Tsuna was a coward.
He was a coward with no motivation or inspiration. He didn't seek any sort of glory or fame or even a way to better his life, not like others his age. No, Tsuna preferred to remain in his home where he was safe from anything or anyone that wished to cause him harm.
A majority of the people of Namimori did not remember a time where Tsunayoshi wasn't scared of any of the boys his age, of a time where he didn't turn tail and run as soon as he caught sight of any of the town kids.
Few people remembered of a time when there were two Sawada boys running amok. The older always following behind the younger, worriedly. Fewer remembered of a time when the only thing Tsuna truly feared was the neighbors overly affectionate Growlithe, because the older brother was there to help. All Tsuna had to do was turn around and reach out a hand.
Few remembered, but those who do also remember when it all seemed to change. The older Sawada boy reached the age all children excitedly await, Age 11.
The older of the two was more than a little excited at being told that only a few days after his eleventh birthday he would be allowed to choose his very first pokemon. It was an exciting day for the Sawada family, and they waited for the days approach eagerly. Tsuna quietly questioning his older brother on which pokemon he would be choosing. The older boy never gave anything away, only smiling when he was asked.
The upcoming occasion even had their usually absent father coming home for a few short days. When the oldest Sawada boy came home on the awaited day, a red and white pokeball clutched in his hands, a happy smile on his face, everyone celebrated. His journey would begin, and Tsuna was happy for his brother.
How could he not be when he knew how much his brother had been looking forward to this day?
It was just Tsuna never realized the large role his brother played in his life, at least not until he was gone. Tsuna never excelled in school, always having difficulty understanding what the teacher would be discussing in class. He was clumsy and apparently a danger to himself with how many times he seemed to trip over seemingly nothing.
His brother had always been there to save Tsuna from his own clumsy nature. He always seemed to catch Tsuna before he became acquainted with the floor. He was there to explain things to Tsuna in a way where the younger boy didn't have difficulty understanding, with a patience that rivaled their mothers.
His older brother was the thing that was keeping Tsuna afloat in a vast body of water and without his brother, well, Tsuna started sinking.
With his brother gone Tsuna's life seemed to take a turn for the worse. Tsuna's clumsiness was no longer an endearing trait but an annoyance that many people did not want to put up with. No one wanted to play with Tsuna when it became obvious that any team with Tsuna would result in some sort of crushing defeat.
His school grades also took a terrible dive. He had difficulty in class, never really capable of fully comprehending the lessons being taught. His mother tried her best to explain the material in a way he could understand, and when that didn't seem to help she hired tutors. They never seemed to work out, and eventually people stopped taking the job and his mother stops looking.
Word gets out of his poor academic skills, and with that added with his lack of any sort of athletic capabilities Tsuna earns the name useless Tsuna. Nana is horrified (She tries to get some of the other parents to speak to their kids about such awful name calling, it does no good, some parents feeling insulted at being told how to raise their children.) Iemitsu laughs with an exclamation of "Boys will be boys".
His brother, well his brother has no idea Tsuna's social life is less than ideal. Tsuna saw no reason to tell the older boy, and while his mother disapproved she respected his wish and never mentioned it to the other boy.
Tsuna's brother called every chance he could and never hung up until he saw Tsuna on the other end. Tsuna did his best to keep the conversations as short as possible. He could never stand looking at his brothers smiling face when Tsuna told him everything was 'fine', when everything was far from fine. How his brother eagerly asked after Tsuna's friends. He had no idea that Tsuna's friends were no longer his friends but his bullies, how could he when Tsuna never even tried to tell him.
The boy's that Tsuna would play with were now the ones shouting cruel things at him as he walked by, would take Tsuna's things and trip him up. Do whatever they could to embarrass Tsuna. Tsuna saw no point in telling the older boy, making him needlessly worry when he was miles away. It's not like he had come to visit in the two almost three years he was gone, if he did maybe he would see that nothing was really 'fine'.
And yeah, maybe Tsuna was a little bitter about that.
The year of Tsuna's eleventh birthday was filled with nonstop chatter of his classmates talking of which pokemon they would choose when the time came. It was Tsuna's easiest year, his bullies too preoccupied with their fast approaching birthdays.
As the year continued on he started losing classmates as they all began what they had all been excitedly waiting for. Tsuna still didn't excel in school, but his life got monumentally better as his old friends began to depart. Those who stayed got more excited day after day as their teacher went over different types of pokemon that have been discovered. Their teacher had decided to focus on pokemon and the different types when the first child was only days away from their eleventh birthday. Tsuna sat back and listened, doing his best to remember as much information as he possibly could.
It wasn't until a particular day in class that his teacher mentioned running into other trainers that Tsuna made his decision in becoming a Pokemon trainer. Or well more specifically not becoming a trainer.
It was the thought of his bullies that really cemented the idea. If kids could be so mean while they had adults around looking after them to make sure they didn't hurt themselves or each other, how mean could they get when there were no adults around. When they each had their own loyal companion that would follow their lead? When there wasn't someone coming around every few minutes to check on them? The thought had Tsuna shivering in fear.
Tsuna shared his birth month with three other kids. There was a dilemma of sorts, there would only be three starter pokemon available and it was a matter of first come first serve. Who ever did not get a pokemon would just have to wait for the next set of starter pokemon to be ready.
Tsuna had no intention of getting a pokemon. When he mentioned this fact to his mother she had smiled sadly but accepted his choice with no question, but Tsuna had seen the disappointment in her eyes before she turned away to start dinner. Tsuna had felt terrible but he did not change his mind. He had every intention to stay in Namimori, where it was safe from trainers and their pokemon.
When he returned to class the day after he was supposed to get his own pokemon, no one thought anything of it. It was dame-Tsuna after all, it was no surprise that the other three got to the pokemon first. Tsuna said nothing to correct them.
Tsuna got a call from his brother a few days after. Apparently the older boy had done his best to find a phone before Tsuna's birthday had come to pass, he hadn't exactly succeeded. The older boy had just been happy to catch Tsuna before he had left Namimori. He eagerly questioned Tsuna on his choice of pokemon. Tsuna had stared at the screen with every intention to tell his brother that he wasn't going to become a trainer.
Except he clammed up, he found himself unable to make the words come out like he wanted them to. He could only stare at his brother's curious amber eyes.
"Tsuna?" the smile on his brother's face fading as the silence stretches.
"I'm not going to become a pokemon trainer!" the words come out loud in the otherwise quiet room. The older of the two stares with wide eyes at Tsuna's outburst. There's a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Tsuna takes it as his cue and pushes away from the monitor that is displaying his brothers confused face.
"W-wait, Tsuna!"
Tsuna doesn't stop until he makes it back to his room, closing and locking the door so he remains undisturbed. He falls onto his bed clenching his hands around the cool sheets on his bed. He can hear the soft voices of his mother and brother talking. He tries to focus on what is being said, but the words are muffled through the wall.
Tsuna's a coward. He has always been a coward, always to scared to do much of anything by himself. The thought of stepping outside the town walls to face all sorts of danger frightens him. He's not like his father who prefers to stay outside the walls wandering around who knows where, who seemingly has nothing to fear. He's not like his brother who is brave and courageous enough to face any sort of problem with a level head while Tsuna runs at the first sign of danger.
His mother never mentions anything to him about not going off on his super exciting adventure. Tsuna is grateful for it. His brother calls again the next day, but Tsuna can't bring himself to speak to him, doesn't want to explain anything, so he avoids his call, and every single one after. His mother gives him her best disappointed face whenever he declines a call from his older brother, and Tsuna avoids eye contact in those moments as well.
His mother never pushes him, repeatedly coming to his defense when parents begin to whisper things about the Sawada boy. Tsuna, while grateful, tells his mother not to bother. He's well aware what people think of him, he's the loser outcast in town, he can deal with that. What he can't deal with is his mother alienating herself every time she jumps to his defense.
He's well aware that at sixteen he should be running around on his adventure like all the other kids, and if not, he should atleast be studying in some profession like all the trainers who realized that traveling around different regions battling other trainers was not something they wanted to do. But at sixteen Tsuna hasn't even received his first pokemon, hasn't even stepped past the town's border.
He faces ridicule every time someone he went to school with returns and they learn he hasn't even gotten a beginner pokemon, but other than that his life is not great, but it is okay. The adults barely spare him a glance anymore, only dealing with him when they have to. If not for him, then for his mother, who is still well liked by the town. They have grown accustomed to the idea that the closest Tsuna will ever get to a pokemon is his mother's Lilligant.
His mother doesn't push him in anything, allowing him to go at his own pace. She has the belief that Tsuna will get his own pokemon when he believes himself ready. It's a thought she has had for the last fives years and has shown no change. So it comes as a complete and total surprise when he wakes up one day to his mother stuffing an orange bag with what looks like his clothes.
He blinks confused, shuffling back when his mother's Lilligant rushes toward Nana, with what looks to be his toothbrush in hand.
"M-mom?" he calls out. His mother looks up, a bright smile on her face as she takes the offered toothbrush with a soft 'thank you'.
"Tsu-kun, you're awake!" She chirps happily just as her Whimsicott comes darting into the room, his favorite hoodie trailing behind the fluffy creature. She takes it, folds it and then places it in the bag. "I was just just going to send Whimsi up to wake you." Whimsicott waves cheerfully at him from the other side of his mother, and Tsuna's happy that Whimsicott never made it up to his room. The pokemon is a mischievous creature that seems to take great joy in his suffering, the complete opposite of his mother's Lilligant.
"W-why?" he questions, pulling his attention away from the waving pokemon and to his mother who is closing the bag that is obviously meant to be his. She pushes herself so she's standing, and giving her son her full attention. "What are you doing?"
"Hm? Oh this?" she gestures at the bag she's still holding in her arms. At his nod she says "This if for your journey!" What. Tsuna can only blink in confusion, because what journey?
"Your father called last night," Nana begins, obviously sensing his confusion. "And he thought it would be a good idea for you to go on your journey, 'to find yourself.'
The last part is obviously a direct quote from the man himself. Of course it's Iemitsu's fault this is all happening. The only one who could get Nana to push Tsuna out of his comfort zone is the man she married over twenty years ago.
"W-what journey?" he asks as he takes the bag that's shoved into his arms. His mother spins him around, and begins to direct him to the front door. Lilligant is waiting there, holding a pair of his sneakers, She holds them out to him when she catches sight of him. She disappears back into the house as soon as he takes them.
"The journey every child takes when they turn eleven," she urges Tsuna to pull on his shoes. She takes his bag when done and shuffles him around until the bag is sat comfortably at his bag, a strap over each shoulder. "The one Gio-kun went on." she adds. The journey his brother never comes home from, he doesn't say.
"B-but I don't want to go-Hiee!" His words are cut short as the door is pulled open by his mother, and a pair of tiny feet hit his back with enough force to send him stumbling forward and out the door. He lands on his hands and knees, hands scraping against the gravel. Childish laughter follows Tsuna's fall, almost drowning out Nana's soft 'Oh my.' He doesn't need to turn around to know who had been the one to kick him. His mother's Lilligant is much too nice to even contemplate hurting Tsuna, her Whimsicott on the other hand. He turns around and Whimsicott is laughing at him with childish glee, Lilligant blinks worriedly down at him. Nana moves towards him, taking his hands and pulling him to his feet.
"Now, the professor is waiting for you, so don't make him wait alright?" Nana declares, not sending a single reprimand towards the small pokemon. "I'll be waiting for you at the southern entrance in an hour." She pats Tsuna down, getting rid of any dirt that had found it's way onto Tsuna in his meeting with the floor. Her tone leaves no room for argument, and Tsuna realizes that this wasn't just his father's idea, the man was just the push Nana needed to do what she was doing.
She steps back and with a nod in satisfaction she moves back towards the door. Lilligant and Whimsicott both move aside to let her through. Tsuna can only watch, as Lilligant gives a final wave and Whimsicott jumps up to slam the door shut.
He stands there blinking at the door, not completely sure what he's supposed to do. He glances at the front gate of the house, and then back to the front door. He hadn't exactly been given a choice in this matter, but Tsuna does know he doesn't want a pokemon, or to leave Namimori. He makes his way to the front door and tries the handle.
It doesn't turn, obviously locked. He raises a hand to knock on the door, hoping his mother will open the door. He gets no answer.
"Mom?" he calls out, hand coming down on the door again. "Mom!" He steps away from the door, looking to the windows, his mom always leaves one open so the house doesn't get stuffy. The usually open window is closed, the curtains fluttering. Someones watching him, and by the shape it's no doubt Lilligant.
It's his chance, Lilligant is too nice to leave Tsuna ignored and if he asks she'll no doubt open the door for him. He moves toward the window the pokemon is watching from, only to stop at a familiar squeaking noise. He freezes, turning slowly behind him and is rewarded with face full of water. He stumbles back with a pitiful shriek. His arms fly up to his face to protect it from the onslaught of water. He darts to the left, away from the house and towards the front gate, the stream of water following him the entire time.
It doesn't stop until he tumbles through the gate, and falls to the ground. Coughs wrack his body as he pushes himself up slowly to meet the beady eyes of his mother's Whimsicott. Of course it was that damn pokemon. He has the gardening hose in hand, a pleased smile and he's focused on Tsuna, as if daring the teenager to walk past the gate once more. Tsuna meets it's stare, he adjusts the bag at his back and turns away. It's a battle he won't win so why should he even bother.
He's not allowed back into his own home, he has no friends, he has nowhere to go. He could sit and wait where he stands but he has no doubts that his mother's pokemon will grow bored and attack him again. He has no choice but to go to the only place he does not want to go.
He's late.
It's not surprising, not with the time he wasted trying to get back into the house, and then he had been in no hurry to get there, had walked as slow as he possibly could. He's late, and he knows this because there is no one outside of the professor's lab. There are no children waiting excited for the professor to come and greet them before ushering them into the lab to choose their first pokemon.
He stops at the front gate, takes in the closed gate, the intercom innocently awaiting Tsuna to press the button. He doesn't have to press anything though, the gates slide open on their own. Tsuna stares, surprised as the gate slides open to reveal the towns professor.
"Hello!" the man greets happily. Tsuna blinks back. The professor had always managed to set Tsuna off kilter. Professor Kawahira was not what he imagined when people mentioned pokemon experts. He was pale, with white hair and always wore a green kimono under his lab coat. Half the time Tsuna caught sight of him in town he always had a bowl of ramen in hand.
"Tsunayoshi, correct?" the man didn't wait for an answer, simply ushering Tsuna inside. "You're late, you know." the man declares as he leads Tsuna into the building that was no doubt his lab. Tsuna had to jog to keep up with the professors long stride, and so didn't answer but the man didn't seem to be expecting an answer as he continued.
"I expected you half an hour ago with the other children." Kawahira barely stopped to swipe his keycard at the doors they passed, obviously intent to get to his destination as quickly as possible. "The others arrives over ten minutes early, excited to get their pokemon, and here you are arriving late." he muttered, eyeing Tsuna carefully as he came to a stop in front of a door.
"You didn't fall down some hill did you?" he asked slowly, looking Tsuna up and down. Tsuna blinked, before realization hit. He must look like a mess, having been sprayed with water and then falling onto the dirt covered road must have left him looking terrible.
"A-ah n-no, nothing like that." he said, his cheeks warm. His hand came up to rub at his slightly damp hair. Kawahira's attention remained focused on him for a moment longer, before turning and swiping his keycard against the doors lock. The door slid open and he walked through, Tsuna was quick to follow.
The room was bare, just plain white walls, and rows of empty metal tables. Kawahira made his way to the only table that wasn't empty. It looked like every other table in the room, except it had soft pillows covering the surface, the center of each one with a slight round indent.
"The children that got here before you," and on time went unsaid, but Tsuna could hear it loud and clear. "already received their pokemon, and so there are no more beginner pokemon at the moment." Tsuna felt relief at those words. No more pokemon meant that he wouldn't have to leave Namimori after all. Kawahira turned away from where he had been shuffling through a box, a familiar red and white ball in hand. Tsuna felt his heart plummet, even as he stared in confusion.
"It's fine though," with a flick of his hand Kawahira tossed the ball in the air, releasing whatever pokemon lay resting inside. Tsuna shuffled back as the red glow of light vanished and in it's place was a small four legged creature with large eyes staring up at him. "I had no intention of giving you one anyway." Kawahira finished.
"I-he-W-what?" Tsuna questioned, eyes darting up to glance at the smiling professor, before darting back down to stare at the brown furred pokemon blinking up at him, there was fur at the top of it's head, a dark orange, almost red, resembling a small flame.
"This little guy is a litleo,"Kawahira stated, matter of factly. "And he's your new pokemon."
"E-ehh? You can't be serious?" Tsuna pulled his attention away from the small creature and turned to the professor. The man waved his exclamation off.
"You are not a child, like most are when getting their first pokemon." he began, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned back against one of the many metal tables in the room. "So I believed it fine to give you one that most beginners would not start with."
"B-but, there's a reason only certain pokemon are chosen for beginners right!?" Tsuna questioned. Kawahira blinks at him, eyes slightly wide in surprise as if he hadn't expected the younger boy to argue with him.
"Well, yes, but you're a special case." the man smiled, not explaining any further. He turned attention back to the pokemon, the litleo. "I found him awhile back injured and I took him in."
Litleo blinks up at him, hesitating slightly before approaching Tsuna slowly. His nose twitches as he sniffs at Tsuna. Tsuna freezea, doing his best impersonation of a statue. His eyes darted back to Kawahira, who only smiled back.
"He likes you!" he exclaims joyously, when the small pokemon nudged it's head against the teenagers leg. "He's a fire type, so be careful around water pokemon." he adds as he turns toward the box he had rummaged through earlier.
Tsuna could only stare incredulously up at the man, eye's darting back to the pokemon briefly, it had settled next to him large eyes blinking up at Tsuna. Kawahira turned back to face Tsuna, placing six red and white pokeballs on the table, and something that had to be a pokedex on the table. He pushed them towards Tsuna when all he did was stare at them blankly.
"These are yours." he said, urging Tsuna to take them. Tsuna bit back a sigh and stepped forward taking the offered balls and pokedex. "Now, would you like to give him a name?" Kawahira motioned down at Litleo, who had followed Tsuna forward.
Tsuna blinked, confused as he turned back to the small creature staring back up at him with it's wide amber eyes.
"N-Natsu?" he offered. Kawahira's smile widens and he gives a nod in approval. The newly named Natsu meowed up at him, and he gave the creature a nervous smile.
"Natsu it is!" Kawahira exclaims. Tsuna eyed the man, not completely sure what to think of him. He said nothing though as the man went to explain what he would need to know before he left town.
Tsuna dragged his feet as he left Kawahira's lab behind, heading in the direction of the town's southern entrance. He had shoved the pokedex and pokeballs into his bag, with exception of Natsu's. His pokemons ball lay in his hand, small and warm. His gaze remained focused on the small thing, in slight disbelief and part terror.
He had a pokemon. His first pokemon, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He was expected to leave town on his own with a small creature that barely reached his knees as his only companion. How was he supposed to survive on his own, away from home when he could barely survive at home with his mother watching out for him?
He glanced up as he neared the town exit, spotting his mother easily. She was waiting patiently, whimsicott and lilligant playing not to far off. She was watching them with a fond smile on her face. Tsuna stopped a small distance away, hesitation in approaching his mother.
Nana glanced his way, brown eyes meeting his own before they darted down to his hand to land on the pokeball he had in his hand. Her face brightened as she caught sight the familiar red and white ball. Tsuna forced himself to walk forward, hand clenching around the ball before he shoved it into his jacket pocket. It wasn't until it was out sight that his mother turned her attention back to him.
"You have to be careful out there, okay Tsu-kun?" she said when Tsuna was finally close enough to hear without her having to shout, taking one of his hands into her own. Tsuna nodded in agreement. "I packed your bag with warm clothes, and a few snacks to last you until you reach the next town. There's money as well so be careful where leave your bag."
Tsuna listened, eyes focused on his hand in his mother's own. He nodded where it was appropriate and offered short answers when it was needed, but offered no more. All he wanted to do was look his mom in the eyes and tell her he didn't want to go, didn't want to leave. He knew it was useless, the happy glint in his mother's eyes was answer enough.
He was reminded of the day his own brother left to begin his own journey. There had been so many people present. His brother's friends had all been there to see him, their father had even come home, and their mother had been on the verge of tears the entire time. Now here he was, no one but his own mother around, happy to see him off, not even his father had come by and it had been his idea.
His mother kept sending glances at his jacket pocket, obviously waiting for Tsuna to tell her what pokemon he had chosen. He pulled his hand away from his mother, tucking it into his jacket's pocket alongside Natsu's pokeball. His hand curled around the round object, an odd sense of protectiveness overtaking him.
"I should go before it gets later." Tsuna suggested. His mother blinked at him before her face brightened.
"Oh, You're right!" She stepped aside allowing Tsuna to step past her. Tsuna offered her a shaky smile, biting back everything he wanted to say, every plea for his mother to let him stay, to not make him go out on his own like this. He bit everything back and continued on to the entrance, shoulders hunched and hand curled around the little warmth the small pokeball in his pocket offered.
Nana watched him go, and Tsuna knew that he was allowed to return, but at that moment to him it felt as if he was being run out of his home by the only person that always made him feel the most welcomed.