For What It's Worth

by sandybeliever

"Just like flesh and bone need time to heal, so does our psyche. He'll get through this," Dr. Berry said and Hutch nodded.

For What It's Worth

"This place stinks," Starsky whispered.

"Well, yeah – what did you expect from an old fish processing factory?" Hutch whispered back with a grin.

Starsky stared at the bottom of his blue Adidas in the dim light and grimaced. "Gross, Hutch. What is that?"

Hutch chuckled again softly. "It's all for a good cause if we find those poor people."

"I suppose," Starsky replied but continued to pout as he attempted to scrape the goo off on the edge of a large wooden crate.

The walkie talkie in his hand crackled to life. All units, move in. Repeat, move in.

Both Starsky and Hutch drew their weapons from their holsters in matching movements. With a glance and a nod at each other, they led the other officers out of the building.

Hutch reached the outside corner of the building first. With his weapon held high, he leaned around slowly to scope out the area. The docks were just three hundred feet in front of him. The shadowy figures of the other teams moved in silent formation toward the floating hulk of a ship, the Buena Aventuras.

Hutch looked up to see a police sniper on the building across the lot, his rifle trained on the darkened ship. He couldn't see them, but he knew there were three more not far off. Hutch stiffened as a figure appeared on the deck of the ship. All movement forward stopped. The figure was just a silhouette but it was obvious when he placed a rifle strap over his shoulder. A lighter flared as he lit a cigarette. Hutch felt Starsky move closer to him as the muffled pfoot of the sniper rifle sounded. The figure on the ship fell, the sound of the rifle hitting the metal deck echoed off the surrounding buildings.

The group began to move closer, their speed increasing now that there was a good possibility others would either be alarmed by the sound of their comrade falling or—at the very least—coming out to look for him when he didn't return.

By the time their team reached the edge of the dock, Hutch could hear alarm in the muffled voices inside the large boat. He motioned behind him to Starsky who nodded his understanding and the group moved in to take the ship.

It seemed like time stood still after that but Hutch was sure only five or six minutes had passed by the time they captured the crew. Hutch knelt down and picked up the weapons of the two dead smugglers at his feet. He nodded as uniforms passed by him with the others in cuffs. He looked around for his partner.

"Starsky?"

"Down here."

Hutch followed the echoing voice of his friend into the hatch and down the companionway. Other officers not involved with moving the prisoners off the ship followed. The light from their flashlights bounced off the bulkheads around them. Reaching the front of the ship, Hutch saw Starsky lifting a heavy metal bar from a rusty door.

"This has to be it, they are in here."

Hutch joined Starsky in lifting the bar. They both took hold of the handle and with a grunt, slowly opened the old metal door.

The smell emanating from the enclosed space knocked Hutch's head back. He quickly covered his nose and mouth with his hand as the combined flashlights lit the area. Starsky stood completely still, his harms hanging at his sides, his own flashlight forgotten as he stared at the group of men, women and children before him.

Again, time seemed to stand still as Hutch's eyesight cleared enough for him to notice a dark figure stand up at the back of the enclosure.

With a snap, time sped back up as he shouted out, "Get down!" Hutch lunged toward Starsky who hadn't reacted to his warning. A shot rang out followed by the 'oof' from Starsky as the bullet found it's mark. Hutch landed on the hard flooring first with Starsky dropping on top of him. One more gunshot sounded as the children began to scream and cry weakly.

"We got him," someone shouted above Hutch's head.

"Starsky? Starsky are you all right?" Hutch pushed himself out from under his partner and looked down into his friend's eyes which just stared, as if unseeing. Hutch looked over to see blood seeping through Starsky's jacket at the shoulder. "Oh my God, Starsk, he hit you." Hutch pushed himself onto his knees. "I need medics, now!"

"Is he dead?" a younger officer asked when he looked down.

"No, he's not dead!" Hutch cried out as he grabbed a towel off a counter and pressed it to the wound. He watched as Starsky's chest rose and fell in rhythm. Hutch stifled a relieved sob. "He's breathing," he said quietly—more to himself than anyone else. "Hey, Buddy. You okay? Starsk?"

Starsky finally blinked slowly and winced as if just feeling the pain of the bullet. "Hutch?"

"Yeah, I'm here. He got you in the shoulder, that's all." Hutch moved around to rest Starsky's head in his lap. Overhead lights flared above them as someone found the switch. Hutch shielded Starsky's eyes with his free hand as he kept pressure on the bullet wound. "You scared me." Starsky's eyes pinched closed either from the glare of the light, the pain, or both. Hutch wasn't sure. "What the hell was he doing inside with them?"

When Starsky didn't answer, Hutch studied him, confused. He leaned his head back with a sigh but regretted it as the stench of the human waste, sweat and misery assaulted him again. He watched with disgust as two uniformed officers helped a middle-aged man out of the prison enclosure.

"That's the last of the ones that are still alive except for one older woman who is too sick to move, Captain," one of the officers reported as Dobey approached. "Paramedics are with her."

"Thank you, and send in the next pair of medics when they arrive," Dobey said to the man, although his eyes were studying his detectives on the floor. He pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and covered his lower face as he stooped down. "How is he?"

"It doesn't look too bad," Hutch said but his expression conveyed his true feelings. "I thought we had two medical units outside?"

"One got called away just before you got the order to converge. They'll be here in a few minutes. Looks like you've got the bleeding stopped." Dobey looked over to Starsky's face. "I don't want you mooching time off for this, Starsky."

Dobey waited but didn't get a reply. He looked up at Hutch who just shook his head and mouthed "I don't know," in reply to Dobey's unasked question.

Twenty minutes later the paramedics had Starsky packaged up and on his way to the hospital. "I'll be there soon, Starsk," Hutch said as the ambulance doors closed. Hutch let out a weary sigh as he dug his car keys from his pocket. He turned toward his superior, "Captain, do you mind…"

"He needs you, go."

Hutch forced a smile. "Thanks."

Dobey looked down at his feet. "I know every bullet wound is serious but…Starsky seemed really out of it. Did he hit his head in the fall?"

Hutch shook his head. "No, he landed on top of me so I would have known that. I did have the medics check him for concussion just in case. They saw no signs of one." Hutch jangled the keys in his hand. "Captain…"

"Call me when you know something. I'll need you at the station first thing tomorrow for the debrief."

"Yes, sir. I'll be there." Hutch hurried off, glancing down at his pocket watch to realize 'first thing in the morning' was only four hours away. Jumping into the beat up Ford, he cranked the engine and maneuvered between the police and swat vehicles.

~ S & H ~

"The doctors are with him now and I will come get you when they are done. Please have a seat in the waiting room," the nurse huffed and turned back to her chart work.

Hutch ran a hand through his hair and stared down the long hall in the emergency room. The waiting room was crowded with all sorts of Bay City's population. He had arrived too late to see which room they brought his partner to and it was too busy to figure it out by watching the comings and goings of the hospital staff. Defeated, Hutch headed for the coffee machine. He stuck his hand into his pocket and came up with three pennies and a button from his shirt. Just as he muttered a curse under his breath, a slender black hand came into view sporting a palm full of quarters.

"Huggy!" Hutch said, genuinely surprised to see his friend.

"Dobey called on his way back to the station. Thought you may need a friendly face."

"Aw, Hug, you didn't have to come in here at this time of night. I really don't think he's too bad. Just a shoulder wound."

"That's what the good captain said when he called yet he sounded pretty worried. What gives?"

Hutch shook his head. "Not sure yet. Let's wait to hear what the doctor says. Coffee?"

Huggy screwed up his face. "No way would I drink that swill. I'll wait until the cafeteria opens."

Hutch's cold forgotten coffee sat beside him on the table. He had leaned his head back against the wall and started to doze when the sights, sounds and smells of the night woke him with a start. He felt Huggy pat him on the forearm.

"Rough night," Huggy stated with no questioning tone in his voice. "Want to talk about it?"

Hutch rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Remember we told you about the human trafficking ring we'd been trying to bust?"

"I do. You made them?" Huggy asked and Hutch nodded. "Tell me you busted those motherfu…" Huggy stopped and looked around the crowded waiting room. "Please tell me they are either incarcerated or otherwise, shall we say, in the hands of the county M.E."

"Yeah, we nailed them."

Huggy nodded his head. "Happy to hear it. And our eager boy got caught in the crossfire?"

It was Hutch's turn to nod. "Yeah, but we thought we had them all. Starsky went down to free the victims." Hutch's eyes clouded as he remembered opening the locked room. "But there was one of them in there with those people. No one expected that." He breathed in a lung full of air as if to clear away the memory of the stench. "I tried to warn him, tried to knock him out of the way…but I wasn't able to."

Huggy chuckled darkly. "I bet you got an earful from good old Starsky when you almost put yourself in the line of the bullet." Huggy studied Hutch's face as he stared at the floor, his brow knitted with thought.

"No, he just went blank. I could barely get a response out of him and he was fine other than the shoulder…I think."

"Huh. Well, we'll hear soon enough."

"Mr. Hutchinson?" A nurse stood at the entrance to the waiting area.

"I tell ya, I'm psychic," Huggy quipped as he stood up alongside Hutch.

"I'm Sergeant Hutchinson," Hutch said then hurried after the nurse. She led him into a large room at the end of the hall. Hutch looked around and shuddered as he remembered being in this overly-blue room before when Starsky had been poisoned. As before, Starsky lay on the examining table covered in a sheet. He was bare chested, his left shoulder wrapped in yards of gauze.

"The doctor will be in a minute," the nurse said curtly and left the room.

Hutch studied his friend's face. He seemed to be deeply asleep, no sign of pain or anxiety evident on his features. Hutch relaxed and put his hand over Starsky's.

The door opened and the doctor came in looking down at a chart. Without looking up, he spouted off Starsky's vitals, the treatment plan, what to expect and ended with "He can go home in a day or two."

Hutch's mouth hung open for a moment before he clapped it shut and asked, "He's okay then?"

"Yes, that's what I just told you."

Resisting the urge to snap at the cold doctor, Hutch looked down at the bandages. "No surgery?"

"Yes, but we were able to perform it right here in the ER. Popped out the bullet and stitched him up." He motioned toward an IV drip. "He'll be on antibiotics to keep any infection in check."

Hutch smiled, thankful the doctor was acting more like a human being and happy to hear Starsky was going to be okay.

"He'll be heading up to a room in about an hour."

"Thank you, Doctor."

With a nod, the man left the room. Hutch stood silently next to Starsky for a few moments before breathing in a sign of relief. He looked at his watch and grimaced. "Dobey will be looking for me soon." He leaned down near Starsky's ear. "Buddy, I have to go to the precinct for a while but I'll be back."

Long dark lashes fluttered against Starsky's pale cheeks before they slid open. After a few blinks, his eyes focused on Hutch's grinning face. "Hey ya, Hutch."

"Hey, yourself. How ya feeling?"

Starsky took a moment to do a self-assessment. "Shoulder hurts. M'thirsty."

"I'll ask them to bring you some water. And you took a bullet in that shoulder."

"Mm," Starsky grunted. "Member that." He smiled up at Hutch. "You're okay, right?"

Hutch nodded. "Oh yeah, not a scratch. Just going to have some nightmares about that boat for a while."

"Jus' another day at the office." Starsky grinned again. "Tired."

Hutch tried to hide the concern he felt at Starsky's lighthearted remark. "Yeah, me too. You get some sleep while I go button this thing up with Dobey and the boys." Hutch pulled out the button he'd found in his pocket and waggled it in front of Starsky, making him snicker.

"'Night, see ya later."

"See ya, Pal." Hutch patted Starsky's good shoulder, watched until he was sure Starsky was asleep again, and left the room in search of Huggy. He didn't have far to search as the bartender was just outside the door.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, he's going to be fine. He's asleep now," Hutch said nodding back over his shoulder toward the exam room. "Look, Huggy, I have to get to Metro…"

"Say no more, I'll stay with Sleeping Ugly until you get back."

Hutch snickered at Huggy's teased insult then took one more concerned look at the door of Starsky's exam room before he left the hospital.

Hutch burst through the double doors of the squad room and spotted Dobey standing just outside his office.

"There you are, Hutchinson, they are waiting on you in the debrief room."

"Sorry, Captain," Hutch said as he turned to immediately leave again.

"How is he?"

"Seems okay, he's heading upstairs to a regular room anytime now."

"Well, they won't need me in there for a few hours. I'll head to the hospital in a while and check in on your partner."

Hutch stepped back into the squad room. "That would be great. Huggy is there but I'd feel better if you went to see how Starsky is." Dobey made a face at the mention of Huggy Bear's name and Hutch suppressed a grin. "Thanks, Captain."

Three hours later, Hutch dragged himself out of the debriefing with three empty Styrofoam coffee cups in his hands.

"Hutch, you need to get some sleep, you've been up for at least twenty-four hours now, I bet."

Hutch looked up at his fellow detective as he dropped the empty cups into the trash. "I have, Randy. I want to go back to the hospital but I'm going to grab a nap at my place before I do. Do me a favor and let Dobey know, would you? If I even walk into the squad room, I'll end up seeing all that paperwork and start in on it."

Randy waved as Hutch walked away. "You got it." He pushed through the squad room doors and walked down to Dobey's office. Finding it empty, he shrugged and walked down the hall toward the records room to get to work on his own reports, never thinking to follow up with Dobey's secretary as he passed her.

~ S&H ~

Hutch heard the phone ringing as he unlocked his apartment door. He grabbed the phone but heard only a dial tone on the other end. Hanging up the phone, he began to unbutton his shirt and kick off his shoes as the headed toward his bed. He was asleep in minutes.

"Starsky? You okay?"

"Sure, Hutch, why wouldn't I be okay?" Starsky said smiling up at him from the deck of the ship.

Hutch got up and stood over Starsky who simply laid there and grinned. A chuckled rose up from him then he opened his mouth and laughed. Hutch didn't understand what Starsky was laughing at. Behind him, a baby screamed in a steady repeating pattern.

"Stop laughing, Starsky. Stop!"

The persistent ringing of the telephone penetrated Hutch's exhausted mind, changing from a ring to a scream. Hutch tossed and turned, mumbling in his sleep. The phone stopped ringing just as Hutch bolted awake.

He threw his legs over the side of the bed and sat up, holding his head in his hands. He groaned and pushed himself up, grabbing his shirt. He washed up quickly, deciding to forego a shower. He scowled at his unshaven face, brushed his teeth quickly and left just before the phone began to ring again.

Hutch walked into the main entrance of the hospital and asked the woman at the information desk for Starsky's room number.

Looking down at her list, the older woman ran her finger down the list, stopping at David Starsky. "He's on Four West, room 402. But, there is a notation to have visitors stop at the nurse's desk first.

Hutch's stomach flipped. "Oh, why's that?" He tried to hide his concern.

"I don't have any more information. You can speak to the nurses on his floor."

Hutch forced a smile. "Of course, thank you very much."

In the elevator Hutch wondered why he needed to stop at the desk. He tried to come up with plausible explanations as he anxiously watched the floor numbers above the elevator door.

Once off the elevator, he looked up at the sign on the wall that directed him to Four West. He was walking toward the nurses' desk when he heard Dobey quietly call his name.

"Captain, what's up? I was told to check in at the desk."

Dobey looked around him and spotted a small seating area just down the hall. "Come with me," Dobey said has he laid his hand on Hutch's arm to guide him to the little room. Hutch's stomach flipped again as his heart raced in his chest. Reaching the privacy of the room, Dobey sat down wearily but wasn't surprised when Hutch didn't follow his lead, instead standing with his hands on his hips. "Sit down, Ken. You are too tall and I'm tired. Please."

"What's going on?" Hutch asked as he sat down on the edge of the seat across from his superior.

"Starsky is being evaluated by a psychiatrist right now. That's why they don't want people going into his room."

"Psychiatrist, why?" Hutch's heart slowed down a bit when he heard Starsky wasn't physically sicker but this was something he didn't expect.

Dobey leaned back in his chair. "When I got here, he was awake and talking to Huggy. He seemed fine."

"That's good, right?"

"Well, normally I would say yes. Huggy didn't seem to think anything was wrong. He left and told Starsky he'd be back tonight. I started talking to Dave then and I just got this strange feeling."

"About?"

"He seemed just too 'up' for someone that witnessed what you all witnessed last night. So, after a while I started to ask him about it."

Hutch scooted closer to the edge of his seat in concern. "Captain, did he get emotional? I mean, did he flip out or something?"

"No, nothing like that," Dobey said somberly. "I wasn't there when you first went in but I got there in time to see what they were pulling out of that cargo hold. It was putrid." Dobey took in a breath and scrubbed his face with a large hand. "Tell me what you saw, Hutch."

Hutch's eyes dropped to the floor as the memory washed over him. "People suffering, dead, dying. The worst thing was the woman right inside the door. She couldn't have been more than twenty. She held a baby in her arms, a toddler."

Hutch stood up abruptly and went to the window. He stared into the bright sunshine for a moment, his back to Dobey. When he turned around, Dobey saw the look in his eyes and stood to join him. "Go on," Dobey whispered.

"He…the little boy…he was dead. Just, well…freshly dead." Hutch put the back of his hand over his mouth. "He was covered with flies and maggots. Vomit trailed from his mouth." Hutch looked down at the floor. "Oh my God, Harold. I can't get the image out of my mind. The look at the mother's face…" Hutch let out a choked sob and turned away.

Dobey reached out and rubbed Hutch's back soothingly. "I'm sorry, but I needed to know."

Hutch nodded silently. Dobey watched as he wiped the tears from his eyes before turning back to face him. "If we had just gotten there sooner…"

"Don't put yourself through that. Listen, you'll be required to see the precinct psychologist, be prepared." His voice lowered, expecting a fight from his detective but Hutch just nodded his head in acceptance. It was then he knew how bad his men were suffering, all except one.

"I spent almost an hour with Starsky. We'd talk a while then I would bring up last night again but he still didn't seem upset. Eventually, I flat out asked him what he saw."

"And what did he say?"

"The scene he painted was much different than yours. Everyone was fine, the mother you told me about thanked Starsky before she and her very much alive baby walked off the ship."

"What?" Hutch snapped.

"Starsky fell asleep so I went to speak to his doctor and then we both went to the Mental Health department. The psychiatrist has been with him since he woke up – about an hour or so."

Hutch went back to the chair he had vacated and dropped down into it. His elbows rested on his knees, his hands dangling between his legs. He bowed his head. "And I went home to take a nap," he said angrily.

"Come on, you couldn't have known," Dobey said, his ire rising.

"I could have called to check on my partner – my best friend!" Hutch said, leaping back to his feet.

"And they would have told you how he was – physically doing well and resting." He stared into Hutch's bright blue eyes. "Right?"

Hutch relented and the self-hatred left his face. "I guess you're right."

"Starsky isn't suffering, Ken. He feels fine, he has been resting. He didn't need you there. Don't beat yourself up, understand?" Hutch stood quietly for a minute, deep in thought. "Do you understand?" Dobey repeated.

"Okay. Yes. Thank you, Captain." Hutch looked toward the hallway. "When can I see him?"

As if on cue, a woman in a lab coat walked by the entrance to the seating area then turned back when she saw Dobey. "Captain Dobey, there you are."

"Dr. Berry. This is Dave's partner, Ken Hutchinson," Dobey said as he motioned toward Hutch.

The woman regarded Hutch carefully. "So nice to meet you," she said as she extended her hand. "I'm Dr. Sarah Berry from the Mental Health ward upstairs. I've just spent some time with your partner, Dave. Please join me in the office across from the ward. Dave's doctor told me I could use it to meet with you."

Hutch nervously followed the slender woman out of room and down the hall. Dobey followed along. Once inside, Dr. Berry offered them both coffee then poured herself a cup and sat down. She saw Hutch fidgeting nervously with his coffee spoon.

"So, Captain Dobey tells me you've been partnered with Dave for quite a few years."

"Y-yes, that's r-right." Hutch cleared his throat, angry at the stutter in his voice.

"Dave speaks of you highly. I can tell you're very close."

"He's my best friend. Closer than a brother."

Dr. Berry leaned back and smiled as she sipped her coffee. "He said the same thing about you. I'm glad you're here."

Hutch put his cup down on the edge of the desk near him and slid up in his seat. "Dr. Berry, I apologize for not being here until now. I-I didn't know." He looked over at Dobey. "I realize now I was sleeping through the phone ringing." He looked down at his hands. "I was having nightmares."

"That's certainly understandable, Ken. May I call you Ken?" At Hutch's nod, she continued. "I've heard some of what went on last night and you have every right to need your rest. In fact, it's important that you are clear headed so we can work through what's going on with your partner."

"And what exactly is going on?" Hutch asked, tamping down his panic and wishing everyone would just get to the point.

"Am I correct to assume Dave was in the military?"

Dobey spoke up. "Yes, he was in the Army. He served in Vietnam."

Dr. Berry looked back and forth between the two men in front of her. "Has he spoken to either of you about that experience?"

Dobey shook his head and looked over at Hutch who shrugged. "Not much. I have a feeling he doesn't like to dredge it up. He's alluded to it a few times. I don't push him to talk about it."

"I thought as much," Dr. Berry said as she took another sip of coffee. She could see the anxious look in the men's eyes so she put her coffee aside and rested her forearms on her desk, folding her hands together. "I'm going to need to work with Dave quite a bit over the next few weeks. It is my belief that what happened last night caused him some sort of mental trauma."

"Oh, Starsk," Hutch whispered. His cheeks flushed red when he realized he had spoken aloud. Looking over at Dobey then back to the doctor, he said, "I knew something was wrong – beyond the gunshot wound. He seemed to shut down at first. That's why he didn't see the crewman with the gun."

Dr. Berry nodded. "I'm not surprised. Just like our eyes will shut at a flash of bright light, our minds will do the same thing."

"He seemed to come around fairly quickly," Hutch offered.

"But he was calm?"

"Yes, he even joked. I thought he might have struck his head but I knew that he hadn't." Hutch shuffled in his seat. "Can I see him?"

"He's sleeping now, which he needs." Dr. Berry saw the worry and sadness in Hutch's eyes. "You can go in soon. Just try not to wake him."

Hutch smiled slightly. "Thank you. And what should I say?"

"Talk to him as you normally would. Answer any questions he may have. He may start to remember the incident on his own. Encourage that and be there to support him." She paused before continuing. "But I don't think it will be that easy. I think it will take some work." She watched Dobey and hutch nod their understanding. "I'm going to keep him here during treatment." Hutch looked alarmed so she put up her hand, "It is for his own good. He shouldn't be alone at any time just in case he can't deal with the memories of last night and of his time in the war."

"He won't be alone, Doctor. I will stay with him every minute. I'll take a leave from work."

"Hutch, don't be rash. Let the doctors do their work."

Hutch stood up. "I'm not going to get in the way, he can go home and I'll bring him in for…treatment."

"Sit down, son," Dobey said softly but in a firm voice. Hutch sat back down and hung his head.

"I've already talked to Dave about working with him, having sessions with him. He seemed fine with it and joked, 'Hutch'll hate talking to a shrink.'" She smiled. "He just assumes it is protocol for everyone."

"He's right. Hutch will see our department shrink…er, psychologist. Everyone will."

Dr. Berry chuckled. "I don't mind the term, really. I just don't understand how it came to be, but that is neither here nor there. Ken, I'll take your offer under advisement. For now, Dave will stay here in the hospital and I may or may not move him to the psychiatric ward depending on how he is. That step can set patients back so as long as he is not a danger to himself or others, he'll stay here on Four West. I've already cleared it with his physician."

"Thank you, Dr. Berry," Dobey said as he stood up.

Hutch also stood up and offered his hand. "Yes, thank you very much."

"You're very welcome. And don't worry, we'll get through this. It will most likely be painful – enough to make a bullet wound seem like the easy part. Go ahead and see him. I'll wait until tomorrow when they can lessen his pain medication before really starting my work with him. I don't want you to stay long though, Ken. For both your sakes."

"You heard the lady, Hutchinson. I'm calling Huggy to make sure you aren't still here when he comes back."

Hutch gave a weary smile, "Using my own friends against me, huh?"

"You bet your a…um…booty," Dobey replied. He smiled over at Dr. Berry when she laughed.

"It sounds like Dave has a lot of good friends to support him. Ken, I'll be in my office on the sixth floor if you need to speak to me before you leave. Here's my card." She handed her business card to Dobey and Hutch. "I'll speak to you tomorrow, if not before."

"Thanks again," Hutch said as she left. He looked over at Dobey expectantly.

"I'm heading home – go see your partner. Call me when you get home." Dobey peered at Hutch intently.

"Okay, I get it. I won't stay long."

"All right then. I'll talk to you tonight. And you are off the roster for the next two days."

Hutch gave a genuine smile. "Thank you, Captain."

"I'll speak to the psychologist at the station. Maybe working with Dr. Berry and Starsky will be enough therapy for you right now."

"I'd appreciate that. I want to spend as much time as I can right here."

"I know you do. Well, goodnight, Hutch."

"Goodnight, Captain."

Hutch crossed the hall back into the medical wing and headed to Starsky's room after clearing it with the nurse at the desk.

The room lights were dimmed and Hutch could see Starsky sleeping peacefully. Hutch quietly walked over and picked up the chair in the corner and moved it closer to the bed. After making sure that his best friend wasn't in any distress or having a bad dream, Hutch sat down wearily. He thought about all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours as he rubbed his tired eyes.

"Hutch. Hutch?"

Hutch bolted awake and was immediately assaulted by cramped stiff muscles in his neck and back. "Ow. Hey Starsky, you're awake." Hutch arched his back as he tried to ease the pain in his back.

"More than I can say for you, you big lummox. What are you doing sleeping in that torture chamber of a chair?"

"Uh, I guess I dozed off. Sorry."

"Aw, don't apologize. It's nice to see you."

Hutch stood up and smiled down at Starsky. His color was good and his eyes were clear. "How are you feeling, Buddy?"

"My shoulder kind of aches but you know how that is. I'm fine."

"You look good. Probably better than I do."

"I'd have to agree with you on that," Hutch jumped at the sound of Huggy's voice behind him.

"Oh, Huggy, you startled me. Oh shit…you're here."

"Don't act so happy about that," Huggy joked.

"What time is it?" Hutch asked frantically as he pawed at his pockets for his watch.

"It's seven o'clock, why?" Huggy asked as an aide walked in with a tray of food.

"All right, dinner!" Starsky exclaimed as he forgot about his shoulder and clapped his hands together. "Ouch."

"You slept through the first dinner so I brought you a burger and fries," the young man said as he removed the cover from the dish.

"Seven? Dobey is going to demote me if he finds out I'm still here. Hutch picked up the phone and dialed Dobey's home number. "Be quiet for a minute."

Starsky grabbed a hold of his burger with his right hand and after a bit of maneuvering, got it to his mouth and took a bite. "Mm, good."

"Shhhh!" Hutch reprimanded.

"Okay, okay," Starsky pouted and Huggy snorted.

Hutch pointed his finger in warning at Huggy then at Starsky as he heard Dobey answer the phone.

Dobey residence.

"Captain, hi. It's Hutch. Just wanted to let you know I'm home and headed to bed."

Oh really? How's Starsky?

"Oh fine, just fine. He had a good dinner, not too uncomfortable." Hutch grinned into the phone.

And how was the walk?

"W-walk? W-what walk is that?"

The one you took when you left your car in the hospital parking lot, Dobey said angrily. I know it's still sitting there because I had a patrol car check not five minutes ago.

"Uh, um…" Hutch sputtered. Huggy and Starsky started laughing loudly. "Truth is, I fell asleep as soon as I got in here."

Dobey softened. I understand, Hutch. Just promise me you'll get some real sleep tonight.

"I promise. Thanks."

Tell the boys I said hello and I will see you and Starsky tomorrow.

As Hutch hung up the phone, Starsky asked, "So will you be walking a beat or do I still have a partner?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Seriously, Hutch. I'm okay, why don't you go home and sleep in a real bed. I'm not going anywhere."

Hutch studied Starsky and looked over at Huggy who nodded. "Yeah, okay. Are you sure you are okay?"

"Never better…well, pretty good at least. They'll give me a pain pill after dinner and I'll be out like a light anyway."

"Yeah, I'll hang around until visiting hours end then I'll be back at the bar."

Hutch said his goodbyes then headed to the nurse's desk and asked that they keep watch over Starsky in case he had nightmares.

"We've all been briefed by Dr. Berry and her team. No need to worry, sir."

S & H

The next morning Hutch came out of the bathroom wrapped in one towel and drying his hair with another. He walked over to his favorite spider plant. "Beginning to feel like a human being again, Arlene. How are you feeling today?" The phone rang as Hutch began to water the plant. "Hold that thought," he said to the plant as he picked up the phone. "Hello?"

Ken, it's Dr. Berry at the hospital.

Hutch put down the watering can and held onto the phone with both hands. "Everything okay, Doctor?"

Oh yes, I'm sorry to worry you. I just wanted to let you know I'm about to meet with Dave in a few minutes. I thought you'd want to see him but can you wait until around 11 a.m. before you arrive?

"Oh, sure," Hutch said as he relaxed his grip on the phone.

I just want to have some time to speak to him alone but I do want you there later. Thanks for understanding. And going forward, I'd like to see you each morning at that same time. Do you think you can manage the time from work?

Hutch sat down in a kitchen chair, weary at the thought of this going on for more than the two days he already had off from work. He rubbed his tense forehead with his fingers. "Of course, I'll clear it with Captain Dobey. Anything you need."

Wonderful. I will see you at eleven then?

"Yes, see you then. Goodbye, Dr. Berry."

Goodbye.

Hutch dropped the phone into its cradle and leaned back with a sigh. His previous feeling of being rested flitted off into the corners of the room and dispersed. The plan to go for a quick run was forgotten and he walked over to make a pot of coffee, something he only did when Starsky was with him. While it was brewing, he finished watering the plants in silence.

At precisely 11 o'clock, Hutch walked up to Starsky's hospital room. He heard muffled laughter and smiled briefly. He hadn't been sure what to expect. Knocking quietly, he waited until he heard Dr. Berry say he could come in.

"Hey, Blondie," Starsky said as his face lit up when he saw Hutch enter.

"Hi, Starsk. Dr. Berry." Hutch nodded hello to the psychiatrist.

"Welcome, Ken. Thanks for being punctual. Please, pull up a chair."

Hutch saw that the hard plastic chairs had been replaced with two padded chairs. He picked up one and moved it next to Starsky's bed and sat down on the opposite site from where Dr. Berry sat. "Starsky looked down at him then over at Dr. Berry. "I'm glad you have some better chairs but this is odd."

"How so, Dave?" Dr. Berry asked.

Starsky shrugged lightly. "I dunno. Here I am laying on this high bed looking down at you two. "S'weird, ya know?"

"Well, when you are feeling better, we can move to an office. Would you feel more comfortable then?"

Starsky shrugged again. "Hey, we were just talking about my time in Nam."

"Oh yeah?" Hutch replied casually.

"Get this, I was telling her about when we went on leave in Da Nang and I met up with that girl, Khanh. Remember I told you about her?"

"Yeah, I remember," Hutch said with a blush.

"Dr. B here asked me if that was when I lost my virginity." Starsky snorted with laughter. "Can you believe that?"

Hutch glanced over to Dr. Berry as his face felt hot. "Some guys do lose theirs in the service, Starsk."

Starsky snorted again, "But I told you when I popped my cherry and it was long before Nam."

"Starsk…" Hutch said using his eyes to plead for him to not retell the story. Thankfully, Starsky seemed to get the message.

"Oh, sorry Doc. My partner here doesn't want me to be uncouth in front of a lady."

Dr. Berry looked from Starsky to Hutch and back. "He does?"

"Yeah."

"But he didn't say anything but your name."

"Ha, I heard 'Keep it clean, Gordo.'"

"Gordo?"

"Yup, one of the names we call each other."

Hutch watched Dr. Berry studying them both and smiled. "Starsky and I don't have to say a lot to get our message across."

"I'd like to hear more about your partnership and your friendship later, if you don't mind."

"Of course," Hutch replied.

"So, Dave, you told me that you were given R&R because you had seen a lot of action."

"Yeah, it was rough. Charlie – the Viet Cong – got real slick and ambushed us. I lost a good friend…" Starsky's voice faltered. Hutch instinctively reached out and put a hand over Starsky's that had clenched onto the blanket on the side of the bed. Starsky relaxed and smiled at his best friend. "But the rest of us made it out, no worse for wear. Captain Stone said it was the damnedest thing that so many of us came out of that alive. He gave us all two days leave.

"I'm sorry about your friends, Buddy."

Starsky gave a shrug with his good shoulder. "It happens. That's what war's about." Starsky's eyes drooped and he leaned his head back on the pillow.

"You look like you could use some sleep," Hutch said as he stood up.

"I could say the same thing about you," Starsky said with a yawn.

Dr. Berry also stood up. "Why don't you rest before lunch, Dave. I'll come back around two this afternoon."

"Again?" Starsky said with a wink then looked over at Hutch. "She likes me, I can tell."

"Starsk, she's married," Hutch said gesturing at Sarah's left hand.

"Yeah, but you just can't fight this animal magnetism I have, ya know?"

Hutch laughed quietly as he watch Starsky's eyes slide close.

Dr. Berry observed Hutch watching his partner fall asleep. She noted how Hutch fussed over Starsky's blankets and made sure the man in the bed was comfortable. Hutch looked up at her. "Do you need me here at two o'clock?"

"No, I'll work with him one on one again." She turned to leave the room but turned back when she realized Hutch wasn't following her. "Aren't you leaving?"

Hutch had started to sit back down but stopped at her question. "Oh, no. I was going to sit with him for a while. I don't have to be at the station today."

Dr. Berry lowered her voice as Starsky began to snore lightly. "May I see you outside for a moment then?"

"Sure," Hutch gave one last look at Starsky's peaceful face then followed the doctor out into the hall.

"Let's see if the office is free." Hutch followed her into the darkened office. She turned on the lights and sat down on the edge of the desk. "In just the short amount of time I've spent with you, I can tell you and Detective Starsky have a strong bond."

Hutch smiled and leaned against the wall across from the desk. "We've been partners for a long time. We have a sixth sense. Makes us a good team."

"Yes, but it's more than that. When Dave mentioned the incident, you reached out and touched his hand and his distress just disappeared.

Hutch pushed himself off the wall. He didn't understand what Dr. Berry was getting at. "That's what friends do."

Dr. Berry smiled slightly as she looked down at her folded hands. "Well, not all friends. You have something special."

"Okay," Hutch inwardly winced at how sharp a tone the word had been said. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little stressed out myself."

"Don't apologize. I admire your friendship. I do. But…" she paused.

"But what?" Hutch asked, working to keep his voice calm.

"I think it is important that you be in some of the sessions I have with Dave but I'd like to ask a small favor."

"Which is?"

"I'd like you to refrain from outward displays like the one today. Don't reach out to him. Don't express sorrow for what he reveals."

Hutch took a step closer to the desk where Dr. Berry sat. "What? How can you expect me to just ignore him?" This time, Hutch didn't regret his tone.

"Don't ignore him. Listen to him. But don't reach out." Dr. Berry got up from the desk and walked around to sit in the chair behind it. She rested her elbows on the desktop and stapled her fingers. "I know it sounds cruel but in order for him to open up and experience the feelings that these sessions bring up, he needs to be allowed to feel." She looked up at Hutch who was now standing on the other side of the desk, his blue eyes flashed as he looked down at her.

After a moment, Hutch's tension eased and he leaned his hands on the desk. "I'm not sure I can do that."

Dr. Berry leaned in. "I need you to try. I think it is important to have you there. I can exclude you…" she put up a calming hand when she say Hutch's tension spring load. "But I don't want to." She waited as she saw Hutch ponder what she had asked of him. "Please, Hutch."

Hutch looked over at her when she used his nickname. He dropped into a chair across from the desk and rested his fingers against his temple. "I'll try."

Sarah Berry smiled. "I'm happy to hear that. Also, I think your partner is right when he said it 'sweird' to have him up in the bed while we talk." She grinned over at Hutch. "I'll speak to his doctor but I think he is well enough to go to my office for our meetings. Unless you hear back from me, plan to meet me on the sixth floor, my office is just inside the ward on the right."

"Okay," Hutch stated simply.

"I'll set the chairs so that there is more space between us so you won't be so tempted to reach for him."

Hutch sighed then looked up as he felt the doctor's thin soft hand on top of his own. "We'll get through this."

Hutch nodded but felt uncomfortable and slipped his hand from under hers and put it in his lap. He heard a light chuckle and looked up to find Dr. Berry grinning at him. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." She stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow. Eleven?"

Hutch also stood. "Yes, eleven a.m." Hutch left the office and went back to his watch over Starsky, happy to be done with 'therapy' for today at least.

~ S&H ~

The next morning, Hutch knocked on Sarah Berry's office door.

Come in.

Hutch took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. He smiled when Starsky turned in his seat. He wore a sling on his arm and looked a bit pale but otherwise well.

"Hey, Starsk. You look good. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. Feels good to be out of that bed."

"I bet," Hutch replied and turned toward Dr. Berry. "Good morning, Doctor."

"Good morning, have a seat." Dr. Berry gestured toward a chair set off to the left. Hutch moved over and sat down. "Dave was just telling me about his team's plan to ambush the Viet Cong. Go on, Dave."

Starsky cleared his throat. "Well as I said, we had intel from the locals that the VC were using their village, Boun Krang, as a waystation through the territory. We set up camp about a click outside Boun Krang, hunkered down in a thicket of bamboo." Starsky snorted softly. "God, that was awful. Mosquitos the size of fighter jets." He looked up at Dr. Berry. "But we were blessed with a good supply of bug repellant around then. I bathed in it." He smiled as Hutch snickered. "Anyway, we set up an ambush but somethin' went wrong. Someone ratted us out…I don't know, but…"

Starsky's voice caught as he told the story. Hutch clasped his hands in his lap and looked down as Dr. Berry met his eyes.

"Go on, Dave."

"Captain Stone decided we'd go into the village and scope things out when Charlie didn't show on the trail." Starsky rubbed a finger under his eye and shifted in his chair. He cleared his throat again. "If it's alright with you, I'd rather talk about something else."

"I know these memories are difficult but I think it is important to work through how they make you feel."

Starsky pulled at the belt on his robe and shifted in his seat again. He was quiet for a minute then looked up with a smile that didn't show in his eyes. "Now you sound like a shrink." He looked over at his partner. "Don't she, Hutch?"

Hutch looked over and tried to return the smile but the pain in his best friend's eyes made his heart feel like it skipped a beat. "I…I agree with Dr. Berry, Starsk. You should t-talk about it."

Starsky's brow creased as he listened to Hutch stutter. Hutch internally cursed himself. Starsky always could tell when he wasn't being totally honest.

Starsky looked from Hutch to Dr. Berry then back. "Uh…I'd like to go back to my room now."

"Dave, Ken just arrived. Won't you finish telling us about Boun Krang?" Dr. Berry's voice was calm and sweet.

Starsky fiddled with his belt some more then looked up. "Shea was a great guy. You know, once he had a local informant – kind of like our snitches," Starsky said, looking over at Hutch. "He developed a relationship with this young guy but would treat him like shit. But then, he'd share his rations with him too." Starsky's eyes got a faraway look. "Good guy, that Shea."

Hutch thought he saw disappointment in Dr. Berry as Starsky switched to a happier memory. He himself had mixed emotions. He was glad the tension had lifted but he also wanted his partner to work through the problem that brought them there. His mind wandered until he heard Starsky address him.

"So, I'll leave you two to hash it out." Starsky pushed himself up and Hutch momentarily moved to help him but stopped, unsure if he should.

"Do you need help getting back to y-your room?" Hutch asked quietly.

"Nah, I'm fine," Starsky answered. He patted Hutch on the shoulder as he passed. "I'll go see if lunch has arrived and maybe take a quick nap."

"Okay, I'll be by to see you before I head back to Metro, Buddy."

"Sounds good," Starsky said as he nodded a goodbye to the doctor.

When the door closed Hutch slumped down in his chair.

"That was difficult for you."

Hutch pushed himself back up straight. "Of course it was!" He rubbed his forehead. "I'm sorry," he said more calmly. "But it was hard."

Dr. Berry folded her hands on her desk. "You should know that when it is just Dave and me, he doesn't get into anything emotional. He was telling that story but just giving me information, nothing too deep."

Hutch looked up. "Until I got here?"

"Yes."

Hutch sighed. "I feel like a heel."

"For not helping him through it, you mean?"

Hutch nodded sadly, "Yes."

"I'd like to continue like this if you are up to it."

"Me? You know I'll do anything I can to help."

"Good, then I'll see you tomorrow morning."

~ S&H ~

Days passed and Hutch was worried. Starsky seemed to get more emotional each day then would retreat and go back to his room. As the door to Dr. Berry's office closed behind Starsky, Hutch turned wearily toward the doctor. "I feel like we are spinning our wheels."

"You partner is a very headstrong individual."

Hutch chuckled despite his worry. "Ya think?" He smiled then his expression grew more serious. "Dr. Berry, Starsky has been in the hospital for just over a week now."

"Yes."

"His shoulder is healing well – which is great – but…"

"But what?" Dr. Berry asked but Hutch seemed to think she already knew what he was going to ask.

"Why doesn't he think it's odd that he's still hospitalized?"

Dr. Berry nodded slightly. "Somewhere in that head of his, it doesn't make sense to him that he's still here."

"But…?"

"But, on some level, he knows why. He needs to work through this. He may not realize it as easily as you and I, but he knows."

"So, this is another way of protecting himself," Hutch stated.

"Yes, his mind shut a door that day on that boat to protect him. Now it isn't letting him ask 'why am I still in the hospital?'"

Hutch stood up and turned to look out the window across the room. "He wants to get better."

"He does. And that's a good thing," Dr. Berry said behind him. "I know you're impatient and want him back to his old self but as I said in the beginning…"

Hutch turned back to face her, "These things take time."

Dr. Berry nodded. "Just like flesh and bone need time to heal, so does our psyche. It will happen."

Hutch came back toward the desk and sat down. "The mind is an amazing thing, isn't it?"

"It certainly is."

After leaving the doctor's office, Hutch headed up to spend some time with Starsky as he had the day off. They caught up on events at the precinct while Starsky ate his lunch.

"How's Tammy?"

"Who?"

"Who? Tammy, the girl you've been dating."

Hutch ran his hand through his hair. "Oh! Uh, our schedules haven't been working out. Haven't seen her in a couple of weeks."

Starsky pushed his tray away. "Oh, that's too bad. You two seemed to hit it off."

Hutch noticed a few pieces of paper under the tray. "What's this?"

"Oh nothing," Starsky said. He tried to slide the tray back over the drawings but the orderly came in and picked up the tray. He looked sheepishly up at Hutch. "Uh, I was just doodling."

The drawing on the top was a sketch of a man. Hutch saw that he wore a helmet and carried a rifle. "Vietnam?"

Starsky smirked. "You can make that out, huh?"

Hutch suddenly wasn't sure if he should be speaking to Starsky about anything without Dr. Berry in attendance. Things got awkwardly quiet for a moment.

"You okay, Hutch?"

"Uh, yeah. I just wasn't sure if you wanted me to look at these."

Starsky shrugged his good shoulder. "There is only one other. Go ahead."

Hutch lifted the top sheet and studied the drawing beneath it. This one wasn't so easy to make out. There seemed to be figures cloaked in darkness. "Did the Doc ask you to draw?"

Starsky shook his head. "No. I just was sitting around and felt the need to doodle. You know how we do that when we are in Dobey's monthly meeting." He laughed and took the papers from the tray table stuffing them into the drawer beneath it. "Hey, I missed the last meeting, didn't I?" Starsky's chuckled and Hutch couldn't help but grin.

"You did, you rotten bastard. I couldn't stay awake without you there sending me messages under the table."

Starsky laughed loudly. "Aw, sorry, Blintz. Pull up a chair and tell me about it."

~ S&H ~

The following day, Hutch arrived on time and entered the office after knocking. He found Starsky sitting quietly staring at his hands. Hutch was surprised when Starsky didn't greet him.

"Hey, Buddy," Hutch said, trying to sound upbeat despite his stomach clenching at the sight of his best friend looking so miserable.

"Hi," Starsky grunted without looking up.

Hutch caught himself walking toward Starsky and stopped himself. He looked over at Dr. Berry but her expression didn't give him any information on what had been going on before he arrived. Hutch sat down in his customary chair feeling like a football field separated him from the dark haired man sitting quietly across the room.

"Go on, Dave," Sarah said softly. She looked over at Hutch. "Dave had a rough night. He's telling me what he can remember about his dreams."

Hutch opened his mouth to say something comforting but shut it along with his eyes. He held his breath to keep from letting out an exasperated sigh.

"I dunno," Starsky mumbled. "All this talking has the nightmares coming back."

"Coming back?" Dr. Berry asked. "When did they stop?"

Starsky took in a deep breath as he thought. "I don't think I ever got a full night's sleep through the first half of the police academy. They started to let up after a while then came back after I got in uniform."

"I see. But then they eased off again? When?"

Starsky finally looked up at the doctor then looked over at Hutch with a questioning look as if Hutch would know the answer. "I guess about eight years ago."

"When we became partners?" Hutch said, not caring if he was speaking out of turn.

A grin tugged as Starsky's mouth. "Yeah, I think so. I never really thought about it, but that's when they stopped. Well, almost. Something about being back home in New York will spark one here and there. Scared my mother half to death once."

Dr. Berry leaned back in her chair abruptly. "Really?"

"Uh huh." Starsky waved his hand. "But, hey, we all have 'em. It'll pass."

The doctor looked down at her hands for a moment and when she looked up at Hutch, she had a wistful smile on her face but Hutch didn't know why. It faded and she turned to Starsky. "Dave, tell me about the ambush you planned that fell apart."

Starsky, who had kept his eyes on Hutch, looked back at the doctor. "Again? Come on."

"I'd like to hear the story. You don't have to finish it now."

Starsky leaned back in his chair. "Well, like I said, we set up camp along the road from Boun Krang. No one went far just in case the locals spotted us and decided to squeal to the VC. We expected them to stop by the village, stay a day, and then head down to the riverbank which would lead them right by us. Stoney – our captain – had watchers planted along the trail. We worked out signals to alert each other. We even used C4 explosives to cook our rice and sausage." Starsky made a face. "Nasty stuff, that sausage."

"You used explosives to cook?"

"Yeah, just a sliver. Worked great and no smoke to give our location away." Starsky smiled proudly. I even found us a back door escape outta there in case the shit…excuse me…in case things went bad.

"But they never showed?" Dr. Berry asked.

"Nuh uh, waited five long miserable days. The bug repellant ran out after three."

So you went into the village.

Starsky got quiet but nodded his head.

"And what happened then?"

Starsky shifted in his seat uncomfortably. His sling was gone and he winced as he rubbed his shoulder. Hutch leaned forward slightly in his chair and Starsky looked over then continued to talk. He never looked back at Dr. Berry but kept his eyes on Hutch.

"We all hiked up to the village then Stoney told me and Shea to go scope it out. It was quiet. Too quiet. There were a few signs of life but nothing much. I saw it first."

"Saw what?"

"The wall. The goddamn fake wall those bastards put up. Looked like a regular hut from a distance." Starsky took in a breath and closed his eyes. He opened them again and looked into Hutch's eyes. "I turned to yell to the others as I went to push Shea down for cover. But…"

Hutch didn't look away from Starsky's gaze. He waited to see if Dr. Berry would prompt Starsky to continue but she remained quiet.

"He had stepped in front of me just as that VC wall came down. He took the full force of everything they had that first round." Starsky suddenly stopped talking, engulfed in the terrible memory. He swallowed hard. "I never got touched. Everything hit Shea." He swallowed hard again. "Couldn't even recognize him." Starsky broke eye contact with Hutch and stood up. Hutch flinched when he did so, as if struck. Dr. Berry watched both men carefully.

Starsky walked to the window and leaned on the sill. "I don't feel so good."

Hutch moved to get up but then stopped himself as he looked at Dr. Berry. She motioned with her head for Hutch to go help Starsky. Hutch was across the room in an instant and put his hands gently on Starsky's shoulders.

"Come on, Starsk. I'll help you get back to your room."

Starsky leaned back into Hutch. "I'd appreciate that." He then turned and leaned into Hutch as a long arm wrapped itself around his shoulders. They slowly left the office without saying another word.

Hutch got Starsky settled into his bed and covered him with the sheet. "Should I call a nurse?"

"No, don't. I'm okay."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, Hutch. Just stay for a while?"

Hutch relaxed and sat down. "Of course, Starsk." He watched as Starsky pushed the button which lifted the head of the bed. "You should lay back and sleep."

"I'm not tired, Hutch. Well, that's a lie. I don't want to sleep." Starsky shifted back so he was sitting almost completely upright. He fiddled with the magazine on the tray table near him.

"Want to talk?" Hutch asked gently.

Starsky's hand fell away from the magazine and landed on his lap. He stared off into the space in front of him.

"We got 'em. We got those sons of bitches. All of them." Starsky's voice was just a whisper and Hutch leaned forward to hear him better. "I think they underestimated us. And maybe we showed up sooner than they expected." He pushed the tray table away and pulled one knee to his chest. "Shea was the only casualty that day."

"Remind me to thank him when I get to heaven," Hutch said lightly. He saw Starsky look at him with questions in his eyes. "He saved your life."

Starsky grinned slightly. "What makes you think you'll be going to heaven, huh?" Both men snickered.

"After we took them all out and the smoke cleared, I went into their hideout." Starsky gulped in a breath and pulled up his other knee, wrapping his arms around both legs. Hutch slowly stood up as he saw tears well up in his best friend's eyes. "They…they…"

"What, Starsk?"

Huge tears spilled onto Starsky's cheeks as he gulped another shaky breath. "They had the villagers in there – the women and children. The men we found later - dead on the other side of the hill." Starsky clenched his eyes shut which pushed more tears out of his eyes and down his cheeks. Hutch stood near but didn't want to touch the other man and stop him from talking. Starsky opened his eyes again but was only seeing that tiny village in Vietnam. "I went in first. The women had been in there for days while those fuckers waited for us to come. I could barely make…" A moan escaped him, followed by another. "Oh, my God. Oh my God!"

Hutch pulled Starsky into his arms and he went limp, dropping his knees back onto the bad. His body convulsed with sobs. "Get it out, Starsky. Tell me." But Hutch already knew what Starsky had seen.

"The babies. The babies, Hutch. They were dying in their mothers' arms. I tried to help. I brought them water. The medic couldn't even do anything."

Hutch shut his eyes as the scene played out before his mind's eye. He rocked Starsky gently and their tears mingled together. "I understand, Buddy."

Starsky grabbed onto Hutch's sleeve with both hands as he continued to weep. "Their faces. I see all of their faces every time I fall asleep. And now I see the baby from the boat. Oh, Hutch." Starsky's hold on Hutch's sleeve tightened.

"I know, I know," Hutch crooned, unable to say anything more. He did understand but he could never truly know what horrors his partner had witnessed. A flash of anger bolted through him as he realized what an easy life he was living at the time the man in his arms had been going through this hell. He pulled Starsky closer and leaned his cheek on the top of the brown curls. The wracking sobs slowed, replaced but shuddering breaths. The death grip on Hutch's sleeve slowly eased and Starsky began to relax.

"Don't let me fall asleep, please."

Hutch straightened Starsky's limbs gently and smoothed the bedding. "Listen, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be right here with you so you go ahead and get some shut eye, Starsk."

"You'll stay?" Starsky's words were beginning to slur.

"I promise, I'm not going anywhere. If you need me, I'll be right here." Hutch hitched a hip onto the mattress. Starsky scooted over to give him room then reached for his hand. Hutch grabbed on and squeezed tight. "See that, you hold onto that."

Starsky nodded and gave a squeeze back before his eyes closed. Hutch brushed a sweaty curl away from his friend's forehead and let out a sigh. It was then he became aware of someone else in the room.

Sarah Berry stepped from the shadow near the door.

Hutch felt himself flush red. He looked down at Starsky as he asked "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough."

Hutch looked back up and was surprised to see tear stains on the young psychiatrist's face. He looked down at Starsky. "I think he's going to be okay."

The woman nodded as she wiped away the wetness from her face with both hands. "I'm going to be in my office until the morning. You let the nurse know to call me if you think I should come down."

"Okay," Hutch whispered. "I will."

Dr. Berry smiled slightly and shook her head. "I don't think you will, Detective Hutchinson. I think he has everything he needs right here in this room."

Hutch looked down at his hand still clasped by Starsky's darker one. He looked up and nodded. "Yes, he does."

The End

Epilog (three years later):

"You ready to go, Starsk?"

Starsky came out of his bedroom with a suitcase. "I think so. I don't know what to pack since you won't tell me where we're going." Starsky glared at Hutch then broke out in a grin when Hutch smirked at him.

"If you packed a jacket, you'll be fine."

Starsky sighed. "I did which makes me think we are going to the mountains." He pouted. "You said this was going to be a surprise but most people like surprise trips."

"You love the mountains."

"Since when?!" Starsky howled and Hutch chuckled.

"Okay, okay. I'll tell you. You are probably going to figure it out when they call our flight, anyway."

"Flight? We're taking a plane?"

"Yup," Hutch said simply as he dug through his rucksack. "Here it is." He placed a booklet down on the coffee table.

Starsky sat down on the couch and picked up the booklet then looked up at Hutch. "Washington, DC?"

"Yup – just for two days, though. Then we go to see your family."

Starsky smiled at the thought of seeing his mother then looked back down at the booklet in his hand.

"It opened last November, Starsk."

"I know. I read all about it, remember?" Starsky leaned back against the cushions. Hutch tried to read his face.

"I thought you'd want to see it. You know, find him on the wall."

Starsky's eyes glistened and he nodded. "I'd like that." He looked up at Hutch. "Thank you, Hutch."

Hutch shrugged. "You're welcome, Buddy."

The next day, Starsky stood next to Hutch and watched as throngs of people walked along the 246 foot memorial.

Hutch looked at a folded piece of paper. "Says here they are laid out by year."

"I know," Starsky said quietly before he moved forward and inched his way closer to a black granite panel. His hand slid along the smooth surface feeling his way through each name of men he didn't know but felt a connection. Occasionally, he'd stop at a name he knew then move on. After about fifteen minutes, his hand stopped. He saw his face reflecting back from the granite and had to look away.

Hutch pushed his way toward his best friend who was on his knees. A finger slowly traced the name of James Shea. Hutch gave Starsky a few minutes to himself then reached into his rucksack and pulled out a piece of paper and carpenter's pencil. He knelt down next to Starsky and held out the paper and pencil.

Starsky looked up and down the wall and saw people placing the paper on the name and rubbing it with various items to make a rubbing. He looked over at Hutch in awe but didn't speak. He took the paper and carefully rubbed the pencil along the name beneath. When he was done, he handed the pencil back to Hutch and held the paper gentle in his hands. A manila folder came into his view.

"To keep it from getting wrinkled," Hutch said.

Starsky pushed himself up. "You think of everything, Blondie. You'll make a wonderful wife someday."

Hutch snickered as the emotional moment eased. "Thanks, I think." He put his hand on Starsky's forearm as they stood closely together. "You okay?"

Starsky sighed deeply and his eyes followed the memorial's lines from the apex in the center to the point at the end nearest Shea's name. He leaned into Hutch then nodded. "I'm good. Yeah."

Together the friends walked across the grass and disappeared into the crowd.