Say my name aloud and make it new
Arthur felt the now familiar pounding of his heart as he approached Morgana's chambers. The prospect of being in the same room with Guinevere, of having her sweet smile bestowed on him, was enough to make him lose his breath. He should be staying away from her. His fascination with her was becoming more and more difficult to conceal. At least Morgana would be there to protect him from giving into his desires.
He knocked on Morgana's door to find Guinevere letting him in. He was so dazzled by her smile that it was a moment before he realized she was alone.
Where was Morgana? He couldn't regret the opportunity to have Guinevere to himself, but Morgana's presence always stopped him from taking Guinevere into his arms and kissing her senseless. Belatedly he realized he must look like an idiot just standing there.
"Is Morgana here? I came to speak with her."
She gave him an amused look as she opened the door wider. "Morgana has gone to speak with the King but she shouldn't be too long."
"How are you today, Guinevere?"
"Perfectly fine, sire."
He stumbled for words, "Morgana isn't running you ragged, is she?"
"No sire, she is a kind mistress to work for," she replied.
"That's the first time anyone accused my sister of being kind," he said laughingly.
"Oh but she is, she is lovely and kind."
He couldn't help himself. He stepped closer to her, and said, "I think you've mixed yourself up with Morgana. You are lovely and kind, not my sister." As he had stepped closer the sweet smell of lavender washed over him.
Guinevere looked surprised, and he realized he'd given voice to his forbidden desires. He drew back, took a deep breath, and shook his head to clear his thoughts. When he had calmed down, he said, "Tell Morgana I'll speak to her later."
As he turned to leave, Morgana returned from her talk with the King. Morgana's look of surprise to find Arthur in her chambers, reminded him of his mistake of staying with Guinevere. He quickly made up a reason why he'd come to speak to Morgana, and left as quickly as he could.
He walked away and berated himself for being such an idiot. He wanted to see Guinevere again, but he could see clearly that everyone, especially Morgana, would guess the reason for his visits, he'd have to stay away. But even as he thought it, he knew that by tomorrow, he'd have invented another reason to see Guinevere.
"Gwen, what have you done to my brother?" questioned Morgana, as soon as he left. "He must be in love with you, the amount of excuses he invents to visit my chambers."
"I hardly think so," Gwen said with a laugh. "He could barely speak to me. We just talked about you, which is the only thing we have in common. He is so contemptuous of me that being in love with me is the furthest thing from his mind!"
"I suppose it is not likely, then, but he does appear to have quite an interest in you. Have you never noticed how he watches you? His eyes follow you around the room."
Gwen laughed, "He only looks at me because I'm serving with Merlin. He's watching to make sure we don't make any mistakes, and if we do he has something to criticize us for."
Morgana continued to look doubtful. "Gwen, he's my brother, I can see what he's feeling." There was not a doubt in her mind about how Arthur felt about her maid. But she didn't think it right to press the issue, as love between a prince and a maid would only end in disappointment for both.
When Gwen returned to her house she could not put the conversation out of her mind. Prince Arthur in love with her? It was a completely ridiculous notion, yet Morgana knew her brother and had ample opportunity to observe Arthur. She could not believe it to be true, but found herself resolved to watch Arthur more carefully in future.
She had lots of opportunity, as she served breakfast in the banquet hall. It was clear that Morgana was amused by the situation. With Morgana's words in mind, Gwen watched Arthur carefully be couldn't guess his thoughts. He certainly watched her, but with a frown, which confirmed Gwen's suspicions, he only watched her with critical eyes.
On his subsequent visits to Morgana's chambers Arthur only spoke only few words to her and ignored her the rest of the time. She began to wonder why he was suddenly so different in her company. Had she offended him in some way? She ran her previous conversations and behavior with him through her mind, no there was nothing there she could think that was offensive. She didn't know what had changed to make him alter his attitude towards her.
She didn't believe that his feelings were seriously engaged, however, until once she was carrying laundry she unexpectedly met him coming in from training. She assumed he'd speak a few words and then walk away, but to her surprise he stopped to talk to her.
"Hello Guinevere, how are you?"
"I'm fine sire, but I wish you'd call me Gwen."
"Why? I like Guinevere it is after all your name."
"You're the only one who calls me Guinevere and…and…."
"And what?"
She chose her words with care, "and sire, it makes us sound as if we're involved with each other, which we're not."
"What if I told you that I wanted to be involved with you" he said in a low voice.
"Certainly not!" she snapped, "a man who looks on others below his station with contempt and only to be used, I would never become involved with such a man."
Arthur stepped back as if she had slapped him. "Guinevere that is not what I meant…."
Gwen was not in the mood to her anymore. "I am not interested in any of your arrogant explanations." She turned away from him then walked away. The arrogance of the man, to proposition her in public, at least now he knew her true feelings towards him and doubted he would trouble her again.
Arthur could not take his eyes from Guinevere's delightful form until she disappeared from view; he ran a frustrated hand through his sweaty hair. How had that conversation gone so wrong? One moment he had been warmed with pleasure at talking with her then a moment later… he found his feelings were not returned.
He could not deny that he had dreamt of her in his bed but he would not ever take advantage of her. He would somehow have to find a way to apologise to her and assure that his intentions towards her were honorable.
Gwen put away the last of Morgana's dresses and opened the door to find Arthur stood there. Did the man have a talent for always coming to Morgana's chambers when she was alone?
"Hello Arthur," Gwen said refusing to look him in the eye.
He paced back and forth and she looked at him through her lashes. He looked worried and she wondered what he'd come to say.
"Gwen, I wanted to say I'm sorry for my words yesterday, I didn't mean to offend you." He spoke quickly, as if he wished to apologise as quickly as possible.
The Prince of Camelot apologizing to a lowly servant? Gwen wondered what he wanted. She had noticed, however, that he'd called her Gwen and found herself wishing to hear "Guinevere" rolling off his tongue once more.
"There is no need for apologies. It was a misunderstanding, nothing more." She hoped he would go now.
"I'm sorry if my feelings were offensive to you but I refuse to be ashamed of them, they were honorable and true. I hoped you would see past 'the prince' title and see me, but, I can now see how wrong I was, I'll trouble you no longer." He turned away and strode down the hallway fists clenched, leaving an astonished Gwen staring after him.
Gwen was still shaking when Morgana returned. "Whatever is the matter, Gwen? You're shaking like a leaf."
"I believe you were right in Prince Arthur's interest in me," Gwen replied.
"It's about time you realized the poor man is in love with you."
"Well, he won't be anymore," Gwen shook her head. "I discouraged him as I was offended by his words. Then he apologized and told me of his true feelings."
"He apologized; spoke of true feelings and you pushed him away!" Morgana questioned in an astonished voice.
Gwen sat down heavily in a chair. "Morgana, you know I could never love a man so full of arrogance and conceit. Even if I did care for him, no maid can ever call a prince her own."
"I know what it is like to love someone you can never be with and nothing hurts more. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone."
Morgana in love? "Who?" Gwen questioned carefully.
"I shouldn't have mentioned it, but you cannot imagine the pain of being hurt in love."
"No, I cannot." Gwen suddenly remembered the look on Arthur's face, just before he left her. Did he feel the pain of rejection Morgana described? She had not allowed him to explain his feelings she had just assumed he was propositioning her. If he truly loved her, how she must have hurt him!