Magical Girl…er, GUY, Pretty Freddy!
By Ariela Dawn
(Author's Note: Ok, yes, an OLS rip-off of SM and Pretty Sammy, don't sue me, I have no money and no job, why do you think I write stories like this? Der…)
"Oh Gene," Fred sighed, sitting in his Gene shrine. "I want to be like Sailor Moon and be saved by you! Tuxedo Gene!" Fred went all shoujo-bubbly and sighed. "Tuxedo Gene!"
There was a knock on the closet door. It was Joe Bob, one of Fred's bodyguards. "Mister Luo, Mister Starwind is here to speak with you."
"OH ALL RIGHT!" Fred said and came out, he sat at his desk and smiled ear to ear when Gene was let in. "Hello Gene! How are you today?"
"Straight. Fred, I was wondering if you sell this thing for me." Gene held out a REALLY old looking rock.
"What's this?" Fred asked.
"I dunno, some old talisman or something." Gene replied, "How much do you think I can get off of it?"
"I don't know if this thing can sell, I deal weapons, not old rocks. But, I'll take it to get appraised tomorrow, ok?" Fred made a kissy-face at Gene.
"Um sure…bye!" Gene ran out the door.
"Ah, you have a fine thing here young man." A REALLY old guy said, examining the rock. "This is a special item used among an ancient race of people from the Earth's Moon, the race is long gone, wiped out by some dark force. Where did you acquire this?"
"I found it in a graveyard." Fred lied, "How much is this worth though?"
"Around
three million wong."
"Really? Well, that's great! Thank you so much sir!" Fred bounded out of the shop and into his limo. Sitting there hugging the rock, he turned on Sailor Moon to Chibi-Usa transforming into Chibi-Moon. Fred's eyes lit up with glee and he told his driver, Billy Joe Bob to take him to the fabric store.
(The Next Day)
"What the hell is this crap?" Gene asked Melfina, who was watching Sailor Moon.
"Sailor Moon, now go away." Mel snapped and waved Gene away.
"But I'm hungry!" Gene whined.
"What do I look like, a French chef? There are snacks in the pantry. Shoo!" Mel shoved Gene away from her and went into a fantasy sequence when the one Toonami computer lady said it was time for commercials. "I want to be like Sailor Mars! Burning Mandala!"
"Nyaa, Mel, whatcha watchin'?" Aisha asked, bounding in front of Mel. Mel didn't answer, still in her fantasy world. Aisha sat down next to Mel and watched Sailor Moon with her. When the stupid computer lady said it was commercial time again, Aisha began her own fantasy.
"I, Sailor Ctarl-Ctarl, shall punish you on behalf of my Ctarl-Ctarl ancestors!" Aisha said.
"Let's be Sailors together!" Mel suggested, "I'll be Sailor Bio-Android!"
"Hey keep it down over there," Jim said, trying to take a nap.
"Nyaa, what about Jim?" Aisha asked Mel.
"He can be Sailor…Sailor…Sailor…JIM!"
"Oh, no, I'm not participating in your little game," Jim said and threw a pillow at Aisha.
"Its the deadly Jim Pillow Attack!" Mel cried and ducked.
Gene walked into the living room. "What's going on here?" He saw Mel and Aisha ducked near the sofa.
"Gene! They're making me be Sailor Jim!" Jim tattled.
"Tuxedo Gene! You're here to save us from Evil Sailor Jim!" Melfina cried and glomped Gene.
"Ahhh! Get off!" Gene exclaimed, his donut flying into the fish tank. "Hey! My donut!"
"Forget the donut! You have to give a gallant justice speech to Evil Sailor Jim!" Aisha said, diving into the fish tank to get Gene's donut.
"No! Do you know how long it took me to find that?" Gene yelled, running out the door, only to slam into Fred, now decked out in a pink sailor fuku.
"Don't tell me, you're Sailor Fred right?" Gene asked, face faulting.
"NO SILLY! I am the Magical Girl…erm... GUY! PRETTY FREDDY!" Fred declared, waving his wand in the air.
"Great…I'm stuck with a bunch of wackos who think they're Sailor Senshi…WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?" Gene thought.
"What is going on here?" Suzuka asked.
"Suzuka! Thank God you're here!" Gene gasped clinging to Suzuka's legs.
"What do you mean Thank God I'm here?" Suzuka asked, peering down at Gene.
"Get me out of…" Gene trailed off in mid-sentence. Suzuka was wearing a navy and yellow sailor fuku and had decorated her bokudo with faux jewels. Suzuka also had dyed her hair blonde and butchered it to the tips of her ears and made it all shaggy, like Sailor Uranus. "Please say you're going to a costume party…you are right?" Gene squeaked.
"Actually, I was going to play Sailor Moon with Fred, Aisha, James and Melfina." Suzuka said.
"I'M NOT PLAYING YOUR STUPID GAME! AND STOP CALLING ME JAMES!" Jim shouted, and went into a closet.
"Great, thanks a lot Jim, YOU'RE A LOT OF HELP!" Gene yelled at Jim, who opened the closet door just enough to slip out his hand and flip off Gene.
"Gene! You have to help us! Save the world from Ron and Harry!" Fred squealed.
"No! Just Ron! Not Harry!" Melfina insisted, she looked at her attire and then blushed. "I have to go change!" She ran to her room.
"Nyaa, me too Mel, wait for us or I rip you to shreds with the power of my Ctarl-Ctarl ancestors!" Aisha said and bounded to her room.
"We'll be waiting!" Fred called from the front doorway. He waited until they were gone and then he approached Gene and Suzuka. "Oh, come now Gene, don't you want to save the world from Ron McDougall?"
"Not really, not as Tuxedo Gene…" Gene whined.
"Well, you can't be Sailor Gene…" Fred observed.
"I don't want to run around in drag, not after Jenny Starwind." Gene insisted.
Fred's eyes lit up. "Jenny Starwind?! That's it!" Fred zoomed to his limo conveniently parked right in front of the office and quickly returned with a blonde wig and sailor fuku.
Gene's face when to sheer and utter fear to downright TERROR. He screamed for help. Jim continued to sit in the closet, listening to Gene screaming and snickering at Fred's persistence.
"Gene! Hold still!" Fred ordered, holding up the wig.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" He bit Fred's hand and let go of Suzuka's legs and scurried to the front door on hands and knees.
"Work that ass baby!" Fred shouted after him.
Gene made it to an alley far from the shop, where he found Harry rocking back and forth chanting "No more Tuxedo Harry…please Melfina, no more… " Harry looked at Gene. "DEMON ADVOCATE FROM ANOTHER WORLD!" Harry screamed and ran away.
"What's his problem?" Gene asked, when he heard it…Fred.
"Gene! You silly goose! Come back here!"
"Gotta hide!" Gene thought frantically; he dove into a garbage can.
"If you hate me, come on out!" Fred called.
"NO, not falling for that one…no way!" Gene thought. "Go away, please go away…" Gene thought over and over as Fred's voice faded away.
Gene decided to peek out of the garbage can, only to find Fred floating over his head.
"Hello silly!" Fred exclaimed, holding up the fuku and the wig.
"H-how?" Gene stuttered.
"If you want to hide in a garbage can, put the lid on." Fred replied, pointing to the discarded lid thrown carelessly on the other side of the alley.
"All right, all right, I'll be Tuxedo Gene!" Gene had to give up, it was either that or Sailor Gene.
"Hurray!" Fred glomped Gene, who was still in the garbage can.
(Several hours later)
::FWAP!:: a red rose hit the ground.
"NO, NO! It's supposed to stick out of the ground!" Fred yelled.
"But my fingers are sore!" Gene complained, "It would have helped if you got rid of the thorns ahead of time!"
"From the top!" Fred directed.
"Bwa ha ha ha, I will kill you sailor senshi," Jim said flatly.
"MORE FEELING JAMES!" Fred yelled through a bullhorn in Jim's ear.
"You want me to have more feeling? Feel this!" Jim flipped off Fred.
"NO OBSCENE GESTURES ON THE SET!" Fred yelled with the bullhorn in Jim's ear again.
"Ok, ok, just stop doing that!"
"DOING WHAT?" Fred said through the bullhorn in Jim's ear once more.
"THE BULLHORN SHIT!" Jim yelled through his own bullhorn in Fred's ear.
"OK!" Fred yelled again, making Jim take Fred's bullhorn and throw it into a lake, frying some ducks.
"What is with this stupid-ass tuxedo? Am I supposed to be a superhero penguin?" Gene asked.
"Shut up already! Aisha's sick of you running your mouth full of complaints!" Aisha roared at Gene.
"Gene, just co-operate, and then we can get done with this." Suzuka said, taking a break.
"I miss Harry…" Melfina squeaked and sat on the ground pouting.
"How can you miss Harry, I thought I heard you cybering with him this morning…" Jim said, making Mel blush crazily and run sobbing back into the office.
"Nice work, Casanova." Gene said sarcastically, throwing a rose to the cement, which landed perfectly.
"Gene!" Fred ran up to Gene.
"What do you want?" Gene asked, throwing his hat on the ground.
"I think that Pretty Freddy is ready." Fred said, grinning wildly.
"For what?"
"I think you know…" Fred teased. Gene punched him in the face and ran.
"Come back my love!" Fred bounded after Gene like Pepe Le Peu.
"NO! I'm STRAIGHT!" Gene yelled behind him.
"Tuxedo Gene! Tuxedo Gene! Tuxedo Gene!" Fred kept calling over and over. Gene was being shaken.
"Gene! Gene! Gene! BAKA WAKE UP!" Jim was shaking Gene like there was no tomorrow.
"What?" Gene blinked sleepily.
"You fell asleep." Jim said.
"Oh, you wouldn't believe the craziest dream I had…" Gene scratched his head and stretched.
"I dunno, tell me all mighty dream maker!" Jim replied.
"Well Fred found this old rock from somewhere near Earth, which inspired Fred to make sailor suits and you were all like Sailor Senshi even Fred; and I had to be Tuxedo Gene!" Gene explained.
"That's some dream." Jim said, sweatdropping.
"Good morning sleeping beauty!" Fred called from downstairs.
"What's he doing here?" Gene asked.
"He's just dropping off something for you, that's all." Jim said, trying not to burst out laughing.
"Is that all?"
"Yeah, that's all." Jim said, trying to hold in his laughter.
"You're hiding something from me aren't you?" Gene asked.
"No!" Jim's eyes had formed tears, trying to keep quiet.
"YES YOU ARE! Fred dropped off a penguin suit for me so I can be Tuxedo Gene!" Gene accused, pointing at Jim's nose.
"No, not really…" Jim hinted.
"Gene! I dropped off your dry cleaning!" Fred shouted at the front door before leaving.
"Well,
if it's only my dry cleaning…wait a sec…I
"Wait Gene!" Jim called, pounding down the stairs.
"Oh, its only my coat…" Gene sighed in relief.
"Fred told me that you left it in his office the other day and he took it to get it cleaned, that's what he just dropped off, baka…" Jim explained.
"Well then, what's this?" Gene asked, finding a second bag behind his coat. Gene's jaw dropped to the floor. It was a tuxedo. Gene screamed in terror.
"Like I said, you'd be mine Gene Starwind…" Fred laughed evilly as he climbed into his limo, hearing Gene's screams of terror.
THE END!
Ah, the joys of writing a Fred Luo story…he tries so hard! Well this finally got done after residing around 3 weeks in my brain…I have no life whatsoever, do I? Please review this! It would make me sooo happy to see that people do read my stories, but flames make me sad, don't flame me, it makes me depressed. The new chapter of my Sailor Moon epic is currently on page 6 out of 23 (that's my average for a chapter, don't worry, I did chapter 2 in one day but this has taken me a while because of my infamous brain farts…Grrrr!) Shinigami's New Groove is still on, but I need further research on lines…maybe I should buy Emperor's New Groove on Video, or just borrow it from my aunt, whatever…
Ok, if have been confused, here is some help:
Jenny Starwind: Gene's wrestling alias when he had to wrestle Reiko in The Strongest Woman in the World, an episode that is my favorite! That Jenny Starwind thing was indeed, Fred's idea.
Baka: Ok, are you otaku-impaired? Baka is Japanese for stupid. If you don't know what otaku means…you need help, my friend.
Fred's Limo: I wanted him to have a limo! Got a problem?! I'm the author, I can do what I want!
The REALLY old rock: Got thrown in a lake and landed on Fred's bullhorn, which make it explode and fry more ducks… bring on the orange sauce!
The Ending: Kinda predictable huh?
By now, you are:
A)
B)
C)
D)
E)
Secret choice Z) Everything! As a(n) [whatever your astro sign is] you cannot decide on how you feel now.
Choose only as many as you'd like, more than the specified number, you are indeed one of us from this place called Hammerspace…and true otaku are from there.
Thankies for reading my fic! I hoped you enjoyed reading it as I did writing it!
Brainchild born on August 3, 2001, died, August 7, 2001