Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, never have, never will.

Pairings: None.

Author's Notes: This is just a random thought that happened to pop into my head at 1 in the morning. It's about drugs and substance abuse, while I do not promote the use of these things, I did think it was a good subject to write about. It's probably going to be an arc, but I think that it can stand on it's own.

In My Skin

Black Dragon

"How does that make you feel?"

She asked as she scribbled something on the leather notebook in her lap. She looked at me over the rim of her silver glasses, she tilted her head to the right and let her right hand cover whatever it was she wrote. She waited for an answer that would never come. An answer that was so convoluted and faded that I didn't even know the answer.

"Duo?" She said my name as a question. I'd been silent for the last ten minutes, and I was aware of the silence. I didn't have anything to say. 'How do you feel?' Why do they always ask that? As if they care.I looked at the cream colored carpet that covered the floor of her office, I couldn't look anywhere else because I had already memorized the lay out of the room. I was sick of looking at it. I was sick of sitting in the leather chair that was by the window. I was sick of her. "Duo?"

"What?" I said, looking up with slight anger in my eyes and resentment in my voice.

"I asked you how that made you feel." She said as she scribbled again. She looked up at me again, with those unfeeling steel gray eyes. "It obviously made you feel something, otherwise, you and I wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be having this conversation. You wouldn't be here for treatment, and you wouldn't be battling your addiction."

"I don't have an addiction because of that!" I spat angrily at her. I stood and walked over to her bookcase across the room. I wanted to get as far away from her as possible without leaving the room. "I'm angry. That's how it made me feel. I'm still angry. Is that what you wanted to hear?" You bitch.

She leaned back in her chair and pulled her glasses off of her face. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. "We've been over this Duo. You're always angry. That's why you're in therapy." She opened her eyes and looked at me. "You obviously have a problem with commitment." She laughed. "Men always have a problem with commitment." She sighed as she replaced the glasses on her nose once again, like putting on a mask.

"I do NOT have a problem with commitment." I turned away from her then. I walked over to the window that over looked the grounds of the hospital. "I never had a relationship with this person other than a friendship. I've never even had a girlfriend. And they are most certainly NOT the reason I am in this fucking place." I placed my hand on the sill and leaned out to look over the trees.

"Now we're getting somewhere." She mumbled. I heard her shift. "Why won't you give this person a name. You talk about him enough, so I assume he has a name. What exactly was your relationship with this person, and what were you're feelings with them?"

I whirled on her then. Angry. "I thought we were supposed to be working on my addiction to drugs, not my personal life."

"Drugs are a reason for almost anything." She looked at me seriously then. "People use them to forget. To comfort them when what they want, what they desire is not attainable. And people use them for all sorts of issues... What we're trying to do is find your X factor. The reason you started using."

I sighed and walked back to the chair. I perched on the arm. "Fine. He was my best friend. We both went to the same school. We both shared the same dorm room for years."

"Uh huh." She scribbled as I spoke. "And what was his name?"

"Heero. Heero Yuy. He was an exchange student from Japan. He moved to New Edwards during our freshman year."

"And when did you meet him?"

"I met him when he was introduced to our class mid semester." She mumbled 'Uh huh', so I continued. "He was assigned to my room."

"And you two became friends?"

"No. He hated me. Never spoke more than three words for the first month. I tried to be nice and talk to him, ask him how his day was going, if he liked the school, of he was making any friends. He never answered my questions. Always tapping away at his stupid laptop. Muttering 'Paper'." I laughed, and the sound sounded foreign. I hadn't laughed in a long time... And she noticed, but didn't say anything. "Anyway, we had our own circles, or lack there of."

"He didn't make any friends?"

"Not really. Girls loved him. He was a looker for them." I grinned as I recalled a memory.

"What'd he look like?"

"He was tall. Broadly built, muscular. Bronze skin, and choclate brown hair... And dark blue eyes, almost looked cobalt." I stared into the wall as I pictured him in my mind.

"Hmmmm..." She scibbled on. "Do you think that you ending your friendship with Heero led you to drugs?"

"Blunt aren't you?" I stood and stretched. "Nah. Don't think so. Gonna have to figure out another X factor doc. Cause he ain't it." I looked at her and she stared at me with disbelief. "Don't say it's denial. I don't give a shit if it is or it isn't. I've been clean for 4 weeks now, and I don't have a craving for it. Not yet anyway."

"Duo, you're in rehab for a reason, and believe me when I say that my only intention is to help you get better. But you have to want to get better, cause other wise it's not going to work." She sighed again. "Just because you don't crave cocaine doesn't mean that you won't ever want a taste of it again. You're in here because you were on the brink of death, if you recall?" That was a low blow. But she was right. I came to Edward's Recovery Center after being hospitalized from overdosing on cocaine, meth, heroine and xanax... I was suicidal. Hell I still might be, I haven't been able to think straight since I got here. I twisted my mouth into a thoughtful expression, and thought about what she was trying to say to me. "I'm trying to help you." I nodded. "Ok, our time today is over. We'll meet in two days from today alright? I'll see you later." She said as she stood and headed towards the door.

I walked out of that office thinking about him. About the friend that I had lost 2 years before. I walked down the hall and outside, and as I made my way to my room, I started crying.

Owari.

End Note: I welcome opinions, and if it get's enough, I'll write another. LOL.