Watching her hold his hand was the most painful experience of my life. I have never felt so much pain. Even when I died, it wasn't the same. This pain was one hundred times worse. And the feeling of stupidity. The voices of reason screaming at me. Asking me why I waited. Why I didn't tell her. Why didn't I tell her when she was still within my reach. She's gone now. She is gone just like those perfect moments that you can never get back.
I catch myself sometimes looking at him and wishing he wasn't there. That their happiness together would end. It's moments like that where the pain is covered by self-loathing. I want him to be happy. Gog knows he has been through enough. He deserves to be happy. And I want her to be happy. I want her to be happy more than life itself. I just can't bear to see them happy together.
That's when I made my vow. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. This false sense of mission. Of purpose. This vow, these speeches of Social Justice, they are all just to keep people out. Nobody wants me around, and I'm alright with that. Because I don't want anyone else around. If I can't have her, then I don't want anyone. There is no one I can love as much as I love her.
Author's Note:
Again I have no idea how this came about.