A.N: Well, this is my first go at funny, so R & R and tell me what you
think!
Disclaimer: I do not Draco Malfoy (no matter how much I want to), Harry
Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Albus Dumbledore, Lucius Malfoy,
or Narcissa Malfoy. These all belong to J.K.Rowling.
I do however own Anastacia Malfoy. So hands off!
Why Draco Malfoy Is The Luckiest Guy In The World
I am the luckiest guy in the world. I really am. I have it all. Let me count thy reasons....my good looks. Hello, I'm a Malfoy, all Malfoy's are drop-dead gorgeous, it's a family trait, we have Veela blood running through our veins, but unlike Veelas, we don't have that nasty looking side to us, only the beautiful side.
...loads of money. Again, I'm a Malfoy, of course I have money, Malfoys have always had money and they always will have money.
...parents who adore me. My parents would do anything for me, mainly because I'm, well, me!
...a little sister that idolizes me. My sister Anastacia is 6 years younger than me, she's ten, and to her, I'm the best person in the world. She's a little cutie...er..I mean, she has the Malfoy beauty already. Yeah.
...literally thousands of teenage girls who want me. Again, I'm gorgeous. Who wouldn't want me? Merlin, even Granger can't get enough of me, and she's a mudblood! Yes, I know, I shouldn't be lowering myself to the mudblood's level, but why shouldn't she be graced with the present of yours truly? She's definately not too good for me!
...fairly good grades. Yes, well, that is the one thing that Granger is better then me at, school, well the library is like her second home, I'd be hard-pressed trying to find it!
...a surname that command respect (and the occasional house raid). Yes, my name, Malfoy, undeniably one of the prestegious names in Europe, and one I pride myself in being part of.
...a position on the Slytherin house Quidditch team. Well, as much as Potter and Weasley say I bought my way onto the team, they can't deny I have talent. I win every game for Slytherin other than the ones against Gryffindor. It's not my bloody fault Mr. I Just Won't Die has a bloody god given gift for snatching the snitch from under my nose, or behind my head. Uh, won't go into that. I am a good seeker, I just can't seem to catch it when I'm playing against Potter. Yes, I know what you're thinking, and no, I don't like Potter. Filthy perverts. Seriously, I love my women, no men involved, I am completely straight. It's just hard not to admire Potter on his broom. He flys with grace. Did I just say that? Yuk! You didn't hear a thing, alright? Anyway, next.
...a literally guarnteed place as Head Boy next year Yes, well can you think of anyone better that me to be Head Boy. Dumbledore won't give it to Potter, it'll be too much responsibility. I don't care as long as I get to be Head Boy.
...loyal followers who would do anything for me. Slytherins are natural leaders, but why lead when you can follow? No hard work, no thinking, well that's what I tell them anyway.
...and a great body (including unbelievably tight arse. I think it must run in the family.) Quidditch does help, and aren't I glad I started playing. I couldn't stay a stunted little squirt forever could I? Think of all the unfortunate girls that would never have experience the joy of moi. What a sad world that would be.
Oh, I almost forget, I don't know, but I did. My hair, my absoulutely gorgeous, soft-as-silk, almost white, platinum blonde hair. Another brilliant trait that runs in the family. Yes, I am so definately the luckiest guy in the world. Even luckier than my father because he is a servant. I am no one 's servant.
And I am way luckier than 'Oldemort', whhy? Oh, lets see. Am way cuter, have got better eyes, better hair, and people can say my name freely without getting the shivers. They may swoon and sigh sickenly, but never shiver. I mean, come on, picture this, you're getting action (course, Oldemort wouldn't get any, but stay with me here) and she can't even scream your name in a fit of passion. Being called You-Know-Who wouldn't do anything for me.
Anyway, back to why I am so lucky. Well...I just am. And if you haven't worked it out by now, then I suggest you see someone about it! Yes, off you go, because I must be going too, I'm sure there are villages around here that haven't yet been destroyed. Now remember, pillage then burn, my father taught me that, just wanted to pass it on for the future good of man.
Well, go now, I'm done, go do something else. Hello? Go...forget it. If you won't go I will. Bye.
Why Draco Malfoy Is The Luckiest Guy In The World
I am the luckiest guy in the world. I really am. I have it all. Let me count thy reasons....my good looks. Hello, I'm a Malfoy, all Malfoy's are drop-dead gorgeous, it's a family trait, we have Veela blood running through our veins, but unlike Veelas, we don't have that nasty looking side to us, only the beautiful side.
...loads of money. Again, I'm a Malfoy, of course I have money, Malfoys have always had money and they always will have money.
...parents who adore me. My parents would do anything for me, mainly because I'm, well, me!
...a little sister that idolizes me. My sister Anastacia is 6 years younger than me, she's ten, and to her, I'm the best person in the world. She's a little cutie...er..I mean, she has the Malfoy beauty already. Yeah.
...literally thousands of teenage girls who want me. Again, I'm gorgeous. Who wouldn't want me? Merlin, even Granger can't get enough of me, and she's a mudblood! Yes, I know, I shouldn't be lowering myself to the mudblood's level, but why shouldn't she be graced with the present of yours truly? She's definately not too good for me!
...fairly good grades. Yes, well, that is the one thing that Granger is better then me at, school, well the library is like her second home, I'd be hard-pressed trying to find it!
...a surname that command respect (and the occasional house raid). Yes, my name, Malfoy, undeniably one of the prestegious names in Europe, and one I pride myself in being part of.
...a position on the Slytherin house Quidditch team. Well, as much as Potter and Weasley say I bought my way onto the team, they can't deny I have talent. I win every game for Slytherin other than the ones against Gryffindor. It's not my bloody fault Mr. I Just Won't Die has a bloody god given gift for snatching the snitch from under my nose, or behind my head. Uh, won't go into that. I am a good seeker, I just can't seem to catch it when I'm playing against Potter. Yes, I know what you're thinking, and no, I don't like Potter. Filthy perverts. Seriously, I love my women, no men involved, I am completely straight. It's just hard not to admire Potter on his broom. He flys with grace. Did I just say that? Yuk! You didn't hear a thing, alright? Anyway, next.
...a literally guarnteed place as Head Boy next year Yes, well can you think of anyone better that me to be Head Boy. Dumbledore won't give it to Potter, it'll be too much responsibility. I don't care as long as I get to be Head Boy.
...loyal followers who would do anything for me. Slytherins are natural leaders, but why lead when you can follow? No hard work, no thinking, well that's what I tell them anyway.
...and a great body (including unbelievably tight arse. I think it must run in the family.) Quidditch does help, and aren't I glad I started playing. I couldn't stay a stunted little squirt forever could I? Think of all the unfortunate girls that would never have experience the joy of moi. What a sad world that would be.
Oh, I almost forget, I don't know, but I did. My hair, my absoulutely gorgeous, soft-as-silk, almost white, platinum blonde hair. Another brilliant trait that runs in the family. Yes, I am so definately the luckiest guy in the world. Even luckier than my father because he is a servant. I am no one 's servant.
And I am way luckier than 'Oldemort', whhy? Oh, lets see. Am way cuter, have got better eyes, better hair, and people can say my name freely without getting the shivers. They may swoon and sigh sickenly, but never shiver. I mean, come on, picture this, you're getting action (course, Oldemort wouldn't get any, but stay with me here) and she can't even scream your name in a fit of passion. Being called You-Know-Who wouldn't do anything for me.
Anyway, back to why I am so lucky. Well...I just am. And if you haven't worked it out by now, then I suggest you see someone about it! Yes, off you go, because I must be going too, I'm sure there are villages around here that haven't yet been destroyed. Now remember, pillage then burn, my father taught me that, just wanted to pass it on for the future good of man.
Well, go now, I'm done, go do something else. Hello? Go...forget it. If you won't go I will. Bye.