August 29 2015

7:46pm

'I had never been good at poetry.. I never could get my thought a-crossed and half the time they made no sense. So why do I still keep that silly old notebook she gave me? The black one with the worn out spine and torn pages. Why do I continue to write poems; when I know they will never match up to hers.

Maybe I still write in order to impress her? Or maybe I'm trying to replace the ones that she gave me but no longer hold any meaning being she's not here. Whatever the answer I hope to find it soon. The ticking on the clock is beginning to drive me mad. We've been separated for several years now so I cant help but wonder.. Why now? Why am I thinking of her now.

Well I guess it'd be wise to go back to the beginning. Even though that doesn't matter do to the fact this is just a journal entry to myself. I only feel it may be helpful to myself to try and re think about some things.

I couldn't have been barley nine when we met. I had yet to truly trust anyone to become friends with me. Even as a child I was very mature and thought of business before pleasure.

So this of course; being un normal for a regular nine year old. Made little to no real friends that I felt were on my level or weren't annoyed with the way I acted. It was only a few days after summer vacation began. My father had invited over some guests. Two parents and a daughter the same age as me.

The parents were the sole owners of several different company's and a supporter to my fathers works as well as a money donator. So of course, they were treated with high respect. My father was quick to make sure they were comfortable.

And well.. The daughter on the other hand was left to me. Her name was Elena Gardens, She was terribly pale and looked like shed break if I poked her to hard. She had pale blond hair and bright blue eyes the color of the sky. She was average looking.

But then again at nine it probably didn't matter if she was cute or not. In the end all I had to do was entertain her while the adults were away. I had expected for her to whine and want to watch TV or play with dolls or something like a normal girl. So I had been dreading it. But instead she pulled out a black note book. It had no designs on it and seemed boring. But she carried it like it was her life source. She gave me a look of boredom to me and left to go sit on the couch and write.

At first I didn't care as I thought that I could just enjoy alone time. If she wanted to be alone that was fine. Who cared right? Well after ten minutes, I ended up sitting by her on the couch being the one bored out of my mind. I watched her write so furiously for a solid thirty five minutes before I gave in.

I wasn't used to people, especially girls not wanting to talk to me. And she clearly wasn't going to be the one to talk to me first so I spoke.

I asked her what she was writing and she gave me a look that told me I defiantly had no right to ask her that. I was slightly offended but I had to remember that id never known this girl, that this girl wasn't going to warm up to me as quickly as other girls did. So for the next two hours I made little to no progress with be friending her and failed at my job to entertain her, as she had already been able to entertain herself.

Sitting on the couch for so long with nothing to do then read a book. I left to the kitchen. I grabbed drinks for myself and after a moment of hesitation for the girl as well. I truthfully didn't think shed want one, as she would have probably told someone if she did. But then again I had been wrong all the other times.

Coming back I sat back done in the forming dent of the couch where I had been all day already and asked her if she was thirsty and reached out to her, drink in hand. She must have not expected that as her eyes grew wide and for the first time that day I saw her eyes gleam.

A different reaction other then boredom and determination to write in her book came across her face. She gave a smile and happily took the drink. It was one of the few times I actually thought a girls smile was cute. She scooted over to me after that and talked to me a bit more. I still remember her stutter she had when it came to speaking up a bit. And how she tumbled over her words and would pause every now and then to find the right word.

I was able to finally figure out why se wouldn't talk to me all that time. It was because she had bad conversation skills. Public Anxiety is another term. I didn't mind to much, we all had difficulties of our own. I had been distracted when she started asking me what I thought of the poem she wrote.

So she had been writing poems? Well at the time it could make sense. Bad with people, good with paper. And writing also allowed you to erase. While talking, once you said something it was out and you couldn't take it back.

I figured a nine year old girl like her probably sucked so jumping to conclusions again I decided I would lie and just tell her they were good. But as I read them my heart ached. The writing was a little un clean but her words.. Her way of forming the words together was beautiful.

During only one poem my heart sped up and would freeze altogether again. It was moving to say the least. I told her all of this as well and she seemed ecstatic to hear so. After that we hit it off. Its quite silly to me now that our friendship began with poems.

But we worked as a team in a sort of way, I loved her poems and she loved hearing what I had to say. She told me no one else had any interest in poetry and that I was the first to actually say something other then that it was nice. Irony hit me like a rock being that was what I was going to say at first.. Good thing I didn't.

I started to help her with spelling after a while, and give a word here and there and in return she talked to me more. I began to enjoy her small talk and what she would write next. And soon enough her parents were done talking to mine and it was time for her to go. It was unbelievable that a entire day had already passed and I had barley done anything other then sit on the couch and talk while reading pieces of paper.

I asked if she would ever be coming over again and my father only smirked and told me that she would be going to my school soon. I was Glad to know that wed be able to talk more and she seemed to be the same. Maybe that smirk I saw on my Fathers face that day was a sign that this girl would be something bigger in my life. To bad I didn't realize this until now.

It wasn't till school after that summer that I saw her again. It had been a while but the memory was still fresh in my mind. I still remembered her pale skin and blond hair and when I saw her enter the school building I showed her that she had to sit next me. For a child I probably said it like a order but she didn't seem to mind.

I felt almost excited to be able to talk to her. She was interesting. And as days past I realized she wasn't like the annoying preppy girls at my school. Not in a terribly rude way but the girls I was used to were rude and only cared about themselves, money and what there parents said. They never went outside, they were selfish and made a big deal over such tiny things.

But the girl with the poetry like no other?

She was sweet and caring. She enjoyed getting dirty outside or staying in and reading a book all day. She didn't lavish herself in expenses and yet she still knew when to buy herself something. She was smart with money, excelled in her classes. She wasn't flashy with looks but she was still the cutest girl I had ever seen.

She was.. almost... perfect.

Maybe I am overreacting or I was. But as time past it was obvious we only really stayed by each other. and where she went, I went, or where I went, she went. She was my best friend. And the first person I had ever been able to call that. I don't know why she stayed around me. I sometimes still said negative comments or I was rude in some way. But she insisted it was okay every time. I wanted to continue being best friends with her forever.

It was the last year of our elementary school days when she did something shed never done before. She gave me a small envelope with a ribbon on it and told me to wait until I got home to read it. I did as I was told, curious to see what it was. and as I arrived home I opened it to relies it was a poem. Now I had read plenty of her poems, but she had never given me one. Let alone write one outside of her black notebook.

I opened it up carefully. and read it once, then twice, then a couple more times. I had never felt so embarrassed in my entire life..the poem was clearly directed to me..and our friendship.

It was a clear pattern telling me how she was thankful we were friends and that she cherished everything that came with our friendship. Maybe it was something more, a confession eve. But even now I don't think so and back then I wasn't about to push anything not there so I simply kept the poem close to my heart and smiled like a idiot.

I wanted to give her something in return as well. She had caught me off guard with this present that I rushed to find something to giver in I stayed up all night and made a gift for her from my two hands.

I could have just bought something. Even lied and said I made it. But I truthfully wanted to do something nicer then that for her. I got little to no sleep that night but I was wide and awake the morning in a rush to go to school.

That day I held a small gift box, only the size of my hand and hurried my driver to get me to school early. When I arrived there she was outside and smiled as I ran over to her. Usually she always got to school early do to her home not being as far away as mine. But she would still wait for me everyday so we could head to class together.

When I got to her I thanked her dearly. She was happy to know I liked the poem and even a bit embarrassed. She told me it was weird writing a poem for someone and I could only give a soft laugh at how cute that was.

Carefully I handed over the gift I had gotten her and she looked at me with confusion. I told her to open it so I could see her reaction and she did so. A laugh left her lips as she opened it and her smile grew more and more. She pulled out the small beaded bracelet with a horrible knot on the end. the beads colors ranging from blue, green, pink and orange.

They were horrible colors to put together but I had no other beads. Do to the fact I wanted to rush and get her a gift fast I didn't have time to buy more. So the ones I used were actually from outfits I ripped up from my closet. Or toys I didn't care for. She put it around her wrist though and gave me a hug as thanks. The hug was tight and warm and it was probably the best thing for a elementary student to ever get.

The time seemed to fly by after that. It was a month before our next school semester started and actually only a few weeks before I would meet Tamaki. She had yet to change at all. She was still thin and short but I truthfully really didn't care. I myself though had already began to grow taller and find looks which she would constantly teas me about. Unlike other girls who fawned over me, she called me 'Pretty Boy' which usually would lead to me calling her 'Snow white'.

It was a wonderful friendship in deed.

She came over to my house around this time with out telling me. Her mom was with her and once I saw her enter my house she ran over to hug me crying. I held her scared and worried. But no one was hurt, something worse had happened. She was to move over seas and leave Japan for America to attend school over there so her parents could finish business.

It was the first time in my life, I baled. I cried more then I ever will for the rest of my life during that moment. I begged for her not to go and I knew she didn't want to. And even though her mother allowed her to spend the next following nights at my home so we had time to hang out before she left.. It didn't matter.

I had lost my best friend. The Reality of it had hurt me harder then I could have ever imagined. It was the last day before she left that through her sniffles she slipped something into my hands after pushing me away from our last hug. Her black Journal...I had never been allowed to touch it by myself and here she was giving it to me willingly.

She gave a smile again and told me she wanted me to have it to remember her by. I told her id give her something to and she shook her head showing me that id already given her something. And if one could guess, it was the bracelet she continued to never take off.

I rubbed my eyes trying not to cry again and smiled back with a nod. I told her we had to meet again and she promised me we would. So we gave one more hug and I clutched the black notebook to my chest as I tried not to cry until she left and went to my room to sob a little bit more.

After I was told she had officially left japan I felt a bit empty. I was Depressed. I didn't was to socialize with anyone. And for a while my family let me be like that. Though I did have to man up after a while and act more mature all over again. And as time continued to pass I never heard from her.

I regret that there was no effort to find her location. and even now I could probably find her if I wanted. But I feel that flying a plane to America instead of meeting at a coffee shop down town is a rather large difference. And if our friendship were to start up again I'm defiantly sure only seeing her once a year for a week after a trip to America would only piss me off. And if I were to visit her often or she visit me the jet lag would defiantly kill us.

I know she would agree.

Adding the fact the host club doesn't allow me to make to many calls and texts and the time difference in japan and America being large. Even having her number wouldn't work. I don't think even now I would be ready to do a long distance friendship. I've always been the person to need the being in front of me. Rather behind the screen.

For some time in past I even felt angry at her for leaving. That she probably left on purpose. But this thought didn't last long as I knew she wasn't that type of person.

I wonder sometimes now what it would have been like had she stayed here in Japan with me. Tamaki would have defiantly loved her. The twins would probably tease her but shed always been god at not getting take advantage of so most likely shed be friends with them after a while. I'm sure Hunny and Mori would want to take care of her do to her small size. Even though she's probably taller then Hunny by now. And shed most likely be friends with Haruhi as well. The host club would have adored her.

Now that I think about it I'm actually starting to feel a bit jealous now. If she had stayed there would have been at least a couple guys who would've liked her.. hell I might have even asked her out over time. I wonder what she looks like now. The last time I saw her was when she left...

I cant start thinking of this now though. If I do the chances of me getting worked up will be to high.

So I wonder now.. Why am I still feeling so lost when she left so long ago? By now she has got to have new friends and a better life in America. Maybe writing down all of this has let me get over my first friendship just a little bit.

But ill probably never be able to let go of the notebook I still carry around today. I even write in it from time to time as I said before to try and write poems like hers. Or even to write my thoughts in it it when im bored.

I know she probably used this notebook as a comfort tool and now I seem to be doing the same thing. For such a girl to have come in my life and then left... She really made a impact on my life. I wonder if I will ever see her again.

Or Irony will punch me in the face and we'll pass each other on the street without even realizing. Whatever happens I have other things I should be worrying about. And that brings this entry to a close.'

Kyoya sighed. It'd been a while back he started doing journal entries on his computer. He had to admit it was much neater then writing... Closing his laptop next he stood up and walked over to grab his phone. He had to prepare for club duties for the next day. But now thoughts swirled in his head and he had to do his best to ignore them. Shed probably never come back. He needed to just get over it and accept this already.

Not to far, a female with blond hair to her waist. Her eyes blue like the sky, and her skin pale but yet filled with life. Walked to the head masters office. It had been several days since she had moved back to Japan. So many things had changed and she felt lost.

She stood in front of the head masters desk and finished signing the enrolment forms. Ouran Highschool Acadamy had not been her parents first choice. They had wanted her to do home schooling as they felt reverting back to Japanese and going to a school so early after coming back wasn't the smartest idea. But she had insisted. There were things that needed to be done here.

The head master had yet to meet a girl like this before. But then again he was to old to remember anything these days. He gave a sweet smile to the beautiful girl in front of him. She smiled back and twirled her bracelet around her wrist with her other hand. "I love your bracelet by the way Ms. Gardens! ITs so.. COLORFUL!" The headmaster said excitedly.

She blinked at his statement and gave a heart filled laugh. "I got it..from a old friend, and please. Call me Elena, I cant wait to start going here tomorrow sir thank you for allowing me this late transfer" She exclaimed as he nodded cheerfully. The bracelet she wore always got so much attention.

"Of course! Your a amazing student. we cant have a late transfer from America holding us back" He smiled as Elena nodded brightly. "Though please come to my office tomorrow so we can work on your classes, it might take you all day but my son runs a club after school in the third music room, You should check it out then, you'll make plenty of friends there!" The head master mentioned not wanting her to miss out on a good opportunity for making friends.

"Thank you! Ill make sure to stop by!"

Finally...She was Home.