Little Brad Crawford
By: Schuldig Engel
Schu Engel: "Here is the Brad x Farf price fic. It is in an alternate universe coz I wanted it to be. Intro the characters!"
(Challenge! Which story is this a parody of?)
Schuldig: "No. You're not paying me enough to do this."
Schu Engel: "Who's paying you? You're doing this under threat, remember?"
Schuldig: *chibi and thinking hard*
Schu Engel: "Takatori x SchuSchu?"
Schuldig: O_O! "Okay! The characters are as such:"
Brad – a little twelve year old boy
Farfie – a fallen angel
Aya – Abyssinian
Schuldig – narrator, sort of
Schuldig: "What do you mean 'sort of'?"
Schu Engel: "It doesn't need much narration." ^_^ *evil grin* "Have you actually read it?"
Schuldig: *scans through rest of the story* O_O!!!!!!! *pales* "Crawford is going to kill me."
Schu Engel: "So it be. Let the story begin! Narrator!"
Schuldig: *resigned sigh* "It was a bright and sunny morning. Little Brad Crawford was walking home from Sunday school. The birds were sinning, I mean, singing" *turns to Schu Engel* "Got a typo here."
Schu Engel: -_- "Continue reading or else."
Schuldig: "The birds were singing so gaily that Little Brad Crawford had to stop to admire them, despite the fact that his mother told him to go straight home."
You see a much younger looking Brad looking absolutely kawaii in a neat suit and a pair of glasses. He is glaring at the bird fluttering around him. What wouldn't he give to be old enough to possess firearms so he could shoot those annoying creatures.
Brad: *in monotone* "What happy little birds. I feel so happy looking at them go about their daily lives."
Schuldig + Schu Engel: *sweatdrop*
Schuldig: "Suddenly, an insane looking Irishman stepped out from behind some trees." *muttering* "Where did those trees come from? I could have sworn there was nothing there…"
Farfie steps out in front of Brad. And starts laughing.
Farfie: *rolling on the ground laughing*
Brad: *very annoyed* "What's so funny?"
Schu Engel: "Read your lines!" *holds a giant mallet over their heads*
All others: *sweatdrop*
Farfie: "Hello, little boy. Where are you off to? (and why are you holding that bible?)"
Brad: "I'm not allowed to talk to strangers so I'm going home now."
Schuldig: "Unknown to poor Little Brad Crawford, the insane Irishman was actually a fallen angel by the name of Jei. Now, Jei was a lot more than a little unbalanced. He did not participate in usual activities of the fallen, like tempting Man. He preferred to, quote 'hurt god' unquote, by himself." *pausing* "This is such a long paragraph!"
Schu Engel: *death glare*
Schuldig: *sweatdrop* "Seeing this little god-loving boy was making him sick."
Jei: *thinking* "If this child loves god" *shudder* "Then he must be innocent. God will cry if he gets hurt."
Voice in his head (actually Schuldig Engel but who cares?): "But God will cry more if you corrupt this innocent and make him hate god too."
Jei: *thinking* "Great idea!" *out loud* "Little boy, will you come with me for awhile?"
Brad: *makes a face* "No way! What do you think I am, a naïve little boy?"
Jei: *muttering* "Looks like it."
Schuldig: "So Little Brad Crawford ignored Jei and continued walking home. Jei was annoyed but he had another trick up his sleeve. He flew to Little Brad Crawford's house in double quick time and killed his mother, Hel, as well as the other annoying little girl. Who happened to be named Tot though it was pronounced as Toto."
Jei: *insanely* "God hurts!" *laughing*
Schuldig: "Being a fallen angel, he did not mind dressing up in the dead woman's clothes and crawling into bed."
Jei: "I'm going to wait until the little boy comes back then…" *maniacal cackling*
Schuldig: "Little Brad Crawford came home to an empty house."
Brad: "That's weird. Even if *chokes out* Mother isn't home, that annoying little girl will be."
Schuldig: "I quit."
Schu Engel: O_O?! "What about that Takatori x SchuSchu threat?"
Schuldig: "I figured that it wasn't so bad. So, which one were you planning?"
Schu Engel: *muttering* "Slut." *realises that Schu had just asked a question* "Pardon?"
Schuldig: "I asked, which Takatori were you pairing me up with?"
Schu Engel: *very seriously* "All of them."
Schuldig: O_o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *meekly* "I'll continue narrating."
Schu Engel: ^___________________________^
Schuldig: "So Little Brad Crawford called out to his mother."
Brad: "Hey, Mom? Are you home?"
Jei: *in a high, woman's voice* "Up here, I'm sick. Bring a cup of water up for me, please."
Brad: *blinks* "Uh…" *thinking* "Wasn't she still all right this morning?" *out loud* "Okay!"
Brad went into the kitchen and poured some water into a cup. He walked upstairs into his mother's room.
Brad: *staring* "Wow, Mother, how young you look."
Jei: "All the better for you to look at."
Brad: "Wow, I have never realised how many scars you have!"
Jei: "It was to spare your feelings."
Brad: "Wow, Mom, you sound like some guy who's cross-dressing who has ulterior motives like rape."
Jei: *grinning insanely* "I am."
Schuldig: *stares*
Schu Engel: "Stop drooling. You'll get a go later."
With a growl, Jei pulled the little boy into the bed, pulling out a knife and slashing all their clothes off.
Brad: "Help! Someone!"
Jei: "No one's going to hear you, little innocent boy. I'm going to rape you because you are so innocent and pretty. God will cry!"
Schu Engel: "Schuldig, the script."
Schuldig: "Hm? Oh yeah. Too bad for Jei, someone did hear Little Brad Crawford's shouts for help."
Aya: *looks curiously at the house*
Brad: "Someone, anyone, help me!"
Aya: *walks into the house, up the stairs, into the bedroom* "If I help you, do I get paid?"
Brad: "Yes, damn it!"
Aya: *blink* "Schwarz!" *notices what Farfie is actually doing* "You guys are sick!" *runs out of the house*
Schuldig: "And so Little Brad Crawford got raped and started hating god too. The two became lovers and decided to find some kitten to torture. The End."
Schu Engel: ^_^ "You may go now."
Schuldig: "Thank God."
Jie and Little Brad Crawford: "God?" *chases after Schuldig, grinning evilly*
Schuldig: "Help, angel of mine!"
Schu Engel: *pulls out one earphone* "Hm? I guess it was nothing." *puts phones back on*
Schu Engel: "Oh yeah! Did you enjoy the fic? It was a rather weird parody of Little Red Riding Hood. (and very lame, I know)"
Ende