The Hundred- Acre *Wood* ;): When Baba Yaga met Winnie the Pooh

It was a day I'd never forget. Ordinary at first, but the moment he opened the door, looking into my old, haggled eyes with his melted chocolate ones, everything changed.

"Your name might be Baba, but I want you to be my baby."

My Russian heart had never beat so fast. He opened his arms to me, and I tried to run, but kept tripping over my long black cloak. Upon arrival, he enveloped me in his downy yellow fur, my wrinkles pressing against his red shirt. Baba Yaga likey. The shirt was one layer too many; I wanted to make him as bare as his bottom half. But, I didn't. After all, how much can a bare bear bear?

With my head pressed against him, I could hear his round tummy rumbling. I pulled back, grinning devilishly at my new lover.

"All good things come to an end," said Pooh, pulling his shirt back down. I rubbed his tummy with my arthritic hands, twirling the soft hair around my fingers.

"Are you hungry, Pooh?" I croaked, brushing my matted hair away from my face. He smiled at me, running his paws down my sides and pulling my cloak away. "Is there honey in here? I know there's something else I'd like to eat but I'm in the mood for honey."

"No Pooh, there's not honey in there, honey. But we can go find something to eat."

"Well then, I don't find it very useful. Let's go to dinner. I just wanna take you anywhere that you like, we could go out any day any night, Baba I'll take you there." He gently pawed my face, stroking the map of wrinkles that even magic couldn't erase.

We ended up walking into Luigi's Fine Italian Cuisine in South Hundred Acre Wood hand in hand. Or, hand in paw, I guess. My gnarled cane grabbed the attention of everyone in sight, as I decided which child I would have for dinner. Pooh showered the menu for honey. Both frustrated by the lack of options, we settled for spaghetti marinara. Biggie Cheese brought it out, shocked to see such an unlikely pair. With. The look of an eye, he became the meatball garnish on our dinner.

Before digging in, Pooh turned to look at me. I, hunched over my heal, looked him in the eyes, which smiled as he removed my hat and touched the back of my knobbed neck.

"Baba, baby, you light up my world like nobody else. No matter how everyone else looks at you, I always want you to rock me. Hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you can."

Oooooooh. Baba Yaga likey.

He then reached for my neck, pulling my head toward his. Nose to wet, bear nose, we sat there. Whispering dirty secrets as the rest of the restaurant looked on in disgust. He told me how he wanted to bend me over like the naughty witch I was, grabbing on to the hump in my back for leverage. How he'd mate with me and make me scream in Russian, begging for more. I blushed. He could still make a witch who's seen everything curious.

"Ah hem." Someone behind us cleared their throat. We looked up to dozens of disgusted faces and the one child angry enough that I didn't want to kill them. Anatoly Soya.

"Baba, I brought music to set the mood."

"Fine, child. Put it on and leave us be," I snarled.

"Yes Baba." He walked away, scrolling on his phone.

"Now, where were we?" I grinned, and pulled Pooh back to me, kissing him with sandpaper lips. His paw snaked around and reached under my robes, pulling me closer. Everything was going wonderfully.

Then the music started.

Russian death metal blasted the speakers in Luigi's.

"Fuuuuuck. ANATOLY!" I shrieked, breaking every window in the restaurant.

"Yes Baba? I brought music!" He yelled as he came bounding out of the kitchen, head banging the entire way.

"What is this?"

"It's called The Affliction Corridor! It's by Inborn Suffering! Perfect romance!"

"Turn it off."

"But, Baba…"

"TURN IT OFF OR I WILL EAT YOUR FAMILY."

"Yes, Baba."

I stewed as he walked back into the kitchen, Inborn Suffering coming to a halt.

"You took care of it, Baby?" Pooh said, wrapping his arms around my waist. Leaning into him, I smiled. "Yes, the death metal will be saved for later occasions."

"Then how about we go back to my place and get our paws a little dirty?"

Baba Yaga likey.