Disclaimer: We don't own Moulin Rouge, Target or Wal-Mart. We have 5 kids and one on the way, we have NO money to spare... don't sue?
A/N: Madi and I wrote this late at night. If there are any mistakes, blame her *points at Madi-dee.*
Satine and Christian stood at the entrance to the Target. Satine, deeply intrigued stared up at the neon-red sign. "Target?" She asked loudly to him. People glared at her as they passed, appalled that she called the department store 'target'.
"Darling, I think it's Tar-get. It's French." Christian said, fighting back laughter.
"Don't be stupid Christian, it says Target, the sign says target, the store's name is TARGET!"
"What, as in bull's eyes?" he asked her, containing his laughter. He pantomimed drawing back a bow and arrow and letting the arrow fly at the Target sign, starting to dance insanely when his 'arrow' reached it's target.
No pun intended, of course.
"You're mahd." Satine said, sounding very hard to sound cultured and succeeded.
Christian sighed, "Indeed darling." He spun her around, setting her down only after Satine's objections turned deadly. "But if I wasn't you wouldn't love me as much!" He exclaimed. "Come now my princess, into the castle we go!" He scooped her into his arms and carried her through the automatic doors ("Classy.") Spotting a snow cone machine in the snack bar in front of him, he accidentally dropped his princess, transfixed by the crushed ice.
"CHRISTIAN!" shrilled the indignant Sparkling Diamond, who had never been disposed with anything less than the utmost care, let alone dropped on the floor like a sack of potatoes.
"Look at it!" he said, his eyes round as he watched a teenage create a cherry slushie.
"Like I care!" she shrieked. "Come back and pick me up!"
"Satine!" He called. He wore a dumbfounded expression. "The colors, they can change the colors!" He gasped as he laid his eyes upon the nacho cheese dispenser.
Satine was quite annoyed. She sat there on the dirty target covered floor, taking in the strange looks customers gave her as they passed. Her lover was the most inconsiderate man on earth.
"Christian." she breathed in a low voice. "I fell in love with you because you are a loving, caring penniless poet. Not because you are an inconsiderate man who watches strange machines made BEVERAGES whilst I lie on the floor! Come to your senses, for the love of God and PICK ME THE HELL UP!
"She yours?" The boy who made the snow cones asked with amusement in his voice.
"No, I'm hers." He sighed and tore away from the fascinating slushie maker and the engaging nacho cheese dispenser. He walked to Satine and gingerly lent her his hand. She took it and with all her might, threw him to the floor. Then dusting herself off, she walked down the main isle, leaving Christian on the floor.
"Hey!" Christian cried, getting up and chasing after her. "Satine, you can't leave me on the floor! I'll get a job and then I'll no longer be a penniless poet! Ha! Then what would you do, huh?"
Christian bounced on his heels, happy to have finally beat Satine at her own game.
Satine had paused, before turning and coolly looking at him with her patented 'Sparkling Diamond' look.
"Well, if you weren't a penniless poet anymore," she intoned clearly. "I wouldn't love you anymore and would just have to find someone who was and go with them."
Christian sighed unhappily. Satine always won these arguments.
"You never let me win." He said and folded his arms across his chest. Satine smiled a seductive smile towards him and slowly walked closer.
"I'm sorry darling," She said, running a finger over his chest. She was toying with him and he knew it... but it felt so good! "But I have to win, otherwise I'll never be happy. And if I'm never happy..." Christian swallowed. The idea was terrifying. "You know what I mean?" He nodded. "Good!" She walked off without giving him the kiss.
Christian started to mutter darkly at about teases never getting to the altar when Satine turned, her face the perfect picture of the cat who had cornered the mouse. "What was that, my precious?" she asked in melting tones, all sugar and bluebirds.
"Nothing, beloved!" he said in a fake upbeat voice, taking her arm and escorting her down the rest of the aisle.
"Christian," Satine said when she got to a Gummy Bears display. "I want some."
"Can't afford it." he said, showing her his empty pockets. "Penniless poet, remember?"
"Get money." She snapped.
"But darling," He whined. "Then you wouldn't love me!"
Satine stared at him, her eyes alarmingly deadly.
"You win." She whispered.
Christian grinned. "Excuse me? I didn't quite hear you."
"You win!" She yelled. "I'd bow and praise your holiness except I don't want to get my dress dirty. It's all ready ruined from when someone threw me on the floor."
Christian laughed. "I beat you."
Her eyes narrowed. "Boy, you had best not push me. I am dirty, I am in love with an idiot, and I WANT GUMMY BEARS!"
"Yes ma'am." He said weakly. He grabbed the fullest bag from the rack and presented them at her feet. "For you milady." He said as he bowed.
"Finally," she grumbled, tearing into the bag. "I've got you performing some of the tricks I taught you."
Christian opened his mouth as if to reply, then thought better of it to hold out his hand for some of her gold.
"No. You were mean to me." And for the third time that day, she stalked off.
"This isn't fair!" He said. He was following behind her, groaning as she rounded the make-up isle.
He did smile, however, at the sight of her perfect little behind in the air as she bent over to get something from the bottom shelf. He slipped into a dreamily trance.
"CHRISTIAN!" She called sharply. Uh-oh. He was in for it.
She glared at him, a deadly look in her eyes.
"You had better not have been doing what I thought you were doing. Tell me you weren't."
"I wasn't." he said automatically, his eyes wide with fear. Satine was not known for her well-controlled temper.
"You weren't WHAT?" she hissed.
"Looking at you!"
"Then what were you looking at?" she demanded. "Some other girl?"
Christian gulped, trying desperately to save himself. He knew he was screwed.
"You wanna go by the toy isle?" He squeaked in an abnormally high voice.
Satine glared. "Fine." She brushed past him and ignored his attempts to hold her hand.
He had to run to keep up with her, a huffy Satine was a fast one.
Satine let out an unladylike squeal once in the toy section and grabbed a toy. "Darling!" She exclaimed, all thoughts of the quibble forgotten, for Satine was not one to hold a grudge. "Look! It's a you doll!"
"A me doll?" He asked, puzzled.
"A you doll," she confirmed, holding up a doll that closely ressembled the penniless poet.
"I think I should be insulted. I'm being compared to a hunk of plastic."
"Oh darling, don't be silly. It's a hunk of plastic molded and shaped to look like you! See... you're not penniless, you're an action figure. Complete with this thingy," She held out a miniature stick with a green colored light on the end of it. She looked on the box. "They call it a lightsabre apparently."
"I have a lightsabre?" he asked, looking into the distance, imagining himself wielding this instrument. "A lightsabre. Hmm." Yes, he could picture saving the world from the bad guys with this object- this lightsabre.
His reverie was interrupted by Satine golden ripples of laughter. "Oh, mon Dieu! Christian, they call you Obi Wan Kenobi!" She dissolved into giggles again.
"Obi-Wan? As in 1, 2, 3? What a stupid name that is!" He threw the box on the floor in disgust. But... acting on an impulse he picked it up again and studied it. "He is kind of handsome though."
Satine snorted. "I think he's kind of homely looking, to tell you the truth." she needled.
"What do you mean, homely?" he asked, bristling. "Look at his eyes! That profile! His regal cheekbones! He's a masterpiece."
"No, darling, you were right before." Satine sighed, and she struggled not to laugh aloud. It was too much fun teasing him. "He really is just a hunk of plastic."
Christian stared at her. Unfortunately, since he couldn't cast a 'Sparkling Diamond' stare, it wasn't that scary.
"I'm buying it." He said.
"What?" She shrieked. "You can't! You're penniless!"
"So... you got your gummy bears, I got... me." And without another word he put the action figure under his arm.
"It's not you!" she exclaimed. "It's Obi-one whatever!"
"Obi-Wan KENOBI." he said defensively. "And I love him."
"Fine." They walked around the store for a long time. It was only after they passed the perfume isle that Satine started to smell something funny. "Christian..." She said and leaned into smell him. "Did you put on deodorant this morning?" Christian was silent and he stared straight ahead. "Christian!" She said warningly.
"NO! I didn't, OK!" Satine made a funny face.
"Oh darling!" She said, as if revolted at the idea.
"They don't have them in the 1900's! People were still taking baths once a week!"
"Come on." Satine grabbed his shirt.
"Where are we going?" He asked.
"To the deodorant section. I can't stand the smell."
Satine shuddered. "And DO NOT remind me of those archaic bathing styles. I want you smelling clean and fresh like an Abercrombie model or else."
"But Satine," he protested. "You loved me when I smelled like this before."
"Before I moved on to better things. Now buy some sure or I will throw some at you."
Christian crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head, pouting.
"Fine." Satine said menacingly. "I'll get some for you myself."
She seized Christian's wrist and dragged him to the display of 'Old Spice'. Christian, ever the childish, was muttering:
"I smell exactly like I should! As a penniless poet! Jee-sus!" He shuffled behind Satine, arms crosses, pouting. "Miss High-n-Mighty Diamond has to have me smelling of roses and daffodils." He muttered.
Satine turned to look at him sharply. "It's not my fault you chose to live the penniless existence is it?"
Christian gapped. "I DON'T WEAR DEODERANT!" He yelled.
People turned to look at him. They sniffed the air and after making various disgusted faces, literally ran out of the isle.
Satine fought back a laugh. "Well now look what you did." She said simply, examing a pack of Right Guard.
"You are so mean to me." Christian said, and resumed his pout.
"I'm mean to everyone." Satine said without looking up. "Why should you be treated differently?"
"I can think of a few reasons." Christian said suggestively, tickling her waist.
She didn't laugh.
"Name one." She said, inspecting a bar of Sure.
"I can cook, for one thing."
"So can I." She said.
Christian gave her a startled look. "You can not and you know it. Even you won't eat your own food."
"I can fix perfectly decent peanut butter-n-jelly sandwiches!" she exclaimed in exasperation.
"You curdle milk and make bread stale! Just by touching them! You repel food! You burn it, mix it wrong, chop it wrong or just plain ruin it! You. Cannot. COOK!" he screeched.
The remaining occupants of Target fled.
"You needn't be so testy about it." she said huffily, a hurt look registering on her face.
"Umm... excuse me." Satine turned to see an enormously large man in front of her. "Yes?" She said, switching to her 'sparkling diamond' mode.
"I'm Bob, security." He held out his badge. "You're scaring away our customers... I was appointed to lead you out of the store." He said proudly.
"We're being kicked out?" Satine asked.
The man nodded. "Sorry m'am."
"You're kicking me out?" she demanded, her voice taking on a steely edge. Behind her, Christian motioned for the man to shut up.
"Yes ma'am- you and the man."
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Satine asked in a poison dagger voice.
"No, ma'am." he replied, his voice shaky as the 5'9" courtesan began to rave.
"I am SATINE. The SPARKLING Diamond. Not a Diamond Dog- oh no. I am the SPARKLING Diamond. As in, I am the MOST important. I have entertained more men than you can think of, and I make more money in one week than you do in a DECADE! Away, you FOOL! YOU CAN'T KICK ME OUT! Christian, we're leaving. Maybe we'll go to WAL-MART!" She said, with added emphasis on the finishing word.
Christian fought back a laugh. He followed her to the cashier. "Kicking us out... me! A dignified lady at the most being kicked out of Target!" She said the name in disgust as she put the gummy bears and the action figure on the conveyor belt.
"$10.20, please." The cashier asked pleasantly. Satine fumbled through the hidden pockets of her dress and produced the right amount of money.
"Where'd you get the money?" He asked her.
"I did some guy for two thousand." She said nonchalantly.
Christian stopped dead, all the color fading from his face. "You're lying." He whispered. "Please say you're lying."
Satine rushed to his side. She kissed his neck, shoulders and face. "Of course I'm lying. I sold some of my diamonds. I stopped doing that.... I love you."
"Good." Said Christian, fully recovered from his shock. He seemed to be enjoying the kisses she planted on his lips.
"You LITTLE!" She hit him with the bag full of gummy bears. She hurriedly walked away from him, she seemed to be doing that a lot.
"Can I have some?" He asked.
"No."
"Why?"
"Cause you were mean to me." She said, chewing on a red bear with her mouth open.
"Please?" He asked, his eyes round. "If I cook you dinner?"
She thought it over. "Maybe. But I want fried chicken."
He nodded. "Anything for my princess."
Satine smiled. "Here, you can have a green one." She put the green one in his mouth.
"Thank you." He grabbed her hand.
Together they walked away from the Tar-get they were kicked out of. Later, they would visit other stores and knowing them, get kicked out of those too. But for now, they were content on having fried chicken at home... together.