I always forget to post these disclaimers. I do not own Robin Hood or any of the characters. They belong to BBC.
Security
Allan found it ironic that the very thing he had betrayed the Gang to Gisborne for was the one thing he was going to lose because of it.
He had agreed to help Guy for money, because to him the money stood for security when this was all over. Security for when Robin was Lord of Locksley again, when Much would be Earl of Bonchurch, when Will and Djaq would have each other and a home in Locksley, when Little John would go back home to his family. Security because, when this was all over, Allan wouldn't really have anything. They would have family, or lands, or at least a place to call home, but Allan would have nothing. His brother had been killed; hanged by the Sheriff. His mum had died when he was young, and Allan didn't even count the man who fathered him to be family. There was no home waiting for Allan A Dale, no sweetheart anxiously awaiting his return, no one to care if he lived or died except himself. And so Allan was worried; worried that when this was all over he would be abandoned yet again. He figured if he wanted to be cared for, then he would have to find some way to provide for himself. Allan was not a trusting man; he had never had people in his life who were worthy of trust before. Maybe if his life had been different, more like Will's, he would have trusted Robin to provide for his future; but it hadn't and he didn't. So that is how it was that Allan was weak enough to let Gisborne slip in with his lies and promises of money: security for the future. And now that he had been found out, cast out of the Gang, he had lost the one security that was actually real. They would have cared for him. They would have made sure he wasn't left with nothing. They would have cared if he lived or died. They would have been his family. They would have, if he hadn't been so stupid and betrayed them. Now that he didn't have them anymore he saw clearly how much it was that he had given up. He hadn't chosen to give them up, exactly. He had never really planned for what would happen if he was found out, because in his mind he never would be found out. You could never be a good thief if you were constantly worrying about what could happen. You just found an idea and went with it, riding it until it began to fizzle and then you hopped off and found a new idea. But what Allan didn't realize was that this idea (family) wasn't going to fizzle out. It was the kind of idea that you could ride forever. And now that he was gone, he saw his folly in "hopping off" before he needed to. He had bet on the winning horse, then changed his bid at the last moment to the losing one; and now he would pay the price for it. And what a high price it was!
Allan, musing over his empty cup of ale, found it ironic that in his effort to find security for the future, he had given up possibly his only chance to have real security. If only he had seen that before, before it was too late. And it was definitely too late now. Too late, too late, too late.. the words pounded through his head. Too late to change his bid again, too late to catch the idea and hop back on, too late to fix his mistake. And much too late to get forgiveness, a second chance. Much too late. All Allan's groggy brain made of this newfound knowledge was that something had to be done, and soon, if he wanted to have chance at getting his security back. Something has to be done. Something. This refrain was much more encouraging than the last one, and Allan clung to it. At least doing something would be better than sitting here dwelling on his mistake. Allan stood up wobbily and staggered out of the tavern. He was going to do something. Something.