Rules for the Inexperienced Dovhakiin
by Master Arngeir
1) Thou shalt not use the Voice to shout Master Arngeir off of the Throat of the World.
2) Thou shalt not use the Kyne's Peace shout to lead animals to their slaughter.
3) Thou shalt not "practice" the Fire Breath shout on the Greybeards of High Hrothgar.
4) Thou shalt not challenge Ulfric Stormcloak, or any other Jarl, for that matter, to a "Thu'um Duel." We lost many good Dragonborns that way.
5) Thou shalt not shout in a guards face after being asked to cease your shouting. They do not like this.
6) The Dragonborn does not "pick flowers" for alchemy. He instead "gathers ingredients."
7) Just because you are Dragonborn does not imply that you are automatically superior to all other users of the voice. Please stop trying to challenge the Greybeards to "Thu'um Duels." Master Wulfgar has advised that he will no longer restrain himself because you are a fool.
8) Thou shalt not train with your Thu'um at High Hrothgar in the middle of the night. The Greybeards do not appreciate this.
9) Be advised, the Dragonborn is not immortal. You can die from tripping over skeletons just as easily as anyone else.
10) Thou shalt not associate yourself with those infernal Blades. They attempted to kill Paarthurnax.
11) Thou shalt not ask who Paarthurnax is before you are ready.
12) You are not ready.
13) Thou shalt not challenge Paarthurnax. That is how we lost the previous Dragonborn.
14) Thou shalt not use the Whirlwind Sprint shout to tackle any of the Greybeards. Unfortunately, Master Borri is still recovering from falling off the cliff.
15) Unlike with dragons, a Dragonborn does not kill the Greybeards in order to obtain their knowledge. Attacking the Greybeards will result in painful death.
16) Greybeards do not follow. Refrain from asking.
17) Thou shalt not ask why or how the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller continues to be lost to Ustengraav. It is a mystical artifact of unimaginable power.
18) Thou shalt refer to the Unrelenting Force shout as "the Unrelenting Force shout." Referring to it as "Fus-Ro-Dah-ing" is not only incorrect, but also dangerous. The last Dragonborn to have done this never returned.
19) Tickling the Greybeards just before a shout is forbidden.
20) Thou shalt not experiment with ingredients and potions on the Greybeards. We are not guinea pigs, but masters of the Way of the Voice.
21) Thou shalt not refer to Master Arngeir as Yoda.
22) In addition, Master Wulfgar is not Mace Windu.
23) Thou shalt not request a Lightsaber from the Greybeards.
24) Stealing from High Hrothgar is harshly frowned upon.
25) Attacking the Greybeards is also frowned upon.
26) The Greybeards are neither Stormcloaks nor Imperials. Please refrain from referring to them as such.
27) Attempts by Imperial soldiers to kill the Stormcloak Greybeards will be dealt with with extreme prejudice. (and vice-versa)
28) Kyne's Peace does not work on Paarthurnax. Using this shout on him will be seen as open hostility.
29) There will be no spitting off the side of the Throat of the World.
30) The Voice is not a persuasion tool. Shouting at the guards of a city does not make them agree to ignore your presence.
31) Thou shalt not use the Fire Breath shout for cooking. It is disrespectful to the Voice.
32) Teaching Falmer the Way of the Voice is forbidden.
33) The Dragonborn is not the supreme ruler of everything, and this delusion is not amusing to the Jarls and/or High King.
34) There is not a "Call Horse shout," and the Greybeards will not invent one. Should the shout be discovered by the dragons, there will be no horses in Skyrim.
35) Jokes about the World-Eater's size are not found amusing.
36) Trapping dragons in Dragonsreach without Jarl Balgruuf's permission is expressly forbidden.
37) Using the Unrelenting Force shout to remove women's clothing is frowned upon as this reflects badly upon the Greybeards and their teachings.
38) Sneaking up on Paarthurnax is ill-advised.
39) Due to the incident regarding Lydia, the courtyard, and Master Borri, followers will no longer be permitted in High Hrothgar.
40) High Hrothgar is NOT a temple to Akatosh. Please refrain from asking where the altar is.
41) Despite popular belief, the Dragonborn is not the final authority on who lives and who dies.
42) Laryngitis is not an Argonian. It is a real sickness that Dovhakiin do suffer from.
43) Stealing sweet rolls is below the Dragonborn. While we will not forbid this, we do not condone it.
44) Thou shalt not ask, "Are there really Seven Thousand Steps?"
45) Intimidation does not work on the Greybeards.
46) Thou shalt not use the Drain Vitality shout on the Greybeards.
47) Thou shalt not use the Dragonrend shout on Paarthurnax.
48) Do not attack Klimmek.
49) Thou shalt not bring bards to High Hrothgar.
50) Master Einarth is not to be given mead.
51) The Horn of Jurgen Windcaller is not to be referred to as "The Flute of Summoning Dragon," nor is it to be used as such.
52) You will not to refer to yourself as Skywalker. (Unless this is, in fact your name.)
53) The Dragonborn is not a dragon tamer. The dragons take offense to this.
54) Do not place objects in Master Wulfgar's path for him to stub his toe on. The resulting shouts would be…unpleasant.
55) Thou shalt not shout at the mountain side. Avalanches are unfortunate.
56) There is much you don't know that the Greybeards do. Remember that the next time you want to side with the Blades.
57) Thou shalt not hunt Thalmor for their robes so you can have a "Greybeards costume." They do not find this amusing.
58) The Greybeards are not hippies.
59) Do not touch Master Borri's leeks.
60) This also applies to Master Wulfgar's waffles.
61) There is no Master Santa. Referring to any of the Greybeards in this way is a fast way to be shouted off the mountain.
62) Ignoring the Greybeards' summons is rude. Do not blame them if they decide to summon snow storms to your location at the most inopportune moments.
63) The Dark Brotherhood is not to be contracted to kill the Greybeards.
64) The Greybeards are not vampires. Do not tell the Dawnguard this.
65) The laws of physics do not apply to the Greybeards.
66) The Greybeards do not know what happened to the Dwemer. We're old, not ancient.
67) Do not bring Paarthurnax followers as a snack. He does not find this amusing. Neither do the followers.
68) The Dragonborn does not shout at Skeevers.
69) Using invisibility potions to make the Greybeards believe that High Hrothgar is haunted by the ghost of Jurgen Windcaller is henceforth forbidden.
70) Drawing on Master Arngeir's face while he is meditating is also forbidden.
71) Thou shalt not steal the Greybeard's food.
72) Due to the actions of the previous Dragonborn, please do not bring Draugr into High Hrothgar. This rule also applies but is not limited to trolls, skeevers, deer, gargoyles, dragons that are not Paarthurnax, Paarthurnax himself, skeletons (especially those wearing Master Borri's robes, this was not amusing), vampires, werewolves, ice wraiths, and giants.
73) This also applies to hiding from said creatures inside High Hrothgar. Klimmek asks that you remember that you are not the only person who frequents the castle.
74) The Jarls have asked that you no longer use the Call Dragon shout within their cities' walls. Inciting a panic is viewed as a crime.
75) The Arch Mage has asked that you no longer use shouts on his students while on the bridge at the College of Winterhold.
76) Klimmek has requested that you do not booby-trap the chest in which he leaves supplies.
77) Klimmek has also requested that you do not place bear traps buried in the snow on the 7000 steps.
78) The conference room of High Hrothgar is not to be used for throwing wild parties for your followers or any other individuals.
79) Please do not make camp in the courtyard.
80) If you lock the doors to the courtyard, please be certain that none of the Greybeards are outside. The weather is very cold on the Throat of the World, and we are already few in number.
81) Turning into a werewolf on the premises is severely frowned upon.
82) Master Borri has asked that you do not use him for target practice for archery and spell casting.
83) After an incident concerning the previous Dragonborn, we ask that you no longer use torches inside High Hrothgar.
84) Thou shalt not soul trap the Greybeards.
85) This also applies to Paarthurnax.
86) No drums, flutes, lutes, or any other instruments are allowed in High Hrothgar.
87) Shaving the Greybeards while they sleep/meditate is forbidden.