Porcelain or Stone
Prologue:
There he stood, small even for his young age, paler than the snow outside, with deep cobalt blue hair that fell limply in his once expressive violet hued eyes.
He stared, mouth hanging agar at the scene before him. There she lay, beautiful – just like when she was sleeping. There was silence in the little boy, tears long ago cried until there had been none left inside of him. She had been prettied up for this occasion. Why was it that the adults insisted that their last memories of her were like this: wearing make-up – she had never worn makeup, in that dress she had only worn once in her life – the boy remembered how she had hated it, those locks of dark brown hair, curled slightly, artificially. She had never worn her hair like that. Never.
She looked just like she was sleeping. But she wasn't. The small boy was no fool. He had been there. He knew. He had seen it first hand, and he would never forget the scream, the look of fear in her bright rust hued eyes. Eyes… that would never look at him again.
The small boy gasped, as her eyes slid open in his mind, not bright, not loving, glassed over with a milky quality, staring sightlessly into his once again tear-filled eyes. Dead.
X.x.X
Loneliness: Main entry: Lonely. It is an adjective, meaning being without company; cut off from others; not frequented by human beings: desolate. It means sad from being alone: lonesome; producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation.
Despair: in its noun form it is an utter loss of hope; or a cause of hopelessness. As a verb, it is to loose all hope or confidence.
These two words are often thought to be very nearly synonymous, in the feelings they invoke. I, however, disagree. I have understood the feelings invoked by the 'despair' for years upon years, but I am not, nor have I ever been brushed with the emotion of 'loneliness'. I have long ago lost hope, but never, have I lowered myself to longing for another person to stand beside me. I am alone in this world, and as long as I remember the difference between 'loneliness' and 'despair' I will never fall that far. Never.
I do not miss those who are no longer here. I do not long for those who blamed me for their leaving. I do not seek out those who told me there was nothing I could have done. In my waking moments, I know who I am and where I must go. Away. I can never stay in one place for too long. After all, companions made in any city will only chain me down and hold me back later. There is no need for me to get close.
Companionship: the fellowship existing among companions.
Fellowship: a company of equals or friends; the quality or state of being comradely; association
Association: something linked in memory or imagination with a thing or person; the process of forming mental connections or bonds between sensations, ideas, or memories.
Bond: something that binds or restrains; the systematic lapping of brick in a wall.
Restrain: to prevent from doing, exhibiting, or expressing something; to limit, restrict, or keep under control.
These are all dictionary definitions. Tell me, those of you who hold so dearly to your 'friends', and companions. How are such restricting things as companionships a positive attribute?
They aren't. If you are as old as I – old enough to understand much, but not yet old enough to attend a collage – and you still believe in companionship and love, I pity you. For you are so foolish that you will feel more despair and loneliness than anyone.
I do hope you know better. I learned quickly. At least, my conscious mind did. There are, regrettably, times when my sub consciousness combats reason, annoyingly showing me items of the past… that… I sometimes infer will lead to the end of me.
What comes of remembering such insecurities of a young child? I often scold myself upon waking in the early hours of the morning after such resurfacing memories. It means little, if anything at all.
As I walk into Midgar High for the first time, in the bustling and dangerous city, not feeling fear, not feeling anything, I will question my own sanity as much as I question the faulty logic involved with so much that the teens my age do in this place – and most others. Perhaps things will be quiet here. Perhaps there won't be so many unanswerable questions in this place…
Perhaps I am being foolish to hope.
X.x.X.x.X
There simply aren't enough stories for this couple! Anywhere! I fell in love with Zemyx first after seeing it as a side couple in many-an AkuRoku story. This is my very first fic with this pairing, so I'm pumped about it! XD
Yes I am aware of its brevity. It is just the prologue, though my friends, so have heart! My usual chapter length for this story is looking at being about seven or so pages at a time. Granted, some will be shorter, and some will far surpass that estimate for sure, but I know how people like to have an idea of what they're getting into.
So are you getting into this? R&R's are always more than welcome! Cyber cookies for all who press the pretty purple button! XD