AN/: Hi all, I know I said I'd most likely never write anything again because I just couldn't find anything to write about and discouraged myself. But something happened recently, and somehow I wrote this. I didn't participate in the Cobert FanFic exchange on tumblr because I wasn't sure I would have time, but I found time in my busy schedule. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I haven't written anything in a while, but this seemed to flow out of me. No need to review, if you don't feel inclined; no hard feelings. But if you do happen to read this, let me know what you think. Enjoy!
Years may pass and yet, we will remember.
Christmas 1944
They had all come home this Christmas. Mary and Henry with George and Ann. Edith and Bertie with Marigold, Louise, and Peter. Tom, Sybbie, and Sybbie's husband, Andrew. And this year, Rose and Atticus had come to visit, bringing their daughters Victoria and Margaret, and their son, Daniel.
Cora sat in front in the fire of the library, watching as Marigold, Louise, Victoria, and Margaret gathered around Sybbie. Sybbie, who at barely twenty-four years old, had just announced that she was expecting her first child. A chill ran up Cora's spine as she was hit with the realization: Sybbie was the same age as Sybil had been. Cora swallowed as her throat became dry and quickly looked away. The image of Sybbie's face, full and round, and glowing with happiness was suddenly too much for her. She looked so much like her mother in that moment.
Cora glanced around the room, silently begging to be distracted by any thing else.
Edith and Bertie stood in a corner talking with Rose and Atticus; Ann and Daniel playing at their feet with the new puppy - yet to be named - that Tom had given Robert as an early Christmas present.
She smiled to herself and let her eyes drift to another corner of the room where she saw Henry teasing Tom about becoming a grandfather and Mary, who looked puzzled as she watched George and Robert walk into the Great Hall.
Cora's brows furrowed as she watched Mary a moment longer before Mary shook whatever thoughts from her head and turned back to the conversation between Henry and Tom.
"Are you all right, Lady Grantham? You seem a bit troubled."
Cora jumped at the voice, that was rough but somehow gentle, and turned to see Andrew at her side.
She gave him a smile and nodded. "Oh yes. But I've asked you to call me Cora, Andrew. Please. You've been part of this family long enough."
Andrew gave a small chuckle, "If you insist."
"I do."
"Very well, Cora."
There was a brief silence between them as he pulled up a chair next to her, and then he smiled at the sight of his wife and her cousins just a few feet away.
He laughed, "She knew this was the reaction they would have."
"Oh?" Hesitantly, Cora turned back toward the side of the room where Sybbie sat, still in her chair by the windows, the three younger girls at her feet, and Marigold perched on the arm of her chair.
"Yes." He nodded. "Syb's always said that she had wished for sisters when she was younger and they're the closest she's got; especially Marigold."
Cora remained silent, memories flashing back to her of all the times Sybbie and Marigold, followed by George of course, came running into the library at tea time. Running to their parents and sometimes, even to her, when only her and Robert were home. Eventually, as they grew older, and as Marigold moved into Brancaster with Edith and Bertie, those moments of the children running to her with elated giggles soon faded away.
"I told her then, that she was quite lucky to have so many, even if they weren't directly her sisters." Andrew glanced quickly to Cora. "Forgive me, I know this may be a sensitive topic to discuss with you."
She shook her head and swallowed, "No, I don't mind. I'm glad she has such a close relationship with them; even if they're all so far away from each other." Cora cleared her throat before continuing. "I don't know if she's ever told you, but Mary and Edith didn't exactly get along when they were young girls. Her mother was often the peacemaker between the two and when - anyway, I thought that perhaps as they got older and had children of their own that would change, but unfortunately, I was wrong."
"No, she hasn't told me much about that. Only that her mother was ahead of her time - or so she always had been told."
"What are you two chatting about?" They looked up to see Sybbie walking towards them, somehow having escaped her jovial cousins.
"You, darling." Andrew stood to greet her and kissed her on the cheek. Cora looked away briefly, not wanting to pry on a private moment.
"Oh, please." She heard Sybbie say. Cora turned then to see Sybbie swat him playfully, before she sighed and crossed her hands in front of her.
"Why don't you sit?" He gestured to the chair he'd been sitting in.
"I don't want to sit."
"But darling, you've been on your feet all day helping with last minute decorations. Please, sit. For me."
"I've been sitting for the last hour while being bombarded by hundreds of questions from my cousins. I'm perfectly all right to stand for a little while, Andrew." She said, with a hint of aggravation in her voice.
"Don't you want to talk to your Grandmother?"
Sybbie looked down at Cora then, remembering that they weren't alone. She did want to speak with her Grandmother. They'd hardly spoken two words to each other all day since she, Andrew, and her father had arrived. They'd shared a quick kiss on the cheek and a hello before she was whisked off by Marigold to the kitchen where, Cora later learned, they had been making gingerbread cookies with the new cook. Shortly after that, apparently, they had taken a few of them to visit Mrs. Hughes and had barely made it back in time for luncheon.
"Of course, I do."
"Then I'll leave you to it." Andrew kissed her cheek again before he quietly slipped away.
Sybbie slunk into the chair her husband had previously occupied.
"It's such wonderful news." Cora said, excitement bubbling up in her chest.
"Granny?" Sybbie turned her head to her grandmother and gave her a quizzical look.
"Your news." She gestured with her eyes to Sybbie's lap where her hands were folded gently on her belly.
"Oh," She blushed. "Yes. I wanted to write to you weeks ago to tell you because I wanted you to be the first to know. But Andrew wanted it to be a surprised for everyone. He wanted to tell everyone together since he knew we'd all be here for Christmas."
"That's nice." Cora smiled thinking how thoughtful of Andrew that had been; to include the entire family at once.
Sybbie shook her head, "We had quite a row about it."
Cora furrowed her eyebrows, "Why?"
Her granddaughter shrugged, "I told him I always tell you everything first. I tell you things before I tell my own father. I told you about when I got into nursing school and you knew about Andrew first, too."
Cora chuckled, "I know, and you know I've always found it admirable that you tell me things before anyone else. But darling, obviously I wasn't first to know about this to begin with."
"What do you mean?"
"Andrew was truly the first to know, wasn't he?"
Sybbie nodded, "Well yes -,"
"Then there really was no reason for you to be angry with him over something so silly as that." She took one of her hands, "Besides, I know now and that's all that matters." She squeezed her hand, "I couldn't be more pleased."
Sybbie smiled shyly at her Grandmother. "Donk probably thinks it's too soon. We've only been married four months."
"Donk is delighted. He adores children and he loves you. He'll especially adore a child of yours." Cora quieted her voice to a whisper, "Don't tell the others, but you're his favorite."
"Granny!" Sybbie laughed, "That's not true."
Cora laughed as well and shook her head, "Maybe it isn't, but Donk has changed, you know. He's not so stuck up as he used to be."
"Stuck up?! Cora, I have never been stuck up!" Unbeknownst to them, Robert had sat at the settee nearest them and had been eavesdropping on their conversation.
Cora jumped, a hand flying to her chest. "Goodness, everyone wishes to sneak up on me this evening."
"Donk," Sybbie chided as she began. "Granny was only saying you used to be stuck up. You can't deny it." Sybbie stood and walked to sit beside Robert on the settee, sitting as close to him as she could and bringing her legs up under herself. "You used to be quite stubborn, too."
"Hmph," Robert groaned. "Well, I don't like talking about the past. I have changed. What's the sense in bringing it up now?"
"Oh Donk, she didn't mean anything by it, really. I had asked her what you thought of me having a baby so soon after being married and she defended you, like she always does, and said you were delighted."
Robert's chest puffed up at the mention of the baby. "I am, my dear. I'm so delighted I feel as if my chest might explode." He pulled her in closer to him and kissed her temple.
"Well, we can't have that." Sybbie returned his kiss and looped an arm through his. They were soon joined by Andrew again and the four of them fell into a gentle murmur about the plans Sybbie had for the birth and where they would live. The flat they currently lived in was only meant for two.
"Sybbie, Sybbie!" She groaned as her named was called and reluctantly rose from her spot on the settee. She walked to the window where she had been sitting earlier, and was once again caught up in conversation with Victoria and Louise. Margaret had joined her parents and Marigold had joined Ann and Daniel on the floor. Having decided she'd leave her cousin alone for the time being and speak with her again before they went to bed. They always shared a late night chat or two before the night was over.
Andrew sighed, "I'm afraid they'll keep her up all night with their questions."
"My dear chap, they haven't seen her since the wedding. Let them catch up on what they've missed." Robert patted him on the shoulder.
"Oh, I don't mind. Truly, I don't." Andrew said, running a hand down the side of his face. "It's just she will mind in the morning when she's had so very little sleep. She can be quite cranky."
"I remember." Robert laughed, thinking back to all of the times Sybbie had been woken up not on her own terms and was not the nicest person to deal with. "She gets that from me."
Cora grinned, "That's an understatement."
"Granny, Donk," It was George. "We're all going caroling," he said tilting his head back towards his cousins. "Would you like to come with us?"
"No," Cora answered before Robert, who had stood up and made his way for the door, clearly wanting to go on such an adventure with his grandchildren. "You all go. I'd rather stay here and keep warm."
Robert turned to her, his face sparkling and looking quite like a young child, "Is it all right if I go?"
She chuckled, "Yes, darling. But do please bundle up tightly. You don't want that awful chest cold to come back."
He nodded, and quickly pecked her on the lips, and then joined his younger grandchildren who were already in the hall. Cora could have sworn she saw him give a little skip as he left the room. She shook her head, he really was like a child.
"If you don't mind," Sybbie said to the group that remained, "I'm going to stay here with Granny." She looked at Louise, who was pouting at her. "She's right, it is warm here by the fire and I'm rather tired as well. I might go to bed early."
"Oh, but Sybbie," Marigold piped up, "what about our chat before bed?"
She smiled at her cousin, "Maybe we can find time in the morning to chat? There's something I've been meaning to ask Granny anyway."
"All right," Marigold said. "But do wait up if you can."
Sybbie nodded to her cousin then watched as Victoria dragged Andrew out of the room with them, despite his protests of wanting to stay with Sybbie, but Sybbie shook her head and told him to have fun.
Once the library was quiet, and it was just the two of them, Cora asked. "So what's this you've been meaning to ask me?"
"Hmm?" Sybbie whipped her head to her grandmother, and then waved a hand in front of her, "Oh nothing. Sorry, that was just a little white lie I came up with." Cora began to chastise her playfully but, "Granny, they've given me hardly a moment's peace all day. Especially since we made the announcement."
"I know, but don't miss out on time with your cousins simply because they've worn you out. And certainly, don't use me as an excuse."
"Well, it wasn't a complete lie." Sybbie dropped her head to her chest.
"Sybbie, what is it?"
"I just-," her breath shuddered and she dared to look at her grandmother. "The truth is...I'm scared."
"Scared of what, my darling?"
"Of having a baby." Her eyes began to fill with tears and she looked away. "I know it was a long time ago, but I can't help but think that what happened to my mother could happen to me."
Oh, Cora thought. Well, that...yes, that was something to be scared of, she supposed. Having a baby when you knew that was the way your mother had died, could be quite scary.
Cora moved to sit with her on the settee. "Sybbie?" When her granddaughter continued to avoid her eyes, Cora took both of her hands and grasped them firmly. "That was a long time ago, yes, but we won't let that happen to you. Things are different now; doctors know much more."
"I know. You're right, Granny. But I -," She looked at her grandmother again. "Oh, I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't be talking to you about this. Forgive me." She stood then and raced quickly to the door.
"Sybil." In all the years. In all the years since her daughter died and as her granddaughter grew in age, she had never called her by her full name. It was Sybbie. Always Sybbie. There were times when the name would be on the tip of her tongue, especially when Sybbie said or did something that reminded her of Sybil - which as she grew older, surprised Cora how much of the woman she would never know she had in her - but she would bite it back. Not quite being able to bring herself to say it. But something in that moment had. And she swallowed, and said the name again. This time quieter, but with more confidence. "Sybil, come here please."
Sybbie had stopped at the door and hesitated, too afraid to look at her grandmother now. Now that she could hear her grandmother crying, too.
"Sybil." Cora repeated the name again as it stuck in her throat and wavered a bit in her place where she had stood. "My darling, please. You know how much I love to speak of your mother. Please don't run away from me."
Sybbie slowly turned, and a hard sob escaped her throat when she looked at Cora. She nodded. She knew that; of course she did. But some times, she felt it was cruel to bring up her mother's death to her. After all, her mother had been her grandmother's baby. And they had talked about it before. Once when Sybbie was thirteen, she had asked Cora about how it had happened. She could have asked Tom, but there were things she wanted to learn about her mother from the woman who had raised her. And after a few hours of their talk, as they walked hand in hand in the park one afternoon, the conversation of her mother drifted toward the question Sybbie had been wondering about for years. And it was from that day, that she had vowed she would follow in her mother's footsteps and become a nurse.
Her tears coursed down her face as walked to her grandmother and fell into her open arms.
Cora embraced her granddaughter tightly as she trembled in her arms, her own tears flowing freely now. "Never be afraid to speak to me about that night. It was painful, it still is at times, but I heal from it every day...and please don't think that bringing it up again is going to hurt me."
Sybbie nodded but kept her head tucked under Cora's chin. She knew from her father the rift her mother's death had caused between her grandparents. And while it was never something she would speak of to Donk, Granny made her feel, as she always had, that she could ask her anything. That she could tell her anything. And that's why Cora had always been the first to know anything regarding Sybbie's life.
xxx
Cora sat up in her bed reading a book, having just left Sybbie in her room. After a while, her knees had began to grow weak and she'd suggested they go upstairs, slip into their pajamas, and finish their conversation in Sybbie's room before the others returned.
Cora's heart had tugged as her granddaughter cried and she listened to her fears. She did her best to push aside her own and be strong for her. But now as she sat in bed, trying to keep her mind focused on the words in front of her, she found it harder and harder to do.
There were many times in Sybbie's young life where Cora would be struck with the awful memory of that night. True, she had gained her first granddaughter, but she had lost her baby as well and Cora didn't think her heart would ever mend from such heartbreak. And it didn't, not really. How can one ever recover from losing a child? But the holes in her heart were slowly filled with each passing day as Sybbie grew older, and as George came along followed by Marigold and then their cousins not long after.
So lost in her thoughts of the last hour, Cora missed the dividing door creak open and her husband enter the room.
Upon seeing her face, Robert quietly disrobed himself and carefully walked to his side of the bed where he waited silently for her to be made aware of his presence.
His sitting on the edge of the bed, as he kicked off his slippers, had the desired effect.
"Oh, Robert," Cora startled. "How was caroling?"
"Wonderful. I haven't had such fun in a long time, but it would have been more fun if my wife had been with me."
She smiled at him sadly, "I'm sorry. I was simply too warm by the fire to move, and besides, Sybbie had some things she wanted to speak to me about."
"Oh," he raised an eyebrow, "what was this?"
Cora shook her head, "That's a conversation that stays between her and I." He pouted, "I'm sorry, Robert. I know I've told you about some of our conversations before, but sometimes there are things you need to be able to share with your grandmother and only her."
"All right." He sighed, defeated. "But it was a good one, I trust? Now that we know what we know."
She nodded, "It was."
He settled in the bed next to her and brought the covers tighter around himself. "Can you believe we're old enough to have a great-grandchild?"
"Yes...and no."
Robert gave her a baffled look, "What do you mean?"
"Only that it feels like yesterday that she was born and now she's all grown up and expecting a child of her own."
"Time really does fly." Robert nodded. He let his mind wander to his own memories of that night; the bittersweetness of it. He treasured Sybil's child so dearly and suddenly before his eyes, she had grown into a beautiful woman who was the perfect mix of her mother and father.
"Do you remember when she asked me to walk her down the aisle?"
"Of course," Cora said as the memory came back to her. It had only been a little more than four months ago, but to her it seemed forever ago. So many things had happened since then. "She asked me first though."
"She's asks you everything first." Robert leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I remember her being so nervous, after you had left the room, I thought she was going to tell me she was running away with a solider."
"But she was running away with a perspective politician instead."
"A thing of my nightmares, but Andrew is so unlike other politicians I've known."
"Because you've known so many." Cora teased him.
"Well, I've known one or two, but that's beside the point. I never imagined that she would ask me to walk her down the aisle instead of her own father."
"You don't give yourself enough credit, Robert. She adores you."
"As I do her. But to ask me - well, I was quite shocked. And then, without a doubt, the happiest I'd been in some time."
"She's asked you then?"
"She has."
"And did you accept?"
"Of course." He walked to his side of the bed, kicking off his slippers, and sat on the edge, pausing for a moment.
"Robert? What's wrong?"
He turned to her, "Oh nothing, it's just - I'm so very happy." He swung his legs around and put them under the covers, "But it's made me realize what a fool I was for not walking her mother down the aisle as I should have."
"Well, we all know the reason for that," Cora teased.
Robert looked at her again, "I feel rather guilty, actually."
She furrowed her brow, "Robert, that was long ago. I don't think she was that angry with you for not being at her wedding."
"But I kept you from being there as well."
Cora reached for his hand, "I went to see her afterward, if you recall, and she understood why we weren't there. She told me so."
Robert brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it, "Well, Thank God for you."
"And now, she's giving us our first great-grandchild." Cora said, reaching for his hand and grasping it tightly.
"I couldn't be more delighted."
"Happy Christmas, Robert."
"Happy Christmas, my darling."
They shared a kiss before turning out their lamps and snuggling down into bed, where Robert pulled her close to him. Within a few minutes, her heavy breathing turned into light snores and he bent his head, placing a kiss to her forehead, and relished in the warmth of her.
A Happy Christmas, indeed Robert thought to himself as let his own eyes drift close and dreamed of their next Christmas.
Ps. I realize during 1944 the War was going on and I'm aware that George would probably have been enlisted, but for the sake of this story let's pretend he was able to come home for Christmas as were Rose and Atticus; even though the possibility of them being able to come over would probably have never happened.