HAT: Oh, my gosh, I can't with me... yes, this is about Grunkle Stan having to deal with Mabel's first period... I am officially done with me... Just read. You've been warned.
Disclaimer: Despite how I want to sometimes, I don't own Gravity Falls or it's characters, but the plot... now that belongs to me. Onward Aoshima!
It was an ordinary morning in the Mystery Shack. Stanford was glad that everything was running so smoothly- he'd waken up without his alarm and had a good breakfast prepared for himself and the kids- but- as usual- something had to happen that threw his regular days out of whack, but instead of supernatural hullabaloo that he's used to hearing about and experiencing, it's something much more mundane and- to him at least- much more terrifying to deal with. And it was only eight-thirty in the morning.
"Grunkle Stan, Grunkle Stan!" Dipper shouts at the top of his lungs as he nearly stumbles towards his great uncle in attempt to be as fast as possible.
"What is it?" Stanford asks, looking up from counting his money.
"Mabel's hurt!" Dipper insists, eyebrows furrowed and a worried frown in his face.
"What happened?"
"I don't know! Just come on!" The boy groans as he grabs the man's hand and pulls him towards the stairs.
Stanford rushes into the twin's room and finds Mabel sobbing as she sits in her bloody sheets as still as she possibly could be. At first he assumes that she's been stabbed or cut herself, but that doesn't explain why it's only around her-
Oh, no... this was supposed to happen when you got back to Piedmont! Stanford mentally yells, his entire body seizing up in alarm. Mabel Pines, his great niece, was- as everyone put it- becoming a woman. He wasn't ready. He wasn't prepared to give this speech no matter how much he assured her mother and aunt that he could. He was a man so he was able give Dipper advice when he reached that point (his voice was already cracking, the rest was bound to come sometime soon if it hadn't already), but as for the feminine stuff he couldn't do it.
"G-Grunkle Stan, what's wrong with me?" Mabel sobs.
It's okay, calm down- so much blood- calm down- Is she still bleeding?!- calm... this is your niece. You can do this, he thinks quickly, trying to gain the confidence to do this.
"Listen, sweetie... Um..." He takes off his fez and runs a hand through his hair to calm himself a little. "Grab some clean clothes and then go to the bathroom and... sit on... the toilet."
"Why?"
I-I-I-I-I can't! How do women do this?! I'm not prepared! Someone, help me! Dipper! Dipper, you're smart! You have to know about this already, explain it to her! Obviously this is not said aloud, but he has to continue on despite how much he hates it. He can't even look her in the eye! It's like he's lying to her about the pig all over again, but this time he isn't. Please tell me I'm not blushing...
He wasn't, but his face felt hot all the same and- in face- his face was paler than before as if he were the one losing blood.
"So that way the blood gets in there instead of all over the sheets and... um... wipe... wipe up down there," he grunts as he coughs into his fist.
"Is she gonna be okay?" Dipper asks, his worried brown eyes on his twin.
"Yeah," Stan assures. "And put your shorts in the sink and... the other in the sink, too... make sure they soak in some water. Dipper, is Wendy here today?"
"No, she has the day off."
Damn it! Of all the days for me to be a good boss! He thinks. "Well, call her and tell her to meet me at the store now and you go tell Soos that he has to use the portable toilets until all of this is resolved."
"What is this?" the boy demands as he watches his grukle pull the sheets off the bed and go to the empty laundry basket to dump them in.
"I- uh- gotta go to the store, I'll be back later," Stan stutters and immediately goes down to the car and takes off to the store. Several minutes later he is in the feminine products isle and looking at everything in confusion. He doesn't know what to get his niece for whatever this is, which is why he has to have Wendy there to help him.
"Mr. Pines?!" Wendy calls.
Stanford jumps and ducks into the man hygiene area and sticks his head from that isle. "Over here!"
"What's up, Mr-"
He drags her into the feminine products section and points to the multitude of products. "What do I get?"
The redhead takes a moment to take in which isle they are in before she realizes what he means. "Oh... her first time?"
"Yes and I don't know what to get."
Wendy immediately grabs two large packages of pads that say "Always," some sorts of wipes, and something called a "pantyliner" as well. "Let's go check out."
"Here's some money, go pay for it," he whispers, shoving the money towards her.
She frowns. "Mr. Pines, this is your niece. Do you love her?"
He gapes at her. "Of course I do!"
She gives him a serious look that consists of lowering her chin slightly, frowning lightly, and bringing her eyebrows together. "Then buy the pads."
He sighs and grabs the items and walks to the cash register, noting how Wendy goes immediately to the door, and starts counting his money as the items are scanned without so much as a glance toward the cashier.
"Your girl's first period?"
He glances up at the older woman with deep mocha skin, hazel eyes, and curly salt-n-pepper hair and decides that he'll throw her a bone- she's pretty enough to answer. "Yeah..."
"I think that's sweet. That'll be seventeen-fifty-three. Mind if I give you some advice?"
"Sure, go ahead," he grumbles, handing over a twenty dollar bill.
"Try not to be too awkward about it. And be calm," she says with a kind smile as she hands him his change. "You know everything about periods, right?"
"Generally, yeah," he shrugs.
"How long it lasts and how she needs to take extra care of her v-"
"Please don't say it," he begs, his face read.
She giggles at his reaction. "Of that area?"
"Y-yes," he grumbles, tugging at his collar. "Is it getting a little warm in here to you?"
"I suppose," the woman- Estelle her name tag says upon further inspection- replies to save him a bit more embarrassment and hands him the plastic bag. "Good luck."
"Thanks," he grunts, taking the plastic bag and fleeing out of the store so that he can go home and deal with his niece- and panicking nephew when he considers it.
"I think she likes you," Wendy says as she gets in step with him.
He doesn't reply and gets in his car and throws the plastic bag in the passenger's seat and drives to the Mystery Shack. As soon as he pulls up he sees Dipper running towards him.
"She told me she hasn't stopped bleeding! What's happening to her? I've looked and there's no supernatural explanation for it," Dipper shouts.
"Kid, calm down. It's a natural process for women... now I've gotta take care of it. You stay out here."
With that said he grips the plastic bag tighter and goes to the bathroom and knocks on the door.
"Who is it?"
"Your Grunkle Stan," he says, pulling out the pads. "Now, I want you to... to wipe up and use these things I have for you, okay?"
After a minute or two the door opens a crack and he- with his eyes closed as tightly as physically possible- holds out the bag and she takes it. Several more minutes tick by and he paces in front of the door anxiously while mentally giving himself a pep talk.
You got this... you're a man and men can do anything! It's just a talk about her period and how she's growing into a young woman. It's no different than giving Dipper the talk when I found him spying on girls... yeah, just the same... Just gotta come at it strong and be a little sweet since she's a girl- ocrapshe'scomingout!
He turns and finds her standing there awkwardly with a pout on her face. "Grunkle Stan, what's going on?"
This is it. "You'd better come sit down while we talk about this," he grumbles, going to the closet room- the attic- and sits her in a chair while he sits down on Dipper's bed- of conscious choice because he realizes that there's a small blood stain on her bed. "Alright, sweetie... You're probably wondering what's going on with your body right now. Well, there's something called the menstrual cycle or- better known as- the time of the month."
Already the girl looks horrified.
To be honest he was too.
-SEVERAL (HORRIFYING) MINUTES LATER-
He finishes his little speech with, "Any- uh- any questions?"
"No."
"Good... any other questions you have you can ask me- though you should probably ask Wendy if you want better answers," he says before coughing into his fist. "So- uh- yeah... I'm gonna go... do stuff."
He flees from his niece as quickly as he possibly can and grabs the laundry basket. He goes into the bathroom and sheds his jacket and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt before he gets on his knees and turns the water on in the tub. He- despite everything that tells him to burn the sheets and buy new ones- hand washes them as best he can to get as much blood out of them as possible. He makes himself imagine that he accidentally stabbed himself and blood got on the sheets to make it a little easier on himself. When he's sure that he's gotten as much out as he can he stops the water and goes to the sink.
Oh, dear, Lord, don't make me do this, he thinks, looking at the shorts- which isn't what he's worried about- and the panties. Still he starts with the shorts and washes them out as best as he can, being sure that he isn't seeing pink water, before he moves onto the panties. You love your niece... you love your niece.
No one could ever say he didn't love his niece because he has never washed any female's underwear in his entire life- let alone when her period blood's all over it. After he's done cleaning that he gathers everything: the sheets, shorts, and underwear and goes to the washer and throws everything in and starts it before running to the kitchen sink- the nearest one to him- and washes his hands at least fourteen times before he feels even remotely close to clean again.
He walks into the gift shop and finds Mabel listening attentively to Wendy as she explains more on what Stan left out and he feels something squeeze his chest, more so on the left than on the right when he realizes that this little girl is growing into a young woman and won't be his little girl anymore.
"Grunkle Stan? Are you crying?" Dipper asks.
Am I? He thinks as he quickly wipes at his eyes. "No. There's dust in my eye."
Mabel walks over and gives him a big hug. "I love you, Grunkle Stan."
He smiles softly. "Love you, too kid... but ya didn't hear that from me," he grunts, trying to regain a bit of his toughness, but fails when he sees the smiles on the other's face. "Alright, let's- uh- I dunno, eat breakfast."
"That'd be great!" Mabel says cheerfully and rushes to the kitchen.
That wasn't as bad as I thought, he thinks, knowing how much of a lie that is to himself as he goes into the kitchen to get something to eat.
HAT: I don't know where this came from, but I got it from somewhere. Next chapter is gonna be different, but the period thing's gonna be there, too... *shakes head* Something's wrong with me.
Mabel: That would've been very awkward.
HAT: I know, and coming from Stan?
Mabel: *shivers* Anyway. Review, please!