Bloodstained Love Story, an one tree hill fanfic

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
xxxx

As she stares in the mirror, she sees a remnant of the person she used to be. She hasn't been that girl in a long time. She gave up that life for a boy. For Lucas Scott, the calm and good natured boy who stole her heart and transformed her into the girl she knew she always had the potential to be. But now looking in the mirror, she doesn't want to be that girl anymore. The old Brooke never had to endure the pain that she was feeling in this very moment and as of right now she didn't even know who she was anymore. Being with Lucas had changed her, for the better in some ways, and for the worst in others. Before she met Lucas, Brooke was brutally outspoken, blunt, sometimes perceived as a bitch, and she knew how to get her own way. But despite all of those things, she knew who she was. And now being with Lucas had made her lose her way and turn into a different person and she wasn't so sure she liked this version of her. She was vulnerable and she let a boy dictate her happiness. That was something that the old Brooke Davis would have never condoned. She feels week, almost powerless and alone. She no longer has her best friend, courtesy of Lucas Scott. She would forever hold a grudge against that boy for coming between her and Peyton, the only person that ever really saw her for who she truly was. She blames Lucas mostly for everything that's happened but she can't let Peyton off the hook that easily either. After all it takes two to cheat. She remembers the night that she and Lucas officially ended things. It's forever imprinted in the back of her mind, even though she's tried to shove it back as far as she can to forget it.

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

xxxx

FLASHBACK

She wraps her jacket tightly around her body, mostly in attempt to shield out the cold wind swirling amid the town of Tree Hill.

"I had a good time tonight Brooke," Lucas smiles as he lets go of her hand. "We're starting to get back on track."

"Lucas, I think we need to talk," she gulps, the feeling of guilt instantly washing over her body. Wait a second Brooke he cheated on you so why the hell should you feel guilty?

"Oh," she can see his face fall. It's never a good sign when your girlfriend says she needs to talk to you.

She slides her key into the lock and clicks the door open, stepping inside with Lucas close behind. She drops her coat onto the chair and sits down on the couch hesitantly.

"Lucas," she looks down at her hands absentmindedly. "I love you okay…?"

"Get to the point Brooke," he growls, the abruptness in his voice shocking her.

"Okay…" she trails on, not wanting to make this any harder than it has to be. "I think we should break up."

"Brooke…" He turns to her and places his hand on her cheek. "I…"

"No," she shakes his hand away from her face. "Let me speak Lucas."

He nods for her continue and she can see the pain in his eyes. It scares her but she hates him for making her feel this way. He's changed her and she can't handle the fact that she's lost herself.

"I'm tired of fighting a battle that I'm destined to lose. I loved you Lucas and I probably always will but I can't keep living like this. I don't know who I am anymore and I think I've changed too much. This," she motions in between them. "Isn't me."

"What do you mean this isn't you Brooke? I thought I changed you, helped you become the person you wanted to be?"

"No," she shakes her head, a tear threatening to fall. "This," she yet again motions in between them, "is who you want me to be." She takes a deep breath and looks at her hands. "I won't be that girl anymore Lucas. I won't conform into the girl that you want me to be anymore. I'm sick of always trying to fit into your mould and always coming up short. I will never be enough for you Lucas and I'm tired of trying to be someone that you want me to be. But that girl isn't me Lucas. I am still the girl that I always was. People don't truly change."

"I never asked you to change!" he yells, face burning red with anger. "I never asked you to be something that you're not!"

"No but I involuntarily changed because I was afraid that you'd leave me if I didn't. Just admit it Lucas, you'd never go out with who I was before I met you."

"You don't know that Brooke…"

"Yes I do," she argues back. "Our entire relationship, you've held me up high on this pedestal and I'm tired of trying to be perfect because I'm not!"

"I never said you were Brooke! Those little flaws are what made me fall in love with you. I loved you because you weren't perfect and you never pretended to be. You knew yourself better that anyone else Brooke and that is why I fell in love with you."

"Well, in the end I lost myself Lucas and that is something that I promised myself I'd never do. I hate you for making me feel this way and I hate you for turning me into my mother!"

"Your mother?" he raises an eyebrow at her. "You're not your mother…"

"Yes, I am Lucas," she shakes her head, brunette tresses falling into her face. "Don't you see? She let my father dictate her happiness and her future and now she's a miserable bitch. And I'm starting to head down the exact same path as her. I can't lose myself or I will end up just like her!"

"Brooke, I'm sorry that I kissed Peyton and I'm sorry…"

"This isn't about Peyton," she cuts in harshly, her eyes forming into tiny slits of malice. "This is about me and who you've made me become!"

"Really?" he questions, reciprocating her glare. "Because, I'm beginning to think that this is all a façade. You're covering up the fact that your insecure about Peyton and I by feeding me this 'I've changed' bullshit!"

"Fuck you Lucas," she spits coldly before standing up and turning to leave.

He quickly grabs her wrist and makes her face him. "So you're telling me that Peyton has absolutely nothing to do with this?"

"No," she shakes her head violently. "Tonight at the banquet when Whitey was giving his speech about Camilla, I realized that he wasn't describing us. Look at us Lucas, we are highly dysfunctional and at the best of times we can't even stand to be in the same room as each other. We fight at the drop of a hat and let's face it, I don't know you and you don't know me. You can tell anybody Haley or Peyton's deepest secrets but what could you say about me?"

"What are you talking about Brooke? I know you better than anyone!"

"No you don't," she shakes her head, giving him a bitter laugh. "Peyton knows me better than anyone and you ruined my friendship with her."

"Oh so now you're going to blame me for ruining your relationship with Peyton?" he growls, anger brewing in his usually soft and gentle blue eyes. "Well guess what Brooke? You ruined that a long time ago. You let me get in between you and Peyton."

"God, I hate you," she yells, pushing his chest with all of her might.

"You don't mean that. Come on Brooke, I know that you still feel for me," he pleads, his eyes burning a hole through hers.

"Peyton asked me at Naley's wedding if I was in love with my boyfriend and you know what I told her?" she asks suddenly and he shakes his head no. "I didn't answer her Lucas because I couldn't. When I have to question my love for you, then we have a problem, one that we clearly can't ignore."

"Brooke…" he takes a step forward. "I don't love Peyton."

"Well that's great Lucas but I've realized something," she responds in a voice as calmly as she can muster. "I may be the girl for you, but you aren't the guy for me."

"So, you're just going to throw it all away?" he hisses, harshness plaguing his voice and sending a chill down her spine.

"You threw it all away a long time ago."

"I'm sorry for what I did with Peyton but I can't take it back Brooke and you know that you aren't exactly a saint either Brooke. Does Chris Keller, the same boy who nearly ruined Nathan and Haley's marriage, ring a bell?"

"I can't believe you'd bring that up again Lucas. We weren't dating when I slept with Chris and I am sorry that I did it but I did it because I was upset that you were with Rachel. You cheated on me twice with Peyton so don't try to blame me in attempt to lessen your guilt!"

"What about Nathan?" he questions as he momentarily closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh. "You slept with my brother while he and Peyton were dating."

"That is none of your business Lucas," she growls at the mention of her rocky past. "That happened a long time ago and they were on a break. I was drunk and he initiated it…"

"That doesn't make it right does it?"

"You know what Lucas, this was a mistake," she mumbles through sultry tears. "I think you should go."

"Fine, I'll go," he finally surrenders as he grabs his coat and heads toward the door. "But just so you know, we were never a mistake."

Then he's gone, a faded figure vanished through the front door. And she collapses behind the closed door, tears rolling down her face uncontrollably. How could she let this boy make her feel this way? She was stronger than this and she knew it.

END FLASHBACK

They haven't spoken much since that night. He's with Peyton now and she sees them periodically, acting like the lovey-dovey perfect little true love always couple they were. It makes her sick inside to see them this way. She gave up Lucas for Peyton and now Peyton can't even give up Lucas for her? She closes her eyes and wishes that Lucas Scott never existed. All he's done since he walked into their lives is tear them apart.

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

It's been exactly 6 months since she's been in Tree Hill. She left for California to finish off the year after her break up with Lucas. She knew she's been the subject of the rumor mill following her disappearance. Everyone assumes that she ran away because of Lucas and Peyton, but she didn't. She ran away because she's sick of feeling this way. She's going to spend the summer in LA, before jetting off to New York to start a fashion empire with her estranged mother.

She still talks to Nathan and Haley from time to time. She promises to return for the birth of their baby and she promises to make an effort to visit periodically but she knows that will never happen. She's enjoyed reverting back to her old ways, drinking copious amounts of alcohol to numb the pain and escape from life. She's also buried herself in school work, hoping to finish off her high school career on a good note and become successful, breaking away from the chains that Lucas Scott had bound her with. She didn't need Lucas Scott to become the person she wanted to be. She just needed some space and a new beginning. Haley tells her that Lucas is constantly asking about her, wondering where she is and how she's doing.

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

xxxx

She's 22 now. She's the same as she was when she left Tree Hill with a few minor differences. Her hair is shorter and a little bit lighter. Her eyes are still that deep shade of hazel but they look tired and lifeless, like the emotion is drained from them. She doesn't know how to feel anymore because she hasn't felt anything since she left Lucas and Tree Hill behind.

She stands in the Tree Hill airport, wearing a leather jacket over a white tank top, a pair of skin tight jeans and long black boots. He catches a glimpse of her and smiles.

"Haley sent me to pick you up."

"And she couldn't of got off her ass and done it herself?" she rolls her hazel eyes in typical sarcastic Brooke Davis fashion.

"She's at work," Lucas states the obvious and she wants to wipe that stupid grin off his face. "And Nathan's currently in a wheelchair…"

"Yes, I know," she states impatiently, upset that he's treating her like she missed out on the last four years. She may have cut him from her life but she didn't cut them from her life.

The car ride is awkward. Neither of them speaks as the radio plays on low. She looks out the window and mentally notes how much Tree Hill has changed in the last four years.

"So, how's Peyton?" she finally asks, a simple attempt to get conversation flowing because this silent atmosphere is driving her fucking nuts.

"I wouldn't know," he shrugs, turning into the driveway of the Naley estate. "I haven't spoken to her since we broke up after High School."

"You and Peyton broke up?" It's her turn to be surprised. She always thought that Peyton and Lucas would get there happily ever after love story after she moved on and got out of their way.

"Two different directions, I guess," he shrugs nonchalantly as he pulls her door open. "Plus, we changed and there is no point in being in a relationship if it's changed you."

She catches the mysterious glimmer in his eye at the last sentence and chooses to ignore it. Naley's house is incredible. She stares in awe as she walks in. Pictures of their beautiful family line the walls and there is just something very homey about it. She never felt like her home in New York was actually a home.

"Where's Nate?" she asks curiously, scanning the room for her old friend.

"Therapy," Lucas answers with a stoic expression. "It's just you and me Davis."

"Fucking hell," she mumbles under her breath as she drops her suitcase by the staircase and plops on the couch.

"So how have you been?" he asks, wandering over to the fridge and pulling it open. "Want a drink?"

"I'm fine," she answers, holding up her hand. "And I've been better."

He cracks a beer and joins her on the couch. "Better?"

"Life in New York is lonely…" she admits, flipping through a magazine that she spotted on the coffee table.

"Isn't life in general lonely?" he chuckles as he takes a swig of his beer. "I haven't really dated anyone since Peyt and I broke up. I guess I was still holding on to my first love."

She turns to look at him, shock creeping across her face. "Are you really not over us?"

"I keep replaying that night back and forth in my head and every time I find the right words to make you stay…"

"I don't think there were any right words," she answers quietly, staring at her intertwined hands. "We were pretty much doomed from the start."

"That's not true," he shakes his head in disagreement. "We had a pretty good run at it."

"Lucas, where the hell were you the entire time we were dating?" she laughs as she stares into his blue eyes, the pain clearly evident. "Our relationship was a bloody mess from the beginning. It was never a normal everyday run of the mill love story…"

"But we loved each other…"

"And love was never our problem Lucas," she clarifies for him. "Trust, insecurities, and the fact that we were two completely different people from two completely different worlds, those were our problems."

"I liked that we were different."

"We were too different though. We could hardly stand each other Lucas. It's actually kind of funny looking back on it and thinking, were we seriously that naive?"

"Do you ever wonder if you took a different path in life?" he suddenly questions, the expression on his face dead serious.

"All the time," she whispers painfully. "But I try not to think about what might have been because I'm content with my life…"

"Are you really happy with your life?"

"Sometimes," she shrugs casually. "There's a void in my heart that longs to be filled with some kind of love."

"Maybe, I could fill that void," he suggest, turning towards her and pressing his lips against hers.

She allows his lips to touch hers for a brief second before reality sets in and she pushes him off. SLAP. Her hand connects with his flesh and the sound of her fist assaulting his face echoes throughout the house.

"You can't honestly expect me to take you back after all the years of pain and heartache that you caused me?" she screams as hate swirls in her hazel orbs.

"You broke up with me," he reminds her solitarily. "You brought it all on yourself."

"I wanted you to fight for me Lucas. I wanted you to convince me that I was enough and make me feel like I wasn't second best. Instead you jumped into Peyton's arms less than two weeks after I ended things. Do you know how that made me feel?"

"No Lucas," she pushes him away with her palms. "I can't do this… I will never allow myself to be that girl again. You made me a version of myself that I hated. You made me week and powerless and alone. I promised myself that I would never be that girl again. I won't…"

xxxx

She's back in Tree Hill for good. She's pulled a few strings with the company and much to her mother's dismay she's managed to run her company from the small town that she calls home. It's been 7 months and 23 days since Lucas Scott kissed her in Nathan and Haley's home. Peyton is also back in Tree Hill. She returned a few months ago and Lucas has already started to charm her again. She's heard a few rumors that Lucas and Peyton are back on already. She doesn't talk to Lucas much, they pass each other by in the store, sometimes exchanging the odd hello but they never delve into conversation. She avoids dinners at Naley's when she knows that he will be there and she doesn't talk to Peyton either. She doesn't understand why Peyton keeps running back to Lucas when he's played them both from the start. Maybe Peyton needs a man in her life but Brooke doesn't need anyone. She's perfectly content living life on her own. At least that way, she can spare herself the heartache.

"Hey, stranger…"

A frown quickly makes its way onto her face as she whips around. "I didn't know you were coming." She crosses her arms over her chest stubbornly and glares at him ominously.

"Thought I'd drop by," he shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets nervously. "So how's Julian?"

Julian is the hot movie producer that she's been seeing on and off again for the last few months. He's been in Tree Hill producing a movie and she was hired to do the wardrobe for the movie. They had an instant connection but she feels bad that she can't give him her whole heart. She's just too afraid and just too guarded.

"Good," she mumbles, her voice cracking slightly. Why the hell is this so awkward?

"You'll let him in eventually," Lucas reassures her as he brushes a hand over her cheek. "You have so much love to give, it would be a shame to waste it."

"Maybe," she shrugs. "Maybe not."

"Don't be afraid to give your heart to him Brooke," Lucas responds with a heavy sigh. "I neglected the fact that we could have had everything that Nathan and Haley have and now I'm stuck regretting it forever. If you don't give love a try again, you'll regret it forever."

"You're with Peyton now, I think you should quit prying open old wounds…" she responds harshly as she picks at the buttons on her jacket anxiously. "We were never the epitome of true love," she shakes her head violently. "We never had a Naley-esque love story like you seem to think."

She looks at him distressingly before turning and shuffling away. She doesn't regret her relationship with Lucas. Not even for a second. Being with him prepared her for heartbreak and pain but it also blossomed emotions inside of her that she never even knew she had. There were times when she was with Lucas that a fire erupted inside of her. They just weren't cut out for a relationship. She was too insecure and he was too indecisive. She's realized that Peyton's much better suited for Lucas than she is. Peyton is the type of girl that has abandonment issues so she feels a need to constantly have somebody looking after her. Brooke is independent and she never needed Lucas to make her life complete. She would much rather be alone for the rest of her life than stuck living a lie with someone she doesn't love or doesn't have a true Naley-esque love story with.

AN: So I have kind of been on hiatus lately but this was an old oneshot that I had the majority of written. I just finished off the last little bit or so. I promise that I will update my other two stories once I have time on my hands but with exams coming up and work, I'm just swamped for time. I know that this oneshot is certainly not as great as some others I've written but it was just an idea I'd had in my head. The first time I heard this song I instantly thought of Brucas and Peyton so I just had to go with it. The song is called Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri if anyone's wondering, and it is truly a great song. Also, formatting was not my friend but then again it never is, so excuse how the song lyrics might be kind of fucked in certain spots. Anyways let me know what you think, good or bad!

And learn to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

xxxx