A oneshot done at the proddings of my best friend. We're revoicing all the cutscenes for "Dirge of Cerberus" and since, there's only five of us doing it, everyone has multiple characters. Somehow, everyone else decided that it would be a good idea if we did short stories about our characters in a pairing. And I got casted (drafted) into voicing Vincent and Cloud. So...

VincentxCloud, slight VincentxLucrecia and CloudxAeris, and also LucreciaxHojo (I know, gross . , but they are married...

It might not completely make sense at first, but it makes sense (kinda...) by the end. So read it through! Or else...

Vincent ran around the schoolyard, giggling hysterically, chasing an equally young and immature Cloud. "Tag! You're it," he shouted, bouncing off the walls (literally) and bodily tackling the cute blonde little boy.

"Hey, no fair!" Cloud protested. "You can't do that!"

"Uh-Huh!"

"Nah-ah!"

"Can not!"

"Can, too!"

The pretty young teacher with dark hair tied back in a bun came over. "What's wrong, boys?"

"Vinnie's cheating!" Cloud protested.

"Am not!"

Other kids began chiming in, offering their (totally logical) opinions.

"Now, now, run along," Ms. Crescent said, shooing the bunches off children off her skirts.

"Vinnie was running on the walls 'n' stuff…"

"Well, Cloudy, maybe I'm just better at tag." Vincent stuck his tongue out. "Plus, your hair looks like a chocobo's butt!"

Cloud looked sad, then angry. "Does not! Are not! Well, maybe you look like a crow died on your head!"

"Now, that's not nice, boys," Ms. Crescent admonished.

"Yeah, gosh, Cloud," Vincent echoed, sucking up to his teacher.

Cloud rolled his little round blue eyes. "Cry-baby," he muttered under his breath.

"Am not!" Vincent protested, tears forming in his eyes. "Missus Teacher, Cloud's being mean to me," he sniffed, clutching Lucrecia's purple clutchable skirts.

Cloud stuck out his tongue.

"Cloud, say sorry," his teacher reprimanded.

"Sorry, Vincent Valentine," Cloud said snarkily.

Vincent loosened his grip on his teacher's garments and stood there watching Cloud, pouting.

"Now, go have some fun, boys," Lucrecia said with a smile, returning to the bench to ogle the picture of some insane nutjob she was married to which she always carried in her wallet.

Vincent stalked away and sat down behind a tree, sulking.

Cloud watched his friend sitting forlornly by himself. His self-righteousness faded to guilt. He walked over and joined Vincent under the tree. "Sorry."

Vincent didn't reply.

"I didn't mean to call you a cry baby…"

Vincent turned. "I didn't mean to call you a chocobo-butt-head."

"I…uh…"

"How about we be friends again?"

"Okay. No more being mean?"

"Yep."

They pinky swore and returned to the playground. Vincent and Cloud joined a circle of children that had formed in the grass. They gasped at the same time. "Oh no, Sephy's being mean to Aeris," Cloud "whispered" "quietly." "What do we do?"

Vincent mulled this over. "We beat him up back."

"Okay."

The two youngsters made their way into the center of the circle. "You can't have Aeris's lunch money. That's against the rules. And it's mean," Cloud announced.

Sephiroth laughed. "Is it now? Well, how about I beat the shit out of you instead and steal your lunch money?"

All the children gasped. "Sephy said a bad word!"

Aeris got up and ran from Sephiroth, hugging Vincent, causing a twinge of jealousy to shoot through Cloud's heart.

Sephiroth proceeded to beat the living daylights out of Cloud, much to Vincent's consternation. Vincent was prevented from aiding his friend in getting beat up by the sobbing kind of cute girl in his arms.

Lucrecia came over, interrupted from her picture-ogling by the sound of many children doing something against the rules.

She waded through the see of kids. "Sephy! You're not beating up your friend again, are you?"

"Nope," Sephiroth replied, kicking Cloud, who at this point curled up in a small miserable chocobo-butt-looking ball.

"Uh…" Lucrecia glanced at Sephiroth, at Cloud and then back at Sephiroth again.

"He's not my friend. He even didn't let me have Aeris's lunch money." He looked balefully at his mommy, covertly kicking Cloud again. Chocobo-butt was really annoying, he was always being like champion of justice and all…and getting his chocobo-butt kicked.

"Well, I'm always a rational woman. You can have Vincent's lunch money instead!" Lucrecia announced, solving all their problems with a beaming smile.

"Hey! No fair!" Vincent protested, shocked, not even noticing Cloud getting up and prying the beautiful-woman-to-be from him.

Sephiroth grinned. "Life's not fair. Now give it to me."

Vincent appeared hesitant. "Uh…Ms. Crescent…?"

"You heard him, Vinnie, give him your lunch money."

Vincent sulkily pulled out his lunch money. "I hope you burn in hell, Sephy!"

The circle of kids plus Lucrecia minus Sephiroth gasped. "Vinnie said a bad word!"

Lucrecia scowled. "Vinnie, now go rinse your mouth out with soapy water!"

AT LUNCH

Vincent sat alone under his tree, being hungry and miserable. Cloud joined him, eating a sandwich. "Here Vinnie, you can have half my sandwich."

Vincent took it and munched away, a much happier, but still anorexic-looking, little boy.

"Our teacher's crazy," Cloud mumbled, talking with his mouth full.

Vincent looked at him disapprovingly for doing so. Then he realized what Cloud had said. "Don't you ever talk like that about Lucrecia again. You hear me, Cloud Chocobo-butt Strife?" In his anger, he dropped his sandwich in the sandbox.

Cloud giggled. "Yes, Mister Valentine. My mommy's going to be mad that the sandbox ate my lunch again."

Vincent stuck his lower lip out, not smiling.

"I know how to make you happy!" Cloud exclaimed. He gave Vincent a very big hug, nearly suffocating him, and began singing, serenading even, "I love you! You love me! We're a happy family! With a great big HUG!" Cloud enveloped Vincent in another hug. "And a kiss from me to you!" Much to Vincent's dismay, Cloud demonstrated this one, as well. "Won't you say you love me too?"

"Uh…Cloud…?"

Cloud continued, "I love you! You love me! We're best friends! Like friends should be! With a great big hug!" He hugged Vincent. "And a kiss from me to you!" Another kiss. "Won't you say you love me too?" He gave Vincent puppy dog eyes.

"Cloud…?" Vincent looked at him oddly.

"Pretty please. Just say it once, Vincent. Pretty please? With sugar and ice cream on top? And a pretty shiny new gun, just for you!"

"I…I…uh…"

Vincent's eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed. He looked around. He was in the motel room, in his bed. He turned towards Cloud. Cloud was sitting up, his mouth frozen in an "O" shape.

"Uh…Cloud…?"

Even in the dark, Vincent could see Cloud blush. "Er…Hi…Vincent…"

"Cloud, what were you doing?"

"I uh…was…uh…singing…?"

"Interesting choice…"

"I…uh…"

Vincent rolled over, facing away from Cloud, staring at the wall. "Remind me not to room with you next time…"

"I…uh…but Vincent…" Cloud protested, his voice plaintive.

In the dark, Vincent grinned. "I love you, too, Cloud."