A/N: Sequel to Harder To Swim, Than Drown, so you really need to read that first or you'll be totally lost. It picks up a week after Derek leaves Stiles hospital room after breaking up with him. Not sure how this story is going to go, so I'm rating it M, though I'm not sure how much slashy Sterek goodness there will be. I'm kinda going where the story takes me. And I don't know how much time there will be between posts, so I hope you'll be bare with me.

Thanks to my Beta: any-otp-will-do

Stiles wished the hospital hadn't let him out. He wished the coach hadn't demanded the whole team come, no exceptions. He wished his dad had for once actually ordered him not to do something he thought he wanted to do. But most of all Stiles wished he wasn't stood three foot away from Derek Hale.

The funeral of Jackson Whitmore was just how it was meant to be somber and depressing. Stiles kept glancing over to his right where Lydia sat beside Jackson's parents, her face red and swollen from crying but at the same time utterly beautiful in its misery.

Beside her was Jackson's best friend Danny, behind him with a supportive hand on his shoulder stood Thomas Wells, his alpha werewolf boyfriend. Danny looked just as broken as Lydia and Stiles hated that he didn't feel anything close to those feelings. While he was regretful of his fellow student's death, he wasn't going to pretend that they'd been friends, despite everything they gone through together.

He dragged his gaze away from the row of chairs, and looked the small group of people to his left. Scott stood beside the rest of his pack, and his mom, with his hand in Allison's. Behind him, Isaac, Erica, Boyd and Derek watched in silence. The only member missing was Peter and Stiles thought that was a good decision, all things considered. Finally the man was showing some sign of humanity. Though he wondered if that was because Peter was showing some common decency or whether Derek had ordered him to stay away. Erica looked shattered, her eye red and her body trembling beside Boyd. It could have so easily been her that died that night. It could have been both, if not all of them.

Stiles had been lucky too, or so the doctor's said. The bullet went straight through him, missing every major organ on it way. They'd said it was a miracle. He'd come to think of it as a punishment. Getting shot may not have stolen his life, but it had certainly stolen his future. - Or the possible future he'd been looking forward to as they'd strolled out of that factory together.

His soft chocolate eyes turned without permission to Derek, who met them sternly. He looked just as broken as Jackson's parents, which Stiles figured made sense, after all he'd give him life, a new life. His wolf life. The life that had gotten him killed.

While his dad and the sheriff's office were still investigating the shooting, it hadn't taken Stiles too long to piece together that their attackers had been hunters. His first instinct naturally had been to accuse Allison. After all, she had form for ambushing defenseless werewolves. But she's stood in front of him in tears insisting that neither her or her father had anything to do with it. Stiles still wasn't sure if he believed her or not. And his hostility towards Allison, and the pack wasn't helped by the fact that she apparently was still welcome, while he was shunned.

His eyes fixed on Derek once more, and he clenched his fists at his side as they began to itch with the desire to touch Derek, hold him, comfort him. It hurt that he couldn't. They'd ended before they'd even really begun. Derek had said it was for his own good, that his and Scott's lives were too dangerous and he wasn't going to allow Stiles to be in the middle of that danger. So one night took not only a fellow pack member, it had taken the whole pack from the teenager. He wasn't one of them anymore. Erica, Boyd and Isaac avoided all contact with him, which if he was honest hurt but didn't kill him. No that was left to Scott, who after being Stiles friend since junior high, now wouldn't even answer his calls. Even now he wouldn't look at him. Stiles had received an email after he'd been released from hospital a week ago, explaining everything. Saying he should have done it sooner and that he was sorry but it was for his own good.

Stiles had never been dumped before but he was pretty sure that's what had happened, only this time he had on one to turn to. No brooding werewolf to help him drink away the pain before distracting him from it with hot make out sessions. For the first time since his mom's death he was utterly alone and broken.

Tears slid down his cheeks as his eyes burned into Derek. The alpha dropped his gaze to the ground. He couldn't take it anymore. It hurt too much. Swallowing the tears that clogged his throat Stiles turned away from the grave side. He could feel eyes burning into his back and wondered just who they belonged to. His dad? Scott or Derek? He was too scared to turn and find out. Dropping his head low he slumped his shoulders as he quickened his pace.

~SEA OF TROUBLES~

Derek watched Stiles leave with a painful tightening of his chest. The ache had been there from the very moment he'd walked out of Stiles hospital room over two weeks ago. He'd tried everything he could to distract himself from the pain and thoughts of the teenager. He'd increased the training of the pack, he'd pushed his body to the point of exhaustion. He'd worked hard on the renovations of the house. But nothing helped. Stiles always managed to sneak back in when he least expected it and his heart shattered all over again. And no matter how many times he told himself it was the right thing to do, it didn't rid him of the regret. Or the desire to get him back.

It was actually shocking in its intensity. He hadn't expected it to be. Stiles wasn't a wolf, they weren't bound to each other through the bite, but it felt like half of him had been ripped out. Peter has said that Stiles humanity wasn't important, that Derek had already chosen him as his mate and so the bond was there. Reminding him that his aunt Tina had been human, and it didn't alter the possessiveness his uncle had felt for her and her for him. That hadn't been very helpful, but then Peter wasn't known for being helpful. He was however understanding.

Derek shivered as he thought again just how lucky Stiles had been. How that silver bullet could have pieced his heart. How Allison's quick and clear thinking had stopped him from bleeding to death. He'd heard the doctor's say that it was a close shave. A few more inches and it might have been Stiles as well as Jackson they were burying.

That's why he and Scott had agreed to cut all ties. That night had brought home a lot of truths to Scott as well as himself. And while Scott didn't want to be a werewolf, he wanted Stiles hurt even less. So that had been it. Stiles, Lydia and Allison had been told to keep away. Lydia hadn't argued, understandably. Allison had outright refused, pointing out she could take care of herself. Stiles had argued at first, had even offered himself up to the bite if it meant staying with the pack, but in the end he'd backed down. Derek wouldn't deny he'd kind of hoped Stiles would fight harder. If not to stay in the pack, at least to keep him and it hurt to see how quickly Stiles stopped fighting.

It was his own fault. He'd foolishly fallen for the seventeen year old despite knowing it could never work between them. He didn't know why he'd allowed himself to believe for even a second that it could. In hindsight maybe it would have been easier to have taken Luke's deal. At least then he'd have a mate to turn to as he mourned the death of a pack member. Only he didn't want to seek refuge from the pain with Rosa, he wanted to feel Stiles body pressed against him. Hear Stiles telling him that everything way going to be alright with that false cheer he used when he knew they were screwed. He wanted Stiles and knew deep down he always would.

His heart clenched tightly as he watched Stiles walk away, his gut knotting till he felt sick. He didn't want to imagine the pain the boy was in, didn't want to admit what he'd done to him. He should have stayed away from the beginning. He should never have showed his feeling. He clenched his jaw tight as he thought about how different things would be if the last couple of month hadn't happened. - Or better yet if he'd never come back to Beacon Hills in the first place. The place was cursed and so was he.

He didn't realize he was walking away from the graveside until the voice of the minister was a dull hum in the back ground. He found Stiles where he expected to, stood before his mother's grave. Derek kept back, just watching as the teenagers shoulders jolted and shook. He could hear the sobs from where he stood, quiet and heartbreaking. He knew those tears weren't for Jackson, and it hurt to think that they maybe for him and what they'd lost - or more accurately what he'd thrown away.

"What do you want?" Stiles demanded angrily.

Derek jumped, frowned. "How did you….?"

Stiles shrugged. "I just did."

The werewolf caught his breath, frowning down at the damn grass. "Are you alright?" he asked in a small guilty voice.

"Do you even care?" Stiles snapped, turning to glare at him.

Derek's eyes flew up surprised by the question. Of course he cared. More than he wanted to. It would be easier for them both if he didn't. "You know I do."

"Do I? Last I checked you were dumping me in my hospital bed after I got shot. Excuse me for being confused. - And to clarify, no I'm not alright. I'm far from alright!"

Derek flicked at the raw anger in Stiles voice. "Stiles I'm…."

"Don't!" Stiles spat, his finger pointing at Derek furiously. "I don't want to hear how you're sorry."

"Stiles I know you're angry." Derek sighed, his hands buried deep in his jacket pockets.

"Angry? - Angry! - I'm not angry, I'm furious. I risked my life on a daily basis for three months for you and my so-called best friend, I got beat and shot and I've been lying to my dad endlessly. I had to look him in the eye while he lost his job unable to tell him what was going on. And what do I get in return? Nothing. I get kicked in the teeth and thrown to the curb with a thanks but no thanks."

"Stiles its not like that. It's…."

"Don't you dare say it!" Stiles ordered, marching forward to glare up at Derek. "Don't say it's for my sake, because that's bullshit. This is for yours and Scott's sake, cause now you don't have to worry about me. Like me not being around is going to change a damn thing. The bad guys will still come after me, because they know I'm close to the pack, the only difference now if I don't have you guys looking out for me!" Stiles shouted; his voice growing hoarse and tight the longer he ranted. He turned away from Derek trying to calm himself. His gaze settling on his mom's headstone. "Can you believe this mom? This is the great Derek Hale, I used to tell you about." he scoffed. "I was better of pinning away over Lydia. - At least I never got hurt."

Derek stood shock still, his eyes fixed on Stiles back. He knew he had a point, at least part of him did, but the other part, the louder part refused to acknowledge it. Stiles was safer away from the pack. And if they cut all ties there'd be no reason for anyone to go after Stiles again. He could get his life back. - At least that's what Derek told himself.

"She would have liked you, you know." Stiles said in a quiet broken voice.

"Lydia?"

Stiles rolled his eyes, unable to stop the smile playing at his lips. "No moron, my mom. She would have liked you."

"I doubt that." Derek murmured with a shake of his head.

"Dad doesn't trust you, especially now, after the shooting and then you…." he swallowed the pain in his chest. "…like he would have been okay with us if you hadn't." he huffed a dry laugh. "…But mom, she would have got it. She'd understand, even if she didn't know everything. She'd just take one look at you and…." he shrugged. "…be on your side." he sighed painfully. "And then it would be me and her, Ben and Jerry. - And I wouldn't hate you as much as I do right now."

Derek sucked in a sharp breath, physically rocking back on his heels before taking a few steps forward till he stood right behind Stiles, his chest pressed to the teenagers back. He doesn't speak though, doesn't touch. He just stands there.

"I see Allison hasn't been kicked to the curb." Stiles said in a wary whisper.

"She can look after herself." Derek murmured in reply.

Stiles huffs. "And I'm a wailing infant. Can't possibly take care of myself and only puts you all in danger."

Derek closes his eyes and breathes. Stiles cold flat tone striking him in the chest. "Stiles….yes."

The teenager swings around, staring up at the man with wide furious eyes. "What?"

"Not the wailing infant bit, but the not taking care of yourself, putting us….me, in danger."

"Gee thanks. I don't see your ass buried in a six foot hole." he snapped.

"I will be." Derek lifts his hands to Stiles face, cupping the damp skin. "If I lose you, I won't survive, alright. And it'll get me killed. - At least like this, you're alive."

Stiles swallowed his racing heart. "Derek, please." he sighed. "I don't want this. You don't want this." his watery eyes stared up, pleading. "Can't we just go back to normal. - I'll take the bite. I'll get self-defenses lesson from Allison. I'll do whatever you want, just don't."

Derek's lips silenced him. Stiles arms curling around the man's back, clinging on, scared to let go as he opened his mouth to the werewolf. Derek didn't hesitate, ploughing on into the warm depth, his tongue battling and taunting Stiles. His fingers combing through the boy's hair, gripping tight. Their hearts raced and their bodies burned.

Derek pulled away roughly, leaving Stiles stood for a few seconds with his eyes closed and his mouth hanging open. When Stiles finally got the brain-function to open his eyes, he saw Derek staring at him with stone cold determination. Derek is silent as he turns away from the teenager. Stiles inhales sharply, tears pooling in his eyes again. He drops to his knees besides his mom's grave. Determined to hate Derek for eternity, even though he knows he could never do so.

A/N: Well I'm back, and I hope this was a decent enough opening for you all. For those joining from Harder To Swim, Than Drown, thanks for stick with this universe.