Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour
By:Majin Vegeta
Right, so like I'm making yet another Slayers fic that will ultimately end up being filled with lame puns and bad jokes. Nothing new here! ^_^
Disclaimer:I don't own Slayers, the people who make Rogaine, Herbal Essences, Taco Bell, the city of Pittsburgh, the pet store on 32nd street in Chicago (I don't even know if there *is* a pet store, or a 32nd street, or a Chicago...oh wait), Mexico, Monty Python, Mr. Rogers and his posse of shoe tying thugs, or Battletoads. So like....don't sue me....EVER! I know where you people live, you here me, I know where you live! Okay...so I don't even know who you are...but uhhh don't sue me, please?
Warning:Everybody wants to rule the world. Thank you. Oh and, there are a few spoilers sprinkled in here. If you never finished seeing the Next or Try seasons, watch out. And if you don't even know what Slayers is and just happened to bump into masterpiece of a humor fic (talk about wishful thinking ^_^) by accident, then read it anyway. Who knows, you might find it mildly stimulating...even if you have no clue what's going on! By the way, if you happen to be a 'bad boy' I'd watch out if I were you. I think that they might come for you...or something.
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::Somewhere, in an undisclosed location, on some day of some week, an event occurred and stuff::Fibrizo: ::Shouts through a megaphone:: HEY NOW MAJIN! You told me I can direct this fic and I don't want one of your stupid introductions!
MV: ::Blinks:: My introductions are not stupid, they're just not able to break a five hundred on their SATs, that's all!Fibrizo:Riiiiight. Well whatever your introductions are, I don't want one that's lame!
MV: ::Shakes head:: Nope, my intros ain't lame either! The only thing I make that is lame are my poor crippled endings.
Fibrizo: ::Sneers:: STOP USING LITERAL MEANINGS, YOU BASTARD!
MV:Okay, okay! Sheesh Fibrizo-sama, calmith downith on your journey!
Fibrizo: ::Glares at Majin:: Okay, stop pretending you're from video games now.
MV:Sure! Okay so, what'd you want again?Fibrizo:I want a better introduction!
MV:Oh, okay. Let's see what you planned out for me anyway. ::Picks up a piece of paper with a bunch of scribbles on it:: Oh wow! This fic is pure genius, Fibby-sama, pure genius!
Fibrizo:Yep, I just need you to introduce it and I'm set...
MV:Okay! I'll use the magic of my author powers to do so! Let's get on with this!
Fibrizo:Hooray!
::So yeah, so Fibby-sama wants one of my patent not-so-good intros for his fic inside a fic here, or whatever. Okay so, once upon a time there was a town called Hell, Michigan and a Mazoku named Fibrizo lived there.::Fibrizo:Thaaaaaat's me!
MV:Fibrizo-sama, you can't go interrupting my introductions! It takes a large amount of thought and effort!
Fibrizo:You could have fooled me...
MV:Shut up!::Anyway, Fibrizo lived in this town that *really* exists (it does, it does!) and he was like...the mayor and stuff. As mayor, or shall we say master, of Hell, Fibrizo decided to make a television show. He called it Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour. Now then, let's join him, shall we?::
Fibrizo:Didn't I say not to have a crappy intro?
MV:That's not crappy, it's one of my highest quality intros!
Fibrizo:Oh, really? That's so sad...
MV:HEY! Does the title of the fic say 'Making Fun of Majin the Great Fanfic Author Hour!', well does it?
Fibrizo:Naw, but it never stopped me before.
MV:True....
Fibrizo:Anyway, time for me to do some work and stuff.
MV:Yeah, see ya! ::Coughs:: And begin the *actual* fic now!
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::The camera zooms in on a little studio while heavy metal music plays in the background. The voice of a biker dude booms, making it apparent that he is Mr. Narrator::
Narrator Dude:Hey dudes, and welcome to Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour, with your host....the snake in your Garden of Eden, Hellmaster Fibrizo!
::Fibrizo enters the studio and is welcomed by the applause and a few flame spewing pillars::Fibrizo:Hello kiddies! It's time for your favorite kid's show ever! I just flew in from Hades, and boy are my arms tired!
::A laugh track starts playing::
Fibrizo:You guys are great, you guys are great! I'm here 'til Friday, that's when I get canceled!
::The laugh track plays again, an actual laugh comes from the audience as well::
Fibrizo:No, I'm serious!
::The whole audience starts roaring with laughter::Fibrizo: That's not funny, damn it! Anyway, it's time for questions! Yes kid, you have a question?::A little kid in the audience stands up with a microphone he got from who knows where::Little Kid A:Yeah Fibrizo-san, my mom says that you're a little bastard kid who needs a swift kick in the ass! Is that true?Fibrizo:Where's your mom kid?Little Kid A:Over there! ::Points up five seats and the spotlight is put on his mom::Little Kid A's Mom:Errr...hi Fibrizo.
Fibrizo:Hi! ::Makes her life orb appear and he kills her:: Bye now! ::She dies:: Haw-ha!
Little Kid A:Hey! You little bastard! You really *do* deserve a swift kick in the ass!
Fibrizo: ::Kills the little kid while he's at it:: Yes, yes. What a great crowd! Next question please!
::Another little kid gets up and he also has a microphone...somehow::Little Kid B:Ummm, if I needed to give someone directions to get here, what would I tell them?
::Bad joke alert in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....::
Fibrizo:Easy, all you got to tell them is to take the Highway to Hell and then when they get here to make a turn at our church, Hell's Bells.
Little Kid B:Okay! Thanks Fibrizo-san!Fibrizo:No problem! ::Kills that kid for the hell of it as well, he really doesn't need a reason...does he?:: Next question?
::A red haired girl with a thick overcoat and sunglasses gets up. Yes, this is Lina...::
Lina:Hey Fibrizo, aren't you supposed to be dead?Fibrizo: ::Blinks:: Yeah, I suppose I am kinda dead Lina.
Lina:How'd you know it was me?Fibrizo:Easy, I read the colons! Anyway, I'm like dead and stuff...but since this is fiction and stuff, I'm not dead and stuff.
Lina:Riiiight! Whatever, see ya! ::Flies out of the studio and goes to get a bite to eat at the local Taco Bell (see, I fit Taco Bell in some how!)::
Fibrizo:Anyway, we have time for one more question! You there, with the hair, do you have a question?::Since Fibrizo didn't give the *best* description in the world, the whole audience stands up::Fibrizo:No, not you guys! I'm talking to the kid with the hair! Geez, are you all stupid?::The entire audience then sits down::Fibrizo: ::Grunts:: Okay, I'll just kill everyone except the right person...
::A kid with hair (a normal kid ^_^) gets up, and luckily he was the one who asked the question::Little Kid C:Hey Fibrizo-sama, why do you want to destroy the world? ::Makes his eyes really big and tear-filled and stuff as he sucks on a jumbo sized rainbow lollipop and several white doves nest in the cherry blossom trees behind him::Fibrizo:GAH! Keep the damn kawaii factor down! ::Kills the kid without answering his question:: Damn those kawaii kids, they'll be the end of me yet!
::Suddenly, a women dressed in a business suit, holding a brief case stands up. Of course, she is a lawyer...::Lawyer Lady:Mr. Fibrizo, this tasteless show is *hardly* a kid's show! It is a bunch of dribble that I wouldn't even let my *husband*, Bob, watch! This is an outrage!
Fibrizo: Damn it! ::Makes the lawyer ladies life orb appear and he crushes it, but the lawyer lady doesn't die::
Lawyer Lady:You can't kill me like that, because I have no soul! Anyway, I will file charges!
Fibrizo:Okay so....I can do this still. ::Walks over to the lawyer lady and casts a Gray Bomb, effectively killing like *half* of the audience:: Oops, I killed half the population! Oh well!
Concerned Citizen:Hey, you killed half the population! I'm writing to *my* congress person about this!Fibrizo:Oh shut up! ::Kills the concerned citizen as well:: Anyway kiddies, that's it for our questions! Now, let's move on to the *next* segment of our show, that's right...it's time for the daily Creepy, Crappy Cartoon! Enjoy...or DIE!
::The scene changes to some black and white cartoon called 'The Chimera That Could', featuring Zel as the Chimera that could!::
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::Okay so, this little fic interlude thing or whatever you'd call it is about Zel and ummmm...let's say Amelia and ummmm...Valgaav. All right so...roll 'em!::Zelgadis:Gee whiz, I wish I could make this toast but I can't!::Amelia pops in from who knows where::
Amelia:Zelgadis-san, you can make toast! I know you can!Zelgadis:You're right Amelia, I can make toast!
::Valgaav also pops in from that strange unknown black void known as who knows where::
Valgaav:Don't be silly Zel, you can't make the damn toast! The toaster makes it!Zelgadis:You're right Val, I can't make the toast!
Amelia: ::Sweatdrops:: For the sake of justice Zel, all you have to do is put the bread into the toaster!
Valgaav:Yeah, you freakin' loser chimera!Zelgadis:Okay, okay, geez! ::Puts the bread in the toaster and grumbles:: That was pretty dumb.
Valgaav:Well, Fibrizo *did* pay us for it so who cares?Zelgadis:True.
Amelia:The money wasn't all that this experience was worth! We got to grow stronger and we taught kids how to never give up, even if it's something as simple as making toast!Valgaav:Amelia...
Amelia:Yeah Valgaav-san?Valgaav:Cram it!
Amelia: ::Sweatdrops:: Why's everybody always pickin' on me?::The mini-fic inside the fic inside the fic ends here::
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Fibrizo: ::Kissing a mirror:: Oooo I love you Mazenda, I love you Mazenda, I love you Mazenda! ::Realizes the camera is on him:: Errrr heh. ::Hides the mirror *really* quick:: Riiiight. Welcome back to ::Voice gets all echoey and stuff:: Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour! Play me to the desk Kanzel!
::Kanzel, who just happens to be on the side with a guitar, grunts::Kanzel:You don't have a desk Fibrizo-sama. By the way, Mazenda is *my* girlfriend, you bastard!
Fibrizo:Hey, shut up! Mazenda liked *me* first, not you Kanzel! Geez!
::For those of you who don't remember who Kanzel or Mazenda are, they were the two Mazoku that made that island float in the sky in Next...and stuff::
Fibrizo:What the hell is the deal with that reminder thing, huh Majin?
::Since I can't really be inside the fic which is a part of my fic, I'm answering in these colon things. Anyway, I just thought I'd remind the readers in case they forgot...sheesh!::
Fibrizo:Yeah, whatever.
Kanzel:Just because you're my superior doesn't mean you can have my girlfriend!
Fibrizo:Dude, she wasn't your girlfriend anyway!
Kanzel:Shut up!
Fibrizo:Just go with Xelloss to the movies or something, geez!
Kanzel:Fine! ::Walks out of the studio with Xel (who appeared from LoN knows where) and goes to the latest action flick 'Running Gourry, Spell Firing Lina'::
Fibrizo:Riiiiight, so what's next?
::The audience starts screaming out various answers::
Audience Member A:Your mom!
Audience Member B:The movie 'The Attack of the Killer Pretzel! (in stereo)'
Audience Member C:A statement made by audience member C!
Fibrizo: ::Scowls:: Bakas! ::Kills all three of them without some cool comment:: It's not time for any of those things! It's time for....Fibrizo's Mailbag!!!!
::A large black mailbag gets throw onto the stage::
Fibrizo:Thanks for the mail my slaves....I mean...servants! ::Slight chuckle:: Anyway, let's see what the masses of fans I have wrote me today! ::Rushes over to the mailbag and pulls out a letter:: Oooo lookie, I got one from the Demon Dragon King! ::Starts reading it::
Letter (and no, it ain't talkin'! ^_^):Dear Fibrizo, hello, can you hear me? Is there anybody in there? Anyway, let's say that I was a person who was trying to kill this uhhh...bad guy who looked like...let's say a kid. What would you do to kill this bad guy? Signed, Mass Murderer Number 9.
Fibrizo: ::Smirks:: Interesting letter Gaav my boy. Now, if I wanted to kill this bad guy who looked like a kid, which I wouldn't want to do because it was me, I would poke him with a really big stick. That would really piss him off, y'know!
::Suddenly SD Gaav comes into the studio wielding a really big stick and runs down to Fibrizo::Gaav:Haha! You will be finished now Fibrizo!
Fibrizo:Riiiight.
::SD Gaav starts poking Fibrizo with the stick, effectively agitating him like he suggested::
Fibrizo:Damn it, why'd I say *that?* Oh, well. ::Curses under breath:: I'll just kill you again, you bastard! ::Kills Gaav once again...some how:: Okay, so let's check another letter out! ::Pulls out another letter::
Letter (it's still not talking!):Dear Fibrizo, hello, hello. If you're getting this letter, please *do* not, and I repeat, do *not* kill Gaav! It will only cause a whole new season of Slayers to begin...again. Oh wait, on second thought, kill Gaav so I can have a good reason to kill Lina Inverse and those other bakas! I can't wait to be in a new Slayers season! Signed, That Green Haired Guy From Customs.
Fibrizo: ::Blinks:: Valgaav? What the hell, isn't he supposed to be a baby now? And what the hell.....he's so....OOC.
::Kopii Rezo pops up from the audience to answer Fibrizo's question::Kopii Rezo:No Fibrizo! You see, Valgaav is his normal self because this is fiction! That would be the reason that me and you are still alive, as well! That'd also be the reason Gaav was alive again, and it's probably the reason for everything bad and horrible on this Earth as well. As for the OOC thing, ummmm.....I dunno, I guess he's just crazy or something.
Fibrizo:It was a rhetorical question Kopii, geez! ::Blinks:: Hey, Red Priest clone, get down here! We can make this show bipartisan! With twice the hosts, mostly me however, the show will be twice as good!
Kopii Rezo:Uhhh okay? ::Walks down to the stage and joins Fibrizo::Fibrizo:All righty kiddos, we're done with mail time! ::Ignites the mail bag:: What's up next Kopii?Kopii Rezo:Oh, that's easy your Fibby-ness!
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: Don't call me *that!*
Kopii Rezo:All righty! Anyway, up next is a delightful comedy sketch entitled 'O Howling Sword, Where Art Thou?' featuring Zangulus and Sylpheil!
Fibrizo: ::Grumbles:: No, it's not that time yet! Damn you! Now you made the show go all out of order and stuff! Oh well, whatever! Here we go!
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::The scene would be a forest where Zangulus is wandering around, apparently looking for his sword. Suddenly, he bumps into Sylpheil, who just happened to be in the *same* forest by *sheer* coincidence. And begin reading now....::
Zangulus:Oops, I am sorry ma'am! I did not mean to bump into you here!
Sylpheil:That's okay good sir, don't worry about it.
Zangulus:Say ma'am, did you happen to see a Howling Sword around here?Sylpheil:A Howling Sword, here? Good heavens no!
Zangulus:What do you mean, good heavens no? Why, just yesterday I saw a Howling Lance in these woods!
Sylpheil:Yes, that my be true good sir, but everybody knows that swords just don't howl!
Zangulus:On the contrary my lady, I just heard my Howling Sword howl the other day, that was before I misplaced it of course.
Sylpheil:Why good sir, that is truly impossible!
Zangulus:No it isn't ma'am! Why, just yesterday, I saw a man with a sword made out of light!Sylpheil:A sword made out of light? How absurd!
Zangulus:Hardly ma'am, it's called the Sword of Light! So, you see, if this sword of light exists, my Howling Sword must also exist!
Sylpheil:Now that I think about it good sir, I do remember seeing some sword stuck in a podium over there in the deep woods. ::Points behind her::Zangulus:All right, great! ::Rushes to the designated pointee spot and finds said podium with said sword stuck in it. On the podium is a little triangle (HINT, HINT). Zangulus goes to pull it out and he does::
::A strange, bodiless voice booms suddenly::Bodiless Voice:Hey, unhand my sword!
Zangulus:Wha?Bodiless Voice:Unhand my sword!
Zangulus:Why?
Bodiless Voice:Because I have to save Hyrule, duuuuh!
Zangulus:Oh, okay then. ::Drops the sword and runs away::
::Link (of course, you all knew it was him) walks on screen and grabs the Master Sword out of the podium::Link:And....scene!
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::Fibrizo is now standing in front of an oversized screen, applauding as if he just watched the scene and liked it. Of course, he didn't even watch it but how are you supposed to know that?::Fibrizo:Yep! How 'bout that comedy sketch people? Yeah, it was uproariously funny, wasn't it? At least...that's what Ebert and Roiper said about it, whatever. Personally, I don't trust people who criticize things for money but that's just me...
Kopii Rezo:Uhhhh Fibrizo, you're rambling about the film critics again...
Fibrizo:Damn it Kopii! You're supposed to tell me *sooner!* Can't you do one little thing right?Kopii Rezo:Well, your line was *super* long so that was the first chance I got!
Fibrizo:Yeah sure, blame it on the lines again!Kopii Rezo:Well, that was the problem...
Fibrizo:That doesn't mean you have to blame it on them! The lines have feelings too, you bastard!
Kopii Rezo: ::Sweatdrops:: Right, gomen Fibrizo-sama.
Fibrizo:That's better! Now apologize to the lines!
Kopii Rezo:Nani?Fibrizo:DO IT!!
Kopii Rezo: ::Sweatdrops again:: Uhhhh okay. Ummmm, gomen nasai errr...lines. -_-;;;;
Fibrizo: ::Using a very high pitched voice, obviously imitating the lines (if they were able to grow their own voice boxes, that is):: Don't worry about it Kopii-sama, but do it again and we'll chop off your testicles!
Kopii Rezo:Sick dude!
Fibrizo: ::Now back to his normal, 'hellish' self:: Anyway people, we have some *great* guests for you tonight! ::Grabs the show schedule and facefaults:: Or not....
Kopii Rezo:Why'd you say that?Fibrizo:Because we have some....not-so-good guests here!
Kopii Rezo:Oh.
Fibrizo:The show must go on though, I guess. ::Grumbles:: Our first guest is Deep Sea Dolphin everybody! ::Nobody applauds because everyone is like....shall we say, not living anymore:: Then we have another very *special* guest ::Grunts:: Gourry Gabriev! Oh, and it gets better people! ::Rolls eyes:: Our final guest is Martina (last name omitted because no one cares about it and they can't pronounce it *anyway*), the Princess of Zoana! And guess what folks, we even have a freakin' musical guest! You probably never heard of them before, but it's the Mighty Mighty Dark Lords! I'm a member of the band, as a matter of fact!
Kopii Rezo:Wow Fibrizo-sama, that was *one* long....
Fibrizo:Shut your month!
Kopii Rezo:I'm only talkin' bout your line!
Fibrizo:I can dig it!
Kopii Rezo:Yeah, but seriously, that was one freakin' long line.
Fibrizo:I know, I know. Hey, I wrote this fic so I'm getting all the long lines and all the good lines, too!
Kopii Rezo:It figures!Fibrizo:*Anyway* folks, please give a loud Hellish welcome for our first guest, Deep Sea Dolphin.
::The insane blue haired Dark Lord walks in from backstage, waving all along the way. She finally takes a seat in a nice little sofa::
Fibrizo:So Dolphin, it's ummm...nice to see you again and stuff.
Dolphin:Hi little boy! Are you lost? Did your parents leave you behind here? Don't worry cutie, Auntie Dolphin won't let anything bad happen to you!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: It's me, Fibrizo!!!! Dolphin:Oh, hiya Fibrizo! Long time no see! So, what have you been doing all this time?
Fibrizo:I'm supposed to be asking *you* the questions, Dolphin. Anyway, I generally have been my old evil incarnate self, you know....killing people, trying to get Lina Inverse to destroy the universe, same ol', same ol'.
Dolphin:Oh wow, that sounds like fun! You know what I've been doing Fibby-chan? I've been searching for the Mother Ship recently! However, I only found this city with all these pretty lights and stuff. I wonder if the Mother Ship is located at that place? I think it was called....Las....Las Vegas or something like that.
Fibrizo:Okay, okay. ::Grunts:: So anyway Dolphin, I'm sure the audience wants to know, where the heck are you from anyway?Dolphin:I'm from the sea, silly!
Fibrizo:Oh really? What part of the sea are you from?
Dolphin:The *deep* sea! ::Starts laughing hysterically::Fibrizo:Ummm, why's that funny?Dolphin:Oh, it just is! ::Continues laughing insanely::Fibrizo:Ummm Kopii, how is that funny?Kopii Rezo:I don't know Fibrizo, I just don't know.
Fibrizo:Yeah so, ummmm anyway....how's your job going Dolphin?
Dolphin:Well, they treat me *really* nice at McDonalds. Everybody always goes and asks me for stuff and it's really super-duper!
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: I meant your other job...
Dolphin:Oh, you mean my *other* job! Well, at Seaworld I play with all of the other dolphins. Hey, you know, that's where I got my name from! And then after I'm done with *that* job, I go and lead cheers for the Miami Dolphins and stuff, and then I...
Fibrizo: ::Grumbles some random obscenities under his breath:: Okay, okay, I'm sorry I asked. I can't believe your one of *us* Dolphin.
Dolphin:One of you what?Fibrizo:Dark Lords, baka!
Dolphin:Oh yeah, I'm a Dark Lord too! I forgot to put that on my resumes!!!!
Fibrizo: ::Smacks head on a desk that just happened to be there, *some how*:: Kopii, how long is this interview supposed to?
Kopii Rezo:Hmmmmmm, like an hour long...
Fibrizo:Good LoN, why the hell did I write this!
Kopii Rezo:You didn't write this part....a guy named Majin Vegeta did.
Fibrizo:It figures! DAMN HIM!
Dolphin:Why would you want to condemn someone for bringing me here? Is there something wrong with me, little boy?
Fibrizo:I'M NOT A LITTLE BOY! I'M FIBRIZO, REMEMBER?
Dolphin:Oh yeah! Hiya Fibrizo! You should go clean out your mouth with a bar of soap for saying a naughty word!
Fibrizo:Nani?
Dolphin:Don't you raise your voice at me!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops...again:: All right. ::Hangs head::
::Loud shouts are coming from the guest room right about now::Kopii Rezo:Ummm Fibrizo, I think that Martina is getting a little restless. You really should introduce Gourry right away before she starts praying to that dumb Zoamelgustar thing...
Fibrizo:Hmmm, good point. Dolphin, can you please slide down?Dolphin: ::Blinks:: You have a slide? Where?Fibrizo: ::Shakes head:: No, I don't *have* a slide! I meant for you to just move down on the couch!
Dolphin:Why?
Fibrizo:Because...JUST DO IT!
::Signs in the background with the word 'Nike' on them start flashing::
Fibrizo:I hate advertisements!
Kopii Rezo:Speaking of advertisements, we have to put one in here right now!
Fibrizo:Damn it! Whatever, stay tuned everybody because after the break we will have Gourry!
Dolphin:Isn't that a seafood dish?
Fibrizo:NO!
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::Yes, this commercial thing was done before but I like doing it dang it, so I will! Besides, I have some more decent (or not so decent, depending on your POV) material! Anyway, the first advertisement has Nahga standing in front of the camera in a skimpy outfit...all right, it's her normal outfit. Same difference::
Nahga:Do you have trouble being noticed? Did you go to your high school reunion, only to find out that you *still* weren't pretty? Is your boyfriend an overweight guy named Steve the *best* guy you can get? Does your husband love his blow-up doll more than he loves you? Well then, you're in luck! Because with my newly patented BREAST ENHANCER 3000 ::Trumpets sound in the background::, you'll be able to increase your bust size in only a few weeks!
::Cut to scene of Lina::
Lina:HEY! Why the hell are you cutting to me about this subject!?!?!? THIS ISN'T FUNNY NAHGA!!!!
::Cut to scene of Filia::Filia: ::Reading off a cue card:: Ummm yes, this product really worked! Within days I noticed more guys staring at my....GAH! NAMAGOMI!!!!! ::Rushes after Xelloss with her mace, who of course wrote what was on that cue card::Xelloss:Who said you had to be good to be a priest? ^_^ ::Gets cracked over the head with Filia's mace (mace-sama! Errr...yeah.)
::Cut to scene of Zel::Zelgadis:I'm not even a girl. ::Sweatdrops:: This is stupid.
::Cut back to Nahga::Nahga:You see, look at all of these satisfied customers! You too can be *this* satisfied! All you have to do is send $29.99 to the Give Nahga All Your Money Fund, 2345 Fake Address St.
::The next advertisement comes on, this time it features my good friend Dynast, who doesn't look *too* happy about doing a commercial but he has too. Anyways, he's eating lunch at your local Dairy Queen when all of a sudden someone comes in the store with a gun::Armed Gunman Guy:THIS IS A STICK UP, GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR MONEY!
Narrator Dude:Do you feel unsafe when you're eating at your local Dairy Queen? Well, we have the solution! His name is Dynast, and he will solve it!
Dynast: ::Gets up and speaks in a rather flat voice:: Hey, stop you evil man you!
Armed Gunman Guy:NO! THIS IS A STICK UP!
Dynast:Fine, you asked for it. ::Casts some super duper ice spell on the armed dude and he is frozen like a zebra in Siberia. As a matter of fact, he was chillin' like a villain::
Narrator Dude:With our patented Dynast Protection Unit, you won't ever have to worry about armed gunman trying to keep you hostage at your local Dairy Queen ever again!
Dynast: ::Grunts:: I'm not patented, I'm not protecting anybody, and I'm *not* a unit! I'm just a Mazoku Dark Lord who wants to rule the world!
Narrator Dude:Ruling the world motive sold separately!
Dynast: ::Sweatdrops:: I'm going back to the North Pole! ::Vanishes::
::The next advertisement rolls, this time it features our good friend Jiras, the rocket building maniac, holding a bunch of bombs and stuff::Jiras:Hiya boss! It's me, Jiras, and this is my Firework Barn! It has all kinds of expensive, illegal fireworks that you can buy, boss! It even has a rocket! Wow! I want one! So come down to Jiras' Firework Barn, it's straight off of extension 2662. If you wanna call us, the number is (999) 11-KABOOM. We hope to see ya here at Jiras' Firework Barn, boss.
::The final commercial airs, this time around it has the main Slayers characters dancing to some cheesy music. Lina takes the center of the screen and starts talking::Lina:Hi guys! It's me, Lina Inverse here, and I'm hoping you will join us for the Dance, Dance, Get Back on the Dance Floor, Dance, Dance, What the Hell do you Call That? show! It features some of the *highest* octane dance moves around, like this one!
::Zelgadis does the moon walk::
Lina:And this one!
::Amelia starts doing some impossible break dancing, and I *mean* impossible::
Lina:And this one!
::Xelloss starts doing some disco-style dancing::Xelloss:Disco Xel is disco crazy! ^_^
Lina:Shut up Disco Xel! ::Smacks Xel:: And finally, we have this crazy dance!
::Filia and Gourry start square dancing::Lina:So, if you like high *quality* dancing...and this crap as well, then watch my freaking show...or else! If you don't watch it I'll make you wish you have!
Xelloss:Disco Xel says it's on right after Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour of non-disco! ^_^
Lina:Baka!
::And that'd be the end of this little commercial break. All of the following advertisements have been brought to you by Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz Co., they make the craziest Alphabet Soup around!::
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::Fibrizo is still talking to Dolphin about...whatever::Fibrizo:No Dolphin, you *can't* drive a car to Hawaii!
Dolphin:Yeah you can, I just did it yesterday! Of course, the car has wings and was in the shape of a bird...
Fibrizo:Ugh!
Kopii Rezo:Hey Fibrizo, you gotta introduce Gourry ASAP! I don't know how much more wreaking the guest room can take!
Fibrizo:All right! Ladies and gentlemen, people I haven't killed, please welcome the swordsman with as much brains as that statue of me in town square, Gourry!
::Nobody applauds, 'cause they're still all dead and stuff, as Gourry exits the guest room and takes a seat on the sofa::Gourry:Hi everybody!
Dolphin:Hi sea food dish man!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Oh, this should be fun. CBS said that getting your own show would be good Fibrizo. CBS said that we'd give you the best guests around Fibrizo. DAMN YOU CBS!
Dolphin:You know what the stands for, right?Gourry:What?Dolphin:It's the Canadian Bacon System!
Gourry:Really?
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: NO! By the way Dolphin, I'm supposed to be doing the interview here!
Dolphin:Interview? You mean like 20/20?
Fibrizo:Yeah!
Dolphin:Oh, okay! So Mr. Seafood Dish Man, what's your favorite color?
Gourry:Ummm my name is Gourry, and my favorite color is ummm...red.
Fibrizo: ::Grunts:: That's because Lina's hair is that color. ::Grumbles::
Gourry:Errrr, yeah!
Kopii Rezo:Fibrizo you were right, these guests weren't very good so far!
Gourry:Heeeey! I resemble that remark!
Fibrizo:Yeah, you do as a matter of fact. *Anyway people,* can we please stop this nightmare?
::Fibrizo just realized the fatal mistake he made, as he gave me a reason to have L-sama make some sort of cameo or something, so L-sama appears for no real reason::
LoN:Now now Fibrizo, you know that I can't do that!
Fibrizo: ::Grumbles:: All right, all right! Can you at least stop the chaos?LoN:I'll think about it......................NO!
Fibrizo:Damn it!::L-sama now disappears::
Dolphin:Wow, that was really her! It was really Jenny Jones! WOW!
::Everyone falls over::
Gourry:Even *I* know who that was!
Fibrizo:Who was it then, Gourry?Gourry:Rikki Lake!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Riiiight. Anyway Gourry, I gotta interview you and stuff. Just ignore the crazy Mazoku Lord over there, all right?
Gourry:Ummm, okay.
Dolphin:I like to dip chocolate starfish into water that tastes like hot dogs!
Kopii Rezo:Why did I ever volunteer myself to be Fibrizo's sidekick?Fibrizo:And ignore the comments of my goofy sidekick. Anyway, Gourry, how do you eat so much without vomiting?
Gourry:Oh easy! I have ten stomachs!Fibrizo:Riiiight. Also, if your brain is made out of yogurt, then how come Lina calls you jellyfish brains all the time?Gourry:It's made out of both, see! ::Takes his head off like in that one Slayers episode and he has yogurt and jellyfish swimming around up there::Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Okay, so far this interview has gone *nowhere*.
Kopii Rezo: ::Whispering to Fibrizo:: Ask him about his new show!
Fibrizo: ::Whispering back to Kopii:: Ummm, are you sure?
Kopii Rezo:POSITIVE!
Fibrizo: ::Yells back in Kopii's ear:: OKAY! So ummmmm, Gourry, I understand that you have a new show? What is this show about?Gourry:A new show? Oh yeah, my new show! It's this show called Assassins! It has nothing to do with assassins though, whatever those are, it's actually a comedy I think....
Fibrizo:Why does that sound so familiar? Hmmm, it sounds sorta like a show I know really well.
Dolphin:Ooooo! Ooooo! I know, I know! Pick me, pick me! ::Waves hand around in the air::Fibrizo:Errr, yeah Dolphin...
Dolphin:The show you're thinking of is Full House!Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Ummm, okay...thank you Dolphin. So anyway Gourry, do you have a clip?
Gourry:Ummmm, yeah I think so. Hold on! ::Starts rummaging around through his pockets, only to find nothing:: Errr, I guess I don't have it.
Fibrizo:Damn it! That was supposed to fill my air time!
Kopii Rezo:Quick, cut to more commercials!Dolphin:Ooooo, commercials! I like commercials!Fibrizo:It figures. Anyway, stick around gang because we'll be back with Martina after this short commercial break!
Dolphin:Oooooo, I hope they have a Burger King commercial! I like those!
Fibrizo:Are we still rolling? DAMN IT, I SAID CUT TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK! CAN'T YOU $%#@$#%@% PEOPLE DO ANY #&*%*&$%# THING RIGHT?
********
::Amelia is sitting at a desk and she looks all professional like and stuff::Amelia:Hello everybody. It is I, Amelia Wil Telsa Syluun, your candidate for President of Justice. My opponent, Xelloss Metullium, doesn't have the correct qualifications for this job! He has flaws on his record! For example, once in fifth grade...Xelloss-san got a C+!
::Cut to scene of a chibi Xel getting a test back with a big, red C+ on it::
Amelia:And there was one time that Xelloss-san forgot to tip a waitress at the Ground Round.
::Cut to scene of Luna (naturally!) *not* getting tipped by Xel. Then, the scene cuts to Luna who is able to talk about this heinous crime of non-tipping::Luna:Yep, Xelloss didn't tip me that one time! I wouldn't want him to be the President of Justice if he can't even tip a waitress! By the way, LINA YOU BETTER NOT SCREW UP!!!!
::Cut back to Amelia::Amelia: ::Sweatdrops:: Maybe that wasn't the best footage to use. Anyway, Xelloss-san also got a speeding ticket once! Would you want someone like Xelloss Metullium in office? I don't think so! That's why you should vote Amelia!
::A really fast voice flies by::Really Fast Voice:This advertisement has been brought to you by the Bureau of People Who Want Amelia to be in Office Because we Don't Want Xelloss in Office.
::The next commercial comes on. This time it features Filia near a 'Wack-A-Mole' game::Filia:Hi kids! Are you looking for some fun? When, if you are, then come on down to Filia'C'Yogurts (as opposed to Chuck'E'Cheeses ^_^). We have all kinds of fun games here!
::The camera zooms in on a ball pit thingy filled with spiked metal balls, naturally it's empty::Filia:Wow! Look at how much fun the Mace Ball Pit is! There's also some of the newest arcade games here!::The camera zooms in on about two different arcade games, including Pong and Pac-Man (wow!)::
Filia: ::Sweatdrops:: Okay, maybe not so *new*. Anyway, this is the best game here! ::Points at the 'Wack-A-Mole' game:: It's Wack-A-Namagomi! You hit little Namagomi's with this foam mace! ::Picks up the game's foam mace and starts playing::
::A singing voice comes on::Singing Voice:At Filia'C'Yogurts you can have *sooooo* much fun, but only if you like maces! You gotta love maces to have fun at Filia'C'Yogurts 'cause it's the really cool place to be a mace! (But not a Mazoku, Mazoku children will be beaten by Filia's mace until their parents return!)
::The next commercial comes on. This time it's something a little more sane, which isn't saying much, it's an advertisement for another TV program (again). Zelgadis is standing in front of the camera::
Zelgadis:Is that thing on?
::The camera moves up and down::
Zelgadis:Okay great! ::Looks directly into the camera:: Hi people! Do you want to shock a person? Well, you came to the right place! Here on Candid Chimera, we *shock* people all the time. Isn't that right Jack the Cameraman?
Camerawoman:My name is Barbara dummy, and I'm a *camera woman.*
Zelgadis:Uhhhhh okay. Hey, I'm shocked! Anyway, tune into Candid Chimera weekdays at 5:00!
Camerawoman:No, really, I *am* a woman.
Zelgadis:This was pretty stupid, huh?
::The next and final commercial rolls. This time it features one of them compilation CD advertisements, you *know* what I mean. A strange bodiless voice starts talking, like in all of these commercials::
Voice:Remember the great songs sung by the Slayers characters? No, you don't? Well, now you should! You see, we have this great compilation of Slayers songs called 'Totally Slayers!' You'll get some of the greatest song moments on Slayers (and most of the ones that never existed in the first place!).
::The list of songs starts going down the screen, as usual::
Voice:You'll get Fibrizo singing 'Highway to Hell', Gourry and Lina singing 'Hungry Like a Wolf', Zelgadis singing 'I've Got the Blues', Dynast singing 'Cold as Ice', Filia singing 'Whip It' and much much more!
::The view shifts to Filia singing, like these commercials usually do::
Filia: ::Singing:: When a namagomi comes along, you must whack him. When a namagomi comes along, you must whack him. Now whack him, whack him good. Whack him off, you know you should! ::Blinks, then sweatdrops when she just realized the last line she sung:: Ewwww! ^^;;;
Voice:You'll also get *other* great songs like Xelloss singing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit', Lina singing 'Born to be Wild', Dolphin singing 'Under the Sea', Rezo singing 'Red, Red Wine', Gaav singing 'Nice Guys Finish Last' and *still* a lot more to come!
Gaav: ::Singing:: Oh, traitor Mazoku Lords finish last, when you go against the Mazoku, don't trust little kids 'cause they'll stab you in your spine! Oh, traitor Mazoku Lords finish last, when you are that outcast. ::Blinks:: HEY! I'm not an *outcast!*
::The snicker of Xelloss' voice (naturally) can be heard::
Voice:We also have more amazing karoke-type sessions with Amelia singing 'War' (which is good for absolutely nothing!), Xelloss singing that stupid 'Macernia' song, and Zelgadis singing a bunch of commercial jingles for no apparent reason. All the singing is horrible and you should not order this CD, but if you want to just send us a blank check! Thank you, and good day!
::And that'd be all for the commercial breaks in this fic because I'm frankly running out of commercial fodder and I wanna go back to the fic, damn it! Errr...yes. Oh, and this commercial break has been brought to you by Justice Flakes (with little marshmallow hammers), they're juuuuuust!::
********
::It just so happens that Gourry manages to find the clip he was looking for by accident about 2 seconds after they aired the commercials::Fibrizo:Gourry, you *moron!* Why didn't you just tell me where you put the freaking clip? Now I wasted air time with commercials all because of you! BAKA!
Gourry:Ummmm, I guess I did have it after all.
Fibrizo:No freakin' kidding!!!! GAH!!!!!
Dolphin:Fibby-chan, *THEY'LL* see you if you get angry!
Fibrizo:Who the hell are they?
Dolphin:The aliens from Star Trek. ::Makes eyes really wide::
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops yet again in this fic:: They aren't real! It's a TV show!!!
Dolphin:We're on a TV show too, does that mean we aren't real either?Fibrizo:Someone shoot me, please!
Kopii Rezo:Now that you mention it, *that's* a TV show too!
Fibrizo: ::Blinks:: Yes, so it is...so it is. Anyway Gourry, would you roll your freakin' clip all ready?Gourry: ::Just lost the clip by accident:: Ummm, what clip?
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: Nevermind, nevermind. ::Grumbles:: I guess I'll have to just introduce our last guest!
Kopii Rezo:Good idea Fibrizo, I don't think our guest room could have survived much longer!
Fibrizo: ::Nods:: Anyway, I'd like to welcome a close friend of mine. ::Blinks:: No, wait a second, I just sorta know her and was nice to her for a little while. Anyway, I'd like to welcome our final guest, Martina!
::Martina walks on stage wielding a hacksaw and a nail gun which she quickly throws to the side. Then she sits down on the couch::
Fibrizo:Errrr, hi Martina. Were you waiting long?
Martina:Yes! It took forever! Your goons need to learn how to treat a *princess!*
Dolphin: ::Blinks:: Oooooo, you're a princess? How'd that happen? Did you win Pretty, Pretty Princess or something? You know, I won that game once! I guess I'm a princess too!
Fibrizo: ::Grumbles something about something and such::
Martina:No! I'm a princess by birth, I didn't win a stupid game!
Gourry: ::Looks confused:: So you lost the game?
Martina:I didn't play a game in the first place!
Fibrizo:Riiiight, don't mind them, they're numskulls. Anyway, how's that Zoamelgustar friend of your's doing?
Martina:Lord Zoamelgustar? ::Pulls out her little skull idol thingy if she has one, I can't remember:: He's doing just fine!
Fibrizo:Did he get married recently?Martina:Ummm, I dunno. Why don't you ask him?
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: Uhhhh, okay. Errr, Zoamelgustar did you get married?
::A loud voice booms::Loud Voice:Yep, I just got married to a demoness named Pikachu.
::A random Pokémon fan (yes, they do exist! ^_^) jumps out of the audience of dead people. Why he's not dead is a mystery in itself, but whatever::
Pokémon Fan:Isn't Pikachu a boy?Loud Voice:Errrr....d'oh! I got married to a guy!!! I gotta stop getting so drunk!
::The loud voice, which was obviously supposed to be Zoamelgustar's, dissipates. The fan of Pokémon, however, was tossed into a pool of acid by Fibrizo (he just wanted to kill someone more painfully for a change)::
Kopii Rezo:Ummmm, well that joke was pretty bad.
Fibrizo:Yeah seriously, our writers have to think of some better stuff.
Kopii Rezo:I thought you wrote this?Fibrizo:Ummmm....errrr...so I did.
Dolphin:I thought you were a Hellmaster Fibby-chan, not a writer!
Fibrizo:I'm a Hellmaster on the weekdays, but not the weekend. Hey, even an evil little bastard like myself has to earn extra money every now and then!
Dolphin:Oh, okay.
Fibrizo:Yeah, so anyway Martina, do you ever get fan mail from confused fans who think you're that tennis player with your same name, but with a different last name that I can't even pronounce, let alone spell in an actual script of this fic.
Gourry: ::Blinks:: I found the clip! ::Holds up his shoe:: Oh wait, that's my shoe!
Fibrizo: ::Whacks Gourry upside the head:: No, you didn't! Not now you didn't!
Dolphin:I didn't know there was a script Fibby-chan!
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: There really isn't one Dolphin, it's just a figure of speech! NOW, DON'T INTERRUPT ME ANYMORE AND LET MARTINA ANSWER THE QUESTION! OKAY?!?!?! DO I MAKE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR?!?!?!?!
::Gourry, Dolphin, and Kopii Rezo all form sweatdrops behind their heads and nod::
Fibrizo:Goooooood, so Martina, your answer is?
Martina: ::Double blinks:: Ummmm, no...I never get fan mail like that. ::Blinks again:: What the heck kind of talk show is this anyway?
Fibrizo:Ummmm, mine...
Martina:This is an outrage! You keep me waiting in a small waiting room for almost ten minutes, and then you ask me a question like *that?!*
Fibrizo:Errrr yeah. Uhhh hey Martina, look over there...it's a bishounen! ::Points randomly::
Martina: ::Instantly looks in the direction Fibrizo pointing and gets hearts in her eyes:: Wow, that's a Hunkasaurus!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Please, don't use DIC dub terms *EVER* again, Martina.
Martina: ::Ignores Fibrizo and runs over to the nameless 'pretty boy' who basically does *NOT* exist because Fibby-chan killed everyone before. Geez, don't you people pay attention?::
Fibrizo: ::Falls over:: Well, she was really easy to convince...
Dolphin:Fibby-chan, do we get a free copy of your home game?!?!?!Fibrizo:Nani?
Dolphin:Y'know, like on all game shows! They always give ya a free copy of their home game.
Fibrizo:This ain't a game show!!!!
Dolphin:Oh yeah.
Gourry: Look guys, I found the clip! ::Holds up a spork:: Oh wait, it's one of those spoon fork thingies, you know....a spern!
Fibrizo:That's a spork you idiot!!!
Gourry:Errr, I knew that.
Kopii Rezo:Ummm Fibrizo-sama, we have to get the band out here now.
Fibrizo:All right, fine. Ladies and gentlemen....errr...well, Martina, Gourry, Dolphin, and Kopii ::Sweatdrops::....I would like to introduce the band to you! Please give a frightening round of applause to the Mighty Mighty Dark Lords!
::Colorful smoke fills the room and then when it dissipates the band, including Fibrizo and Dolphin (of course) is on stage with all of their instruments and stuff::
Fibrizo:HELLO SYLUUN, DO YOU WANNA ROCK?!?!?!?
::Nobody replies::Fibrizo:OKAY!!! HIT IT GUYS!
::The band starts playing music. I forgot to mention what instruments were being played. Okay, Zelas was playing the bass guitar (while chain smoking, and occasionally binge drinking), Dynast was playing the electric guitar with his icicle guitar pick, of course, Gaav was playing the drums with drum sticks (and I mean literal drum sticks, like the kind from KFC or Popeye's), Dolphin was playing the bagpipes really off key, and of course Fibrizo was doing the singing. The band pretty much sounded...HORRID::
Fibrizo:Well they call me Doctor Fibrizo! They call me Doctor Fibrizo! I ain't got no cure, so go to hell! They call me Doctor Fibrizo! Oh yeah!
::'Boos' come from somewhere unexplained, so the band changes their music::
Fibrizo:My name be Funky Fibrizo H., and I'm the illest and chillest Mazoku of them all. I'll kill ya in a second, and I will not regret it! Word up! Take it away Dynast!
Dynast: ::Facefaults:: My name is Dynast, yeah yeah, I live in the North Pole, uh-huh, it's really cold there....yep it sure is. This song sucks, but at least it's better than Britney Spears. Yeah! Go Zelas! Go Zelas! It's your birthday! It's your birthday! ::Sweatdrops::
Zelas:Ummmm, well my name is Zelas and I'm here to stay! I like smoking a lot of sin sticks aka cigarettes. I got a fetish for booze, and I ain't gonna choose one or the other...so I take both! ::Holds up a pack of cigarettes and a six pack of Rolling Rock beer:: Take it away Gaav!
Gaav:Yeah, I'm Gaav and I can't think of any good lyrics! I'm just the drummer of the band and I'm playing these things with chicken! Ummmm, I some how came back to life in the midst of this fic and stuff! Yeah! TAKE IT AWAY DOLPHIN!
Dolphin:The poor old slave has gone to rest! Yep yep yep, my name is Deep Sea Dolphin and I live in the DEEP SEA. ::Snickers:: I like wearing my overcoat in the summer time, and I know that the aliens won't be able to detect me if I wear my Renyold's Wrap helmet on top of my head! YEAH!
::Everyone sweatdrops::Fibrizo:So that's our stupid song we sung for you, if you don't like it then just say 'moo!'. That's right fools, we sponsor Gateway, if you don't like it that you can go straight away! WORD! GOOD NIGHT SYLUUN!!!!!
::Suddenly, little colons seem to sprout up...indicating that the fic inside the fic is finished::
********
MV: ::Facefaults:: Wait a second Fibby-chan....you made me come up with a GREAT intro for *THAT* fic?
Fibrizo:Yep! Wasn't it the best fic you have ever seen?
MV:Are you kidding?!?!?! That was the most horrible, most awful, most ugly piece of WONDERFUL FANFIC GENIUS I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Uhhhh, what?MV:THAT FIC HAS BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE, Fibrizo-sama! ^_; ::Wipes said tear from said eye::
Fibrizo:Riiiiight.
MV:However, you know what this means don't you?
Fibrizo:Yep, it means that all the punk rockers and the moon stompers will be going to the corners sparring for change!
MV:No, it doesn't mean that! ::Grunts:: Stop going through my CDs, would ya Fibrizo-sama? Geez! It means that the fic must end!
Fibrizo:Oh, that too.
MV:All righty then, that my friends is the CONCLUSION OF THE FICCY!
***OWARI***
Ah yes, the frightening hour of Fibrizo's has finally come to a dramatic close. (Well, not really, I sorta cut out the real ending...didn't I? Ah well!) Anyway, that was a fun fic to make...because I never really did use the other Mazoku Lords too much in my stories, well except for Fibrizo-sama and Gaav of course. Hehe, I like playing with their characters, especially Dolphin's...she's fun to play. ^_^ Errr yeah so, please give me a review kind readers. You won't regret it! (Who knows, maybe you will. I can't guarantee that. Geez, I'm such a liar, I'm sorry I had to lie like that to you guys. ) Yep, so...review and please be kind, and remember to rewind. Thank you, and have a super terrific day!
By:Majin Vegeta
Right, so like I'm making yet another Slayers fic that will ultimately end up being filled with lame puns and bad jokes. Nothing new here! ^_^
Disclaimer:I don't own Slayers, the people who make Rogaine, Herbal Essences, Taco Bell, the city of Pittsburgh, the pet store on 32nd street in Chicago (I don't even know if there *is* a pet store, or a 32nd street, or a Chicago...oh wait), Mexico, Monty Python, Mr. Rogers and his posse of shoe tying thugs, or Battletoads. So like....don't sue me....EVER! I know where you people live, you here me, I know where you live! Okay...so I don't even know who you are...but uhhh don't sue me, please?
Warning:Everybody wants to rule the world. Thank you. Oh and, there are a few spoilers sprinkled in here. If you never finished seeing the Next or Try seasons, watch out. And if you don't even know what Slayers is and just happened to bump into masterpiece of a humor fic (talk about wishful thinking ^_^) by accident, then read it anyway. Who knows, you might find it mildly stimulating...even if you have no clue what's going on! By the way, if you happen to be a 'bad boy' I'd watch out if I were you. I think that they might come for you...or something.
********
::Somewhere, in an undisclosed location, on some day of some week, an event occurred and stuff::Fibrizo: ::Shouts through a megaphone:: HEY NOW MAJIN! You told me I can direct this fic and I don't want one of your stupid introductions!
MV: ::Blinks:: My introductions are not stupid, they're just not able to break a five hundred on their SATs, that's all!Fibrizo:Riiiiight. Well whatever your introductions are, I don't want one that's lame!
MV: ::Shakes head:: Nope, my intros ain't lame either! The only thing I make that is lame are my poor crippled endings.
Fibrizo: ::Sneers:: STOP USING LITERAL MEANINGS, YOU BASTARD!
MV:Okay, okay! Sheesh Fibrizo-sama, calmith downith on your journey!
Fibrizo: ::Glares at Majin:: Okay, stop pretending you're from video games now.
MV:Sure! Okay so, what'd you want again?Fibrizo:I want a better introduction!
MV:Oh, okay. Let's see what you planned out for me anyway. ::Picks up a piece of paper with a bunch of scribbles on it:: Oh wow! This fic is pure genius, Fibby-sama, pure genius!
Fibrizo:Yep, I just need you to introduce it and I'm set...
MV:Okay! I'll use the magic of my author powers to do so! Let's get on with this!
Fibrizo:Hooray!
::So yeah, so Fibby-sama wants one of my patent not-so-good intros for his fic inside a fic here, or whatever. Okay so, once upon a time there was a town called Hell, Michigan and a Mazoku named Fibrizo lived there.::Fibrizo:Thaaaaaat's me!
MV:Fibrizo-sama, you can't go interrupting my introductions! It takes a large amount of thought and effort!
Fibrizo:You could have fooled me...
MV:Shut up!::Anyway, Fibrizo lived in this town that *really* exists (it does, it does!) and he was like...the mayor and stuff. As mayor, or shall we say master, of Hell, Fibrizo decided to make a television show. He called it Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour. Now then, let's join him, shall we?::
Fibrizo:Didn't I say not to have a crappy intro?
MV:That's not crappy, it's one of my highest quality intros!
Fibrizo:Oh, really? That's so sad...
MV:HEY! Does the title of the fic say 'Making Fun of Majin the Great Fanfic Author Hour!', well does it?
Fibrizo:Naw, but it never stopped me before.
MV:True....
Fibrizo:Anyway, time for me to do some work and stuff.
MV:Yeah, see ya! ::Coughs:: And begin the *actual* fic now!
********
::The camera zooms in on a little studio while heavy metal music plays in the background. The voice of a biker dude booms, making it apparent that he is Mr. Narrator::
Narrator Dude:Hey dudes, and welcome to Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour, with your host....the snake in your Garden of Eden, Hellmaster Fibrizo!
::Fibrizo enters the studio and is welcomed by the applause and a few flame spewing pillars::Fibrizo:Hello kiddies! It's time for your favorite kid's show ever! I just flew in from Hades, and boy are my arms tired!
::A laugh track starts playing::
Fibrizo:You guys are great, you guys are great! I'm here 'til Friday, that's when I get canceled!
::The laugh track plays again, an actual laugh comes from the audience as well::
Fibrizo:No, I'm serious!
::The whole audience starts roaring with laughter::Fibrizo: That's not funny, damn it! Anyway, it's time for questions! Yes kid, you have a question?::A little kid in the audience stands up with a microphone he got from who knows where::Little Kid A:Yeah Fibrizo-san, my mom says that you're a little bastard kid who needs a swift kick in the ass! Is that true?Fibrizo:Where's your mom kid?Little Kid A:Over there! ::Points up five seats and the spotlight is put on his mom::Little Kid A's Mom:Errr...hi Fibrizo.
Fibrizo:Hi! ::Makes her life orb appear and he kills her:: Bye now! ::She dies:: Haw-ha!
Little Kid A:Hey! You little bastard! You really *do* deserve a swift kick in the ass!
Fibrizo: ::Kills the little kid while he's at it:: Yes, yes. What a great crowd! Next question please!
::Another little kid gets up and he also has a microphone...somehow::Little Kid B:Ummm, if I needed to give someone directions to get here, what would I tell them?
::Bad joke alert in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....::
Fibrizo:Easy, all you got to tell them is to take the Highway to Hell and then when they get here to make a turn at our church, Hell's Bells.
Little Kid B:Okay! Thanks Fibrizo-san!Fibrizo:No problem! ::Kills that kid for the hell of it as well, he really doesn't need a reason...does he?:: Next question?
::A red haired girl with a thick overcoat and sunglasses gets up. Yes, this is Lina...::
Lina:Hey Fibrizo, aren't you supposed to be dead?Fibrizo: ::Blinks:: Yeah, I suppose I am kinda dead Lina.
Lina:How'd you know it was me?Fibrizo:Easy, I read the colons! Anyway, I'm like dead and stuff...but since this is fiction and stuff, I'm not dead and stuff.
Lina:Riiiight! Whatever, see ya! ::Flies out of the studio and goes to get a bite to eat at the local Taco Bell (see, I fit Taco Bell in some how!)::
Fibrizo:Anyway, we have time for one more question! You there, with the hair, do you have a question?::Since Fibrizo didn't give the *best* description in the world, the whole audience stands up::Fibrizo:No, not you guys! I'm talking to the kid with the hair! Geez, are you all stupid?::The entire audience then sits down::Fibrizo: ::Grunts:: Okay, I'll just kill everyone except the right person...
::A kid with hair (a normal kid ^_^) gets up, and luckily he was the one who asked the question::Little Kid C:Hey Fibrizo-sama, why do you want to destroy the world? ::Makes his eyes really big and tear-filled and stuff as he sucks on a jumbo sized rainbow lollipop and several white doves nest in the cherry blossom trees behind him::Fibrizo:GAH! Keep the damn kawaii factor down! ::Kills the kid without answering his question:: Damn those kawaii kids, they'll be the end of me yet!
::Suddenly, a women dressed in a business suit, holding a brief case stands up. Of course, she is a lawyer...::Lawyer Lady:Mr. Fibrizo, this tasteless show is *hardly* a kid's show! It is a bunch of dribble that I wouldn't even let my *husband*, Bob, watch! This is an outrage!
Fibrizo: Damn it! ::Makes the lawyer ladies life orb appear and he crushes it, but the lawyer lady doesn't die::
Lawyer Lady:You can't kill me like that, because I have no soul! Anyway, I will file charges!
Fibrizo:Okay so....I can do this still. ::Walks over to the lawyer lady and casts a Gray Bomb, effectively killing like *half* of the audience:: Oops, I killed half the population! Oh well!
Concerned Citizen:Hey, you killed half the population! I'm writing to *my* congress person about this!Fibrizo:Oh shut up! ::Kills the concerned citizen as well:: Anyway kiddies, that's it for our questions! Now, let's move on to the *next* segment of our show, that's right...it's time for the daily Creepy, Crappy Cartoon! Enjoy...or DIE!
::The scene changes to some black and white cartoon called 'The Chimera That Could', featuring Zel as the Chimera that could!::
********
::Okay so, this little fic interlude thing or whatever you'd call it is about Zel and ummmm...let's say Amelia and ummmm...Valgaav. All right so...roll 'em!::Zelgadis:Gee whiz, I wish I could make this toast but I can't!::Amelia pops in from who knows where::
Amelia:Zelgadis-san, you can make toast! I know you can!Zelgadis:You're right Amelia, I can make toast!
::Valgaav also pops in from that strange unknown black void known as who knows where::
Valgaav:Don't be silly Zel, you can't make the damn toast! The toaster makes it!Zelgadis:You're right Val, I can't make the toast!
Amelia: ::Sweatdrops:: For the sake of justice Zel, all you have to do is put the bread into the toaster!
Valgaav:Yeah, you freakin' loser chimera!Zelgadis:Okay, okay, geez! ::Puts the bread in the toaster and grumbles:: That was pretty dumb.
Valgaav:Well, Fibrizo *did* pay us for it so who cares?Zelgadis:True.
Amelia:The money wasn't all that this experience was worth! We got to grow stronger and we taught kids how to never give up, even if it's something as simple as making toast!Valgaav:Amelia...
Amelia:Yeah Valgaav-san?Valgaav:Cram it!
Amelia: ::Sweatdrops:: Why's everybody always pickin' on me?::The mini-fic inside the fic inside the fic ends here::
********
Fibrizo: ::Kissing a mirror:: Oooo I love you Mazenda, I love you Mazenda, I love you Mazenda! ::Realizes the camera is on him:: Errrr heh. ::Hides the mirror *really* quick:: Riiiight. Welcome back to ::Voice gets all echoey and stuff:: Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour! Play me to the desk Kanzel!
::Kanzel, who just happens to be on the side with a guitar, grunts::Kanzel:You don't have a desk Fibrizo-sama. By the way, Mazenda is *my* girlfriend, you bastard!
Fibrizo:Hey, shut up! Mazenda liked *me* first, not you Kanzel! Geez!
::For those of you who don't remember who Kanzel or Mazenda are, they were the two Mazoku that made that island float in the sky in Next...and stuff::
Fibrizo:What the hell is the deal with that reminder thing, huh Majin?
::Since I can't really be inside the fic which is a part of my fic, I'm answering in these colon things. Anyway, I just thought I'd remind the readers in case they forgot...sheesh!::
Fibrizo:Yeah, whatever.
Kanzel:Just because you're my superior doesn't mean you can have my girlfriend!
Fibrizo:Dude, she wasn't your girlfriend anyway!
Kanzel:Shut up!
Fibrizo:Just go with Xelloss to the movies or something, geez!
Kanzel:Fine! ::Walks out of the studio with Xel (who appeared from LoN knows where) and goes to the latest action flick 'Running Gourry, Spell Firing Lina'::
Fibrizo:Riiiiight, so what's next?
::The audience starts screaming out various answers::
Audience Member A:Your mom!
Audience Member B:The movie 'The Attack of the Killer Pretzel! (in stereo)'
Audience Member C:A statement made by audience member C!
Fibrizo: ::Scowls:: Bakas! ::Kills all three of them without some cool comment:: It's not time for any of those things! It's time for....Fibrizo's Mailbag!!!!
::A large black mailbag gets throw onto the stage::
Fibrizo:Thanks for the mail my slaves....I mean...servants! ::Slight chuckle:: Anyway, let's see what the masses of fans I have wrote me today! ::Rushes over to the mailbag and pulls out a letter:: Oooo lookie, I got one from the Demon Dragon King! ::Starts reading it::
Letter (and no, it ain't talkin'! ^_^):Dear Fibrizo, hello, can you hear me? Is there anybody in there? Anyway, let's say that I was a person who was trying to kill this uhhh...bad guy who looked like...let's say a kid. What would you do to kill this bad guy? Signed, Mass Murderer Number 9.
Fibrizo: ::Smirks:: Interesting letter Gaav my boy. Now, if I wanted to kill this bad guy who looked like a kid, which I wouldn't want to do because it was me, I would poke him with a really big stick. That would really piss him off, y'know!
::Suddenly SD Gaav comes into the studio wielding a really big stick and runs down to Fibrizo::Gaav:Haha! You will be finished now Fibrizo!
Fibrizo:Riiiight.
::SD Gaav starts poking Fibrizo with the stick, effectively agitating him like he suggested::
Fibrizo:Damn it, why'd I say *that?* Oh, well. ::Curses under breath:: I'll just kill you again, you bastard! ::Kills Gaav once again...some how:: Okay, so let's check another letter out! ::Pulls out another letter::
Letter (it's still not talking!):Dear Fibrizo, hello, hello. If you're getting this letter, please *do* not, and I repeat, do *not* kill Gaav! It will only cause a whole new season of Slayers to begin...again. Oh wait, on second thought, kill Gaav so I can have a good reason to kill Lina Inverse and those other bakas! I can't wait to be in a new Slayers season! Signed, That Green Haired Guy From Customs.
Fibrizo: ::Blinks:: Valgaav? What the hell, isn't he supposed to be a baby now? And what the hell.....he's so....OOC.
::Kopii Rezo pops up from the audience to answer Fibrizo's question::Kopii Rezo:No Fibrizo! You see, Valgaav is his normal self because this is fiction! That would be the reason that me and you are still alive, as well! That'd also be the reason Gaav was alive again, and it's probably the reason for everything bad and horrible on this Earth as well. As for the OOC thing, ummmm.....I dunno, I guess he's just crazy or something.
Fibrizo:It was a rhetorical question Kopii, geez! ::Blinks:: Hey, Red Priest clone, get down here! We can make this show bipartisan! With twice the hosts, mostly me however, the show will be twice as good!
Kopii Rezo:Uhhh okay? ::Walks down to the stage and joins Fibrizo::Fibrizo:All righty kiddos, we're done with mail time! ::Ignites the mail bag:: What's up next Kopii?Kopii Rezo:Oh, that's easy your Fibby-ness!
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: Don't call me *that!*
Kopii Rezo:All righty! Anyway, up next is a delightful comedy sketch entitled 'O Howling Sword, Where Art Thou?' featuring Zangulus and Sylpheil!
Fibrizo: ::Grumbles:: No, it's not that time yet! Damn you! Now you made the show go all out of order and stuff! Oh well, whatever! Here we go!
********
::The scene would be a forest where Zangulus is wandering around, apparently looking for his sword. Suddenly, he bumps into Sylpheil, who just happened to be in the *same* forest by *sheer* coincidence. And begin reading now....::
Zangulus:Oops, I am sorry ma'am! I did not mean to bump into you here!
Sylpheil:That's okay good sir, don't worry about it.
Zangulus:Say ma'am, did you happen to see a Howling Sword around here?Sylpheil:A Howling Sword, here? Good heavens no!
Zangulus:What do you mean, good heavens no? Why, just yesterday I saw a Howling Lance in these woods!
Sylpheil:Yes, that my be true good sir, but everybody knows that swords just don't howl!
Zangulus:On the contrary my lady, I just heard my Howling Sword howl the other day, that was before I misplaced it of course.
Sylpheil:Why good sir, that is truly impossible!
Zangulus:No it isn't ma'am! Why, just yesterday, I saw a man with a sword made out of light!Sylpheil:A sword made out of light? How absurd!
Zangulus:Hardly ma'am, it's called the Sword of Light! So, you see, if this sword of light exists, my Howling Sword must also exist!
Sylpheil:Now that I think about it good sir, I do remember seeing some sword stuck in a podium over there in the deep woods. ::Points behind her::Zangulus:All right, great! ::Rushes to the designated pointee spot and finds said podium with said sword stuck in it. On the podium is a little triangle (HINT, HINT). Zangulus goes to pull it out and he does::
::A strange, bodiless voice booms suddenly::Bodiless Voice:Hey, unhand my sword!
Zangulus:Wha?Bodiless Voice:Unhand my sword!
Zangulus:Why?
Bodiless Voice:Because I have to save Hyrule, duuuuh!
Zangulus:Oh, okay then. ::Drops the sword and runs away::
::Link (of course, you all knew it was him) walks on screen and grabs the Master Sword out of the podium::Link:And....scene!
********
::Fibrizo is now standing in front of an oversized screen, applauding as if he just watched the scene and liked it. Of course, he didn't even watch it but how are you supposed to know that?::Fibrizo:Yep! How 'bout that comedy sketch people? Yeah, it was uproariously funny, wasn't it? At least...that's what Ebert and Roiper said about it, whatever. Personally, I don't trust people who criticize things for money but that's just me...
Kopii Rezo:Uhhhh Fibrizo, you're rambling about the film critics again...
Fibrizo:Damn it Kopii! You're supposed to tell me *sooner!* Can't you do one little thing right?Kopii Rezo:Well, your line was *super* long so that was the first chance I got!
Fibrizo:Yeah sure, blame it on the lines again!Kopii Rezo:Well, that was the problem...
Fibrizo:That doesn't mean you have to blame it on them! The lines have feelings too, you bastard!
Kopii Rezo: ::Sweatdrops:: Right, gomen Fibrizo-sama.
Fibrizo:That's better! Now apologize to the lines!
Kopii Rezo:Nani?Fibrizo:DO IT!!
Kopii Rezo: ::Sweatdrops again:: Uhhhh okay. Ummmm, gomen nasai errr...lines. -_-;;;;
Fibrizo: ::Using a very high pitched voice, obviously imitating the lines (if they were able to grow their own voice boxes, that is):: Don't worry about it Kopii-sama, but do it again and we'll chop off your testicles!
Kopii Rezo:Sick dude!
Fibrizo: ::Now back to his normal, 'hellish' self:: Anyway people, we have some *great* guests for you tonight! ::Grabs the show schedule and facefaults:: Or not....
Kopii Rezo:Why'd you say that?Fibrizo:Because we have some....not-so-good guests here!
Kopii Rezo:Oh.
Fibrizo:The show must go on though, I guess. ::Grumbles:: Our first guest is Deep Sea Dolphin everybody! ::Nobody applauds because everyone is like....shall we say, not living anymore:: Then we have another very *special* guest ::Grunts:: Gourry Gabriev! Oh, and it gets better people! ::Rolls eyes:: Our final guest is Martina (last name omitted because no one cares about it and they can't pronounce it *anyway*), the Princess of Zoana! And guess what folks, we even have a freakin' musical guest! You probably never heard of them before, but it's the Mighty Mighty Dark Lords! I'm a member of the band, as a matter of fact!
Kopii Rezo:Wow Fibrizo-sama, that was *one* long....
Fibrizo:Shut your month!
Kopii Rezo:I'm only talkin' bout your line!
Fibrizo:I can dig it!
Kopii Rezo:Yeah, but seriously, that was one freakin' long line.
Fibrizo:I know, I know. Hey, I wrote this fic so I'm getting all the long lines and all the good lines, too!
Kopii Rezo:It figures!Fibrizo:*Anyway* folks, please give a loud Hellish welcome for our first guest, Deep Sea Dolphin.
::The insane blue haired Dark Lord walks in from backstage, waving all along the way. She finally takes a seat in a nice little sofa::
Fibrizo:So Dolphin, it's ummm...nice to see you again and stuff.
Dolphin:Hi little boy! Are you lost? Did your parents leave you behind here? Don't worry cutie, Auntie Dolphin won't let anything bad happen to you!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: It's me, Fibrizo!!!! Dolphin:Oh, hiya Fibrizo! Long time no see! So, what have you been doing all this time?
Fibrizo:I'm supposed to be asking *you* the questions, Dolphin. Anyway, I generally have been my old evil incarnate self, you know....killing people, trying to get Lina Inverse to destroy the universe, same ol', same ol'.
Dolphin:Oh wow, that sounds like fun! You know what I've been doing Fibby-chan? I've been searching for the Mother Ship recently! However, I only found this city with all these pretty lights and stuff. I wonder if the Mother Ship is located at that place? I think it was called....Las....Las Vegas or something like that.
Fibrizo:Okay, okay. ::Grunts:: So anyway Dolphin, I'm sure the audience wants to know, where the heck are you from anyway?Dolphin:I'm from the sea, silly!
Fibrizo:Oh really? What part of the sea are you from?
Dolphin:The *deep* sea! ::Starts laughing hysterically::Fibrizo:Ummm, why's that funny?Dolphin:Oh, it just is! ::Continues laughing insanely::Fibrizo:Ummm Kopii, how is that funny?Kopii Rezo:I don't know Fibrizo, I just don't know.
Fibrizo:Yeah so, ummmm anyway....how's your job going Dolphin?
Dolphin:Well, they treat me *really* nice at McDonalds. Everybody always goes and asks me for stuff and it's really super-duper!
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: I meant your other job...
Dolphin:Oh, you mean my *other* job! Well, at Seaworld I play with all of the other dolphins. Hey, you know, that's where I got my name from! And then after I'm done with *that* job, I go and lead cheers for the Miami Dolphins and stuff, and then I...
Fibrizo: ::Grumbles some random obscenities under his breath:: Okay, okay, I'm sorry I asked. I can't believe your one of *us* Dolphin.
Dolphin:One of you what?Fibrizo:Dark Lords, baka!
Dolphin:Oh yeah, I'm a Dark Lord too! I forgot to put that on my resumes!!!!
Fibrizo: ::Smacks head on a desk that just happened to be there, *some how*:: Kopii, how long is this interview supposed to?
Kopii Rezo:Hmmmmmm, like an hour long...
Fibrizo:Good LoN, why the hell did I write this!
Kopii Rezo:You didn't write this part....a guy named Majin Vegeta did.
Fibrizo:It figures! DAMN HIM!
Dolphin:Why would you want to condemn someone for bringing me here? Is there something wrong with me, little boy?
Fibrizo:I'M NOT A LITTLE BOY! I'M FIBRIZO, REMEMBER?
Dolphin:Oh yeah! Hiya Fibrizo! You should go clean out your mouth with a bar of soap for saying a naughty word!
Fibrizo:Nani?
Dolphin:Don't you raise your voice at me!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops...again:: All right. ::Hangs head::
::Loud shouts are coming from the guest room right about now::Kopii Rezo:Ummm Fibrizo, I think that Martina is getting a little restless. You really should introduce Gourry right away before she starts praying to that dumb Zoamelgustar thing...
Fibrizo:Hmmm, good point. Dolphin, can you please slide down?Dolphin: ::Blinks:: You have a slide? Where?Fibrizo: ::Shakes head:: No, I don't *have* a slide! I meant for you to just move down on the couch!
Dolphin:Why?
Fibrizo:Because...JUST DO IT!
::Signs in the background with the word 'Nike' on them start flashing::
Fibrizo:I hate advertisements!
Kopii Rezo:Speaking of advertisements, we have to put one in here right now!
Fibrizo:Damn it! Whatever, stay tuned everybody because after the break we will have Gourry!
Dolphin:Isn't that a seafood dish?
Fibrizo:NO!
********
::Yes, this commercial thing was done before but I like doing it dang it, so I will! Besides, I have some more decent (or not so decent, depending on your POV) material! Anyway, the first advertisement has Nahga standing in front of the camera in a skimpy outfit...all right, it's her normal outfit. Same difference::
Nahga:Do you have trouble being noticed? Did you go to your high school reunion, only to find out that you *still* weren't pretty? Is your boyfriend an overweight guy named Steve the *best* guy you can get? Does your husband love his blow-up doll more than he loves you? Well then, you're in luck! Because with my newly patented BREAST ENHANCER 3000 ::Trumpets sound in the background::, you'll be able to increase your bust size in only a few weeks!
::Cut to scene of Lina::
Lina:HEY! Why the hell are you cutting to me about this subject!?!?!? THIS ISN'T FUNNY NAHGA!!!!
::Cut to scene of Filia::Filia: ::Reading off a cue card:: Ummm yes, this product really worked! Within days I noticed more guys staring at my....GAH! NAMAGOMI!!!!! ::Rushes after Xelloss with her mace, who of course wrote what was on that cue card::Xelloss:Who said you had to be good to be a priest? ^_^ ::Gets cracked over the head with Filia's mace (mace-sama! Errr...yeah.)
::Cut to scene of Zel::Zelgadis:I'm not even a girl. ::Sweatdrops:: This is stupid.
::Cut back to Nahga::Nahga:You see, look at all of these satisfied customers! You too can be *this* satisfied! All you have to do is send $29.99 to the Give Nahga All Your Money Fund, 2345 Fake Address St.
::The next advertisement comes on, this time it features my good friend Dynast, who doesn't look *too* happy about doing a commercial but he has too. Anyways, he's eating lunch at your local Dairy Queen when all of a sudden someone comes in the store with a gun::Armed Gunman Guy:THIS IS A STICK UP, GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR MONEY!
Narrator Dude:Do you feel unsafe when you're eating at your local Dairy Queen? Well, we have the solution! His name is Dynast, and he will solve it!
Dynast: ::Gets up and speaks in a rather flat voice:: Hey, stop you evil man you!
Armed Gunman Guy:NO! THIS IS A STICK UP!
Dynast:Fine, you asked for it. ::Casts some super duper ice spell on the armed dude and he is frozen like a zebra in Siberia. As a matter of fact, he was chillin' like a villain::
Narrator Dude:With our patented Dynast Protection Unit, you won't ever have to worry about armed gunman trying to keep you hostage at your local Dairy Queen ever again!
Dynast: ::Grunts:: I'm not patented, I'm not protecting anybody, and I'm *not* a unit! I'm just a Mazoku Dark Lord who wants to rule the world!
Narrator Dude:Ruling the world motive sold separately!
Dynast: ::Sweatdrops:: I'm going back to the North Pole! ::Vanishes::
::The next advertisement rolls, this time it features our good friend Jiras, the rocket building maniac, holding a bunch of bombs and stuff::Jiras:Hiya boss! It's me, Jiras, and this is my Firework Barn! It has all kinds of expensive, illegal fireworks that you can buy, boss! It even has a rocket! Wow! I want one! So come down to Jiras' Firework Barn, it's straight off of extension 2662. If you wanna call us, the number is (999) 11-KABOOM. We hope to see ya here at Jiras' Firework Barn, boss.
::The final commercial airs, this time around it has the main Slayers characters dancing to some cheesy music. Lina takes the center of the screen and starts talking::Lina:Hi guys! It's me, Lina Inverse here, and I'm hoping you will join us for the Dance, Dance, Get Back on the Dance Floor, Dance, Dance, What the Hell do you Call That? show! It features some of the *highest* octane dance moves around, like this one!
::Zelgadis does the moon walk::
Lina:And this one!
::Amelia starts doing some impossible break dancing, and I *mean* impossible::
Lina:And this one!
::Xelloss starts doing some disco-style dancing::Xelloss:Disco Xel is disco crazy! ^_^
Lina:Shut up Disco Xel! ::Smacks Xel:: And finally, we have this crazy dance!
::Filia and Gourry start square dancing::Lina:So, if you like high *quality* dancing...and this crap as well, then watch my freaking show...or else! If you don't watch it I'll make you wish you have!
Xelloss:Disco Xel says it's on right after Fibrizo's Fantastic Fright Filled Fear Hour of non-disco! ^_^
Lina:Baka!
::And that'd be the end of this little commercial break. All of the following advertisements have been brought to you by Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz Co., they make the craziest Alphabet Soup around!::
********
::Fibrizo is still talking to Dolphin about...whatever::Fibrizo:No Dolphin, you *can't* drive a car to Hawaii!
Dolphin:Yeah you can, I just did it yesterday! Of course, the car has wings and was in the shape of a bird...
Fibrizo:Ugh!
Kopii Rezo:Hey Fibrizo, you gotta introduce Gourry ASAP! I don't know how much more wreaking the guest room can take!
Fibrizo:All right! Ladies and gentlemen, people I haven't killed, please welcome the swordsman with as much brains as that statue of me in town square, Gourry!
::Nobody applauds, 'cause they're still all dead and stuff, as Gourry exits the guest room and takes a seat on the sofa::Gourry:Hi everybody!
Dolphin:Hi sea food dish man!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Oh, this should be fun. CBS said that getting your own show would be good Fibrizo. CBS said that we'd give you the best guests around Fibrizo. DAMN YOU CBS!
Dolphin:You know what the stands for, right?Gourry:What?Dolphin:It's the Canadian Bacon System!
Gourry:Really?
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: NO! By the way Dolphin, I'm supposed to be doing the interview here!
Dolphin:Interview? You mean like 20/20?
Fibrizo:Yeah!
Dolphin:Oh, okay! So Mr. Seafood Dish Man, what's your favorite color?
Gourry:Ummm my name is Gourry, and my favorite color is ummm...red.
Fibrizo: ::Grunts:: That's because Lina's hair is that color. ::Grumbles::
Gourry:Errrr, yeah!
Kopii Rezo:Fibrizo you were right, these guests weren't very good so far!
Gourry:Heeeey! I resemble that remark!
Fibrizo:Yeah, you do as a matter of fact. *Anyway people,* can we please stop this nightmare?
::Fibrizo just realized the fatal mistake he made, as he gave me a reason to have L-sama make some sort of cameo or something, so L-sama appears for no real reason::
LoN:Now now Fibrizo, you know that I can't do that!
Fibrizo: ::Grumbles:: All right, all right! Can you at least stop the chaos?LoN:I'll think about it......................NO!
Fibrizo:Damn it!::L-sama now disappears::
Dolphin:Wow, that was really her! It was really Jenny Jones! WOW!
::Everyone falls over::
Gourry:Even *I* know who that was!
Fibrizo:Who was it then, Gourry?Gourry:Rikki Lake!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Riiiight. Anyway Gourry, I gotta interview you and stuff. Just ignore the crazy Mazoku Lord over there, all right?
Gourry:Ummm, okay.
Dolphin:I like to dip chocolate starfish into water that tastes like hot dogs!
Kopii Rezo:Why did I ever volunteer myself to be Fibrizo's sidekick?Fibrizo:And ignore the comments of my goofy sidekick. Anyway, Gourry, how do you eat so much without vomiting?
Gourry:Oh easy! I have ten stomachs!Fibrizo:Riiiight. Also, if your brain is made out of yogurt, then how come Lina calls you jellyfish brains all the time?Gourry:It's made out of both, see! ::Takes his head off like in that one Slayers episode and he has yogurt and jellyfish swimming around up there::Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Okay, so far this interview has gone *nowhere*.
Kopii Rezo: ::Whispering to Fibrizo:: Ask him about his new show!
Fibrizo: ::Whispering back to Kopii:: Ummm, are you sure?
Kopii Rezo:POSITIVE!
Fibrizo: ::Yells back in Kopii's ear:: OKAY! So ummmmm, Gourry, I understand that you have a new show? What is this show about?Gourry:A new show? Oh yeah, my new show! It's this show called Assassins! It has nothing to do with assassins though, whatever those are, it's actually a comedy I think....
Fibrizo:Why does that sound so familiar? Hmmm, it sounds sorta like a show I know really well.
Dolphin:Ooooo! Ooooo! I know, I know! Pick me, pick me! ::Waves hand around in the air::Fibrizo:Errr, yeah Dolphin...
Dolphin:The show you're thinking of is Full House!Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Ummm, okay...thank you Dolphin. So anyway Gourry, do you have a clip?
Gourry:Ummmm, yeah I think so. Hold on! ::Starts rummaging around through his pockets, only to find nothing:: Errr, I guess I don't have it.
Fibrizo:Damn it! That was supposed to fill my air time!
Kopii Rezo:Quick, cut to more commercials!Dolphin:Ooooo, commercials! I like commercials!Fibrizo:It figures. Anyway, stick around gang because we'll be back with Martina after this short commercial break!
Dolphin:Oooooo, I hope they have a Burger King commercial! I like those!
Fibrizo:Are we still rolling? DAMN IT, I SAID CUT TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK! CAN'T YOU $%#@$#%@% PEOPLE DO ANY #&*%*&$%# THING RIGHT?
********
::Amelia is sitting at a desk and she looks all professional like and stuff::Amelia:Hello everybody. It is I, Amelia Wil Telsa Syluun, your candidate for President of Justice. My opponent, Xelloss Metullium, doesn't have the correct qualifications for this job! He has flaws on his record! For example, once in fifth grade...Xelloss-san got a C+!
::Cut to scene of a chibi Xel getting a test back with a big, red C+ on it::
Amelia:And there was one time that Xelloss-san forgot to tip a waitress at the Ground Round.
::Cut to scene of Luna (naturally!) *not* getting tipped by Xel. Then, the scene cuts to Luna who is able to talk about this heinous crime of non-tipping::Luna:Yep, Xelloss didn't tip me that one time! I wouldn't want him to be the President of Justice if he can't even tip a waitress! By the way, LINA YOU BETTER NOT SCREW UP!!!!
::Cut back to Amelia::Amelia: ::Sweatdrops:: Maybe that wasn't the best footage to use. Anyway, Xelloss-san also got a speeding ticket once! Would you want someone like Xelloss Metullium in office? I don't think so! That's why you should vote Amelia!
::A really fast voice flies by::Really Fast Voice:This advertisement has been brought to you by the Bureau of People Who Want Amelia to be in Office Because we Don't Want Xelloss in Office.
::The next commercial comes on. This time it features Filia near a 'Wack-A-Mole' game::Filia:Hi kids! Are you looking for some fun? When, if you are, then come on down to Filia'C'Yogurts (as opposed to Chuck'E'Cheeses ^_^). We have all kinds of fun games here!
::The camera zooms in on a ball pit thingy filled with spiked metal balls, naturally it's empty::Filia:Wow! Look at how much fun the Mace Ball Pit is! There's also some of the newest arcade games here!::The camera zooms in on about two different arcade games, including Pong and Pac-Man (wow!)::
Filia: ::Sweatdrops:: Okay, maybe not so *new*. Anyway, this is the best game here! ::Points at the 'Wack-A-Mole' game:: It's Wack-A-Namagomi! You hit little Namagomi's with this foam mace! ::Picks up the game's foam mace and starts playing::
::A singing voice comes on::Singing Voice:At Filia'C'Yogurts you can have *sooooo* much fun, but only if you like maces! You gotta love maces to have fun at Filia'C'Yogurts 'cause it's the really cool place to be a mace! (But not a Mazoku, Mazoku children will be beaten by Filia's mace until their parents return!)
::The next commercial comes on. This time it's something a little more sane, which isn't saying much, it's an advertisement for another TV program (again). Zelgadis is standing in front of the camera::
Zelgadis:Is that thing on?
::The camera moves up and down::
Zelgadis:Okay great! ::Looks directly into the camera:: Hi people! Do you want to shock a person? Well, you came to the right place! Here on Candid Chimera, we *shock* people all the time. Isn't that right Jack the Cameraman?
Camerawoman:My name is Barbara dummy, and I'm a *camera woman.*
Zelgadis:Uhhhhh okay. Hey, I'm shocked! Anyway, tune into Candid Chimera weekdays at 5:00!
Camerawoman:No, really, I *am* a woman.
Zelgadis:This was pretty stupid, huh?
::The next and final commercial rolls. This time it features one of them compilation CD advertisements, you *know* what I mean. A strange bodiless voice starts talking, like in all of these commercials::
Voice:Remember the great songs sung by the Slayers characters? No, you don't? Well, now you should! You see, we have this great compilation of Slayers songs called 'Totally Slayers!' You'll get some of the greatest song moments on Slayers (and most of the ones that never existed in the first place!).
::The list of songs starts going down the screen, as usual::
Voice:You'll get Fibrizo singing 'Highway to Hell', Gourry and Lina singing 'Hungry Like a Wolf', Zelgadis singing 'I've Got the Blues', Dynast singing 'Cold as Ice', Filia singing 'Whip It' and much much more!
::The view shifts to Filia singing, like these commercials usually do::
Filia: ::Singing:: When a namagomi comes along, you must whack him. When a namagomi comes along, you must whack him. Now whack him, whack him good. Whack him off, you know you should! ::Blinks, then sweatdrops when she just realized the last line she sung:: Ewwww! ^^;;;
Voice:You'll also get *other* great songs like Xelloss singing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit', Lina singing 'Born to be Wild', Dolphin singing 'Under the Sea', Rezo singing 'Red, Red Wine', Gaav singing 'Nice Guys Finish Last' and *still* a lot more to come!
Gaav: ::Singing:: Oh, traitor Mazoku Lords finish last, when you go against the Mazoku, don't trust little kids 'cause they'll stab you in your spine! Oh, traitor Mazoku Lords finish last, when you are that outcast. ::Blinks:: HEY! I'm not an *outcast!*
::The snicker of Xelloss' voice (naturally) can be heard::
Voice:We also have more amazing karoke-type sessions with Amelia singing 'War' (which is good for absolutely nothing!), Xelloss singing that stupid 'Macernia' song, and Zelgadis singing a bunch of commercial jingles for no apparent reason. All the singing is horrible and you should not order this CD, but if you want to just send us a blank check! Thank you, and good day!
::And that'd be all for the commercial breaks in this fic because I'm frankly running out of commercial fodder and I wanna go back to the fic, damn it! Errr...yes. Oh, and this commercial break has been brought to you by Justice Flakes (with little marshmallow hammers), they're juuuuuust!::
********
::It just so happens that Gourry manages to find the clip he was looking for by accident about 2 seconds after they aired the commercials::Fibrizo:Gourry, you *moron!* Why didn't you just tell me where you put the freaking clip? Now I wasted air time with commercials all because of you! BAKA!
Gourry:Ummmm, I guess I did have it after all.
Fibrizo:No freakin' kidding!!!! GAH!!!!!
Dolphin:Fibby-chan, *THEY'LL* see you if you get angry!
Fibrizo:Who the hell are they?
Dolphin:The aliens from Star Trek. ::Makes eyes really wide::
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops yet again in this fic:: They aren't real! It's a TV show!!!
Dolphin:We're on a TV show too, does that mean we aren't real either?Fibrizo:Someone shoot me, please!
Kopii Rezo:Now that you mention it, *that's* a TV show too!
Fibrizo: ::Blinks:: Yes, so it is...so it is. Anyway Gourry, would you roll your freakin' clip all ready?Gourry: ::Just lost the clip by accident:: Ummm, what clip?
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: Nevermind, nevermind. ::Grumbles:: I guess I'll have to just introduce our last guest!
Kopii Rezo:Good idea Fibrizo, I don't think our guest room could have survived much longer!
Fibrizo: ::Nods:: Anyway, I'd like to welcome a close friend of mine. ::Blinks:: No, wait a second, I just sorta know her and was nice to her for a little while. Anyway, I'd like to welcome our final guest, Martina!
::Martina walks on stage wielding a hacksaw and a nail gun which she quickly throws to the side. Then she sits down on the couch::
Fibrizo:Errrr, hi Martina. Were you waiting long?
Martina:Yes! It took forever! Your goons need to learn how to treat a *princess!*
Dolphin: ::Blinks:: Oooooo, you're a princess? How'd that happen? Did you win Pretty, Pretty Princess or something? You know, I won that game once! I guess I'm a princess too!
Fibrizo: ::Grumbles something about something and such::
Martina:No! I'm a princess by birth, I didn't win a stupid game!
Gourry: ::Looks confused:: So you lost the game?
Martina:I didn't play a game in the first place!
Fibrizo:Riiiight, don't mind them, they're numskulls. Anyway, how's that Zoamelgustar friend of your's doing?
Martina:Lord Zoamelgustar? ::Pulls out her little skull idol thingy if she has one, I can't remember:: He's doing just fine!
Fibrizo:Did he get married recently?Martina:Ummm, I dunno. Why don't you ask him?
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: Uhhhh, okay. Errr, Zoamelgustar did you get married?
::A loud voice booms::Loud Voice:Yep, I just got married to a demoness named Pikachu.
::A random Pokémon fan (yes, they do exist! ^_^) jumps out of the audience of dead people. Why he's not dead is a mystery in itself, but whatever::
Pokémon Fan:Isn't Pikachu a boy?Loud Voice:Errrr....d'oh! I got married to a guy!!! I gotta stop getting so drunk!
::The loud voice, which was obviously supposed to be Zoamelgustar's, dissipates. The fan of Pokémon, however, was tossed into a pool of acid by Fibrizo (he just wanted to kill someone more painfully for a change)::
Kopii Rezo:Ummmm, well that joke was pretty bad.
Fibrizo:Yeah seriously, our writers have to think of some better stuff.
Kopii Rezo:I thought you wrote this?Fibrizo:Ummmm....errrr...so I did.
Dolphin:I thought you were a Hellmaster Fibby-chan, not a writer!
Fibrizo:I'm a Hellmaster on the weekdays, but not the weekend. Hey, even an evil little bastard like myself has to earn extra money every now and then!
Dolphin:Oh, okay.
Fibrizo:Yeah, so anyway Martina, do you ever get fan mail from confused fans who think you're that tennis player with your same name, but with a different last name that I can't even pronounce, let alone spell in an actual script of this fic.
Gourry: ::Blinks:: I found the clip! ::Holds up his shoe:: Oh wait, that's my shoe!
Fibrizo: ::Whacks Gourry upside the head:: No, you didn't! Not now you didn't!
Dolphin:I didn't know there was a script Fibby-chan!
Fibrizo: ::Facefaults:: There really isn't one Dolphin, it's just a figure of speech! NOW, DON'T INTERRUPT ME ANYMORE AND LET MARTINA ANSWER THE QUESTION! OKAY?!?!?! DO I MAKE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR?!?!?!?!
::Gourry, Dolphin, and Kopii Rezo all form sweatdrops behind their heads and nod::
Fibrizo:Goooooood, so Martina, your answer is?
Martina: ::Double blinks:: Ummmm, no...I never get fan mail like that. ::Blinks again:: What the heck kind of talk show is this anyway?
Fibrizo:Ummmm, mine...
Martina:This is an outrage! You keep me waiting in a small waiting room for almost ten minutes, and then you ask me a question like *that?!*
Fibrizo:Errrr yeah. Uhhh hey Martina, look over there...it's a bishounen! ::Points randomly::
Martina: ::Instantly looks in the direction Fibrizo pointing and gets hearts in her eyes:: Wow, that's a Hunkasaurus!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Please, don't use DIC dub terms *EVER* again, Martina.
Martina: ::Ignores Fibrizo and runs over to the nameless 'pretty boy' who basically does *NOT* exist because Fibby-chan killed everyone before. Geez, don't you people pay attention?::
Fibrizo: ::Falls over:: Well, she was really easy to convince...
Dolphin:Fibby-chan, do we get a free copy of your home game?!?!?!Fibrizo:Nani?
Dolphin:Y'know, like on all game shows! They always give ya a free copy of their home game.
Fibrizo:This ain't a game show!!!!
Dolphin:Oh yeah.
Gourry: Look guys, I found the clip! ::Holds up a spork:: Oh wait, it's one of those spoon fork thingies, you know....a spern!
Fibrizo:That's a spork you idiot!!!
Gourry:Errr, I knew that.
Kopii Rezo:Ummm Fibrizo-sama, we have to get the band out here now.
Fibrizo:All right, fine. Ladies and gentlemen....errr...well, Martina, Gourry, Dolphin, and Kopii ::Sweatdrops::....I would like to introduce the band to you! Please give a frightening round of applause to the Mighty Mighty Dark Lords!
::Colorful smoke fills the room and then when it dissipates the band, including Fibrizo and Dolphin (of course) is on stage with all of their instruments and stuff::
Fibrizo:HELLO SYLUUN, DO YOU WANNA ROCK?!?!?!?
::Nobody replies::Fibrizo:OKAY!!! HIT IT GUYS!
::The band starts playing music. I forgot to mention what instruments were being played. Okay, Zelas was playing the bass guitar (while chain smoking, and occasionally binge drinking), Dynast was playing the electric guitar with his icicle guitar pick, of course, Gaav was playing the drums with drum sticks (and I mean literal drum sticks, like the kind from KFC or Popeye's), Dolphin was playing the bagpipes really off key, and of course Fibrizo was doing the singing. The band pretty much sounded...HORRID::
Fibrizo:Well they call me Doctor Fibrizo! They call me Doctor Fibrizo! I ain't got no cure, so go to hell! They call me Doctor Fibrizo! Oh yeah!
::'Boos' come from somewhere unexplained, so the band changes their music::
Fibrizo:My name be Funky Fibrizo H., and I'm the illest and chillest Mazoku of them all. I'll kill ya in a second, and I will not regret it! Word up! Take it away Dynast!
Dynast: ::Facefaults:: My name is Dynast, yeah yeah, I live in the North Pole, uh-huh, it's really cold there....yep it sure is. This song sucks, but at least it's better than Britney Spears. Yeah! Go Zelas! Go Zelas! It's your birthday! It's your birthday! ::Sweatdrops::
Zelas:Ummmm, well my name is Zelas and I'm here to stay! I like smoking a lot of sin sticks aka cigarettes. I got a fetish for booze, and I ain't gonna choose one or the other...so I take both! ::Holds up a pack of cigarettes and a six pack of Rolling Rock beer:: Take it away Gaav!
Gaav:Yeah, I'm Gaav and I can't think of any good lyrics! I'm just the drummer of the band and I'm playing these things with chicken! Ummmm, I some how came back to life in the midst of this fic and stuff! Yeah! TAKE IT AWAY DOLPHIN!
Dolphin:The poor old slave has gone to rest! Yep yep yep, my name is Deep Sea Dolphin and I live in the DEEP SEA. ::Snickers:: I like wearing my overcoat in the summer time, and I know that the aliens won't be able to detect me if I wear my Renyold's Wrap helmet on top of my head! YEAH!
::Everyone sweatdrops::Fibrizo:So that's our stupid song we sung for you, if you don't like it then just say 'moo!'. That's right fools, we sponsor Gateway, if you don't like it that you can go straight away! WORD! GOOD NIGHT SYLUUN!!!!!
::Suddenly, little colons seem to sprout up...indicating that the fic inside the fic is finished::
********
MV: ::Facefaults:: Wait a second Fibby-chan....you made me come up with a GREAT intro for *THAT* fic?
Fibrizo:Yep! Wasn't it the best fic you have ever seen?
MV:Are you kidding?!?!?! That was the most horrible, most awful, most ugly piece of WONDERFUL FANFIC GENIUS I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!
Fibrizo: ::Sweatdrops:: Uhhhh, what?MV:THAT FIC HAS BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE, Fibrizo-sama! ^_; ::Wipes said tear from said eye::
Fibrizo:Riiiiight.
MV:However, you know what this means don't you?
Fibrizo:Yep, it means that all the punk rockers and the moon stompers will be going to the corners sparring for change!
MV:No, it doesn't mean that! ::Grunts:: Stop going through my CDs, would ya Fibrizo-sama? Geez! It means that the fic must end!
Fibrizo:Oh, that too.
MV:All righty then, that my friends is the CONCLUSION OF THE FICCY!
***OWARI***
Ah yes, the frightening hour of Fibrizo's has finally come to a dramatic close. (Well, not really, I sorta cut out the real ending...didn't I? Ah well!) Anyway, that was a fun fic to make...because I never really did use the other Mazoku Lords too much in my stories, well except for Fibrizo-sama and Gaav of course. Hehe, I like playing with their characters, especially Dolphin's...she's fun to play. ^_^ Errr yeah so, please give me a review kind readers. You won't regret it! (Who knows, maybe you will. I can't guarantee that. Geez, I'm such a liar, I'm sorry I had to lie like that to you guys. ) Yep, so...review and please be kind, and remember to rewind. Thank you, and have a super terrific day!