It's horrifyingly real this time. Abby's not pulled under water and missing in a tank somewhere or barely getting out of the way in time. It's not a mistake or a joke or anything that can be fixed with a band aid or a quick trip to a hospital. She is really and completely gone.
Abby lies on the ground, practically in pieces, with her eyes wide open and staring. Her blood is still leaking out onto the ground turning the pale brown leaves around her so dark they are nearly black. She is covered in deep slash marks and her right leg is twisted at a sickening angle. A giant chunk of her neck is completely gone. The creature is a few meters away, dead now because of a shot that came too late.
Beside her, Connor can't stop looking into her dead eyes.
Abby hadn't had her gun and Connor's was knocked away. They'd tried to dodge, to hide, to escape but for once the run method had failed. It had come at them, she'd pushed him aside and he tired to shout, to stop it. Then suddenly there were screeches and screams and shouting and finally a shot that silenced everything.
Now, her blood is all over him; his hands, his vest, his shirt, even a bit on his face. Connor had tired to pull her away after the shot threw back the creature, tried to help, tried to do something but she wasn't even moving by then. Now, he's huddled beside her, staring at her empty eyes staring at him. He feels nauseous. There is blood staining her hair and Connor needs to fucking do something!
"Connor?"
Connor suddenly realizes that he's shaking.
"Connor?"
Nick's hand is on his shoulder but Connor still can't look away from Abby. A big fluorescent sign is flashing in his head, 'It should have been you! It should have been you!'
"Connor!" Nick says more insistently.
"She's…. she's not…. No, she…." Connor begins to speak.
"Connor, you have to get up," Nick says quietly taking hold of the top of his arm.
"No, no, no, no, no…." Connor starts feeling himself shaking harder.
It feels like he might just fly apart, fall to pieces, or pass out. He cannot believe how much blood was in her tiny body. He wants to pretend this isn't happened but it's just too god damn real. She's right there staring at him and he can't stop looking back because she's really dead.
Then Nick is kneeling beside him, hands on either side of Connor's face turning him away. Connor looks at Nick but the sight of Abby is still burning in his head.
"Connor, look at me," Nick says. "Calm down."
"But she's… she's… I don't know wha… I… and she's…"
"I know, Connor, I know," Nick says and Connor can't believe how calm and steady Nick's voice is.
"She…. She can't be… she was just running and… she then she pushed…" Connor rambles, his hands clenched into fists so he won't tear his hair out.
Suddenly, Nick's hands move to Connor's shoulders and he pulls Connor to him, holding him tightly. It's not until Nick does this that tears begin to pour from Connor's eyes. He grabs onto Nick wanting to feel someone alive, someone breathing against him. He's still shaking like he's dying, his heaving breaths only making it worse, and he just wants to scream.
People are moving around them, cleaning up the mess, taking Abby away. Connor closes his eyes and buries his face in Nick's chest. He can't see them move her. He can't see her body on a stretcher. He can't see Abby closed away in a black bag like she's just some piece of trash. He can't see the zipper close on her because it would be so final then, so true that she's really gone.
Nick shifts and they are both sitting on the ground now, moving from their awkward position. Nick's hands are circling soothing pattern's on Connor's back and the vision of Abby, bloody and lifeless staring at him, starts to fade from his conscious thoughts. His grip on the back of Nick's jacket relaxes and his breathing begins to slow down.
"Connor?" Nick says quietly.
"She pushed me out of the way," Connor says with a break in his voice.
There is a long pause and for a moment Connor thinks he didn't actually say it out loud. Then Nick speaks and Connor stops shaking.
"I know how you feel."