Ranma, Twist Taken

Chapter 1: Sex Is Fun

"Ranma! Er, I can't believe he didn't show up. Probably hanging around with Shampoo or someone," growled Akane as she impatiently waited for Ranma to show up at the mall.

Suddenly, a soaking wet, redhead stumbled from around the corner and fell to Akane's knees.

"Akane..." he wailed.

"It's about time, Ranma! Damn, I've been waiting for half an hour! You'd think I'd be arrested for loitering by now. Uh...what the hell happened to you?"

Ranma helped himself to his feet and dried his red hair. "Some genius kids were having a water fight and...it was cold..."

Akane sighed, reminding herself how pathetic Ranma was. "Well, you better go get some hot water. How are we going to get you a nice tuxedo if you're a woman?" She started walking into the mall, leaving the female-looking Ranma to solve his problem, quickly.

"I guess I could find a coffee shop or..." A man in a blue kimono who started glomping him tightly interrupted Ranma.

"Pig-tailed girl! Oh, how I love you so much! Come... come with me and we'll have endless happiness together! I, the great Kuno, shall love you forever and... euuh..." Kuno fell to the ground in pain, his hands over his privates.

"You freaking perv!" Ranma started running without looking ahead and a man carrying hot soup knocked the bowl all over Ranma, returning him as a male.

The man looked at Ranma and started wiping his eyes. "I swore she was..."

Ranma let out a yell then ran to find Akane in the huge mall. He wandered around for a bit, wondering where she could be. "Oh my God, I'm such an idiot. We came to the mall to buy a tuxedo and I didn't think of looking in some men's clothing store?"

Akane was at 'Clothing For The Sex' and didn't look too happy. Ranma read the sign and started chuckling as he approached Akane. "I thought sex would make you happy, baby!"

Akane sneered at Ranma and wished her father had asked Kasumi to go with Ranma instead.

"Konnichiwa, how can I help you?" asked one of the store workers. "Anything in particular?"

"Well, we're looking for a tuxedo...for him," answered Akane, looking at Ranma evilly.

"What's the occasion?"

"It's a wedding. We're uh, kind of looking for something cheap... and we kind of need it soon," Ranma said, averting his gaze from the worker...who was drop-dead gorgeous.

The worker played with her silky red hair in thought of the perfect outfit. She looked at Ranma, not just studying his body type for the tuxedo. She was obviously looking... Both Ranma and Akane noticed that and Akane flared with anger.

"Hmm... Well, let's take some measurements first. Come to the back room. I don't think you'll feel too comfortable doing that in front of all these people. Hehe," she said smiling.

Ranma gulped, and then followed the worker to the back. Akane glared at them, plotting her revenge.

The worker took off her jacket, revealing herself. She was wearing a black tank-top with black capri pants. She took a measuring tape from out of the back room, then closed the door.

"Alright...Oh, before we start, I better get your name."

"It's...Ranma...Ranma Saotome. And you?"

"I'm Kaimono. Okay, take off your shirt..."

Sweat dripped down Ranma's neck as he removed his red shirt from his body. 'Does she want me?! God! She's so hot! Maybe she'll take off her shirt... ooh yeah... she's big, and she's beautiful. Kaimono... amazing name, and she's nice... a whole lot nicer than Akane, that's for sure. I bet she can cook, too. And she works at a great store; I could get a discount on my tuxedo for Kasumi's wedding! Sweet!'

Kaimono's face lit up. "Um, Ranma...you're not the one getting married...right?"

"Of course not...I'm uh, single," he replied, and was starting to be positive.

Licking her lips, Kaimono took off her shirt, revealing a blue bra. She slowly undid her jeans, ripped them off and was wearing sexy blue panties. She started touching herself... squeezing her breasts together...

"You like that, Ranma? You want me, don't you? Come on, I'm all yours. Take me, baby!"

Without hesitation, Ranma got closer to the beautiful stripper. He stopped, and thought of Akane. It was too late, though. Kaimono started kissing him, gently pressing her body against his. She started moaning and put Ranma's hands on her bra, trying to get him to take it off.

"Come on! You wanna see some? I got some, alright!"

Tempted, Ranma touched her bra... then stopped. "I can't! Kaimono... you're so beautiful... I want you... but Akane... I love Akane... she may not be as hot but she's so amazing... I'm sorry..."

"You mean... that girl you were with? The short hair?" Kaimono looked hurt.

Ranma nodded, taking his hands off Kaimono's body.

"I...see...well...I don't even know you...I just think you're real cute and everything...Oh Ranma, let's try! See what we could have together! I'm not all just looks...It's just that when I broke up with my boyfriend...I just had the urge to get all over you when I saw you. I'm really not like that...really...and no, I'm not a stripper! Hell no! Ranma...please...I..." Kaimono's eyes glittered as she begged. She seemed so desperate...and Ranma could understand she was lonely.

"I'm not with Akane...so...and yes, I do want to be with you. I can tell right now you're really nice and sweet. Kaimono, do you want to go out with me?" Ranma was surprised at what he just said.

Kaimono hugged Ranma tightly, with no intention of letting go. "I'm sorry about bringing you back here to... you know, molest you. Hehe."

He smiled at her. "It's alright, Kaimono. You have an amazing body, though..."

She blushed, wishing in her mind he wouldn't say that. She quickly dressed into her clothes and wrote a number on a piece of paper. "Call me?"

Ranma nodded, putting the paper in his pocket.

After the measurements were done, they picked out a real nice tuxedo, and like Ranma thought, he got a twenty percent discount. He realized Akane had left. He grumbled to himself then headed home.

"Akane? Akaaaane?" Ranma entered the house, looking around for Akane. Instead of finding her, he ran into Kasumi.

"Hi, Ranma. Did you get the tuxedo?" she asked, smiling as usual.

Ranma handed the bag containing the tuxedo to Kasumi and waited to see what she thought. Examining it closely, Kasumi smiled and seemed impressed.

"Very nice, Ranma! I never thought you'd be capable of affording such a beautiful tuxedo... or putting the effort in to find one. You know, I really want this marriage to be perfect. Father thinks I'm crazy for marrying someone after knowing him for only two years, dating for one, but Ranma, you have to understand. Love at first sight is possible!"

She continued speaking, but as soon as she said that last line, Ranma started thinking of Kaimono. Great example of love at first sight, he thought.

"Ranma? Are you still listening to me? You agree, right?" Kasumi poked at Ranma.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. Oh, um, have you seen Akane? She left the store without me so I just want to apologize for being so late."

Kasumi told him that Ranma that Akane had been in the dojo for at least an hour. Ranma thanked her, then ran to the dojo. He slid the door open and watched Akane beating the hell out of a punching bag.

"Aie, she looks a bit mad. Hope she didn't think anything about Kaimono and I..."

Akane stopped punching then turned around, looking Ranma straight in the eye. "Ranma, hi. Did you get the tuxedo?" She said, with a tone that made Ranma feel as if she was about to beat him.

"Yeah, I did. I just finished showing it to Kasumi. Sorry it took so long... I wasn't very good at deciding... why did you leave?" He didn't receive an answer so he had to think quickly. "Well um, I guess I'll talk to you later..." He turned to leave but Akane asked him to wait.

"How about a little match? It'd be fun."

Shocked, Ranma didn't move. Ranma thought of Akane's reason to challenge him like that. 'She's going to try to kill me...'