CC hurried across the street, her hands clasped around a folder she kept pressed to her chest. Her eyes were fixed on her wrist, following the movement of the hands of her watch. If she stopped for a coffee now, would she still be on time to arrive at the theater? She decided yes. And even if she was a little late, so be it. After all, they couldn't really fire the producer.
She detached her eyes from her watch and turned to enter a little café on the corner of 8th and 42nd. Luckily, at this time of day the café was considerably empty. She ordered a coffee and a bagel and waited until the barista handed her both. Tucking the folder under her arm, she turned to leave the café, when she noticed her cell phone was ringing.
"Hello? Oh, yes, Jonathan!" Her face lit up. "Yes. I am honestly not sure, but I think not. Yeah, we have to see about that. Yes. Uh-hum. No. Yes. Oh, and Jonathan, I was wondering… what time will the kids be out of school today?" A pause followed in which CC intently listened to the voice on the other end of the line. "Oh no, how did that happen?" she snickered. "Yeah, that's fine. Alright, I'll try to wrap things up at the theater then. Okay, I'll see you later. I love you. Bye."
Carefully juggling the hot cup of coffee and the bagel in her hands, she busied herself with stowing away her cell phone in her purse. She was almost out of the door when someone's shoulder hit her, and her coffee spilled while her bagel involuntarily went flying out of her hand.
"I'm terribly sorry!" CC heard him say. She glanced down, trying to see if the encounter had left any marks on her clothes.
"No, no, it's okay. Nothing happened… I'll just need a new bagel," she said smiling as she found herself unable to spot anything on her blouse, only a puddle of liquid on the floor, and glanced back up to find the man opposite her trying to dry his clothes with the tissues he had found in his pockets.
"Luckily it's only water!" he likewise asserted, sighing. He threw the used tissues in the nearest trash can and his face met hers for the first time after their collision. Her smile froze on her face as she looked into his.
"Niles!" she finally exclaimed.
"Hello CC," he answered shyly.
"How- what are you doing here?"
"I was trying to get myself something to eat, what about you?"
She didn't know whether to laugh at his wisecrack reply, or be annoyed.
"Funny, I was doing the same until you sent my food flying," she responded dryly and frowned. "I meant what are you doing in New York?"
"Everything and nothing, really," he began vaguely, but elaborated when he noticed CC's raised eyebrows. "I am here on holiday."
CC nodded. It was so strange seeing him here. Without a warning, there he was, and she didn't know how to feel about that.
"So, how have you been?", she managed to say.
"I've been good, I've been good," he said.
"I'm glad to hear that!" she answered honestly, trying to keep her voice even.
"Are you?"
"Yes, why wouldn't I?"
"Well…," he started, eyeing her carefully, "we didn't exactly…"
"… part on good terms?" she finished his sentence.
"Yes, something like that," he mumbled.
"Yeah," she sighed and nodded. "But I am still glad that you're doing well."
Niles also nodded. "Thank you."
"Let's sit down," she suggested and gestured towards a table nearby.
"Sure," he complied and sat down on one of the chairs.
"Isn't this… you know, kind of crazy?" he wondered.
"Us sitting here?"
"Yes, that, too. But I meant us sitting here peacefully. No yelling, no blaming. I mean, at the very least I would have expected you to yell at me earlier."
CC grimaced, "I didn't realize it was you, or else I would have gladly fulfilled your wish."
"Well, that's a relief." He mirrored her grin.
CC writhed her hands as she felt her heart beat like mad in her chest. Inside of her, feelings were battling each other. She felt confused; a part of her found it hard to believe that this was actually happening, that she was not in some sort of a pleasant nightmare. In an attempt to forget him she had brought as much distance between them as possible with him living on one coast and her living on the other. Nevertheless, she had still resettled to the city where she had spent most of her time with him. Somehow, although she didn't really admit it to herself, she still needed his presence in her life.
But she had changed, hadn't she?
She had built a life without him. She had moved on. She had married. She was a mother now.
And yet, she was somehow very glad to see him.
And somehow she wished she wasn't.
"You look good. And I hear you're quite successful," he added.
She stirred her coffee with her spoon, somehow uncomfortable with him praising her.
"I always knew you would be," he added quietly.
"Stop it," she said weakly, forcing a smile.
"There is no point in denying the truth. You were always better at this than Mr. Sheffield."
"Well, in that case, thank you," she replied, but her answer left Niles with the feeling that she only said it so he would stop pushing it.
He watched her across the table. She had changed her hair since he had last seen her. It was longer now and lay around her shoulders in soft curls. Her face had only aged slightly in the last couple of years. Surely, the lines on her face ran a little deeper now, but she was still as beautiful as she had been when he had first laid eyes on her.
"I hear you're married," he broke the silence between them and gestured towards the ring on her finger.
"Yes." A smile played on her lips. "His name is Jonathan. It's our seventh anniversary next month."
"I guess congratulations are in order!" Niles offered, though there was a nuance in his voice that told CC he didn't really feel at all too congratulatory.
"Thank you."
Her hand went to the cup of coffee on the table and she raised it to her lips to take a sip.
"We have two children," CC explained and started going through her purse until she fished out her wallet, taking out two pictures.
"Here they are. Rosie and Anne."
She pointed at the two girls in the picture and Niles's eyes were met by the beaming faces of two tiny blondes. It was strange how much they looked like their mother. Anne, about five or so, Niles guessed, had her mother's eyes, bright blue and the same blond curls. Rosie, a little younger than Anne, maybe four, had a darker shade of blonde and her eyes were more greenish, but something about her face – maybe her expression – reminded him of CC.
"They look just like you," Niles said.
"I should hope so," CC grinned. "I assume you know my husband?"
Niles felt his heart sink at the word husband. He had long known about him. Every picture in every paper had their names and statuses subtitled, in every TV interview Jonathan had been by her side, but that had done little to prepare him to hear those words from her.
"Well, I haven't met him– " Niles started, smirking.
"Forgive me, I temporarily forgot you were a pain in the ass. I meant you know who he is, right?"
"I've seen his face on pictures from some of your productions. He's quite handsome."
"Yeah, that he is," CC responded, smiling anew. "What about you?"
"Me?" Niles asked, slightly perplexed.
"No, I was asking the person behind you." CC smirked. "Of course I meant you, Butler Boy."
CC bit her lip. His nickname had just slipped out by accident.
Niles tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that started expanding in the pit of his stomach at the sound of his nickname on her lips. "Very funny," he shot back, forcing a grin. "Well, I met a girl from St. Louis. Her name is Amanda. She's great. She came with me to New York."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, she is at the theater right now. I told her I'd get us something to eat in the mean time since I've already seen 'Fiddler on The Roof' more often than I can recall."
CC nodded knowingly. "How did you two meet?" she inquired.
A smile spread over his face before he answered.
"She kind of came out of nowhere," Niles grinned. "Quite literally. I was on the way to pick up Mr. Sheffield's dry cleaning and I guess I just didn't pay attention… and I rear-ended her car."
CC burst out laughing. "You didn't!"
"I swear I didn't see her there!" Niles tried to defend himself, but at the same time he knew it was pointless, and he joined in her laughter.
"Are you sure it's not just your old age clouding your senses?"
Niles glared at her. "Oh," he growled with a dismissive hand gesture.
"So," CC questioned, gradually calming down, "how did you two end up dating?"
"She asked me out on a date after I had paid off the damage on her car."
"How very wise of her," CC quipped. "With your salary it must have taken years to pay it off!"
"Anyway," Niles continued, ignoring her, "I thought I should give it a try."
He thought back to how he had met Amanda, and he remembered the rare Californian rain, her outrage over him rear-ending her, and the suddenly very deep and personal talk he had had with her while they were waiting for the police to arrive. He had felt a relief after their talk he hadn't felt in… well, however long it had been since he and CC had broken up. With her, he had come alive again, as if she had lifted some of the weight off his shoulders.
At first it had been good just to talk to someone who didn't know anything about him. Someone who didn't jump to conclusions based on things she had witnessed in the past. But then he had recognized her for herself, her gentle nature and her warm smile. And with her, he had felt a little more like himself again.
CC nodded, yet again stirring what little remained of her coffee. "You deserve to be happy, Niles."
Niles's eyes darted up at her, equally surprised and moved by her words.
"Do you ever wish things would have gone differently?" he murmured quietly.
"Yes," CC answered and averted her eyes. "You?"
"Constantly," Niles replied before he could stop himself. CC looked up into his eyes, as though she was searching for something in his response that sounded so sure, so resolute and ready that would ease the confusion she felt. But she only found his blue eyes looking back at her with the same questions.
She tried to avoid it, but even now Niles sometimes crept back into her thoughts. She wondered how her life would have turned out had they found a way to stay together. The countless what ifs, the could have beens, the we'll never knows.
She cleared her throat. "I should get some more coffee. Do you want anything?"
"I'd like some coffee, too. Thanks."
He watched as she made her way over to the counter, and minutes later returned with two newly filled cups in one hand and two Danishes in the other.
"Thank you."
She handed him one of the cups and one of the Danishes and let herself fall back on her chair.
"You know what these remind me of?" he asked, taking a bite.
"No, what?" CC wondered.
"Remember that day in Central Park?"
"Oh, please don't remind me of that!" she groaned.
"Why not? It was a beautiful day." He smiled at the memory.
"Yeah, memories like that one are the ones I cherish the most," she remarked sarcastically and shuddered, but smiled.
"We were laying in the grass, picnicking and soaking up the sun, and Chester was up and about, running around like it was the first time he was allowed to be outside. And for some reason you were terrified of all the pigeons in the park. You were convinced they were on a mission to chase you out."
"That's because they were."
"I remember that as we kissed one of them pooped in your hair." Niles grinned. "It was funny, though."
"Yeah…" CC sighed. "Maybe for you." She propped her head on her hand and smiled lightly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get nostalgic and all…" Niles uttered, turning the Danish in his hands.
"Don't be."
Niles took another bite of his Danish.
"So, what about you?"
"What about me?"
"You asked me about my life and now it is my turn. How did you and your husband meet?" Niles answered determinedly.
"I am afraid my story won't be as entertaining as yours, though." She carefully sipped from her steaming cup. "If you must know, my father set us up. But it works. Jonathan is kind and loving, and somehow he manages to see something good in me." She smiled.
Jonathan had been sweet and supportive, and he was accepting. He was everything she could have wished for. After she had met him, she had felt alive again, for the first time in a long time. She had suddenly been infused with feelings she didn't think she had in her anymore, she had had butterflies in her stomach, found herself constantly tongue tied. Feelings similar to the ones she had had for Niles.
Yet, it was unfair to compare him to Niles. It really was.
Jonathan was her husband, the father of her children, the man whom she loved immensely.
And Niles was... What was Niles to her? He was more than just someone from her past. He was... well, what exactly? For quite some time she had used to believe that they would be together for eternity. And now? Her madly beating heart seemed to have more of an answer than her distraught mind.
Today in the morning, she had kissed her husband, wishing him a nice day, reminding him to buy some milk on the way home from work. And yet, from the moment she had run into Niles, it was almost as though she had been able to feel her heart rearrange. Niles made her heart ache and soar at the same time. There was still so much between them - and there would probably always be. Anything and everything between them would always have meaning.
Especially now, with every smile, with every laugh, with every little slip of the tongue that reminded them of a happier time, she thought it would overwhelm her.
"Did he propose on a beach?" Niles asked, and CC stared at him, perplexed. "I know that's how you wanted ours to go…" he explained and yet CC continued to stare at him. "Forget I asked. I'm sorry."
CC felt tears shooting in her eyes. For the third time that afternoon – or the entire time, really – she didn't know what to think. She was angry because of Niles's audacity, sad because of how she wished day in and day out that things would have been different, she was hurt because he knew that he would affect her with this, and lastly, she was appalled by how easily he still could.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." Niles repeated again, reaching across the table and placing his hand on top of hers. Where his skin touched hers, she felt as though she had been burnt. With his touch, it seemed as though all the feelings she had been able to keep at bay, were about to surface with such force she wouldn't be able to cope.
"I– I'm sorry, I have to go," CC stammered, reclaiming her hand from his touch. She grabbed her purse and hurried out into the street, walking without seeing, until she found a quieter street. There, she leaned against the brick wall, panting and crying. She wished she was stronger, she wished she was braver. But with him she just…
The truth was that she still loved him. Years and years of not seeing him had not changed how she felt about him. She felt like no distance and no time would ever change that.