When I Pretend
--
Thoughts of you keep running through my head
Images I just want to forget
I look in the mirror and put on a happy face
But nobody sees it
And I don't believe it
I bought into every word you said
I never thought that's something I'd regret
I look at you now and wonder who I see
I'm lost in a frenzy and it's never ending
The way we used to talk all night
I still get butterflies
when I go there again
--
Sharpay was lying on her back in her garden, hugging herself, trying to get warm. She was looking at the heaven with all the stars shinning so brightly. She could feel butterflies in her stomach. It all reminded her of him, their long nights talking and looking at the stars. She kind of missed it, but she knew she could never get it back. She turned her head and looked beside her where he always lay. Her mind going back.
"It is just so pretty. Don't you think?" Sharpay asked him. She turned her head and looked at his face. She took it all in. He turned his head and their eyes locked. None of them spoke, they just starred. Reading each others eyes. That was she loved most, cause she didn't feel awkward.
"Yeah, it is" he said after a while. She knew he wasn't talking about the sky, but her. She smiled a little. They both looked back at the sky. The grass was getting dewy, but they made no attempt to move.
"Are you chilly?" he asked, looking at her again. Sharpay nodded. He put his arm around her and hugged her closely into his body. She put her hand on his warm chest and took in his scent. He smelled like cupcakes. She looked up at his face, eyeing his brown eyes, she loved so much. She loved him, then why couldn't she tell him.
He started to touch her hair lightly. She could feel her blood rushing through her veins. She just wanted to lie like that forever.
"I love you" he whispered just high enough so she could hear it. He had said it many times before, but she had never got those three simple words over her own lips. Somehow she knew, he knew deep inside she love him too. Anyway he hoped she would say those special words. It would mean the world to him. She was the one for him, the only one. He looked at his watch. 10 more minutes and he have to be home. His dad would get so mad at him, if he wasn't there on time. Though he wanted to have her in his arm. Be near her.
"I have to go now." Sadness in his voice. She looked at him, into his eyes.
"Okay" no emotion in her voice. They got up and brushing their pants. They looked weird at each other's.
"Are you giving me a hug before I leave?" he asked, spreading his arm. She gave in and gave him a hug. She laid her head on his shoulder, thinking inside her head: "I love you". Then he let go of her and walked away. She looked after him, missing him already.
A cold breeze hit her and she missed the warm he used to give her. She looked back at the stars. She couldn't forget all those memories, even though she wanted to. She had never been the same after him and they had known each other in like 10 years. She still didn't understand why she had started to feel that way about him. Things were weird when they were together. They didn't speak much; they just enjoyed each other company. A new memory showed up in her head.
"You own me!" he said, smiling even though she couldn't see him. "You promised me before Christmas. I'll give you snow, if you don't"
"You wouldn't! I can't!" Sharpay hoped he would buy it, but she knew he wouldn't. He liked her so much and she knew it. No, actually he loved her. He had for almost four years, but she had always held back. Not letting him know how she felt.
"Please?! You can't just promise me and then don't do it! Get out here now! Sharpay, it's an order!" he yelled through the phone.
"Okay. Okay. I come in a sec." Sharpay finally gave in. She hung up the cell and placed it back in her pocket. She quickly got down stairs unnoticed and slipped out the door. She walked down to their secret hiding place. He was already there. She smiled weakly to him. It was dark, so she couldn't even see his face.
"Hey" Sharpay said. The moon hit his face and she could see he was looking at her lips. She looked down, nervously. She didn't want to do this. She should never have promised.
"Hey. Are you gonna give me that kiss by yourself or do have to force you?" he asked, still looking at her lips. He took a step close to her, placing his index finger on her chin lifting her face up, looking into her eyes.
"Serious, I can't do it." A hint of freighting in her eyes. He just nodded and slowly pulled her up by the tree behind them. He hold her hands, pressing his body closely into hers. He slowly leaned into the kiss, but just the second before he would have collided with her lips she turned her head away.
"You're not gonna make this easy. Pay, I love you. Please give me this little pleasure?" he begged. She looked at him, and before she knew it he pressed his lips against hers. She quickly turned her head away. He looked at her, trying to read her eyes. Read what was going on behind them, but they were emotionless. She looked at him and then ran back inside. Back where she would be safe for things she wasn't ready for.
Even though it just was a simple kiss, it was something she wasn't ready for. It was like she couldn't say the simple words. She just couldn't make herself do it. She could feel something vibrate in her pocket, a message from him. She read it. He was just saying good night and sorry. She looked outside the window, seeing a shadow leaving the garden.
Sharpay could feel a tear roll down her cheek. She missed him so much. She didn't want to think of him, because she knew she would never get him back. She kind of regret that she hadn't done something about her feelings, but now it was all too late. Another sad memory roll over her head.
Winter had come over the town and it was cold and snow was lying all around. Sharpay was walking to school together with Ryan. They were talking about the winter musical, Twinkle Town. Sharpay and Ryan had rehearsed over and over again and were ready to win as they always did. But it was that year it all went wrong.
Sharpay wasn't ready for the chorus girl Gabriella who joined started at their school that winter. The annoying girl who was the reason why it all went wrong and broke all Sharpay's dreams. She took the main character in the play together with the basket ball king Troy Bolton. But that was not the worst of all; Gabriella was the reason why Sharpay lost the guy she actually loved.
The last good memory she had with him was when he had given her snow. They had to walk across the school yard to get to biology. She had feared he would give her snow, and her fears were right. She could see he was making a ball. She started to walk even faster, but she fell. Sharpay looked back over her shoulder, seeing him closing up. She quickly got up, but he was already next to her.
"No, don't you dare!" Sharpay yelled at him. He just smiled to her, taking a step closer to her. Sharpay hit after his hand, coursing the snowball fall to the ground. He sent her evil glare, but she just smiled in delight.
"You shouldn't have done that. Now it is getting even worse!" he said and slowly bended down to pick her up in his arms. Sharpay tired to fight against him, but she knew he was stronger. What was he trying anyway? He carried her over to a big pile of snow and threw her in it pulling more snow over her.
"Zeke, stop it! Zekeeeee, please? I'm freezing" Zeke looked into her eyes, nodding his head. He got up and reached out his hands to help her up. Sharpay grabbed his hand, secretly taking some snow in her other hand. He pulled her up, Sharpay got on her feet. Before Zeke knew it, he had snow in his face seeing Sharpay running off.
"Sharpay, I hate you!!" Zeke yelled, he really didn't mean, cause he still loved her so much.
Sharpay felt cheesy. She felt like her life was a soap opera, but this was real life, and she really didn't like it. Before Gabriella showed up, Sharpay was fine. She got what she needed, well almost everything she needed, but it was practically her own fault. First of all Sharpay lost her leading role in the winter musical. With that, she also lost her popularity. That was just not the worst part of the all. That Troy and Gabriella got together lead to Zeke always hanging out with them, since Troy was one of his friends. Apparently Gabriella thought Zeke was lonely and set him up with one of her friends; this really pretty girl, Anna. She was sweet and just took his heart right away. Zeke had stopped texting Sharpay or even calling her. Sharpay could feel tears rolling down her cheeks. She got up from the grass and went inside.
Some days after Sharpay and Ryan had got on the school bus. Sharpay was tried from the night before. It had been a year since their last night looking at the stars. She had celebrated by herself with her best friend who always was there for her; the bottle of vodka she had hidden in her closet. She had been sitting out on their secret place, getting wasted.
She was wearing a big sweatshirt and some loose sweatpants to. Her hair was messy and her makeup was simple, with only mascara. Ever since Anna had showed up Sharpay had kind of given up on everything. She was behind in school and had lost everything, also Ryan at some level. They never did anything together and Sharpay just hung out with her best friend.
Sharpay was trying to spot a place to sit down the only one left was next to Zeke. She made her way down to him not really wanting to sit there.
"It this seat taken?" Sharpay asked. He looked up locking eyes with her. He removed his back bag and Sharpay sat down."Thanks". Sharpay felt stupid and weird. It was like the bus was all quiet and nothing else in the universe was standing still.
He didn't say anything to her. She eyed him out of her eye. Under his jacket was he wearing her favorite t-shirt. She smiled for short while, but then he looked at her. Suddenly they heard a voice from the seat behind them.
"Hey, Zeke man, are you up for shooting hoops before our first period?" Chad asked.
"Yeah, man! I'm so up for it!" Zeke said with a big smile. He gave Chad a high five which caused him to push to Sharpay, so her bag felt down on the ground, her schoolbooks over it all. Sharpay sighed and got down to pick it up. Zeke picked up her calendar, which lay next to his foot. It had a picture of him and her on it. She had her arms around him and a big smile on her face. He looked so happy too. She took place again next to Zeke.
"Hear, you drop this too." Zeke handed her the calendar their fingers touching. "I'll remember when your mom took that picture." He smiled to her.
"Yeah, it's my favorite picture." She put the calendar down in her bag. The bus stopped in front the school. Sharpay got up and out of the bus. She headed to the auditorium, even though she didn't do much acting anymore.
"Sharpay! Sharpay!" Zeke yelled after her. She turned around, wondering what he wanted. "Can I have a copy of the picture?"
Sharpay just looked at him, getting her mind together, figuring out what to say. "Uhm, sure." She quickly pulled up her calendar out of her bag. "You can have this, I have one more at home" Zeke took the picture.
"Thanks, you are my girl" Then he left. Sharpay looked after him.
"I love you" she whispered. He spun around and sent her big smile, like he had heard what she had said.
--
I see the way you used to smile
If only for a while
But only if I pretend
I'd stand here alone and know that it all was real
You say you don't need it
And I don't believe it
--
So a little one-shot more. I have written this so long time ago, but never posted it. I don't know why, but here it is. It is build over Jordan Pruitt's sogn; When I Pretend. HSMficstar72 I wanna thank you for the pm, so here it was. I hoped you liked it. Thanks to everybody else who also have read this. Please review so I know what you think about this one-shot. Dedicated to a friend of mine.
Toodles, Noukka. ;)