It had been a rough night. First, they found that Kate had kidnapped Scott, then it was the totally not fun road trip to Mexico 2.0, then Derek almost died, then Scott was almost forced to kill them all, finally Peter tried to reclaim his short-lived Alphaness.
Now Stiles was sitting in the back of the van alone with the older power-hungry werewolf. Argent had drugged with him some wolfsbane so he should be safe, but Stiles still didn't see why the only human in the pack got stuck with babysitting.
Although it was not as if Peter was doing anything. On the contrary, he seemed to be sleeping, something that Stiles himself wished he could partake in. At least nothing bad could happen if the deranged werewolf was in dreamland at least that is what Stiles hoped. He and the rest of the pack had let their guard down once on the man and he almost killed Chris and Scott because of it. Stiles was sure that it would not happen again.
"Not unless you can scheme from your cell at Eichen House." Stiles quietly said. He still wasn't one hundred percent sure he liked sending the man to Eichen House, having had a personal stay there once Stiles knew that it would probably worsen the man rather than help him. Then again, Stiles didn't see that much of a problem in just setting the guy on fire again.
A minute later Peter stirred and Stiles unconsciously tensed. He did not want the man waking up on him, but that is exactly what happened. Peter opened his eyes, blinking a few times and looking incredibly worse for wear. He sat up swaying a bit and although he looked in absolute no shape for a fight and all logic told Stiles that the man was drugged up on enough wolfsbane to put him out for a long while Stiles still felt uneasy.
"Have you ever been to Australia?" Peter asked. Stiles was both confused by the question and amused by the slurring in the older man's speech. He almost sounded southern and it did not fit his usual pristine appearance at all.
After going over his reply in his head Stiles decided it was going to be a long time until they got to Beacon Hills so he might as well take the bait. "No."
"Everything in Australia wants to kill you. EVERYTHING." Peter exclaimed as he fell back on the seat. His bright blue eyes were wide.
"I'm pretty sure anyone who knows you for five seconds wants to kill you."
"But if you kill me I'll go extinct!" Peter said completely serious. For someone who was high as a kite, or as close as high as he could be he could keep a very good poker face.
Stiles rolled his eyes. What deity was punishing him that he had to deal with 5-year-old Peter Hale? "What a shame that would be."
Peter was laying his back and stating up at the ceiling of the van. He moved his hand in the air as he talked. "See I went to Australia once. I even bought a koala bear! Mr. Fancy Pants was such a good koala…
"I'm sure you-"
"But then mutated eggplants attacked! The windshield was purple. WE were purple. EVERYTHING was purple." Peter said waving his hands in the air still. Stiles couldn't help it this time, he full on laughed.
"The what attacked?"
"The eggplants! They were at least fifteen feet tall. They were mutated, some government experiment gone bad, and they had arms, and legs, and their faces. Oh god, their horrific faces." Peter shuddered.
"So they exploded or something?" Stiles asked. Playing along with the whole thing. If the situation wasn't as messed up as it was and if he wasn't almost killed three hours ago he would have been so much more amused, but for now this was almost relaxing.
'YES! They self-destructed! Everything was purple!"
"You realize that the inside of an eggplant is not actually purple."
"Well, duh. It was mutated." Peter stated sounding like it was the most obvious answer in the world and that Stiles was an imbecile for not understanding right away. Even when he was drugged he still managed to be insulting.
Stiles chose to ignore the sass and said, "So they self-destructed. Game over, right?"
"Wrong!" Peter hopped back up in a sitting position. "They also had an army of kangaroos."
"Kangaroos?"
"Kangaroooooooooooos."
"But you're a big, strong, werewolf. Why couldn't you fight them?"
There was a moment of silence and Stiles began to wonder if Peter suddenly got tired or something. However, the man stared at him very intensely, almost as if he was trying to get a read on Stiles. He finally exclaimed, "A kangaroo could put me in the hospital and then I'd just LOSE money!"
"But this was all just a dream so why would you care?"
Peter gave him a serious look. "Was it a dream?"
"What even—" But before Stiles could get another word out the van stopped and the doors to the back opened to Derek's usual grumpy cat lookalike face.
"We are stopping for some food. I can take over from here while you stretch your legs." He said and Stiles nodded.
Stiles got out of the van and gave once last glance at Peter who simply said, "Poor Mr. Fancy Pants. He never had a chance against the kangaroos."