So... yeah. This is just my reaction to the last episode.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine.
SPOILERS FOR 4X19 'LILY'
He had chosen Zelena and his unborn child. Dubious as though his consent to creating that child was, his choice left no doubt – the aching sensation in her heart served as a reminder of that. For the life of her, Regina could not get the words out of her head.
"I have to stay with her."
I have to stay with her… with her… she's pregnant.
She wanted to be angry – wished she could be, but she simply did not have the energy to summon any semblance of fury. In fact, she had no idea how she got back in Storybrooke – there were hazy memories of Emma shooting Robin a furious glance before leading her to that awful yellow car and then… nothing. Now, where she sat in Granny's – pointedly avoiding the sympathetic glances shot in her direction – there was nothing left.
No anger, no hope, no tears… she was empty.
"Regina?"
It was a strange voice – and yet, when she looked up she knew instinctively who the man was.
"You… you're the author."
"Isaac, actually."
"I see you're not locked up anymore."
He nodded hesitantly and shrugged as if asking her permission to join her at the table. She gestured tiredly and he sat down across from her, pity pouring out of his eyes.
"How are you doing?"
Her laugh was a cynical, bitter one and she shook her head.
"I haven't turned to darkness yet. Would it make you feel better if I did? Would it make for a better story?"
A guilty blush rose to his cheeks – no doubt shame at his part in her demise into darkness.
"I have not yet apologized to you."
Regina looked up quickly, her eyes searching his.
"As far as I know… you have not apologized to anyone."
"Also true… But I do feel the need to tell you that I'm sorry for my hand… well my quill… dabbling in your fate."
For the first time something other than dejection flared up in her – not strong enough to be anger, but something quite akin to it.
"Wait… are you saying that… Robin and Zelena… was that you?"
He shook his head quickly, eyes shining with innocence.
"Oh, no. I wouldn't… well, I can't say that, if you look at what I've done, I probably would have. But I didn't, I swear."
"Then what are you apologizing for?"
"Daniel, mostly… also the night at the tavern. You… went in. I changed that."
Her hands automatically grabbed the tattered page and she thrust it in his direction, her eyes wide.
"So… this was real?"
"Yes."
Regina pursed her lips as she stared at him.
"But you thought an evil me would make for a better story… my happiness be damned."
He reached for her hand impulsively.
"Regina, I am so sorry…"
She pulled her hand away quickly and averted her gaze, her voice emotionless.
"It doesn't matter now. Nothing does."
He watched quietly as she stood up from the table, reaching for her handbag and turning away. He considered and reconsidered, only deciding to speak when she was close to the door of the Diner.
"You can still have it!"
She turned to face him and he jumped to his feet, approaching her once more. He lowered his voice, suddenly aware of the curious eyes and ears – straining to catch their conversation.
"You can still have your happy ending… I can help you."
Regina hesitated, staring at him distrustfully.
"Why would you want to do that?"
"Maybe I owe you."
"So how…"
She broke off mid-sentence, suddenly too aware of the occupants of the diner pathetically pretending not to notice them.
"Let's talk somewhere else."
Isaac nodded and held his hand out to her. She hesitated, glancing around once more before taking it – following the author out into the sun.
The pair walked for what seemed like miles on end before finally coming to a halt at a secluded park bench. Regina sat down first, watching as the author walked up and down. He was clearly nervous and she shifted slightly when he sat down next to her.
"So… can you write me another happy ending?"
Isaac shook his head regrettably.
"No… I can't."
Regina frowned.
"I don't understand… I thought you said I could still be happy?"
"Yes, you can, but… I can't write it. You see… I can manipulate situations and change choices, but there's one thing I can't write. One thing I can't even always see… the ending."
"You can't see the ending?"
Isaac nodded his head dejectedly.
"I often wish I could. If I had known that I was going to hurt so many people by changing a few things to make it interesting… Including myself."
Regina frowned slightly.
"What do you mean?"
Isaac laughed bitterly and his eyes travelled over her face.
"You're not the only one with a broken heart, Regina."
"Cruella?"
He nodded and swallowed dryly, and she reached out – covering his hand with hers.
"Did you love her?"
"I did. I thought our ending would be… perfect. Magical – I thought I could control it, but I was wrong. Even my powers are not unlimited."
"But… in the diner, when you said my happy ending was still possible… what did you mean?"
"I spend years trapped inside that page… wondering how I could have been so stupid, how I didn't see Cruella for what she was. I spent years wondering if maybe there was some way of changing the story, making her love me…But that is not how life works. That's what I realized in there."
"Go on."
"We don't just get our happy endings, Regina. We have to fight for them… and if Robin is yours, that's what you should do – fight for him with every trick you have, with all of you because…"
Regina lifted her hand and shook her head, stopping his flow of words.
"I don't… I don't know if he is my happy ending."
"What do you mean?"
Regina sighed and looked down at their hands.
"I love him… But he chose my sister. Even if it was out of obligation, even if it isn't real… he chose her and that's not something I can move past. I just… I have to find a way to be happy without him. But I don't know how."
Her voice cracked slightly and she lifted her hands to her cheeks, surprised at the tears flowing freely from her eyes. In the past few weeks, while struggling with the concept of her soulmate having a baby with her sister, she had found herself unable to cry and suddenly she could not seem to stop. A particularly harsh sob escaped her lips and Isaac reached for her automatically, wrapping her in his arms, stroking her back and rocking her like one would a child. She stopped crying after what seemed like hours and moved to sit up straight, her shoulder brushing against his.
Isaac's heart skipped a beat when she leaned her head against his shoulders and he looked down at the tear-streaked face next to his. He could not help himself – his hand seemed to move of own accord and he wiped a stubborn tear that clung to her skin away. He was mesmerized by her – her beauty, her strength and the vulnerability she had showed him… Before he could comprehend what he was doing, his lips met hers in a hesitant kiss. Regina was frozen for a few seconds, her lips unmoving against his – until the spark that seemed to radiate from within him made the current to her and she flung her arms around his neck, kissing back urgently. His hands were in her hair, hers against his back and Isaac was lost in the sensation of the beautiful woman in his arms… until she suddenly pulled away, her hands trembling. A blush rose to his cheeks and he took her hands in his apologetically.
"Forgive me… I don't know what came over me… I brought you out here to urge you to fight for your happy ending, I simply wanted to comfort you. I did not mean to take advantage…"
Regina stopped his flood of words with the sudden press of her lips against his and he smiled, grabbing one of her hands in his.
"You are just so beautiful…"
Regina smiled at his words, but took a step backwards.
"Isaac, you didn't take advantage of me, but… I'm not sure I'm ready for anything to develop for me… not right now at least."
"Of course. I understand, I'm… I mean look at me, look at you… I've never really had anyone – except for Cruella and she just used me, so that doesn't count… I'm not a prince or a hero…"
She smiled and he broke off his sentence.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Regina shrugged and glanced at her watch.
"I need to pick Henry up from school… But you can pick me up tomorrow night at six?"
He gaped at her blankly and she took a step closer, resting her palm against his cheek.
"I don't care that you're the author, I don't care if you're a hero or not… I care that for the first time in weeks someone looked at me without pity or fear. For the first time in weeks, I felt as though it wasn't always going to be dark. I'm not ready for anything – relationshipwise – to develop, but I do want to get to know you better… if that is okay."
Isaac grinned brightly and lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her softly.
"I would love… for you to get to know me better. I'll pick you up tomorrow night at six then."
She flashed him a tentative smile before disappearing and Isaac sat back down on the bench, his heart racing. Only when he was certain that she was gone, did he take out the piece of paper – the note that he wanted to give to her as encouragement.
There, in his own cursive handwriting and magic ink the words stood – almost mocking him.
Regina Mills will have another chance at love and happiness.
A bewildered smile formed on his face as he folded the paper again. He had thought long and hard about who the lucky man she was going to find would be – he had considered heroes, knights, princes…. But the truth was still a reminder on his lips.
It was him – he was her happy ending.
And perhaps she was his.