The rain had long since seeped through the Superdry hoodie I was wearing. I was freezing and miserable, but I couldn't stop watching the path that Grace had just stormed down, truly intending to leave. There was more water running down my face than ever, and it mingled with my tears as I waited, knowing she wouldn't return.
-oOo-
No Business, Just Misery: Chapter One
-oOo-
My name is Hazel, I'm twenty-one, and I now live alone. Don't get me wrong, I had a great thing going with Grace, but she just up and left this morning. I have absolutely no idea why, but she's gone forever now. That tends to happen with me. The person I love just leaves. They leave me depressed and listening only to Nirvana for weeks. It's happened four times now. God, I need a social life. Anyway, I'm now alone.
-oOo-
I really don't know why I'm spending so much time in my room alone. This is not what I was made for; I should be out there having fun, but no. Instead I'm lying around moping and thinking 'Thank God my hair is black'. When I have to stop listening to Heart-Shaped Box and go downstairs to eat, or get into bed and sleep, I can't think about anything except Grace. I'm obsessed. It's terrifying.
-oOo-
So, I'm still here, but still not leaving my house, only opening the front door when my shopping orders arrive. I'll get enough food and shit to last a week or two, and then do it again repeatedly. I have a great amount of cash, so I'll last a while until I have to start to do something that isn't staying at home all the time. Probably have to get a bloody job or something.
-oOo-
Today I finally did something to help me. I started an exercise regimen to keep me in shape. So far, it's worked well, and is good for tiring me out before I go to sleep. Anyway, I also left the house for the first time in weeks. The sunlight was unfamiliar to me, but did help me get back on my feet. I went to a Starbucks and got a black coffee, then continued around, went to a bookshop, and then headed home. It really was an experience. Heh. Totally.
-oOo-
This is the last day I spend being an introvert most of the time. I will go out at least once a week, even if it is just to the second-hand shop or a bookshop. I swear to God. After some thinking, I decided to go out for an Italian meal on Saturday. That would be good, and it'd be an excuse to eat pasta more than usual.
-oOo-
On second thoughts, I might start the going-out-once-a-week thing next week. It seems like a lot of effort, and I want to try and ease myself back into the real world. Yeah, that sounds good. Wait. I need to get out more sooner, not later. I would go for an Italian meal on Saturday, and I'd get some pasta or something. I swear on my Nirvana CDs. That's a big thing, actually. Maybe on my copy of Twilight (a joke present last year). Yeah. That'll do.
-oOo-
I forgot to put the meal date on the calendar so I forgot I was doing it. For fuck's sake, Hazel, this is not what you were built for. God. Well, I guess Twilight'll have to go. I decided to chuck it out of the window, and that I did. It worked well. So, I may just stay at home more. That sounds better than ever now.
-oOo-
When I went to sleep, I woke up with tears drying on my face. That brought me back to Grace, and more tears began to run down my face, and, just like that night, the rain threw down outside. I finally lost my shit at that, and broke down properly. Red eyes, headache, the whole shebang. Jesus. To try and get away from this melancholy note, I fell asleep again then, completely out of the blue.
-oOo-
I really should sleep, but I'm not. Go figure. Grace is now occupying almost every one of my thoughts. God, I need help. To try and distract myself, I listened to a disturbing amount of Nirvana, ate some pasta, and slept for about fourteen hours. None of this helped in the fucking slightest. All I could think about was her coming back, and me doing weird shit to her. I need help, or a social life, desperately.
-oOo-
I'm still obsessed with Grace. This is not how I wanted to turn twenty-two: i.e alone, with only Nirvana to occupy myself. I know that I need to get out of the house, or at least bloody well clean up. There's discarded items of clothing everywhere: I found a t-shirt and a bra under the sofa yesterday. Good God, I'm turning into an obsessive. I need Grace back.
-oOo-
Pasta is always necessary to help survival. I wouldn't be here without it. That, and cheese, and bacon. Those are all vital to my life and sanity. For the full experience, though, I'd need guess who: Grace. This isn't how I wanted to live. I should be out there, meeting hot people, but instead I'm at home listening to Nirvana and doing practically nothing.
-oOo-
The exercise regimen is really working for me. I'm now actually quite fit, and would be ready to hit the gym, if I had a membership or whatever. Heh. Anyway, after a diversion, I'm back to normal, or as normal as I can be without Grace. Which is not that normal. Goodbye for now.