Click.
Click.
Click.
Click.
"Fullmetal?" Roy raised an eye-brow at his youngest sub-ordinate. He thought that he'd seen Ed come up to the roof earlier that day but it had been hours ago and he had thought that the boy would have left by then. That was the only reason why he had come up there, actually.
On the days that Roy had to stay at HQ past seven, which were getting more and more recent lately, he tended to take his breaks up on the roof. It gave him a chance to get out of his office and away from the stifling policies that came with eating in the mess hall. It seemed that he wouldn't be eating his dinner alone though.
Click.
Click.
Edward didn't move when Roy called his name. He kept his head down, eyes locked on whatever was in his hands. There wasn't any reaction from him at all, actually. He just sat there.
"Fullmetal?" Roy questioned again. He said it a little louder this time, just in case the other boy somehow hadn't heard him the first time, and started walking towards him.
Edward was sitting at the far edge of the roof, in a corner so shadowed by the wall beside him that it would be impossible for anyone on the ground below them to see him. His legs were dangling off the edge of the building, so still that they almost blended in with the shadows. A large section of Ed's hair had come loose from his ever present braid; the flaxen locks being pushed into his face by the wind and blocking his eyes from view.
Click.
Roy was almost to the younger boy, half-way across the roof, when he heard it. A loud, sharp clicking noise that pierced through the other-wise quiet air. And Edward still wasn't looking at him.
"What's wrong, Fullmetal?" Roy had stopped when he heard the metallic sounding 'click', still half-way across the roof, to look over the golden tressed alchemist with a more critical eye.
It was obvious that something was wrong with the other boy. That much was clear not only by how he was sitting, with his whole body slumped foreward like it was just too much effort for him to hold himself up, but also by the way he hadn't looked up or made a snarky comment yet. The boy's guard had dropped and he didn't seem to care.
Click.
Click.
Roy just stood there, staring for a few more moments, before setting his lunch down and making his way over to the blonde teen.
Roy cleared his throuat loudly, another attempt at getting the other's attention. "Fullmetal? What are you doing up here?"
Click.
Pause.
Click.
This time, Ed acknowledged him. Sort of. He didn't really acknowledge the fact that it was Roy standing there but he didn't ignore him exactly either.
"He would look just like her." Edward's noice was soft and some-what hoarse sounding, like someone who had spent a long time that day coughing, and the of ir made Roy's stomache twist. That wasn't the voice, normally strong and determined, that was supposed to come from Edward. No. That was the voice of someone about to break.
Taking a deep breath, Roy crouched down on the roof beside Ed. Making sure to keep his voice level, blocking out the unease that was starting to build in him from making itself known in his words, he started to speak again. "Who are you talking about, Edward?"
He had been hoping that the using the boy's first name, instead of his State issued title, would let him know that he was being serious and not about to leave just because he was being ignored. But the boy just kept looking at whatever he had in his hands.
Click.
Click.
"Al. He always looked like my mother as a kid, he'd probably look just like her now. He acts like her a lot too." Even with his voice as hoarse as it was, as uncharacteristicly Edward as it was, there was no way to miss the pride in his voice when he spoke about his brother.
But it was just one more thing telling Roy that something was wrong. Edward never spoke to him about his mother. Or any of his family really. In fact, the closest that Roy had ever heard was when he'd cursed about their father. The man had even been there at the time, obviously, and he clearly deserved the blonde's anger from what Roy had heard about him but he still found himself pitying the man shoudl Ed ever find him.
Aside from that one time though, the only other family member that he'd ever heard Ed talk about was his younger brother. There for, Roy really couldn't be blamed for being curious. "He does?"
Click.
"Yeah. She was the kindest person I knew. Always had a kind word and a spot in her heart for who ever needed it. Even after he left us. She always put us first, right up to the day she got sick and couldn't take care of anything." There was an oddly longing tone to Edward's voice as he spoke that time. "It makes sense though. That he acts like her and I don't."
Click.
That last bit got Roy's attention. He'd been paying attention to everything that Ed was saying, paying attention and studying the part of the boy's face that he could see, but there was just something about how he said that last but that really got his mind to start turning. It had just been so full of hate and self loathing.
"How does that make any sense, Fullmetal?" Roy frowned as he spoke, a small part of him realizing that he'd never taken such a soft tone with the younger boy before.
Click.
"A Saint from a Saint, Mustang. She was as close to being a Saint as I've ever seen and Al's just like her; in looks and in attitude. Then there's me. I look just like him." The 'him' in was spat out with such venom that it made Roy physically pull away from him.
"It just makes perfect sense! He looks just like her and acts just like her; then there's me. I look just like Hoenhiem...I am just like him. A Saint for a Saint and a Sinner for a Sinner." A low bark of laughter, filled with hate and self-loathing, followed Ed's sentence.
Click.
"Fullmetal..." Roy held a hand out towards Ed's shoulder for a moment before laying it back on his knee. He couldn't just not say anything after hearing that but he wasn't really sure what he was suppossed to say to the boy. So he went with his instincts and said the first thing that he thought of.
"Fullmetal, you might have 'sinned' but you've more than made than made up for it. In words and in actions. You signed your life away so that you could find a way to bring Alphonse's body back You aren't any-" Roy was cut off, mid-way through what was suppossed to be a comforting ramble, by another metallic sounding click and Edward swinging his head around to face him.
It was the first time that Roy had seen the boys face since he sat down and, now that he could see Edward, he was wishing it had been longer. Large bruise-colored bags lay beneath Edward's eyes, narrowed and blood-shot, standing out against his pale skin. It was certaintly not the picture of health; not even semi-healthy looking.
"Made up for it? You think that I've made up for it? For making Alphonse live his life in a suit of armor? For killing innocent people? For dragging everyone around me into my messes, trapping them in my mistakes?" There was an odd look of panic, barely peaking through the hate and the anger, in his eyes; not golden but a muddy amber. "There is nothing, nothing, that I can do to make up for my sins! Nothing I can do to bring back the people that died because of my! Nothing I can do to give Alphonse back all the years he's missed because of me!"
Then, with out anything else being said, Edward pushed himself up from his spot on the edge of the roof.
Click!
The golden pocket watch in his hand was snapped shut and shoved in Edward's pocket. The look on his face, that awful look of anger, had dissapeared from the young boy's face replaced instead with a look of complete calm. Blank would be a better word. Completely and utterly blank. "I'll never be able to fully repent for my sins but...I can give everything I have to bring back Al's body."
And Roy found that he really didn't have anything to say to Edward. He was at a complete loss of words, a very rare occurence for him, and he just ended up sitting there and watching the younger boy walk down the stairs and back into HQ.
For several moments Roy ended up sitting there, thinking about what had been said and what hadn't been said, and pushing his food around on his plate. In the end, he ended up just leaving his food there for the crows to eat later and walking back down the stairs himself. And Roy couldn't help but think to himself, after everything that he'd heard and seen that day, it wasn't Alphonse that was the most like the boy's mother.
After all, sometimes, even the greatest of Saints make mistakes...And even the worst Sinners have reasons for the things that they do.
-0-0-0-0-
It wouldn't be until later that day, by freak accident, that Roy would look at the calender on his office wall and realize what the date was.
The third of October.
The month of Sinners.
The day that would never be forgotten.