Warnings: Major character deaths
Major Angst
Incestuous feelings
Graphic depiction of suicide
Blood
Swearing

I'm Sorry! Please don't hate me!

Long Live the Queen

Elsa loved Anna. In every convincible way.

A sister.

A friend.

A lover.

She loved her as a sister, loyal to a fault, reckless, impulsive, that little girl who begged Elsa to build a snowman, that would die to protect her big sister, no matter how many times Elsa hurt her.

She loved her as a best friend. Someone she could always count on to be there for her. Someone who she could lean on and talk to. The girl who comforted her during her darkest hours and always made her smile.

She loved her as only a lover could. In Elsa's eyes, Anna was perfect. She was everything, the other half to Elsa's whole, her missing piece, the warm sunshine that thawed winter's frost. That day, all those months ago, Anna thawed to hearts at once. Her own and her sister's.

Anna, the girl who had the kindest in all of Arendelle, if not the whole world. The girl who never thought of herself, who always, always, put everyone else first. The girl who Elsa shut out for thirteen long years and still battled wolves and climbed snow-capped mountains to bring her home. The girl who sacrificed her own life to save her sister's and never once asked for anything in return. Anna was fierce and strong-willed, she was fire to Elsa's ice, melting every barrier Elsa conjured around her heart.

The girl whose beauty radiated from the inside out.

Everything around Elsa reminded her of Anna. The flames in her fireplace matched the copper tone of her twin braided hair. The blue-green water of the fjord was the exact shade of Anna's eyes. The sweet breeze on a spring day, the tang of the autumn air and the delicate fusion of chocolate covered strawberries made up her scent. The warm summer sun reminded her of the warmth of Anna's heart and stars in the night sky were reflected in her freckled skin.

Every time Elsa heard Anna at her door her heart would flutter madly in her chest. She would wait by her door every day with baited breath until the redhead came knocking. She'd sit back to back with her sister with only the thick slice of wood between them. Anna would tell Elsa all about her day, the adventures she got up to both in and out of the castle and all the trouble that seemed to follow the ungainly girl. Elsa would sit there desperately wishing she could be out there with Anna, playing in the snow, riding their bike around the halls and talking to paintings. She wanted to be able to hold Anna in her arms when she awoke in from a nightmare, to kiss away those tears and tell her that it was okay, it was only a bad dream.

She wanted to wake up next to Anna every morning, to stroke her hair and kiss her lips. Elsa wanted it to be her name Anna screamed into the night, her waist that those toned thighs wrapped around in the throes of passion. She wanted to be the one waiting for Anna at the end of the isle, her love that Anna pledged herself to. She wanted to be the one to grow old with Anna, to watch her hair grey and skin wrinkle and she wanted to be the one to place a final kiss on her sister's lips as she drew her last breath.

Elsa wanted to experience everything life could possibly throw at her, with Anna by her side. The ups and downs, the good and the bad, the lazy mornings and the heated nights. She wanted it all with Anna and only Anna.

But Anna had Kristoff.

Anna loved Kristoff.

It was Kristoff who got to kiss those silky lips.

Kristoff who woke up next to Anna each morning.

It will be Kristoff who stands at the altar, awaiting his blushing bride.

Kristoff's name that was called into the night.

It was never Elsa.

It would never be Elsa.

And it was killing her.

Tomorrow marked the day where Elsa would lose Anna forever. Tomorrow she was to be wed to her true love, to the man of her dreams.

Tomorrow, on the first anniversary of The Great Thaw, the day that Elsa finally realised that she not only loved her sister, but was in love with her, would be the day that her heart would crushed forever.

This was her final chance.

She pulled every last ounce of courage she had and willed her legs to carry her to Anna's door for what may be the very last time.

She stood before the wood, her fist raised, poised to knock. Frost began to coat her fingers, her palms as stalactites grew from the ceiling and stalagmites rose from the floor. Elsa trembled as she tried to regain control over her powers, she forced the image of Anna to the forefront of her mind. Her heart began to warm, she could feel the ice receding, her fingers tingled as she stole deep breaths, the ice withdrew.

Elsa took a moment to steel herself before knocking thrice.

"Come in." Anna called, her melodious voice made her sister's heart sing. Somehow, the blonde managed to get the door open. "What's up Els?" Her sister asked. She was in her night clothes in bed, her head buried in a book.

Elsa stood frozen in the doorway, her heart thumping so loudly she was surprised Anna couldn't hear it. Her lips were suddenly dry, her throat tight and she swore a baker's dozen butterflies had flown into her stomach and they had butterflies too.

Anna looked up to her sister and what she saw made her heart clench and panic set in. Elsa was pale, well, paler than usual, her mouth drawn together in a tight line and her eyes were wide and fearful. She looked just like she did that day back in her ice palace. "What's wrong?" Anna asked, the worry clear in her voice. The redhead threw her book to the side – not bothering to mark her page, her sister was more important – and rushed to Elsa's side. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did something happen with your powers? Is it Hans or Weselton? Has someone threatened you? Did I do something? Oh, no, I did, didn't I? Whatever it is I can fix it I promise! I-I'll make it up to you I swear! Is it because of tomorrow? Are you afraid you're going to lose me?"

A single nod of a pale head.

"Oh, Elsa!" Anna cried wrapping her arms around her sister's neck and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. "You're not losing me, I'm just getting married, Kristoff and I will be living here, you'll still get to see me every day. You can't get rid of me that easily!" She chuckled, the bell-like ring of her laugh tinkled through Elsa's soul.

Anna led (dragged) Elsa over to her bed and forced her to sit on the mattress. She took her sister's hands in her own and stroked her thumbs over those dainty knuckles.

Elsa, suddenly overcome with emotion starts sobbing uncontrollably. The idea of seeing the love of her life in the arms of another, every single day, was like torture to her. How could she possibly live with that pain? That heartache?

That answer was simple.

She couldn't.

"Hush now, dear sister mine. It's okay, I love you Els, I'll always love you. You know that right?" Anna released her sister's hands and wrapped her arms around Elsa's neck, pulling the blonde down until her ear was pressed into the skin directly over Anna's heart.

Elsa just shook her head and cried even harder. "N-no one w-will ever l-love m-me." She wailed. "L-look at m-me, I'm not a-a queen, I'm a m-monster! I-I'm vile, s-sick. Nobody w-will ever l-love me."

Anna grabbed Elsa's shoulders and jerked her sister up so they were face to face. Anna was livid. Her eyes narrowed and her expression hard, her face red. "Don't!" She yelled, a finger brandished at her nose. "Don't you ever talk like that about yourself again Elsa! How could you even think about yourself like that? Do you not see how amazing you are? How perfect? How everyone loves you, adores you!" Anna relaxed her grip on her sister's shoulders and soothingly rubbed the top of her arms. She softened her voice and clasped their hands together once more. The Queen's hands were ice cold in her grip but Anna didn't even flinch.

"Elsa, you are so beautiful, so kind and caring, you put my safety above your own happiness for thirteen years! Thirteen years Elsa!"

Oh, if only you knew Anna

"And your powers, they're amazing! The ice you create is nothing short of art, and I would know, I spent many years talking to paintings, so believe me when I say, I know art. The way your frost weaves and leaves spirals on the floor, the way you can create snowmen and castles and the most amazing dresses all with the flick of your wrist. Gosh Elsa, every time I see your powers it makes me feel so warm, it makes my heart jump for joy and I get to watch you become truly happy and free.

"Your heart is bigger than you realise, everything you've ever done was out of love for me. Every time I see you I feel like all my Christmases have come at once, the sun shines brighter, the birds sing louder and even the snow feels warmer. You make me smile and laugh, you know me better than anyone else, even Kristoff.

"So, I don't ever, ever, want to hear you talking like that again. Do you understand? Because I love you Elsa. More than you know and I will always love you!"

Elsa studied her sister's face for a moment, she wore an expression of hard determination and stubbornness, her eyes shone with adoration and affection and Elsa could feel her pulse quicken underneath her fingertips. Elsa's own heart was bruising in her chest, time seemed to have slowed down and everything zeroed in on this one moment.

Elsa's eyes flicked down to Anna's mouth and back up again. The redhead's tongue poked out to wet her lips and Elsa couldn't help but follow the action. "Anna." Elsa muttered softly. "You love me, right?"

"More than anyone else." She replied easily.

Elsa's heart leapt and then skipped a beat. This was it. Her one chance.

She tenderly cupped Anna's cheek in the palm of her hand, her thumb gently brushing the soft skin. The redhead leant into the touch, her eyes slipping shut and her breath hitched. Slowly Elsa leaned in, her heart beating so furiously that she couldn't discern one beat from the next. As she drew closer it was first Anna's scent that filled her nostrils, next it was steady puffs of breath tickling her face and finally, finally it was the ever so soft press of those satiny lips.

Elsa's heart was soaring, her soul rejoicing, 'this is right' it sung. It felt amazing, incredible, indescribable to be finally kissing her true love. This is where she was meant to be, forever in the arms of her sister.

Elsa swiped her tongue along Anna's lower lip asking for entry. Anna gasped, her mouth widening, granting Elsa permission. The blonde explored her sister's mouth, moaning at the taste – chocolate of course.

Suddenly Elsa was pushed back with such force that she toppled off the edge of the bed.

"Elsa!" Anna hissed. "We're sisters!" Her expression was unreadable.

Elsa scrambled to pull herself up off the floor. "Bu-, I-. you-, I-I thought… I thought you loved me." She spluttered her voice high and panicked, she could feel her magic prickling in her fingertips.

"Elsa! We're sisters!" She repeated exasperatedly. "We can't love each other! Not like that!"

No, no, no, no, no. This could not be happening.

Elsa had to get out of there, like right now. She could feel the frost expanding out from her hands and feet, the temperature dropping dramatically, the sound of cracking ice filled room as a swirling storm whipped flurries around the sisters.

"I'm so sorry Anna." Elsa whispered, her face full of regret and remorse.

She ran. She ignored her sister's pleas, telling her to wait, calling to back so they can fix this. Elsa reached her chambers and slammed the door behind her, she stood in the middle of the room and screamed out in anguish. The windows shattered, just like her heart, the furniture splintered and cracked. Her curtains tore in the violent winds as spikes of ice imbedded in every surface around the room.

The clock dinging midnight. Outside of the castle a fierce snowstorm was blowing, a thick blanket of white powder covered the town of Arendelle, plunging the populace into its second Eternal Winter, exactly one year after her last one thawed.

Elsa collapsed to the ground, spent, broken, in too much pain to stand.

"ELSA! ELSA!" Anna cried from the opposite side of the door. "Please Elsa! Just let me in!" Her voice barely reached Elsa's ears but for the first time in forever, she just wanted Anna to go away. She'd told her sister to leave on many occasions before now, but not once had she actually meant it.

Elsa knew what she had to do.

She knew how this had to end.

BANG BANG BANG

"My Queen, are you alright?" Called Kai from behind the wood.

"Please Your Majesty, tell us what's going on. Let us in!" Cried Gerda.

"Anna? What's wrong with Elsa? The whole city is covered in snow again and Olaf…" Kristoff's voice trailed off.

"What about Olaf?" Demanded Anna, her voice strained and crazed.

"He said his chest hurt, he was in so much pain, he said that this was the end."

"WHAT?!" Anna screamed. "Is he…"

"No." Said Kristoff quickly. "But he's in pain."

"Well then go and get him! Bring him here, I need to see him Kristoff." Anna demanded.

Elsa sat in a crumpled heap on her bedroom floor. Defeated, crippled, done. She willed her powers to come forth one last time, a sharp ice dagger rose from her palm, the crystalline glass glowing orange as the flames from her fireplace reflected on its smooth surface.

The queen rose once more, putting one foot in front of the other she walked over to her door.

"Anna." She began, her tone tender and warm.

"Elsa! Please, just let me in. We can face this thing together! Everything will be okay!" Anna's voice was weak, the heartbreak clear in her voice.

"Anna, I love you, so, so much. You are my world, my everything. I love you with all my heart, but I cannot live without you." She paused to take in a shuddering breath, trying to supress the sobs that wanted to escape. "When I'm gone I need you to be strong. Take care of Arendelle, I know that you'll be an amazing queen, the people already adore you Anna, you're going to be so much better than I could ever have been.

"Don't mourn me Anna, don't cry, for I will finally be at peace. I'm sorry I won't be there for your wedding or to welcome your first child, you're going to make an excellent mother. Look after Olaf and Marshmallow for me, they'll need a new mum when I'm gone. I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you, not when we were kids, not for all those years I shut you out, not when I killed you last year or tonight when I… when I kissed you. Everything I did, I did because I loved you. My love for you will never die Anna, you're my true love."

"Elsa, no, no, no, no, no! ELSA! NO! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW!" There were multiple blows against the door as Anna, Kai and Gerda tried to break it down.

"I've got him, I've got Olaf!' Kristoff's voice called, Elsa could hear his heavy footfalls pounding along the wooden floor.

"Kristoff, break down the door! I think… I think Elsa's going to kill herself!" Anna screamed.

Well, this is it.

"Goodbye my sweet Anna. I love you."

Elsa conjured a wall of ice over the door and stepped back. She gripped the icy dagger with both hands and raised it above her head.

I love you Anna. I love you Anna. I love you Anna. I love you Anna.

With a cry of fury Elsa yanked the dagger down, plunging it into her chest.

I love you Anna. I love you Anna. I love you Anna. I love you Anna.

She felt nothing, no pain, no heat, no cold, nothing. She lifted the dagger again and using all her strength brought it straight back into her chest. Blood stained her dress, her hands, the floor. It was splattered across the walls, the bedding, the furniture.

Elsa felt herself growing weaker with every blow, she'd lost count how many times she'd slammed the ice into her body (when had she fallen down?) The storm outside mimicked the queen's health, it too began to fade. The ice inside began to crack, the voices from behind the door started to grow louder. The ice in her hand was beginning to melt.

No, no, no, no, I have to finish this.

"Elsa!" Came the most heartbreaking, painful scream Elsa had ever heard, it was crushing her.

"Anna." She choked, her voice softer than a whisper as blood began to pool in her mouth.

Elsa felt weak, she had to use one hand just to hold herself up. The one holding the dagger shook as the world started to spin. The temperature started to rise again and the wind stopped blowing.

She was close.

She held the tip of the dagger to her opposite wrist, the tip digging in to pale flesh. She dragged it up her arm, a crude smile upon her face as she marvelled at the blood oozing out of the thick gash. She continued until she reached her elbow, the blood spurting from her wrists, pooling on the floor.

Elsa heard a crack, or perhaps it was just her imagination, she couldn't tell anymore. She didn't know what was real and what wasn't. She felt cold. For the first time in her life the Ice Queen felt cold.

An ear piercing scream reverberated in her ears as she felt her body being hauled into ever familiar arms.

"Elsa, Elsa no, oh, god, no, please, no!" Anna cried, her tears falling onto her sister's bloody face.

"Goodbye Mamas." Came Olaf's soft childlike voice, so distant and calm. "Some people are worth melting for."

Another scream as Anna clung tighter to her sister, a single carrot rested in a pool of water.

"Elsa please, please don't go! I love you!" She pleaded. "I love you just as much as you love me! I was just too afraid Elsa! But I do! I do love you, with all my heart. I want to be with you, for the rest of my life, I need you Elsa. I need you!" Anna bent her neck and placed one last kiss on those blood soaked lips.

"I love you Anna."

And then she was gone.

Who wants an alternative ending? If there's enough interest I may just write one...