The four of them were sitting around the campfire, warm flames providing comfort after a long day on their feet. They'd spent the day worrying about logistics, stocking up supplies in a nearby town and training newcomers. The numbers weren't on their side. Only a handful volunteered to join the Joui army this time, not nearly enough to cover the number of men that died in battle or from illness since the last recruitment. Takasugi was peeling an apple with a pocket knife when he was shaken from his reverie by Zura.

"Any promising recruits for the Kiheitai?"

"A few," Takasugi pointed with the knife in his hand. "Hiraga. From Edo. A mechanic. Kawakami. From Kumamoto. Says he's good with the sword."

"They all say that," Gintoki piped up from where he was sitting splayed on the ground. "Then they die before they barely set foot on the battlefield. We'll see how he fares yet."

"Ahahaha! Don't say that, Kintoki!" Sakamoto laughed forcefully, trying to dispel the mood. "It's a bad omen to bury a man 'fore he even dies!"

Surprisingly, it turned out that Kawakami's claims weren't just unfounded bragging. He ended up being quite an asset to the Kiheitai, quick with the sword and with an intellect matching that speed. He rose through the ranks quickly and soon he became someone Takasugi would turn to whenever Gintoki would refuse to spar, usually if he was in the lead in their game of counting victories and wanted to hold it over Takasugi's head for a while. His strategic skills were indispensable and Takasugi spent many nights going over various formation plans with him, looking for a second opinion.

He was also fond of playing the shamisen, something Takasugi discovered on one such night when he noticed the instrument next to the man's cot and expressed interest in seeing him play. He played better than Takasugi did, but it's not like Takasugi had free time to practice, he noted dourly.

The others couldn't help but notice.

"Your boyfriend was looking for you," Gintoki said, picking at his nails disinterestedly.

"He's not my boyfriend," Takasugi quickly retorted, back from his Yakult run, as he was distributing the small bottles to the other two.

"Then how did you know who I was talking about?"

Gintoki didn't get any Yakult that day.

It wasn't that Takasugi was spending less time with Gintoki, Zura and Sakamoto, it's just that during the times he'd usually spend alone, he would keep finding Bansai by his side. And what was more surprising, his presence didn't bother him.

It was after a particularly rowdy fistfight with Gintoki that he once again ended up sitting next to Bansai, silently fuming while the other man was idly plucking strings on his shamisen.

Bansai asked if the plan for the troops to move forward in the morning is still on if the commander of the Kiheitai is having disagreements with the Shiroyasha and Takasugi reassured him. "It's fine. One time we didn't talk to each other for a full month." He didn't want to tell Bansai the cause of that stupid fight. For some reason, he didn't want Bansai to think less of him, and it went beyond him trying to save dignity as his commander.

"Forgive my insolence if this is too personal, but I heard the four of you went to the same school?" Bansai asked, his fingers resting still over the shamisen.

"No. Just Zura, Gintoki and I. We met Sakamoto here."

"It must've been quite a school to yield such remarkable samurai. Your teacher must be a great man."

Bansai had no idea. Takasugi looked at the sword on his hip, the sword he unsheathed numerous times during this bloody war just to get closer to that man. Yoshida Shouyou wasn't just a great man, he was everything to Takasugi.

"He is," he agreed, unable to put into words what Sensei means to him.

They lost more men. No, that was bound to happen. They lost more men than Takasugi had accounted for. He had misjudged from which side the enemy reinforcements would come and sent a whole unit straight into their deaths. They were forced to retreat miles away from civilization, licking their wounds while low on supplies.

Zura tried to put his hand on Takasugi's shoulder, but it got brushed off. Takasugi could only imagine the sort of pitiful look Zura had on his face. He didn't want to look at him to confirm his suspicion.

"It's not your fault-".

"The hell it's not!" Gintoki whirled around, furious. "Maybe if he'd spent more time making better plans instead of making kissy faces at that guy, they'd be alive right now!"

Takasugi snapped. He lunged forward, ready to take off Gintoki's head with his bare hands if needed. Before they knew it, Zura and Sakamoto were on them, dragging them away from each other.

"That's not true, Gintoki, you know it's not true! The plan was good! He had no way of knowing..." Zura tried to de-escalate the situation, struggling with Takasugi trying to wrestle himself free from his grasp, before adding quietly, "We all went over it. We all approved it."

Gintoki went slack in Sakamoto's arms.

Zura tentatively released his hold on Takasugi, and Takasugi broke free, storming off, not wanting to deal with anything anymore. He was forced to stop upon reaching a river. Frustrated, he snapped a branch of a nearby tree, then threw it as far as he could. He could still feel his heart beating loudly in his chest when he heard a rustle behind him.

"Commander."

"Not you. Anyone but you."

Bansai hesitated but then slowly moved to stand next to him, looking over the river at the direction of the Bakufu army's camps.

"We are going to lose this war. That was what I thought when I joined. The Amanto will fill the world with their ugly cacophony, the samurai will perish and I will never get to hear that lithe and graceful melody again. So I went to the last place where I knew I could still hear it, I daresay."

Takasugi fixed his eyes on Bansai. "Do you still think we're going to lose the war? "

"I could not tell you." Bansai turned his head to look at Takasugi. "But one thing I can tell is that I found a song worth dying for."

They were celebrating a narrowly won victory when it happened. The victory had been achieved thanks to Takasugi's efforts and while Gintoki never apologised for what he said the other day (not that Takasugi expected him to - he himself had said worse things to Gintoki in the heat of the moment on various ocassions without an apology), they were back on good terms with each other. The two of them were twisted like that - Takasugi would never say it out loud, but it felt like after every fight they'd have, their relationship would just grow stronger.

Sake bottles were being passed around from man to man, and even Takasugi got caught up in the festive mood, chuckling at Sakamoto's antics while he was regaling them with an undoubtedly exaggerated story from his side of the battlefield. Bansai was chattier than usual when drinking, too, Takasugi discovered, listening to him whispering commentary by Takasugi's side.

After all the fires went out Bansai insisted on helping a tipsy Takasugi get to his tent, even though he was wobbling just as badly. Takasugi had a tent all for himself, one of the luxuries awarded to him when he established the Kiheitai.

"I have a problem," Takasugi declared once they were inside the tent, plopping down on his cot. "I keep... I keep thinking about it."

It took longer than usual before Bansai answered, concentrating on not slurring his speech. "Can I be of any assistance with this problem?"

Takasugi struggled with taking his coat off and Bansai moved to help him, pulling on the sleeve while Takasugi was trying to get his arm out.

"There's something I want to do..." Takasugi trailed off, closing his eyes. "But I can't. We're in the middle of a war. Any of us could die tomorrow."

"Sounds like a good reason to do it, I daresay." Bansai giggled, and Takasugi never heard that sound coming from him before. He clumsily moved closer, his hand accidentally brushing against Bansai's arm.

He took a good look at Bansai, their faces inches apart. "You don't understand," he wanted to say firmly but it just came out sounding whiny to his ears. "I need to treat all my men equally. I can't play favourites."

Bansai's gaze was fixed on him and Takasugi could feel heat coiling in his belly. He was light-headed and he couldn't tell if it was because of sake, or shochu, or something else he didn't want to name. He continued, "I need to stay focused. It would just be a distraction. It already is."

"Of course," Bansai agreed and Takasugi could swear his face wasn't this close a moment ago. "But if I might add... If it's already disrupting your thoughts and you've tried everything-"

"No... Not everything," Takasugi interrupted.

He didn't know how they got there, but his lips were pressing against Bansai's. It felt strange, and softer than Takasugi expected it to be. He didn't think he was capable of being soft anymore. At first there was no response, but then Bansai was kissing him back, and Takasugi's mind went blank. He opened his mouth, letting Bansai's tongue in, and as his hands found their way to Bansai's hair and Bansai's arms embraced him, holding him tightly, Takasugi knew he made the right choice.

He didn't feel so sure about it in the morning. The bright daylight made everything seem more real than it did during the night, on top of his head throbbing and his mouth feeling dry and disgusting, and he was starting to feel pangs of regret. Takasugi always knew he was a selfish person, but until now his selfishness never resulted in the possibility of irretrievably ruining his relationship with someone he trusted. Bansai must've noticed that something was bothering him because he leaned down for a quick kiss, shooting Takasugi a small reassuring smile before checking if the coast is clear and sneaking out, and Takasugi could feel his cheeks heating up, forced to bite his lip to keep the corners of his mouth from turning upwards in response.

Luckily, Gintoki ruined the rest of his day by rolling over and vomiting on his shoes when he kicked him in the ribs to wake him up so by the time everyone was awake, the camp bustling with activity, he wasn't in the mood to smile anymore. And if anyone noticed he kept stealing glances at where Bansai was sitting while they were eating breakfast, he didn't care.

It turned out there was a sense of security in knowing where exactly he stood with Bansai that served as the opposite of a distraction and allowed him to fully shift his attention back to getting Sensei back. For a while, they kept lining victory after victory, and there was a renewed vigour in their step as they marched forward.

It didn't last long. First, Sakamoto got injured. Then, Takasugi lost everything.

He could hear the door of the cell next to his unlocking. A man was pushed in, then the door locked again and the guards walked away. He gave the man a moment to gather his bearings before speaking up.

"So, which unfortunate soul am I forced to share this lousy predicament with? What is your name?"

No answer. Then, "Shinsuke?"

Takasugi could feel something swell in his chest but he quickly pushed it down.

"So you survived too, huh. Well, not for long if you ask the Bakufu." He chuckled darkly. "Luckily, I'm not asking. No matter whose corpses I have to use as stepping stones, until I crush this country, I will not die."

Silence from Bansai's end. Takasugi settled as comfortably as one could in a damp prison cell and asked the question Bansai had been expecting.

"Say, Bansai, are you still willing to die for me?"

He already knew the answer.