"Oi! AL POTTER, I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS," my ever-so-well-behaved cousin Fred screams spewing bacon bits all over his surrounding neighbors and causing half of the great hall to turn and stare. Of course, neither Fred or Al notice this. Fred picks up a piece and chucks it down the Gryffindor table, with, as expected, terrible aim.

"Heads up!" Rose yells down the table, shooting Fred dirty looks. "IF I SEE YOU THROW A PIECE OF TOAST AGAIN, I AM WRITING A LETTER TO YOUR MOTHER!" the entire table cracks up, including Rose, after a few seconds.

"When have you ever sent a letter to my mother?" fred asked, grinning, as rose scowled.

"You don't want to know, " she replied right before dodging the piece of toast, which came flying back from Al's side of the table. Eying the piece of toast, fred plucks it off the table and takes a bite, leading to a collective "ew" echoing through the morning air, and half of the Weasley Potter family shook our heads.

My cousins are absolutely gross, and my brother is one of the biggest offenders. When James and Dom left last year, we all wondered if things would become quieter at Hogwarts.

Needless to say, they didn't.

"Man, Fred, I wouldn't eat that," Louis, who is a year my junior, looked wary. "You might get isophoniallielliellius."

"What the hell is isofunawhatawhatagus?" Fred replied with a mouthful of flithy toast.

"I am 100.5% percent certain he just made that up," Hugo explained from my left side, while eating his breakfast in a civilized manner.

"Yeah, well, I am 150% sure it's true," Louis replied quickly as the rest of my family and the surrounding Gryffinors shoved food into their mouths.

"Yeah, well, I think bludaduphalouglomp," Fred added with a mouthful of bacon, spitting it onto all of the surrounding people, including me. I stare at the wet Fred-mouth bacon on my sweater and I feel like I'm going to vomit.

"Lily, you ok? You look, uh, pale," Molly asked.

"Lovely," I grit my teeth.

Actually, i think I am going to vomit, so instead of vomiting at breakfast, I climb out of my seat and run out of the hall, definitely beating a sprinting record, until I reach the nearest girl's bathroom, where I empty the content of my stomach into a shiny toilet.

"Damn it," I curse, pulling back my hair, as I hear footsteps running into the bathroom.

"Lily?" Roxanne asks, and I kicked open the door behind me as I slide down against the side of the stall, sweating, before pulling my hair back and finishing vomiting. That girl is a lifesaver: Hugo Weasley is my best friend, until the world ends, but Roxanne is right up on that list. "Are you sick?"

"No, this is perfectly normal," I reply sarcastically, freaking out inside my head. I missed my period last month, and I should have it about now. That fact alone didn't scare me, just made my happy: I hate my period and, besides, I was irregular for years before ending up on a regular schedule. But six days ago, I started throwing up every day, and feeling naseous a lot, but otherwise fine, and nothing was even going around. I, Lily Luna Potter, don't get sick. Everyone in my dorm will have the flu or something, and I'll be perfectly fine. Missing periods and throwing up every day?

Could I be pregnant?

In late September, I slept with someone, and it was a mistake and a one-night stand. If I'm pregnant, I will be killed by my family, and he will be killed by both of my brothers. And me, a mother? That's like, as unexpected as Fred and Al doing the tango naked standing on top of the Gryffindor table. Actually, I think the naked tango is more realistic. I begin to cry as Roxie sits beside me.

"I think I have a stomach bug," I lie as to not have to reveal my suspicions, as Roxie puts her arm around me.

"Nothing to cry about, Lils," she pats my back, "especially since you've got OWL classes to get to." She's right from what she knows so I wipe my eyes and lower my head, still feeling naseous.

"I know, and I don't wanna make you late, so go ahead," I assure Roxie.

"You sure?" she replies.

"Yeah, " I say, and we both stand up, and she says goodbye and rushes out as i stand in front of the mirrors. I've got red hair and a splothcy face: I look fifteen. I don't look like a mother, or like a grown woman. I don't know how to be a mother! Hell, when I was about seven, I used to drop my baby dolls headfirst out my window. I only stopped that six years ago! How can i have a real, living baby? "Lily, stop panicking," I tell my reflection. Yep, I've definitely gone off the wall. "You have to do the spell! You remember how to do the damn spell, right? You found it when you were like twelve, but I know you remember it. Just say it. Bitch!" I spit at my reflection, angry at the girl who got me pregnant, before taking my wand out of my pocket with a shaking hand, pointing it at myself.

"Ignesio Pregnesis," I whisper, shutting my eyes. I know that it will be written on my hand, in pink for yes.

If I am pregnant, I'll have to tell my family at some point. Scorpius Malfoy will probably be killed by James, with Al there to mutilate his body and Louis, too, because Scorpius hexed him in the hall once. So Malfoy will be in pieces, which my mother and father will probably hide across Europe to cover for their sons.

Ew.

Fred and Dom will definitely find out, and there'll be patrols around Europe to make sure the bodies are neatly hidden. However, eventually the muggle police will catch them all, somehow realize they're magical, and it's be the Salem Witch Trials all over again. This will cause mass uproar, the complete exposure of the wizarding world, and I will move to south America and become a nun.

IS THIS PREGNANCY BRAIN?

Only one way to answer that, mind-Lily. I, body-Lily, am going to open my eyes. But remember, I'm doing this for you, darling.

My arm says "Pregnant."

Oh Merlin, it's the beginning of the Salem Witch Trials.