A/N: Continuing off of my last story, "Puzzle Pieces", this is how the revival was in my head, before it aired—Rory and Logan, happily married with a small child, facing things together—because I am unashamed in my deep love of Logan Huntzberger. My plan is to rewrite the whole revival in this 'verse. I named Rory and Logan's daughter after one of my best friends, who feels honored because, like me, she loves Logan. Title is from Johnnyswim's "Let It Matter".
The phone rings at two am, which is never a good sign, and it's her mother, so Rory rolls over and answers it.
"Mom?" Logan hears her ask. "Mom, are you okay? What happened?"
Logan sits up next to her, watching her carefully.
"Oh my god," Rory says. "Is he…"
The color drains from her face and she reaches for Logan, her breathing suddenly quick and uneven. He rubs her back, waiting.
"Yeah, I… oh my god," she repeats into the phone, and Logan can hear Lorelai crying on the other line. "Yeah, of course we'll- yes, go, be with her." Tears are creeping into Rory's voice now, and she leans over, folding herself in half. "Yeah," she whispers. "He's here." She pauses. "I love you, Mom. Bye."
She drops the phone into her lap, covering her hands with her face.
"My grandpa," she says finally. "He's… he's gone."
"Oh, Rory," Logan says, and then the dam breaks and she's slumped over, sobbing, Logan rubbing her back and her arms and pressing his face into her.
"I… we have to go home," she chokes out, and he nods.
"I'll take care of it, all of it, in the morning." As for right now, he's not leaving her side.
"Daddy, where are my school clothes?" is the first thing Rory hears when she wakes up, again, sunlight peeking around the curtains.
Logan immediately shushes Alexandra. "We're not going to school today," he says quietly. "Mommy doesn't feel good, so we have to be quiet." There is silence for a moment, and then he says, "maybe it would make Mommy feel better if you went and got in bed with her- but you have to be really, really gentle."
The bedroom door opens slowly, and Alexandra tentatively pauses at Rory's side of the bed.
"Good morning, baby," Rory whispers, her voice hoarse and shaky. She extends her arm out. "Come lay with Mommy."
The four-year-old is a warm weight against Rory's side, her breath hot on Rory's skin. Rory busies herself with rubbing her daughter's back and pressing kisses into her hair until they both fall back asleep.
Logan doesn't mean to wake them up; he's trying to pull out suitcases and clothes as quietly as humanly possible. But motherhood has made Rory a light sleeper, and it's way later than Alexandra is used to sleeping, so they both look up at him with hazy blue eyes.
"Sorry," he apologizes. "I was trying to pack as much as I could, but I don't know what all you want to bring, Ace."
"Bring?" she asks, still a little asleep- and then she remembers where they'll have to go. "When do we leave?"
"We'll have to leave for the airport in about three hours. I'm sorry, it was the earliest I could get all three of us on."
She nods, and Alexandra starts bouncing excitedly at the mention of the airport.
"Where are we going, Daddy? Are we going to see Mimi and Poppa?"
"Yeah, baby, we are."
"And Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa?"
Logan and Rory look at each other, realizing that they stand in uncharted territory where they'll have to explain death to this tiny child who, as infrequently as she saw him, associated her great-grandfather with warm smells and strong hugs and a cozy lap to sit in.
"Um." Rory opens her mouth and immediately her eyes flood with tears, so Logan sits on the bed and pulls Alexandra onto his lap, resting a comforting hand on Rory's leg beneath the blanket.
"We have to go to Stars Hollow because something very, very sad happened."
Alexandra's face begins to mirror the seriousness of her father's, looking up at him and listening intently.
"Great-Grandpa went to Heaven last night," he says, slowly and calculated. This seems like the best way to explain it to a four-year-old.
"With the angels?" she asks, eyes round.
Rory lets out a quiet sob that she can't suppress, and Logan tightens his grip on her ankle.
"Yes, and Mommy's sad because that means we can't see him anymore."
"Never again?" she asks, and Rory is really crying now, face buried in her pillow.
Logan looks from his wife to his daughter, torn between which one to comfort first.
"No," Logan whispers, close to Alexandra's ear. "And we are all going to miss him so very much."
It is at this statement that Alexandra notices Rory, and becomes alarmed.
"Daddy, Mommy is crying. Is it because she's sad about Great-Grandpa?"
"Yes, she is."
Alexandra crawls off of Logan's lap, moving closer to Rory.
"Mama," she says quietly, patting her arm. "If Great-Grandpa is in Heaven, it means he can look down and see us all the time, and help us." She sticks her chin out matter-of-factly. "That's what Mrs. Bing said happens when someone you love goes to Heaven."
Logan can't help but tear up at her childlike innocence, and Rory sits up to gather the child in her arms, crying into her soft blonde hair. Logan moves behind Rory, resting his face in her shoulder.
They stay there for a few minutes, but it's Rory who speaks up first.
"I need to pack."
Logan nods, letting her go. "I'll make breakfast. And coffee."
Breakfast makes her throw up, and she blames it on the grief. She doesn't have to pack much- for all of Logan thinking that he wouldn't know what to pack for his two girls to wear for the week ahead, he was actually really good at it. So she puts on leggings and a sweater and piles her hair on top of her head, not even bothering with make-up- she couldn't bring herself to care about "chic airport style" or whatever- and spends the drive to the airport in silence, her hand firmly in Logan's.
Alexandra has always been a calm, serious child- taking after her mother- but both Rory and Logan are surprised at her stillness on the flight to Connecticut. Logan distracts her with movies on the iPad, which she watches with rapt attention, and eventually she opts to just sit on Rory's lap, head on her chest.
"Do you want me to hold her for a little while?" Logan asks, looking at the sleeping preschooler. "She's pretty heavy now."
Rory shakes her head. "No. I think that I need this."
Luke and Lorelai are waiting when they get off of the plane, and Alexandra runs full-speed at them, her pink backpack bouncing on her back.
"Mimi! Poppa!"
Lorelai leans down to hug the little girl tightly, and then Luke sweeps her up onto his hip, smiling brightly at her. Rory and her mother hug, long and silent, and Luke looks at them- Logan knows that no matter how much time passes, no matter how much Luke likes Logan, no matter how good of a husband and a father that Luke knows Logan is, he always sees him as the man who takes care of Rory and Alexandra until Luke can again.
They sleep in Rory's childhood room, now cramped because her old twin bed has been replaced with a double bed since their marriage, and the trundle bed is still there to be pulled out for Alexandra. The result is that almost the entire room is made up of bed, and there is nowhere for Rory to escape to grieve: her mother is upstairs, and she has to be strong for her mother, and her daughter is downstairs, and she has to be strong for her daughter.
And so Logan finds her, in the middle of the night, sitting on the porch, just staring straight ahead.
"I was wondering where you were," he says, stepping out to join her. "Do you want some coffee?"
"No, thank you."
"I don't think I've ever seen you turn down coffee, Ace."
She shrugs. "I just want to sit here."
"Do you want to be alone?"
"No. I always want you."
He sits next to her, and when a cool breeze blows and she shivers, he wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in. In a few minutes, she's crying, letting herself sob into his chest, and he rocks back and forth, stroking her hair.
"It hurts so much," she cries. "I miss him so much."
"I know, babe. I'm right here. I've got you."
Emily Gilmore looks small and hollow, but she is still barking commands at everyone with a hoarse voice. There are so many arrangements to make, so many people to call, so many people to call back. Lorelai and Rory jump right in to the funeral planning. Lorelai looks consistently on the verge of tears, and periodically disappears somewhere with Luke, who stays out of the way except to offer food or run an errand. Rory, on the other hand, stays steely eyed and stoic by her grandmother's side, taking notes and making phone calls and fetching things. Logan keeps Alexandra out of the way- at first, he wanted to leave her with Lane and Zach and the boys, but Rory knew that Emily would want to see her great-granddaughter. And so the little girl had run to Emily Gilmore, and been fawned over, her hair patted and her dress fussed with.
"Where's Great-Grandpa?" Alexandra asked, and Logan swooped in as Emily involuntarily jumped back.
"We talked about this, remember?" he said, a little more tersely than she was used to.
The little girl looked up, eyes wide. "Oh. Right." She patted her great-grandmother's hand reassuringly. "It's okay, Great-Grandma. He's with the angels, and he can look down and see us."
"She heard that from her teacher at some point," Logan said quickly, but Emily ignored him.
"Of course he can, dear. He'll always be watching out for you."
Then the little girl had been taken away to an upstairs room to watch movies and play with Lorelai's old dolls, and Logan does what he can in between checking on her.
The plan so far is that the next day, they will meet with the attorney and read Richard's will, and the next day will be the funeral. And so Logan calls the attorney and sets up the meeting, and he helps Rory gather some of Richard's favorite things to display at the funeral, and Alexandra eventually falls asleep.
Logan and Rory are impressed with their daughter once again at the funeral and subsequent party. Mommy and Daddy and Mimi and Poppa are so rarely somber and sad that she picks up on the seriousness of the situation and lets Mommy help her put on a black dress and brush her hair. She wants to hold Mommy's hand, but Mommy holds Mimi's hand because they are both sad, and so she holds Daddy's hand, and then Poppa carries her when they get there. She wants Mimi and Poppa to swing her like they usually do when they all walk around Stars Hollow, but Poppa just shakes his head when she asks.
Logan will admit that he doesn't really know what to do, and he doesn't think that Luke does, either. Emily and Lorelai and Rory need each other, and so as much as he wants to comfort his wife, he lets her cling to her mother. Alexandra doesn't need comforting, because she doesn't really understand, but she needs distracting. And so he stands in the back with her in his arms, in case she starts chattering or getting restless and he needs to take her away so she doesn't mess with the solemnity of the service. And Logan cries, a little bit, because he loved Richard too, and Alexandra wipes his tears away with her little hand, and lays her little cheek against his, and he wants to cry all the more.
The Huntzbergers are at the gathering at Emily's- of course, they should be, but Rory had been too preoccupied to think about that until Logan is pointing them out to Alexandra.
"Grandma! Grandpa!"
Alexandra is much more reserved around them than she is around Luke and Lorelai, but Rory was always grateful that her own mother didn't let her negative opinions of her parents keep Rory from loving them, and she wants that for her daughter. So she accepts their condolences and smiles as Shira and Mitchum fawn over their growing granddaughter.
"Can I get you a scotch?" Mitchum asks, only kindness in his voice, and Rory shakes her head.
"No, thank you. I'm fine."
The party creeps into Alexandra's naptime, and she wrenches her hand out of Logan's because she wants her Mommy. Luckily, once she's in Rory's arms, she's placated enough to lay against her shoulder quietly while Rory greets guests, until she falls asleep and Logan takes her upstairs because she's getting heavy and Rory looks so tired.
"When is the last time you ate?" he whispers into Rory's ear when she has a break from well-wishers, and she shakes her head, turning a little green.
"I throw up every time I eat," she whispers back. "Not now."
"Rory," he protests. "You look like you're going to fall over."
But she only shakes her head again as another guest approaches her, and so after he shakes the man's hand, he goes to find Luke, hoping she'll eat something if it comes from her step-father.
"We'll have to go soon," Rory says.
"I'll reschedule the flight," Logan offers.
She shakes her head. "No. You need to go to work. Alexandra needs to go to school. I need…" She shakes her head again. "I don't know. Sleep. Home. Something."
"Okay, we'll go."
Her hand is resting on her stomach, and he looks at her.
"Did you eat something?"
"I know you sent Luke. He wouldn't take no for an answer, of course. I'm surprised he didn't go take over the kitchen and make me something himself." She smiles a little.
"How do you feel?"
She shrugs. "I'm okay." But she leans back against the wall and shuts her eyes, and he can see dark purple circles underneath them.
"Are you sure you're up for an international flight?" he asks. "Why don't you go take a nap upstairs? I can find us a later flight, Ace."
"I want to go home, Logan. All of our stuff is packed, and Luke is going to take us to the airport."
"Can you watch Alex for like five minutes?" Rory asks, and Luke looks confused, but nods.
"Yeah, of course."
Rory pulls Logan along until she finds an empty corner- the airport isn't the place where she wanted to do this, but it seems slightly more appropriate than her grandfather's funeral party, and she doesn't think she can wait until they get home before this news bursts out of her, because it's already choking in her throat.
"Logan." She takes a deep breath, reaching out tentatively to touch his arm.
"Ace, what's going on?" He looks worried, more than the perpetual worry he's worn on his face for the past few days.
She forces a small smile, because this is good, this is happy, despite the place that they just came from. She takes his hand, pulling it to rest on her stomach, and he smiles slowly as he realizes.
"Logan, I'm pregnant," she says, and she can't help but grin.
"We're having another baby?" he asks, beaming, and she nods, moving in closer.
"I mean, I'll have to go to the doctor when we get home, but… I'm pretty sure."
He hugs her, peppering her face with soft kisses.
"This is amazing. This is wonderful."
"The timing is… weird," she says. "I feel like I'm going to explode with grief and with joy, all at the same time."
"It's fitting," he corrects. "One life ends, another begins."
Over her shoulder, Logan can just make out Luke walking Alexandra around one of the little stores, and he knows she's asking for a soda and Luke is trying to convince her to not follow the dietary paradigm of her mother and grandmother.
"Should we tell Luke? That he's going to be a Poppa again?" he asks. "Since we just kind of snuck away from him to have this moment?"
"How mad do you think my mother would be if he knew before her? Or if she had to hear it from him?"
"Good point."
Rory turns around, watching Luke hand the cashier a brightly colored bag of candy, a resigned look on his face, while Alexandra holds his hand and beams.
"He would be so happy," Rory whispers. "Let's tell him."
Once Alexandra is in bed, Rory walks over to the couch and crumples into Logan's lap, hiding her face in his neck, her eyes closing involuntarily of exhaustion.
"You're a super hero," she says. "My hero."
"Yeah?" he asks.
"The way you've been taking care of Alexandra so that I don't have to worry, and the way you've been taking care of me. And my mom and grandma when you can." She kisses the underside of his jaw. "Thank you."
A/N: Reviews are very much appreciated! (and will motivate me to continue)