Disclaimer: They don't belong to me but you know that already.
Rescuing Harm
Finally, she'd found him, some thirty odd kilometres from home, sitting on a small wooden barrier overlooking a vast expanse of water. It was cold out and he was dressed only in sweatpants and a t-shirt, both drenched from a combination of sweat and the light drizzle falling from above.
Quickly, Mac pulled into a parking bay, not surprised to find hers was the only car there. Grabbing a rug from the back seat, she pulled it around herself and rushed over to him. There was no indication from Harm that he even noticed her appearance; not the sound of her footsteps, not when her arms and the blanket surrounded him from behind, not when she caressed his head and kissed his cheek, he just continued to stare straight ahead.
For a long while she just stood there and tried to warm him. While she wanted him to talk, she knew it had to be on his terms and so she waited. Eventually, she moved around and stood in front of him, stepping closer, she wrapped her arms around him and brought his head to rest on her chest before leaning down and gently kissing it.
"Let me take you home," she said, as she rubbed his back. "You must be freezing."
"I'm okay," he replied, but the blue tinge to his lips told its own story.
"Harm," she said softly, running her thumb over his lips. "You need to let me take you home, you're turning blue."
"Mac," he protested weakly.
"Harm, I'm going to take you home and you are going to have a nice hot bath, okay?"
Nodding, he went to stand up, only to find his legs weren't cooperating with him, his absentminded marathon run to this place had drained all his energy and his lack of fluid intake, combined with no warm down and sitting in the wintery elements had caused everything to seize.
"It's okay," Mac soothed, her arm wound around his waist as she steadied him. Leaning on her for support, Harm allowed her to lead the way back to the car.
Leaving his side for just a moment, Mac unlocked the car and opened his door, before turning back to him.
"We're going to take this off," she said, tugging at his tee. "Put your arms up." He did and Mac stretched to remove the soaked item. "Here!" she said, passing him a sweatshirt. While technically it was now hers, it had once belonged to him; she had borrowed it once when she was cold and had never given it back. "Now, in you get," she said, helping him into the car. Fixing his seatbelt, and wrapping the blanket around him, Mac adjusted the heating vents before turning back to face him.
"How are you doing?" she asked, caressing his face.
"Better now you're here," he replied wearily.
"Good," she answered with a smile before kissing his forehead and shutting the door.
The trip home took forty minutes and Harm said nothing, his head was back and eyes closed for the most of it. Mac drove in silence, adjusting the heating every now and then and watching him whenever she had the opportunity.
Two hours ago she'd been sitting at her desk when Chloe had called her in fright. Staying with them while she did an internship in DC, she had returned home to find everything of Harm's where it should be, everything except Harm and the back door being left unlocked. . The young woman explained how she had searched everywhere but found nothing … and although Mac had tried not to panic, she knew he hadn't been himself lately.
Initially searching the key places she thought he may go was to no avail. Mac had figured on Robson's Lake, a place they visited regularly and where he had said he would run to one day. She just hadn't expected that day to be now, in late fall, with no supplies or preparation.
Pulling into their driveway, Mac parked the car and climbed out before heading to Harm's side and opening his door. As she went to help him out, she caught his tear-filled blue eyes and stopped to caress his face.
"So sorry, Mac," he whispered.
"Don't be, it's okay," she soothed. "Everything's okay," she reassured, leaning in to kiss his nose.
Assisting him to the doorstep, Mac went to insert the key but the Chloe opened the door for them.
"Mac! Harm!" Thank goodness. Is everything alright?" she asked, grabbing onto Harm's arm as he became unsteady.
"Yeah," replied Mac. "Harm just overdid it on his run."
Chloe went to say something else but Mac shook her head and Chloe didn't pursue it.
The overriding selling point of this house, for Mac anyway, had been the two person super spa bath in the master bedroom's ensuite. Not caring that the yard needed a lot of work, or the back fence was broken, Mac could think of nothing better than long, luxurious soaks in this little piece of heaven.
After they'd seated him on the bed, Chloe removed his trainers and socks for him as Mac ran the water in the bath. When she returned to the bedroom, Chloe departed for the kitchen and made him a jug full of his favourite hot chocolate and brought it, a mug and a selection of cookies up to him. It wasn't exactly the perfect post run snack, but Chloe knew he hadn't exactly gone on the perfect run either.
By the time Chloe returned to the bedroom, Mac had taken Harm into the bathroom, helped him undress and slip into the bath. When she heard Chloe come back, she padded back into the bedroom.
"How is he really?" Chloe whispered.
"Not doing so well," Mac replied. "I knew I should have stayed home this morning when he asked me too. It's so not like him to ask me to play hooky."
"Why didn't you stay?" she asked, glancing towards the closed door.
"Had an appointment I couldn't miss," she sighed, running her hand over her exhausted features.
"You're so tired, Mac," Chloe commented. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Mac glanced at the clock and at the photo next to it. "You could pick the kids up from school for me and maybe occupy them for an hour or so – that would help."
"Sure," she replied with a smile. "But I'll tell you what, Max really wanted to see that new animated movie, so what if I take them to the movies and then dinner. By the time we get back it will be nearly bedtime and it'll give you more time for Harm."
Mac smiled gratefully. "Have I told you how much I love you, Chloe?"
"Yeah, you have, Mac. I love you too," she said, wrapping her arms around the woman who was once her big sister and was now her best friend.
After Chloe left, Mac picked up the hot chocolate and mug and headed back into the bathroom.
"This smells delicious," she said as she poured it out and handed him the mug. He shook his head, so she took a sip instead. "I promise you it's good." He shook his head again and smiled sadly at her.
"You doing okay?" she asked and he nodded, leaving her totally unconvinced. "Well, you don't want the chocolate in there, but would you object to me joining you?" He smiled again and shook his head.
Shedding her clothes quickly, Mac slipped into the water and wrapped her arm over him before leaning in and kissing him. "At least you seem a little warmer now," she observed.
"I am," he replied, kissing her head.
"Anytime you want to talk to me, you can," she replied, tenderly running her fingers up and down his chest.
"I'm so sorry, Mac," he said, taking her hand in his.
"I don't want you to apologise, Harm," she said softly. "I want you to talk to me."
"I feel so stupid," he started. "I don't do stupid things like this - running out to Robson's Lake… in this weather… don't know what I was thinking."
"Do you think you were running away?" she asked, even though she didn't want to know the answer.
"I guess I probably was…" he conceded softly.
"Oh," she sighed.
"No, no," he replied quickly. "I wasn't running away from you or the kids – that I know for certain," he added, cupping her face and making her look at him. Mac could only nod. "Mac, please say you believe me…" he pleaded. "I could never leave you … never."
"I believe you," she said, her voice thick with the tears about to spill over.
"God, I love you so much," he whispered, sinking further into the bath so he could be face to face with her.
"Love you too," she replied, brushing her lips across his. "But I still don't understand."
Harm sighed deeply and pulled her close to him; he didn't understand it himself. He should be happy; with Mac as his wife, two kids, and a wonderful house, he should be freaking ecstatic but there was something amiss… he just couldn't name it.
For a long while they lay entwined in the cooling water before Harm spoke once more.
"When I woke up this morning, everything just hit home and I realised I wasn't coping like I should have been," he admitted softly.
"And that's why you asked me to stay home?" she asked, pulling herself onto him. He nodded. "Then why didn't you tell me that was the reason?"
"Because I didn't want to be so needy…" he said, his eyes tearing once more.
"It's not being needy," Mac soothed. "It's being human… you've had a rough time this past year. It's only natural that it backs up on you."
Silence ensued once more.
"It's her birthday today," he whispered, pulling Mac closer. Mac closed her eyes tightly, how could she have forgotten. "And I guess I'm just missing her more than I realised."
"It's hard to believe your mom's been gone eight months now," Mac said, kissing his chest.
"I know," he sniffled. "She didn't even meet Lily."
"I know," Mac agreed.
Whilst Max, who was now seven had come to them four years previous, in their second year of marriage, Lily, who was six, had come to them late last spring, two weeks after Trish had passed suddenly.
"I mean I'm grateful she got to meet Max, and that Frank did too… but they both missed Lily … and I got to thinking of how much I missed mom and Frank and how ironic it was that I now I have everything I ever wanted – you and the kids, and they weren't here to enjoy it…"
"She would have been so excited to have a granddaughter," Mac said, rubbing his chest.
"Yeah, she always wanted a little girl …guess it wasn't to be," he sighed.
When the water cooled more, Mac pulled the plug and climbed out. Grabbing two towels from the rack and handing one to him.
"I …um… I think you're going to have to help me up," he said apologetically. "I think my muscles have seized.
"I can do that," she said, smiling, as she wrapped the towel around her and padded over to him. With care, she helped him stand and step out before grabbing the towel and drying him.
"I think I can do this bit," he said, with a wink.
"Awww," she pouted. "But this is my favourite part."
Both dried and in nightwear, Harm looked at the clock. "God, the kids!"
"Chloe's getting them… and then they're going to a movie and for dinner," she explained.
"She's been a godsend," Harm said.
"Yes, she has been," Mac agreed. "Now, I'm going to feed you … you want to come to the kitchen or stay here."
"I'll come with you," he said, pulling on his robe; his bones starting to feel like his once more.
Over a very early dinner of chicken noodle soup, toasted cheese sandwiches, coffee and anything else hot Mac could get him to eat, little was said. It wasn't til she cleared the table she spoke.
"I know some of what happened today was about your mom, but what else was it?" she asked, coming to sit on his lap, her arms draped around his neck. For a few moments he just looked at her, not knowing how to say it. "Whatever it is, just say it?" she prompted gently. "It's okay."
"Most of it's mom, and Frank… but I think it's also me… I don't know if I'm as happy staying at home as I thought I would be…" he admitted.
"You don't have to stay home," she said quickly.
"I know, but when Lily came along and I could retire I figured it was a perfect match, you know, do the consultancy, be at home with her. You have such a close relationship with Max and I think that's because you stayed home with him at the start," he explained, resting his head on her shoulder.
"But if you don't like it…" she began.
"I do like it…I love it…" he interjected. "Lily's come so far in the past few months… she's talking so much now."
"I know, it's hard to believe she was a selective mute when she first came, you've done wonders with her," Mac said, kissing his head.
"She's a joy, but I'm starting to get stir crazy … there's only so much Dr Seuss and Scooby Doo I can handle.
"Do you have anything in mind?" she asked, raking her fingers through his hair.
"Nope," he grimaced. "I guess I just felt like I needed a change."
"So, your parents, the job, anything else?" she asked gently.
"You," he mouthed, gazing at her.
"Me?" she said, startled. "Why?"
"I miss you," he whispered.
"Miss you too," she replied. Her long hours at work and with the hustle and bustle of a young family, it was over a month since they had made love.
Mac caressed his face once more. "If you're up for it, we could start making up for lost time now," she said, tilting her head towards the bedroom.
Having taken Mac up on her offer, Harm drifted off to sleep soon after which left Mac awake and snuggled into his arms. When he finally released his grip on her, she slid out of bed and threw on her discarded nightshirt once more. Returning from the bathroom, she was surprised to see Harm awake and pulling on his boxers.
"Why are you awake?" she asked, moving back to him.
"Where were you?" he asked sleepily, still unsteady on his feet.
"I was just in the bathroom," she replied, gently easing him back onto the bed.
"Why?" he muttered as he lay down once more.
"Because I needed to go, honey," she replied, pulling the covers over him.
She'd taken one step back before he grabbed her arm. "Don't leave me, Mac… please don't leave me," he said, tears filling his eyes.
Quickly, Mac dove on top of him, grabbing him through the covers.
"Harm, honey," she cried, kissing him repeatedly. "I'm not leaving you….I'll never leave you." Despite his best intentions, Harm lost the battle with his tears and sobbed endlessly for all he had lost. Mac scrambled off him and pulled back the covers so she could hold him properly and he could move, and breathe and not choke on his heart wrenching sobs. Finding herself on her back, with Harm on top of her, his head buried in her hair, Mac soothed and caressed him, until he finally composed himself enough to realise he was probably crushing her.
"Oh, Mac," he sighed deeply. "I'm sorry."
Mac rolled with him. "I'm sorry you're so sad."
He gave half a laugh. "It's not even that I'm sad…" he trailed. "I guess I'm just feeling old … my parents are gone … I'm retired … I'm nearly fifty…"
"Honey," Mac said cupping his face. "You're not fifty for four years yet…"
"I know, I know," he conceded. "I guess I was just feeling like life was behind me … and I shouldn't feel that way… I know I have you and the kids for many more years … but with it being mom's birthday and …."
"I know," she whispered, rolling into him and kissing him lightly. "It can all get a bit much at times."
"Yeah, it can," he agreed tearfully.
"But you have to let me in and talk to me …before it gets to this stage, okay?" she said before kissing him again.
"Okay," he agreed. "I just didn't want you thinking less of me…"
"I would never think that!" Mac said emphatically. "Why would you think that?"
Staring at her long and hard, Harm didn't want to answer her, it was too painful. "Harm?" she pushed, there was no way he wasn't going to explain that statement.
"I never gave you the baby you wanted," he whispered, his voice leaving him. "And you deserve to have anything you want."
"Not conceiving is my problem, not yours," she replied, trying hard to keep her voice even. She was pained by the look of shame in his eyes but angered he had taken this upon himself.
"Yeah, I know that," he agreed. "I know what the doctors all said and what the tests all said, but deep down I always thought that if I was good enough … if we tried enough, I'd succeed in making you pregnant. I love Max and Lily so much, but with everything else, it's just been eating at me."
Swiftly, Mac straddled him and pressed her hands into his shoulders.
"You listen to me, Harmon Rabb and listen well," she cautioned sternly. "You are more than good enough … and we tried enough … we were told from the start it may not happen and I thought we'd accepted that!"
"We had," he replied. "Really, I thought I was fine with it."
"But you're not anymore?" she said, her eyes widening with fear.
"Yes, I'm still fine with, just feeling my age at the moment and wondering what a little Rabb – MacKenzie would look like… and um…" he faltered as his tears started.
"And what?" she asked, slumping onto him, so she could hold his head.
"Just … well… with mom… you know," he stammered, not able to get his thoughts together.
"You just wanted a little something of her to hold on to?" Mac offered tearfully.
"Yeah, something like that," he agreed.
Leaning in, Mac kissed him again before whispering her love.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be with you today, Harm…" she started before kissing him once more.
"I know, you had that appointment … how did it go?" he asked, not recalling what the actual appointment was, only that she couldn't get out of it.
"It was all very positive," she said, a smile teasing her lips.
"Good," he said, kissing her forehead. "We could do with something positive."
Studying his face, Mac realised he hadn't remembered it was a medical appointment. Rolling back onto her side of the bed, Mac tugged his arm and he rolled onto his side. Taking his hand, she rested it on her abdomen. "As I said, it was positive. Looks like you got that little bit of your mom after all."
Harm's eyes drifted down to his hand and her stomach.
"Pregnant?" he muttered, not believing her in the least.
"Yeah, nearly six weeks along," she said, caressing his face. "Doctor says all looks good."
"Pregnant?" he repeated. "Why didn't you tell me it was a possibility? I would have come."
"I know … but we've had a few false alarms already and you were already doing it tough without adding this to it," she admitted as he leant down to kiss her stomach.
"God, I love you, Mac," he whispered, kissing his way back to her mouth.
"Love you too," she said, kissing him back.
Before anything progressed, there was a soft rap on the door.
"Come in," Mac called and Chloe eased the door open. "Hey Chlo."
"Hi guys," she replied. "Just checking everything's okay in here before I let the terrible two in … they're desperate to see you."
"Terrible two?" questioned Harm. "They didn't play up on you, did they?"
"No, they were angels, actually," Chloe replied. "The 'terrible two' was a line from the movie."
"That's good," Mac said, relieved everything went well.
"Before you let them in, Chloe," Harm said. "I want to thank you for everything you've done today… I really appreciate it."
"Are you okay, Harm?" she asked tentatively.
"I'm doing much better," he said with a smile.
"I'm glad."
Less than five minutes later, Max and Lily come bounding in, already in their nightwear and with their teeth brushed. Scampering onto the bed they crawled to the top between Harm and Mac and settled between them talking excitedly about the day's events. When everything had been said, all the questions asked and answered, Lily yawned.
"Think it's bedtime for you, missy," Mac said, sitting up.
"Can't we sleep here with you," Max asked, looking at Harm, Harm looked at Mac.
"Sure you can," she replied, Harm needed to be surrounded by family and by love and this would certainly do the trick.
"Cool!" exclaimed Max. "Goodnight, mom, goodnight, dad," he said as he kissed each one before he snuggled down under the covers, his back pressed to Harm's stomach.
"Night, daddy," Lily said, reaching across her brother to kiss him. "Night mommy," she added, rolling over and cuddling into Mac.
"Sweet dreams," Mac said, pressing a gentle kiss to her head.
The excitement of the day was all too much for the youngest Rabb's and they fell asleep quickly. Mac's eyes had drifted closed momentarily before she felt Harm's fingers brushing away her hair.
"Mmmm," she murmured sleepily.
"Mac," he whispered, gently shaking her. "Mac?"
"Huh? What?" she replied, forcing her eyes opened.
"Thank you for rescuing me today …" he whispered. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"We've been rescuing each other for years, honey," she replied. "It was just my turn to be the rescuer today." She smiled gently.
"And thank you for these two and the one on the way," he continued.
"Thank you for them too, we're in this together," she whispered, taking his hand and kissing it.
"I love you so much, Sarah MacKenzie," he proclaimed across their sleeping children.
"Love you so much, Harm."
Soon both had drifted off before the clock showed eight, testament to the arduous day they'd been through. While Harm still had things to work through, he went to sleep knowing one thing for sure; life was far from being over. In fact, in this bed, right now, was a life at its very beginning and he would do everything in his power to be around to see his own grandchildren born and his mother's legacy continue.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.
And Nat, it does too!