Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or any of its characters. Clearly.
Welcome to the Fall Out.
I.
"It's cold out here tonight." I observed and shivered, wrapping my cardigan sweater tighter around me. It was true; the normally sunny and pleasant temperatures of California had dropped significantly with the change of seasons. Especially when the sun went down; even during the day if you found yourself in the refuge of some shade, you'd get a chill. It wasn't quite winter yet, late fall to be exact, but it was still chilly out.
"Yeah," Andre answered me from the chair to my right, rubbing his hands together. We were sitting on my patio stargazing, as we had done almost every night for a while now. I could tell he was trying to be tough and brave the cold, but he had no jacket on and I felt guilty; I was wearing long sleeves and a sweater and my shoulders were wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket.
"Come here." I smiled, holding the blanket out and making room on the lawn chair I sat on for him.
He hesitated for a brief minute, before cracking a smile and caving, moving to situate himself beside me, pulling the blanket around both of our shoulders. It was a tight squeeze with the two of us there, but it wasn't unpleasant.
"You know I'm a sucker for this fuzzy chizz," He admits, rubbing the blanket. "I mean, how do they even make this stuff?"
"Tiny little fuzz-making elves?" I guessed.
"Must be."
I absently pondered it for a minute.
"Hey, Tori?" He asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think… do you think you wanna talk about it?" He asks nervously. My gut clenched automatically as it always did when he asked that question.
"No." I said firmly and focused on the stars in the sky, eternal balls of fire, keeping the universe alight. But then I recalled correctly; the stars weren't eternal. They died after a while. They shined bright, but they faded fast. I felt like that was the theme of my life nowadays.
"Okay. Well, when you do…" He says, trailing off.
"I know. I can come to you." I monotoned. I still didn't know why Andre even bothered asking me if I wanted to talk about it. He knew the answer he'd get; it was the same every time – a distinct NO. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to think about it, not until I absolutely had to. And I still had some time before that happened.
"Andre?"
"What?"
"Thanks for sticking by me through all of this. You know, being there for me."
"No problem. Always will," It was all that he said yet it rang louder and clearer more than any long speech would have. Life may have royally screwed me over, but at least I still had my best friend on my side. I leaned my head on his shoulder.
It was quiet for a long while then.
"I wish it would have been me." He whispers, rubbing my shoulder, and it's so quiet I don't know whether or not it was meant for me to hear.
I wish it would have been you, too.
The sick feeling in my chest clutches my insides and breathing is hard for a second. An overwhelming wave of emotion hits me. How did I get into this mess? Oh, right, I was gullible.
The moisture pricked at the corner of my eyes and I had to swallow back the tears. I knew Andre wouldn't have minded if I cried, but I just… didn't want to. I was tired of crying.
Andre stayed for about another hour before he had to go to make sure his Grandma didn't freak out if he came home late. I continued to look up at the shining stars, blanketing a sheet of swirling black. Burn bright, fade fast, burn bright, fade fast. It kept echoing in my mind. I swallowed thickly and made my way up to my room to get ready for bed.
I was going through the motions as I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, and slipped on a tank top and sleep shorts. I stared into my bedroom mirror, brushing my wet hair. I studied my reflection. I had slight colored rings under my eyes from lack of consistent sleeping patterns, even though I was exhausted all the time. For some reason, my hair felt limper than normal and I just looked paler. I decided I was just freaking myself out and climbed into bed.
It wasn't until I was buried under my covers alone, shivering, did I allow my mind to go to that place, to think those thoughts, relive those memories. Unwittingly and yet unsurprisingly, my brain conjured up a picture of the one face I'd never be able to escape, whether consciously or subconsciously.
It was then that I finally let the tears fall.
A/N: Woohoo! Another story. I know I should be posting more YWLAM but... I'm kind of at a loss for a bit with that one. So, what better way to be productive then start something else? Not. This... this story will be significantly more angsty and darker than the other one. That's always interesting. I know nothing makes sense now, but you'll find out eventually. I honestly don't know where this is headed, I literally just cranked this out and decided to post it on a whim. As of now I have plans for this to be multi-chaptered, for sure. Is there a happy ending in sight? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Anyways, I'm sure none of you have even read this far, but if you have, gold star for you :)
Chapter II soon, hopefully.