got a car. You could do it. You could take me with you. We could go someplace we've never been, get a flat somewhere, get jobs... I've got my guitar in the car down there, I don't need anything else. If we wanted to, we could go right now. Couldn't we? Even if it was only to the next city over. Even if we ended up face-to-face with those guys from Ouran. We could go further... didn't you say you had relatives in Hokkaido? It'd be completely different out there, it--"
"What are you saying, Nishimura?" It wasn't an attack on what Shin was saying, but an honest question. On actually being asked, Shin couldn't seem to find an answer.
"I--... I don't know..."
"Besides, we've got... what, two months until we graduate? You can do anything in the world, then."
Shin pulled his knees to his chest, "... But that's what we're supposed to do."
"Same thing, though. What's the point in running off just before school ends?"
"... You're too practical." Shin's voice was low and Akihiro wondered if he'd missed an opportunity. He looked back towards the city.
Somewhere between the lights and neon illuminations and car headlights was the Live House, Shin's base of operations. He'd be there every day after school, practicing and rehearsing. Then would come the live events, more or less one every month. Shin's practice would pay off, those new songs would be performed, the crowd would go wild and Akihiro would watch from the back with proud eyes despite himself. He had no reason to feel proud for Shin's achievements, but did so anyway. Following the street along would eventually lead to Seirei, where they both went to school. Where Shin got decent grades and Akihiro had managed to pick himself up from where he'd done so badly in middleschool he'd had to retake a year. At the time he'd hated it and hated himself, hated knowing that he could have done better but just hadn't bothered, hated watching all the people he'd known graduate to a higher level while leaving him behind, hated suddenly being in a yeargroup where he barely knew anybody... but there was Keigo, and there was Shin, and between those two a lot more had happened with Akihiro than had ever happened with those in the former year above. And there was the convenience store where kids from Seirei would clamour to. And the park, the bookstore, the coffee house... all of those familiar places, the people, the small activities that made up the larger patchwork of what formed their lives. Even being in possession of a car, Akihiro had never considered what Shin was suggesting. Who'd keep his mother in line if he wasn't around? Who'd watch out for Yukari, make sure she was always taken care of? Even if they were small things, there seemed to be so many ties that bound them to the city they knew.
It frightened Akihiro that he knew he'd throw it all away for Shin's sake. All of those ties were only excuses, no matter how rational. They did what was expected and fell into a routine, did what they always did because they didn't know any further than that. Didn't care to know any further. Akihiro had an idea of what the wide future after graduation would be like and had a feeling it wouldn't be anything like Shin's unexpressed emotions. They'd conform to a new set of expectations, fall into new patterns that would settle into old routines. It seemed that Shin had some romantic ideal in his head all of a sudden.
All of that was clouded in Akihiro's mind, though. Not exactly what Shin was suggesting, but that he was suggesting it to him. Suggesting that the two of them run off and have some kind of life together. Some kind of life together. The two of them. That wasn't Shin's style, not at all.
"... Shin."
"... What is it?" He didn't make an issue of the sudden familiarity. Some situations between them called for it.
"Why would you want to escape this place?"
"... Don't know."
That hadn't been what Akihiro had meant to ask. "I--... Look. I mean--... why would you want to go someplace with me?"
Shin looked down at Akihiro for what felt like far too long.
"... Because it'd be with you."
That didn't seem to answer anything. "What?"
"Because it's the kind of thing I think we could do."
"What's that supposed to mean..."
"I wouldn't be able to do something like that on my own. But I could do it with you."
Saying something like 'because I love you' would have been far too easy but to Akihiro, Shin saying something like that was tantamount to the sentiment. Akihiro felt he had the same kind of feeling; he didn't really have any urge to escape and run away from everything, but when Shin suggested it it sounded awfully seductive. And why do it? Because they could. There didn't need to be another reason. Akihiro wished that such things could be born of romantic feeling, but knew that their relationship wasn't like that. That romance was something too light and airy for what they shared. Their relationship... it was difficult and trying and confusing and in so many ways it was wrong, but sometimes you just had to forget about all of that. It might have been the textbook example of a bad relationship, but it was theirs, and that was enough.
Akihiro laughed softly. "We could, couldn't we?"
"... Akihiro?"
"If we wanted to. Piss off to Hokkaido or whatever. Got money in the bank, haven't you? Probably more than me. Hell, it'd probably do you good to get your music spread around a bit. See if we could end up in, I don't know, Shibuya or somewhere. Sign you a nice big record deal. Get you all famous and popular and rich."
"... If we ran off together, you could keep me for yourself."
Akihiro had known his previous words gently teasing in that such things were exactly what Shin was aiming for in life, but that latest suggestion from Shin stuck any other thought dead in his throat.
"... What?"
"We'd be away from the Student Council. Away from Kudou, away from Wada, away from Enami-sensei... you wouldn't have to share me with anyone."
Of all the seductive suggestions, that one was the most potent.
"... Yeah, like it wouldn't take you five minutes to find someone else to fuck behind my back."
"Maybe I don't want to be fucking other people behind your back."
That precipice feeling again.
"Then stop doing it."
Shin leant back against the rock with his hands, his gaze seeming to settle on the school.
"But we're trapped here. Always doing the same thing."
Something clicked in Akihiro's mind. "... That's why you want to escape, isn't it...?"
Akihiro knew that Shin would never admit to such a thing and as expected, he didn't reply to that. However, he didn't deny it. Akihiro stood up with a brisk air, "So if we run off together I get you all to myself?"
"Ah--?"
"We should go right now then, shouldn't we? No point in wasting time." Akihiro was already walking back towards the path that would lead to the staircase. Shin looked up with some kind of shock, glancing back towards the city before using the rock to help himself stand, quickly covering the ground between the two of them.
"--... Akihiro, wait."
Akihiro stopped when he felt a hand on his arm. He looked over his shoulder, "What is it? The car's only down there. Filled it with petrol yesterday. You've got your guitar, I don't need anything. 'Cept you. So let's go, right? Run off into the night. Throw a dart at a map, 'cept we don't have any darts... or a map. But whatever. All roads gotta connect someplace, don't they? So let's just follow one and see where it goes. Together."
Shin didn't move his hand from Akihiro's arm. He looked awfully fragile all of a sudden, as if the reality of facing up to his suggestion was too much after all.
"... I have a concert at the weekend..."
Akihiro's eyes softened, "And I've got coursework due on Monday I spent the last week staying up till god knows when trying to finish." He smiled gently and took Shin's hand from his arm, holding it instead. "... We're not going anywhere, are we?"
Shin had an openly apologetic expression, seeming to realise the childishness in making such a suggestion while lacking the strength and rationality to actually follow it through. This was the Shin that called Akihiro by his first name and didn't bother trying to disguise his words by insult and injury, who didn't mind Akihiro holding his hand. The Shin who knew that graduation was sneaking up on the horizon like a star hidden by cloud and could admit that he didn't want it to reach them, because they'd be expected to do their own thing, and once it came to that then who could he rely on? If it was like this then maybe he could make some excuse to rely on Akihiro, but he knew that wasn't true and Akihiro had seen through him effortlessly.
"... No. We're not."
"I'll drive you home?"
"... Please."
The drive to Shin's house was silent but for Shin giving the directions, even his tone them seeming subdued somehow. They reached the estate and Akihiro pulled up to the gates, looking beyond to see a fairly impressive garden fronting an even more impressive house. This broke the silence on Akihiro's half.
"... Whoa. That's one hell of a house. Should I have brought a gift, or something?"
Despite having reached the destination, Shin made no move to leave the car. Akihiro stared at him but didn't say anything.
"... Akihiro..."
"Mm?"
"... After we graduate..."
"Yeah?"
"... You said that after people graduate, they can do anything in the world..."
"I did, didn't I."
"... After we graduate..." He stared ahead, as if not wanting to risk eye contact.
Akihiro sighed softly. "After we graduate, I'll drive you anywhere you like. We'll get a farm on Hokkaido, take Shibuya by storm, wage technological warfare with Akihabara, whatever. Whatever you like."
Shin turned to look at Akihiro then, looking straight into his eyes. On detecting no trace of sarcasm or of being patronised, he nodded eversoslightly and then got out of the car.
"Don't forget your--" Shin was already at the back seat getting his guitar. He went to the gates and spoke into the comm system; the gates opened and Shin didn't look back. Akihiro watched as Shin approached the house, as the front door opened, as Shin went in. Watched for a few moments afterward before starting up the engine and picking the road out back to the main one that would lead to his own residence. He knew that, as he drove, he should have been formulating excuses for his mother as to why he was only just getting home, but only one word stuck in his mind.
University.
Of course, once he and Shin both graduated, then came university. The two of them had places picked at universities across the country from one another and come April they'd both leave to do their separate subjects, to achieve their own goals, to mark out new lives in a different part of the world. Akihiro knew this and he knew that Shin knew that, knew that Shin hadn't looked at him in the fear that he'd make that inevitable suggestion... but even then, Akihiro hadn't had the heart to. Sometimes you just needed the reassurance even if the theory wasn't on the practical side of things.
Or maybe they could run away together, run away before university snatched Shin away again. He didn't need to go to university to study music, did he? He was already more than proficient at all he needed, at playing the guitar, at singing, at songwriting... going to university would make such things official, but who needed that? As long as he kept his talent, it could act as its own proof, surely?
Akihiro smiled to himself as he pulled onto the driveway. Shin encouraged the development of such bad habits, sometimes.
~end~