Laura gripped her cup of hot chocolate tightly in her cold hands, ignoring how it shook slightly in her grasp. She thought that it might cheer her up, but it wasn't working. Nothing seemed to be working nowadays. Ever since -

No.

She couldn't bring herself to think of it. It was all just too painful, the mere thought being enough to bring her to tears. She remembered that day clearly, as if it was just yesterday. But, months have passed, and the likelihood of her coming back was becoming smaller within each passing day, she knew. Hell, at this point, she found herself wondering why she even bothered to hope anymore.

She remembered coming back to the dorm room, shell shocked as her tired mind struggled to process all that had happened in the past few hours - no, more like days. She remembered turning on the camera with tears in her eyes and announcing the unthinkable. She almost couldn't bring herself to say it, because once she said it, it would be true. There was no more denying the fact that… that…

Laura swiped at her eyes, which were beginning to fill with hot tears. No - she was still out there somewhere. She had to be. She was a vampire. She was the one that was supposed to survive all of this shit.

She wasn't supposed to die.

She took a shaky sip of her coco, not really tasting it as it slid down her throat. No one really made it like Carmilla.

She was grateful, yes, that they had gotten back all of the girls who had been taken. All of the pod-people had gone back to normal, and they had thanked Laura and her friends over and over again for returning them to their regular selves. Laura had responded hollowly that it was no big deal, but it was. It was a big deal. Because in the process of getting them back their lives, she had lost her best friend. No, screw that 'best friend' shit. She loved her. She loved her, and she hadn't even had a chance to truly say it.

Laura remembered clutching the blanket around her shoulders numbly, as Danny gave the audience a recap of what had happened in the past several hours. Laura had had no control over her emotions at the time, and she was glad that she hadn't broken down in front of the camera, as well as the rest of her friends. All she had really felt since then was numb; she went through her classes in a daze, and because of her lack of distractions, she managed to bring her grade up a little. She wasn't failing anymore, at least.

But thats part of what upset her. Sure, everything had been crazy stressful, but it had been something. It was during that hectic craze around midterms when she had really fallen for her roommate - hard. She remembered the night they waltzed around the room, all the while Carmilla's beautiful face had only been inches from her own. Laura regretted not taking advantage of that when she had the chance.

The first night without Carmilla, Laura had been a wreck. She missed the constant presence on the other side of the room, reassuring her that everything would be alright. That she would protect her, and Laura knew that Carmilla had only gone after the sword because of her. She had told Laura that, of course, but the thought was still baffling enough. The fact that the vampire cared at all warmed Laura's heart, but caring enough to go after the sword was...unthinkable.

Laura set her prized TARDIS mug on the table, her hands shaking. No, she shouldn't be thinking about this now. She shouldn't be considering her feelings towards Carmilla, she shouldn't. She was gone.

Laura shook her head automatically at the thought. She couldn't shake the nagging feeling that yes, Carmilla was still out there and yes, she was still alive. Well, alive as she could get. She couldn't be dead, she couldn't be. Wouldn't she need to be staked or something for that to work? Laura didn't know the full logistics of it. All she knew was that Carmilla couldn't be dead. She just couldn't be.

The door creaked open slightly. "Laura?" LaFontaine stuck her head in the doorframe, Perry opening the door further so she could be seen. Laura scrubbed at her eyes, turning her back to them. She didn't want to be caught crying. Again.

"Hey Perry, LaFontaine. What do you want?" Laura's voice was wobbly from her tears and rusty from lack of use, coming out in a bit of a croak. The couple exchanged a worried glance. Their friend was clearly still upset, and they weren't sure how they could help in the slightest.

The two girls walked in the small dorm room, their hands intertwined. They had officially gotten together after they had taken down the vampiric-cult and LaFontaine had been un-podpeopled. It was a relief to many, who had noticed the amount of sheer sexual tension between them. They practically kissed each other when they were telling Laura's audience what happened, which hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone (especially themselves).

"How are you doing, Lar?" Perry glanced at the two beds in the room; one was made, one looked like it had been recently slept in. Laura's bed hasn't been touched since that night, and Laura had taken to sleeping in Carmilla's bed. Betty had decided not to move back in, opting towards dropping out. It wasn't surprising after all that had happened, and she would resume her studies in a local college the following year. Laura understood, and was even a bit relieved. She could have Carmilla's bed now, and time alone to mourn. The beds alone were a clear sign that no, Laura still wasn't all right.

Carmilla's unique scent had long since left the bed, but Laura sometimes pretended that she could still smell her. Occasionally, Laura would find some random possession of Carmilla's in some odd place (she once found her loofa shoved in a pillowcase underneath the mattress). She would then cling to the small object for days on end. Any clothes of Carmilla's that she could fit was put on her body almost immediately, but she was more careful with those - she still wanted those to smell like her, as odd as that sounded. Maybe then, she could pretend that everything was still alright.

Laura shrugged halfheartedly. "I guess I'm fine," Her voice had gone back to its usual texture once again, no longer croaky. "I just…" She trailed off, not wanting to voice it.

LaFontaine broke hands with her lover, coming up behind Laura. She placed a hand on her shoulder, and Laura found herself leaning into the touch of her friend. LaFontaine's hand was warm and strong, the exact opposite of her own. LaFontaine had been her rock lately, Perry too.

"I know," LaFontaine said, giving Laura's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Everything will get better, Sweetie." Perry said, squatting to be more eye-level with her short friend. She had come to stand by LaFontaine when she moved. "We promise." Perry stared straight into Laura's bloodshot and irritated eyes. Her pupils were practically swimming in unshed tears.

Fat tears freely fell down Laura's cheeks. "I just… I just really miss her."

LaFontaine nodded, playing with Laura's hair in way that she hoped was soothing. "I know, kiddo. I know."

The three of them just sat like there for a moment, allowing their friend to grieve over the loss. Laura did her best to keep her sobs to a minimum, choking on them as quietly as possible. The couple always tried to make time to check up on Laura, usually visiting a couple of times a week. It wasn't rare for Laura to break down like this, but this was definitely one of the worse days. The couple thought that Laura had been doing much better lately, but they weren't surprised by the sudden relapse of emotions.

Someone in the back of the room cleared their throat. "I missed you too, buttercup."