Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All credit goes to the actual author J.K. Rowling.
Author's Note: This is not serious it is for fun and for my own amusement, and yes the typos are on purpose. So yeah. That's it, enjoy.
I was wearing a black punk-rock shirt that said "Death to Unicorns", I was also waring ripped balck skinny jeans.
I was sitting in the middle of the road in the rain when out of nowhere some dude cam up to me and said e wnted to rape meh. I screamed and ran when I suddenly was hit from behind and dragged into an alleyway. But I was saved by Sirius Black who told me that he was my father and my mother was Kagome from Inuyasha.
I was also really the true "Girl who Lived", I also had powers from the sacred jewel and I had 360-degree vision with my Byakugan and I could do wasndless spells but I still use a wand to try and fit in with everyone else because I didn't want to be special.
My father took me back to his home in Gremald Place and introduced me to his mother. She yelled at me and said very mean things and I started to tear up then Sirius told her I was his daughter. She started to tear up and smiled at me and told me I was the perfect granddaughter because I was butiful and had amazing powers. Then she told me she granted me the gift of the Black family which would make me the next head of the family. My grandmother told me that she also granted me the power of mind-control.
After that years past and Sirius taught me many more spell s than the seven years at Hogwarts, and I was only eleven.
At that time, Sirius decided to tell me that I needed to go to Hogwarts, because I was to special for letters.
I cried and sai d that I didn't want to go but he made me go anyways. So we wnt to Diagon alley and he bought me a bunch of things before we went to get my wans.
In the shop, Ollivande gave me a wand but none of the wands worked. So he had to make me a custom one. It was a maple wand with core of dragon heartstring, lion' s tooth, basilisk poison, phoenix feather, vela hair (they were taken from Fleur Delacour), claw from a hippogriff, hair from a unicorn, hair from a thestral, goblin teeth, Death Eater fingers, souls of DEmentors, and tounge of Sphinx. Ollivander was so impressed with the amount of cores my wand had, that he gave it to me fore free. He also ssaid it was because I was very beautiful.
You must be wondering what I look like since I always said I was beautiful. I had beautiful periwinkle hairthat reached all the way to my feet which I always keep in a braid, I had beautiful blue and green eyes (one blue, the oteher green), my skin was pale and pure looking like snow after its been peed on, my lips were red like that vampire guy from Twilite, my eyelashes were curlier than wany eleylashes you've ever seen. Some people hacve said I was more beautiful than veelas.
Anyways, after shopping, Sirius decided to take me shopping to get an owk. The owl I got was a beautiful gigantic hawk. It's wingspan was eight feet long and It had elegant looking eyes. I named it Dark Magician. After that, I cared for Dark Magician until I had to leave for Hogwarts.
On the train, I met some faggy kid who looked like that Daniel Radcliffe guy in that one movie with the magicians, known as Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. Anyhow, I thought he kinda looked coot so I decide to rape him. But then his equally faggy ginger boyfriend came in and ssaved him. I started crying because I couldn't rape the little boy so I ran back into my compartment, started crying some more, and started cutting myself.
To be continued...