Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the song "All of Me"
A/N: I was listing to "All of Me" by John Legend and thought 'damn that's a cute song, I wonder if I can write something from it'. But after I paid attention to all the lyrics I decided it's actually rather a sad song. I could be reading more into the lyrics than is meant but it's the vibe I got and this is the story I wrote.
Falling in love with someone battling depression is never easy. Leon learnt this early on in his relationship with Cloud. He had been one of the lucky few the blond let in but Cloud still put up walls. Barring even Leon from many aspects of his life.
It had been exceedingly frustrating at first. Leon never knew where he stood with the blond and it started many arguments. One day Cloud would be up, getting into all sorts of trouble with Yuffie and Sora. The next day he could be down, shutting Leon out in every way possible. Leon didn't understand depression and had no idea how to handle it. He loved every facet of who Cloud was, but often found himself adrift in the storm that was their life.
The more time he spent with Cloud, the more he grew to understand the blond's demons. It was heartbreaking; watching the life fade from the blond as his depression would rear its ugly head. He wanted to hold Cloud close and chase those demons away. But when Cloud was falling, he didn't respond to Leon's touch. He preferred isolation, not wanting to be a burden.
Over time, Leon discovered multiple things he could do to help Cloud. On the days where Cloud couldn't get out of bed, Leon would take the day off to look after the blond. With the proper urging Leon could usually get Cloud up and through a shower, if nothing else. Leon took on the role of ensuring the blond ate and made sure to keep a tidy house. He had read that a clean, calm environment helped to lower perceived chaos. Or something along those lines.
He also took to packing picnics or coming up with other reasons for Cloud to leave the house a minimum of twice a week. No matter how much grumbling and complaining he'd put forth, the fresh air always seemed to lift Cloud's spirits. On nice days, he'd often sit with his eyes closed and a serene smile on his lips while the wind licked at his face and tousled his flaxen hair. Leon lived for those moments. Watching as peace would settle over Cloud, even if it was only for their brief retreat.
Leon often encouraged the blond to talk to him. To try and explain what he was feeling so that Leon could better understand. But Cloud would push him away with self-depreciating remarks about not being worth it. That he was a failure; stupid and useless. Or that he was unlovable and unworthy of Leon's affection. Those were the moments Leon hated the most. He hated that Cloud was so lost he stopped believing Leon loved him. He hated that Cloud had such damaged self-esteem, thinking so little of himself. But what was most heart-wrenching, was how Cloud was so convinced Leon would grow tired of dealing with his depressive episodes and leave him.
When Cloud would start verbally pushing Leon away, Leon would physically move closer. Pulling the blond into a loving hug, refusing to let go no matter how much Cloud struggled. Cloud would eventually concede and let Leon hold him. Leon would have to fight back tears as his time to cry would come later. For now, he'd let Cloud fall apart in his arms only to carefully put him back together again.
Of course it wasn't always like that. Just a couple of weeks ago Cloud had decided to follow Leon to his current restoration site. It was a hot day and after getting bored with moving debris around, Cloud took it upon himself to cool Leon off by dousing him with water from a nearby hose. The site volunteers had halted their work, holding their breath as they waited for the brunet to blow.
Absolutely dripping wet, Leon turned on his heel to face the blond. There was no way he could be angry when confronted with the child-like grin adorning Cloud's face and the way his chest shook with barely contained laughter. So with a wolfish smirk, Leon picked up a bucket filled with water and retaliated. The two of them burst out laughing as they stood there dripping under the midday sun.
Leon had decided to call it a day and sent all the workers away before dragging his soaking -giggling- lover home. After making quick work of peeling off Cloud's wet clothes, Leon proceeded to make love to him in the most tender way possible. They fell asleep tangled up together, engulfed by a sense of overwhelming euphoria. However, when Leon woke the next morning Cloud was once more consumed by his unending darkness.
Leon had just arrived home after a long day on-site. While Cloud had been experiencing an episode, it wasn't one of his worse ones. He could function well enough. He would get out of bed with little to no prodding, was able to make himself a quick breakfast, and on occasion would leave the house to follow after the brunet. He was often broody and unresponsive, but he was making the effort and that's what counted. It was during times like these, Leon felt safe leaving Cloud alone so he could go to work.
When Leon walked in, he immediately looked for his blond. Cloud was curled up on the couch staring vacantly out the window. He glanced over at the sound of Leon's arrival to give the brunet a small smile.
"Hey Babe. How was your day?" Leon shook off his jacket hanging it up next to Cloud's.
"Alright." Cloud shrugged before turning back to the window, gazing up at the incoming grey skies.
"Did you eat lunch? You hungry?" Leon kicked off his boots as he tried to keep up a light, casual conversation.
"No. Not really." Leon frowned at the back of Cloud's head. The blond was too thin as it was.
"We've got some leftover lasagna from the other day. How about I heat that up for dinner?"
"If you want."
Leon decided not to push it. Nine times out of ten if he put a plate of food in front of Cloud he'd eat most of it. On his way to the kitchen, Leon flicked on the radio to drown out the silence. It was stagnant. Overbearing. How Cloud could sit in it all day, Leon would never understand.
As he finished putting the lasagna in the oven and setting a timer, the song switched over on the radio to one familiar to the brunet and Leon caught himself humming along.
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out.
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down.
What's going on in that beautiful mind.
The song filtered from the living room into the kitchen; the lyrics bringing a smile to Leon's face. They always reminded him of Cloud.
He moved back into the living room to wait on the lasagna when he noticed Cloud absently tapping his fingers in time with the music. With uncharacteristic inspiration, Leon moved over to the blond tugging him up by a hand. Cloud was wearing an old pair of Leon's loose-fitting sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt. Not what he had on when Leon left, so he figured he'd count it as dressed.
"What?" Cloud looked at Leon curiously, taking in the brunet's mischievous smile.
Leon didn't answer as his smile grew. He pulled the blond to his chest, one hand entwined with one of Cloud's and the other gently placed on the small of the blond's back.
"What are you doing Leon?" Cloud narrowed his eyes at Leon suspiciously while instinctively wrapping an arm around Leon's back.
"Dancing." Leon started to sway to the music as he gently led them in a circle in the centre of the floor.
Cloud was about to protest when Leon bent his head down to whisper in Cloud's ear. His deep voice beautifully carrying the tune as he serenaded the blond. "Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you."
"You're an idiot Leonhart." Cloud mumbled, lightly smacking the brunet on his shoulder.
Leon smiled, placing a gentle kiss on Cloud's neck. Anytime he could make the blond laugh or smile, it was a win. And he could hear the smile in Cloud's voice. "Yeah, but I'm your idiot."
Cloud hummed in agreement as he rested his head on Leon's shoulder and they continued to shuffle their feet in time with the music.
Leon littered several more kisses down Cloud's neck before he continued his singing. "How many times do I have to tell you, even when you're crying you're beautiful too. The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood. You're my downfall, you're my muse. My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues."
Cloud's grip tightened in the fabric on Leon's back as he choked out a broken sob. Leon could feel Cloud's stray tears as they landed on his shirt. The fingers on Cloud's back splayed out before pulling the blond closer as Leon squeezed the fingers in his other hand. Cloud tried to turn his face further away from the brunet, but didn't pull back. Leon bent his head down to nuzzle Cloud's spikes, humming along to the rest of the song.
'Cause all of me loves all of you.
Love your curves and all your edges,
All your perfect imperfections.
Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you.
You're my end and my beginning,
Even when I lose I'm winning.
'Cause I give all of me,
And you give all of you.
When the song ended they continued their slow rotations, caught up in each other's arms. Leon pulled back enough to catch Cloud's eye. He released the hand held in his so he could brush soft bangs from the blond's face. He was going to have to take him for a haircut soon. Cloud smiled at Leon, his blue eyes shining brighter the longer Leon held his gaze. Eventually, Leon bent his head down catching Cloud's lips in a tender kiss. Cloud's smile widened against Leon's lips as he brought his arms up to wrap around the brunet's neck.
Leon ignored the ding of the timer in favour of making Cloud smile. If the lasagna burnt, they could always order take-away. Getting to see one of Cloud's genuine smiles was not something Leon would pass up. So they continued to sway in the middle of the living room, arms wrapped around each other, exchanging heartfelt kisses until the need for food became too great.
Being in love with someone battling depression is never easy. They have their ups and downs, and you often don't know where you stand with them. But Leon knew that Cloud's ups were worth his downs. And even when he was down, Leon loved him with all his heart.