A/N: I don't own Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi, otherwise I would have given these two more screen time. This one-shot was composed for Shiranai Atsune based off her prompt about one character's having a secret which could threaten their lover. I realize this was probably not what you meant by that, Atsune-san, but I was inspired...
Family: A Yukisa One-shot
Sometimes Kisa felt like he was living in a dream. One day he had been secretly stalking Yukina, hanging around Marimo Books pretending to read the manga he'd edited while he spied on the gorgeous man, the next day he and Yukina had been moving in together, Yukina promising to always do the housework for an exhausted Kisa. When he thought about it too much, which he always did, he would tell himself that there was no way it was real, no way it could last, that they had moved too fast. Yukina might tell him that he loved him, kiss him, be more patient and understanding with him than any human being could feasibly be, but he couldn't help doubting him. He couldn't help his lack of self-confidence, his deep-rooted belief one day Yukina would leave him. After all, dreams don't last forever. At some point, you have to wake up.
He was wide awake now.
It had started with another normal day at work. Yukina was working the evening shift, and Kisa, who thought he might be able to leave at a relatively normal hour, had promised to meet him at Marimo Books after he was done so the two could walk home together. As it happened, he had been able to churn so furiously through his work that he had gotten done early, a true rarity. He had decided to show up early at Marimo and surprise Yukina, get one of those smiles that turned his legs to jelly and his heart to a quivering mess.
But when he got there, creeping through the stacks up to the counter as had become his habit, Yukina was already giving out one of his legendary smiles.
To a woman.
A match lit a flickering flame somewhere in Kisa's head, fire flaring up to burn a hole through the rational centers of his brain. Come on, he told himself, shaking off the descending fog of scarlet jealousy, it's just a customer. You know he has to flirt to sell books.
He took a step closer to the sales counter, not quite out from behind his bookcase refuge, then froze as he saw Yukina throw back his head and laugh loudly, leaning closer to the woman before him. Kisa froze, grinding his teeth, his hands unconsciously compacting themselves into tense fists at his sides. This was no customer–this was someone Yukina knew. Some past girlfriend, his mind immediately supplied. It was impossible to imagine his boyfriend didn't have any, even if the one time he'd seen Yukina going into the hotel district with a woman it had just been a friend of his he'd been taken to a movie. The man's face was simply too perfect not to have a string of ex-lovers in his past. Kisa kept reminding himself how many times Yukina had told him he loved him, how many times he'd told him not to be so insecure about their relationship. How he'd said he'd never leave him for someone younger, more beautiful, better for him. Someone who didn't work endlessly and never have time for dates. Even someone he knew just a little bit better. Someone like the smiling dark-haired woman leaning conspiratorially over the sales counter, probably in the middle of reminding Yukina of "the good old days".
Stop it! Kisa told himself, fighting to push down the jealousy. Even if it is an old girlfriend, Yukina's with me now.
The woman finally, finally, had Yukina ring up her books, and Kisa thought with savage happiness good, she's going to leave now. Ready to go, the woman turned, calling out, "Ichi-chan, come on, it's time to go!"
Then, from behind one of the bookshelves in the children's section, emerged that which would break Kisa's heart.
It was a child, a boy of about four or five years old. A head of mussy dark hair exactly matching the hair color of the woman at the counter and an adorable smile that could have been drawn straight off Yukina's face. He was the perfect blend of the ex-girlfriend and Yukina, and, by her familiarity with him, obviously the woman's son.
And Yukina's son, too, Kisa's brain said, and suddenly he couldn't get the thought out of his head. No matter how ridiculous it sounded–Yukina had only recently turned twenty-two, for God's sake, he would have had to have this kid when he was seventeen–the conviction was stuck there.
At the counter, Ichi put a book up and Yukina leaned over his face a friendly smile as he said something to the young child before him. Good choice, son, was what Kisa imagined, but it could have been anything along those lines, he rationalized. Whatever it was, the boy's face lit up and Yukina rung up the book for him, handing him a sticker emblazoned with Tinkle the boy immediately pasted over his heart. Kisa fought to keep himself from grinding his teeth into little white stubs as the two adults exchanged a few more words, ending when Yukina waved goodbye to Ichi and the mother and son left.
When they were gone, Yukina looked at his watch, smiling down at its impassive face. Must be planning to meet them again soon, Kisa thought bitterly, but out of habit looked down at his own watch too. It was almost time for Yukina's shift to end.
He pulled a random manga from the shelf before him, not even bothering to glance at the cover, and hid his face behind it, hoping Yukina wouldn't catch sight of him. He couldn't afford to see the man's happy face, it would only shatter his heart more completely than it already was. He'd always been bewitched by those brown eyes and satisfied smile; a look from Yukina could distract him from any ill thoughts he harbored against his boyfriend. As tempting as it was, he had no desire to be so distracted at this moment. He needed to remember what he'd seen long enough to break up with Yukina; after all, he'd always thought it was easier if he broke up with his boyfriends before they could break up with him. And from what he could tell, breakup was impending either way.
"I didn't know you were a fan of yuri, Kisa," Yukina's voice hummed in his ear and he jolted backwards, propelling himself into his boyfriend's solid chest. Feeling the contact, Yukina laced an arm around Kisa's waist and his warm, comforting body heat momentarily made the dark-haired man forget what he had been mad about.
"Yuri?" he said, confused as his brain finally completed its restart and he registered what Yukina had said.
"Yeah, Lightning Bugs?" Yukina replied, naming the book his boyfriend held open in his hands. His words made the older man belatedly consider the manga he'd yanked off the shelf, realizing what he'd taken down was none other than the popular new shojo ai series Lightning Bugs. Crimson blood flushed his cheeks and he quickly shoved the book back in its place, flustered.
"I just grabbed something random while I was waiting," he mumbled, embarrassed.
Yukina chuckled, his lips up against Kisa's ear. "You don't have to hide your guilty pleasures from me, Kisa," he told the abashed uke.
Kisa scowled, the memory of why he had been mad at Yukina refreshing itself. He pushed away from the seme's chest, turning to face him. "Really, I just grabbed something random while I was waiting for you. You were busy with customers, I didn't want to disturb you."
Mentally, he signalled to Yukina to think about his most recent customers, the woman and her son. It was his sign to get the brown-haired man to tell him about them; he was giving his boyfriend a chance to explain the moment of closeness away.
Yukina, however, didn't notice. "You should have come up!" he exclaimed, smiling, "you've bought enough books to be counted as a customer, too, and besides, I always want to see you."
Kisa ignored the compliment, fixing his scowl a little tighter to his face, and Yukina's face grew confused. The dark-haired man turned to go–he wouldn't be able to go through with his planned breakup if he kept looking at that beautiful face.
"Well, you're done now, so let's go," he remarked shortly.
"Okay," Yukina replied, unsure how to respond. He could already sense something was wrong, but he didn't want to press Kisa about it, knowing how stressed out his boyfriend could get.
That night, as the two ate a late dinner together (udon Yukina had made), Kisa depressedly imagined his future life without his perfect boyfriend. Even in the relatively short time they had been together, he had already come to rely so much on Yukina, and he knew he was unlikely to find someone who would be as supportive as his current boyfriend. Someone as patient, as sympathetic, and with a face as gorgeous as Yukina was realistically an impossibility. Hell, the fact he'd managed to get Yukina himself was an impossibility. It had always been fated to end like this–he'd known Yukina was too far out of his league from the start. He would have to resign himself to returning to cold convenience dinners and late, lonely nights, finding comfort with men he found in darkened bars, men he lied to about who he really was.
God, the short man thought, did I really used to live like that? Things had changed so much since Yukina had come into his life, and he dreaded having to return to the pitiable state he'd been in before he landed the incomparable man sitting before him. But as far as he could tell, his choices were to break up with the man now or have his heart irreparably crushed later on.
"Kisa-san? What's wrong?" Said perfect man asked, his eyes crinkled up with concern. Kisa felt his heart sink further than it had already sunk: he couldn't tell Yukina what he was worried about. It would mean breaking up his newly repaired relationship with his son, he couldn't do that just because he wanted them to stay together.
"Nothing," he replied, sighing deeply, "I'm just tired."
"Let's go to bed then," Yukina suggested. "You need your rest."
He knew Yukina meant well by it, but the words only made Kisa sadder. Who would care for him and make sure he got enough sleep after Yukina had gone? He had never been good at taking care of himself even before he started working at Marukawa, and the job's hours had never been conducive to appropriate sleeping habits. He could already picture himself an exhausted wreck, missing Yukina terribly, and it made him long emptily for Yukina as if the man didn't sit there before him.
The two retired to bed, Yukina sensing Kisa wasn't in the mood for any fun and summarily leaving him along. As they lay there, Kisa's face to the wall, the relaxing warmth of Yukina's body cradling him, Kisa told himself to enjoy it while he could. He didn't have much longer with his golden brown-eyed angel.
"Kisa? Are you still awake?" Yukina murmured in his ear and Kisa made a noncommittal sound of assent.
"I'll be back late tomorrow night," his boyfriend said, and Kisa hmmed another noise of acknowledgement, "oh, and I'll probably be gone when you wake up, too."
Kisa, feeling miserable–he just knew Yukina was going to spend the time with his precious new family–repeated his confirmational hum, pretended he was mostly asleep. He didn't want to inquire as to why the brown-haired man would be away, not wanting to hear his supposition affirmed.
"Kisa?" Yukina said again, tightening the arm he had thrown over his boyfriend's waist ever so slightly. "Are you awake? Did you hear what I said?"
"Mm, yeah," Kisa responded, wishing Yukina wouldn't make this any harder for him than it already way. Luckily, his assent worked, and Yukina quieted, lapsing into sleep.
When he woke up, he was alone, and he lay still for a long moment, thinking about how this was how he was going to start every morning once his relationship with Yukina was over. At least this morning he could feel the residual heat of the taller man if he rolled into the spot Yukina usually slept in behind him.
He pulled himself out of bed and dragged himself into work. Luckily, it was getting to the point in their cycle where the stress of the job was starting to affect the Emerald team, so his personal depression vanished in the haze of professional depression. He was glad that because of the difficult working conditions there was no one who would ask him what was wrong–he didn't think he could take thinking about his impending breakup any more than he already was. He settled down to work, immersing himself in the drowning pool that was manga editorship.
"Kisa, can you take these to the printers?" his co-worker Ritsu asked some time later. He held a sheaf of documents in his hands, his green eyes tired.
"Pick us up some lunch while you're at it," Takano added in his usual grumpy tone, not looking up from his computer screen.
Kisa took the papers, looking at his watch. Oh, is it lunchtime already? He wondered, not having noticed the time that had passed.
"Sure thing," he agreed and headed towards the elevators.
On his way back from the printers, he stopped into a coffee shop to buy the editing team's extra-espresso coffees and sandwiches. As busy as the day had been, he had almost forgotten about the problems of his love life. When he got the takeout bags and headed back towards the office, he passed a park and it all came rushing back.
In the park, crouching down next to the boy from the day before was Yukina, smiling just as brightly as he had when Kisa had first seen them together. Ichi had a bag of breadcrumbs clenched in his tiny fist; the two of them were feeding the ducks. A short distance away, Ichi's mother (and Yukina's ex-girlfriend, Kisa furiously reminded himself) watched the scene, reclining gracefully on a park bench.
His eyes narrowed as he honed in on the woman, fiercely trying to read her mind and determine why she had come back into Yukina's life, and why, of all times, she had to pick now, when they were happy together. She was pretty–he had to give her that–and she looked calm and collected, exactly the personality that would be good for Yukina. God knew Kisa's pathetic lack of self-confidence wasn't what Yukina, or anyone for that matter, would willingly look for in a relationship. His shallow tendency to fall in love based on looks alone didn't help either.
Unsurprisingly, the woman was smiling as she watched Yukina and Ichi interact, deriving third-party happiness from theirs. There was a contentedly loving smile on her face: her mother's love for Ichi, of course, and her happiness at being able to be reunited with Yukina. It was the perfect image of family bliss, and Kisa felt jealousy start to etch an ulcer in his stomach.
"Of course he would replace me with her," he muttered angrily to himself under his breath, "it's the ideal family ready made for him, and anyway, he couldn't abandon his son."
A little voice in his mind piped up that Yukina must have left the boy before anyway, given the fact he hadn't seen young Ichi before. The Yukina he knew wouldn't do that, wasn't it possible he was misunderstanding something? But he ignored it, sparing one more glare for the happy family before turning to go back to Marukawa.
If the others again failed to notice Kisa's poor spirits upon his return, it was only because they were too busy with their own work. Kisa passed Hatori in the hallway, arguing vehemently with "Chiharu" over the phone; Ritsu and Yokozawa having a similarly heated discussion at the former's desk. He passed out the coffees and sandwiches, briefly pausing the conflicts as his colleagues took the food gratefully, and slumped back down at his desk, throwing himself back into his work in an effort to forget what he had just seen. What he didn't forget, however, was his resolve to break up with Yukina before the brown-haired man broke up with him. That had been strengthened, and he could tell he needed to do it fast, or he'd be lined up for some serious heart damage.
He got home late, because what was the point of coming home on time if Yukina wasn't even going to be there. Even then, though, Yukina was still out, enjoying himself with his newfound family. He found one of his boyfriend's homemade bentos in the fridge, covered with plastic wrap, and ate it cold, sulking through every bite. He could imagine Yukina pitying him as he made the food, trying to find the best way to let him down gently, and the thought made him sick to his stomach. Finally, he went to bed, but not to sleep. He was determined to stay awake until Yukina returned, see just how late the man would stay away. He was forced to admit he missed his gentle brown-eyed boyfriend immensely, although he drown the thought out in internal fuming and composing a breakup rant to deliver.
When he woke up the morning, sun was streaming in through the blinds and he could feel Yukina's body lying behind his. He kicked himself–he was supposed to have stayed up until Yukina got home–all night if necessary–and he'd fallen asleep like some trusting young child. That thought brought the mental image of Ichi back, and he scowled, stretching and readying himself to get out of bed. Usually, since it was the weekend, he and Yukina would spend some time in bed together in the morning, but he was in no mood for anything remotely resembling happiness this morning. He had a scheme to put into action.
So when Yukina shifted and groaned softly at the bright sunlight in his eyes, woken by Kisa's stretching, he was ready.
"Yukina, do you want to go see the new The Kan movie today?" he asked innocently. "Kirishima gave me tickets yesterday." Kirishima, of course, had done no such thing–it was all part of Kisa's secret plan.
As he had expected, Yukina replied, "Oh, I'm sorry Kisa-san, I can't. I already have plans."
Of course you already have plans, Kisa thought, you're going to spend the day with your girlfriend and your son just like you did yesterday. "Maybe next time?" his boyfriend offered.
"It's okay," Kisa replied, keeping the disappointed tone in his voice light. He didn't want Yukina to suspect anything. "The tickets he gave me are today only, so I'll just go with someone from work or something."
Naturally, there were no tickets at all. They were Kisa's explanation for what he would be doing that day, so Yukina wouldn't suspect he would be following him around.
"Oh," Yukina said, sounding similarly vaguely disappointed. Pitying him again, Kisa thought.
He left their apartment first, believing Kisa's mock-naive, "Have fun!" and returning it with a sincere one of his own. Kisa waited just long enough, then commenced tailing him, following him to his planned meet-up.
It wasn't hard to follow the man unnoticed, the crowded streets and Yukina's uniquely tall height conspired together to aid him. It was a pleasant-weathered Saturday, so people were out in droves, talking and smiling and laughing. Kisa, however, was neither laughing nor smiling as he stalked Yukina to Shibuya, where he met up with Ichi and the dark brown-haired woman who was his mother next to the Hachiko statue.
Chatting amiably, the three (and their pursuer) made their way to a nearby zoo. Ichi bounced from exhibit to exhibit, bursting with excitement to see all of the exotic creatures it held. Behind him, Yukina and the woman strolled easily, absorbed in their conversation to the degree that they didn't notice the short dark-haired man trailing covertly behind them. Their lack of observation of their shadow could also have been due to the fact that the zoo was quite busy and they weren't expecting to be followed, but Kisa held it all up to his superior sneaking skills. His steps were noiseless (or perhaps the screeching of the animals merely drowned them out), his movements unobservable (or perhaps it was only that his quarry was more interested in observing the sights of the zoo). He traced them past the monkeys, tracked them past the gazelles, pursued them through the darkened aquarium. With every step he took, his resentment grew greater. Even if he had resolved to break up with Yukina, freeing him to be with his "perfect family", he still hated the idea of letting Yukina be with anyone else. Why did that woman have to have such a powerful hold on his boyfriend? And why, considering the time that had passed, did she have to show up now? What had motivated her appearance? His jealousy burned and burned, flaring into a raging fire. He felt angry and helpless, his anger only fueled by his growing awareness there was nothing he could do. How could he? No matter how much he wanted to keep Yukina to himself, he couldn't separate a father from his son.
Once again the thought came niggling at the back of his mind–was this really Yukina's son? No matter how he tried, he couldn't imagine his boyfriend leaving a pregnant girlfriend, let alone one with his child. Could it be possible she was only a friend who had a child and he'd mistaken the whole thing? But no, he was sure the boy had something of Yukina in him–that smile the day in the bookstore had been unmistakable.
He sulked and stewed in his own despairing thoughts, hounding the little family as they traipsed around the zoo, then left, heading back out into the city. As they walked past shops and offices, Kisa suddenly realized where they were headed–Yukina's favorite noodle shop. The realization spurred a growl of hunger from his stomach, he hadn't recognized it was lunchtime already. He hurried ahead, taking a shortcut so he would arrive at the restaurant before the others. He settled himself down near the toilets, hoping they wouldn't notice him when they arrived.
As it was, he needn't have worried. Yukina, Ichi and the woman were focused on their own conversation as they sat themselves down by the windows. Kisa looked away from them, thinking he had better decide what to order before the waitress arrived; it would be rude to slow her down. When he looked up, Yukina was gone. He glanced around in a panic, then saw him making his way towards the toilets. Kisa broke out in a cold sweat: Yukina was sure to see him! Then he stilled, the chill settling into his heart. Yukina was sure to see him, and now was his perfect chance to end things.
He twitched out of his seat, dodging behind the door marked with the character for man. Thankfully, it was empty–he didn't want to have to do this in front of any onlookers. A moment later, Yukina stepped through the door.
"Yukina!" he cried out, stepping out to confront him from the corner behind the door.
His boyfriend turned around, looking surprised. "Kisa-san?"
I can't give him any time to talk, Kisa thought furiously, just the sound of his voice makes me fall in love with him all over again. Anything he could possible have to say to me, any explanation, is sure to make me give up and let him drag me along as far as he wants. I have to do this before he can stop me.
"Kisa-san? I didn't know you were here," Yukina continued.
"Yeah, you wouldn't notice," Kisa said weakly, staring at the floor so he wasn't distracted by Yukina's face. "I was following you all day today and you didn't even glance at me once. It's not surprising, considering how absorbed you were with that woman."
He had meant to say your girlfriend, but found himself unable to force the words from his lips. Before him, Yukina made a strained noise of shock, but Kisa barrelled on, not finished yet.
"You know her from before me, don't you? Her and her son," he went on, letting the true depths of his heartache leak into his voice. I don't want to do this, Yukina, he wanted to say, but I have no choice. "I knew from the moment I saw you together. He may have most of her looks, but I recognize the expressions on his face. They're yours. He's your son, isn't he?"
He felt something wet on his face and unconsciously put his hand up to his damp cheek. No! He thought desperately, I can't cry!
Again, Yukina tried to cut in, but Kisa quickly cut him off. "Don't say anything. I've been following you all day, didn't you hear me? I saw everything. You act so naturally with him, with both of them. It's the kind of closeness you could only have with family."
The tears were streaming down his face now: it was too late to stop them.
"I'm sorry, Yukina, but it's over. We're through." I can't take you away from your son, he mentally added. I may be selfish, but I'm not that cruel. "It's them or me, and you've obviously chosen them." His words poured out–he had meant to stop there, but he couldn't keep his lips shut. "You're so much happier with them than you ever were with me, aren't you? I mean, how could someone like me ever compete with someone like her? She's beautiful, composed, probably has a job that doesn't keep her away all of the time. She wouldn't need you to take care of her, do everything for her, constantly reassure her, keep her pathetic self from falling apart. And ever if she didn't have everything else I don't, she has your son, so she wins by default. She's family."
Yukina's calm voice cut through his melancholic rambling, strong and sharp. "Yes, she's family."
Kisa's heart froze, exploded, and sank through the floor all in one instant. He wasn't going to deny it?
But Yukina continued; now he was the one giving Kisa no chance to reply. "But she's not my ex-girlfriend, and Ichi's not my son. She's my brother's wife, and Ichi is his son."
"What?" Kisa whispered, raising his head as the shock jolted his heart back into place. Yukina had mentioned a brother, but …
But his boyfriend wasn't finished. "More importantly, what were you thinking?" he asked, anger creeping into his voice. "So you thought you'd follow me around all day, but you didn't even try to ask me? You just decided to assume Miyu was an ex-girlfriend without even talking to me about it? I thought we'd been over this–I love you. And I'm not leaving you, not for a woman, not for a man, not for anyone. Certainly not for my own sister-in-law." He chuckled dryly, but it was clear he wasn't humored–he was exasperated. "I'm not looking for someone composed or someone who's job they don't pour their all into every day. I'm not interested in someone who doesn't need me to take care of them or to constantly reassure them that I love them. I want to be with you, Kisa." He took Kisa's chin in his warm hands, tilting the man's face so two pairs of brown eyes met. "And as for beautiful, what face could ever be more lovely to me than yours?"
"What?" Kisa repeated, blinking the tears out of his eyes. "But…"
"I love you, Kisa," Yukina repeated, and then he kissed him.
Kisa's mind had been preparing to overanalyze his boyfriend's words, but every thought in his head was erased when Yukina's lips met his own. It was a sensation he'd felt many times before, but this time it was different. He could taste Yukina's love, it was overpowering. It was like all of the happiness he'd ever felt being with Yukina was compressed into one moment, one gesture. If he'd ever doubted Yukina's love for him, this was his proof.
Too quickly, Yukina pulled away, smiling one of his earth-shatteringly, heart-stoppingly beautiful smiles at Kisa. Brushing his smooth fingers over Kisa's cheeks, he wiped away his boyfriend's tears, licking the saltiness off his thumbs as he did so. Unable to help himself, Kisa shyly smiled back. He hadn't know he could fall deeper in love with Yukina, but he was certain he just had.
"That's more like it," Yukina commented, his face gently happy at the dark-haired man's smile. "Come on now, I think there's someone you should meet."
He led the shorter man back the way they had come and they approached the table where Miyu and Ichi sat waiting. Kisa's eyes sought the ground, embarrassed, but the tight grip of Yukina's hand around his own kept him from shying away.
"Miyu, Ichi, there's someone I want you to meet."
The dark-haired woman and her beaming son turned to them, their faces questioning. Kisa felt an even more powerful desire to flee, but Yukina wouldn't let him.
"This is Kisa Shouta," he told his sister-in-law and nephew. "He's the one who's made me so happy these days."
Miyu turned her smiling face on Kisa, saying, "Oh? Lovely to meet you, Kisa-san. Thank you for everything you've done for my brother-in-law. He really does seem to shine brighter–I guess that's your doing, though, isn't it?"
I've made Yukina happier? Kisa thought. He had never really considered it that way, but looking over at how Yukina sparkled, he supposed it was true. The smile on his face grew ever so slightly and he gripped his boyfriend's hand a little tighter. That was right, he was the one making Yukina happy now.
It was Ichi, though, who confirmed his place in Yukina's life. "Uncle!" he exclaimed, and Kisa had to turn away to hide his blush.
He abandoned his stake-out table and joined them for lunch, and then for the rest of the day. Miyu told him all about her life with Isao, Yukina's brother: how they'd been school sweethearts and married right out of university. They lived in Sapporo, and had come to visit Yukina–Isao was busy with work, but he was coming down the next day. Yukina apologized for not inviting Kisa along that day, but he had thought the shorter man would be busy with the The Kan movie and hadn't wanted to not attend what Kisa had sold as a one-time event. It made complete sense, Kisa thought, and cursed himself for not talking to Yukina about what he'd seen at Marimo Books. But it was all over now, and all he could say was, "Wow, Yukina. You've got a really cute nephew."
"Nowhere near as cute as you," was the endearing reply.
That's right, Kisa thought, neither of us is ever going to leave the other. He smiled and took Yukina's hand, resolving it would be the one thing he would never let go.