52 Ways to Annoy Lucius Malfoy
On a rainy day, tell him not to go outside, otherwise he'll look like his sister-in-law, Bellatrix.
Ask him why he bought the whole Slytherin Quidditch team the best brooms money can buy, if they are only going to lose to a bunch of Griffindors and Potter.
Tell him he needs to get a new hairstyle; the disco time period is long over.
Ask him what his middle name is.
If he doesn't answer the question, cut off his hair in the middle of the night.
Tell him Draco hates him, and wants to see Voldemort kill him.
Ask why he has such a girly hairstyle, especially one that looks like Paris Hilton.
Dye his hair hot pink with lime green streaks in it, then say that his "white" (we all know it's blonde) hair made you depressed, and this looks so much better.
Steal his snake cane and hold it for ransom.
Steal his snake cane, and threaten to break off the snake head if he doesn't be nice to Harry Potter and stops trying to kill him.
Break the snake head off the cane anyway.
Tell him Draco did it.
Laugh when Draco gets grounded/punished.
Steal his snake cane, and poke/beat/whack him constantly with it during Death Eater meetings.
Tell him Snape has a HUGE crush on him, and warn him not to go anywhere near Snape's dungeons at night.
Give Snape a love potion, the object of who is Malfoy Sr. Don't warn Lucius of this at all.
Laugh when Snape starts stalking Lucius (at least until the potion wears off).
Make sure the potion doesn't wear off.
Tell him Narcissa only married him because she was forced to, and thinks that he is a gay little wimp.
Laugh when his face turns a dark shade of red.
Make his hairstylist give him a perm.
Laugh at the next Death Eater meeting when he comes in with a perm - look completely innocent while doing so.
Switch his wardrobe with Snape's (interesting outcome, to say the least).
Tell Voldemort to "borrow" Lucius's wand the next Death Eater meeting, and try to keep a straight face when Lucius almost bursts into tears.
Record that Death Eater meeting, and use it to blackmail him later on.
Dye all his underwear red and gold.
Tell him Dumbledore ordered you to do it.
Laugh when he storms into Dumbledore's office holding red and gold boxers, demanding what the meaning of this is, while Dumbledore is completely confused.
"Accidentally" set his hair on fire.
Put it out with a bucket of ice water. Say "sorry", but don't mean it at all afterwards. Try to keep a straight face.
Learn a spell that makes the victim have a high, squeaky voice.
You know what to do next.
Use the Imperius curse on him to make him start a rock and roll band with Snape.
Wonder aloud why they didn't get very far in their tour.
Make sure to duct tape him and Snape to something so they don't kill you when you take the curse off.
Leave them there for about a day or two.
Only give them sweets while they are duct taped to something.
When you let them go, tell them they now look fat - be as rude as possible.
Run away as fast as you can.
Tell him he has the hair of Lady Gaga.
Proceed to ask for his autograph.
If he doesn't give it to you, start singing "Poker Face" really loudly till he does.
For Christmas, give him a pair of scissors. Casually tell him he needs a haircut.
Two words: blonde jokes. The more the better.
Give him a blood lollipop from Honeydukes. When he doesn't eat it, ask him why a vampire would resist such a treat.
Hope he doesn't kill you.
Tell him you are now richer than he is, then flaunt some fake money.
Give him the Voldemort makeover.
Throw some of his priceless vases at him (or whatever priceless easy to throw items are lying around - a statue, maybe).
The next Death Eater meeting, after everything he says, go "bum bum bum" really loud.
Start singing the tune/song to the Phantom of the Opera every time he is around.
Ask him where he REALLY got all of his money.