Secrets Lies and Retribution!
Part 1
Robert had come looking for Diane, he wanted to see how she was, how she was coping with the chemo. He'd let himself in the back way, had headed into the living room hoping to find his stepmother there. Instead of finding Diane he found someone else he cared deeply about, not that Aaron would ever believe that.
Aaron hadn't noticed him, he was sitting on the sofa absently staring into a mug of what seemed to be cold tea. He looked so troubled, and Robert desperately wanted to know what was on his mind. He wanted to put right whatever it was that was wrong. Aaron wasn't likely to believe that of him either.
Robert knew he should leave before Aaron saw him, that would avoid all chance of yet another confrontation. He wasn't going to though, fact being he hadn't given up on him and Aaron getting back together, and so, when given the opportunity to chip sway at the wall Aaron had built between them, he snatched it with both hands. "Aaron?"
Aaron started on hearing Robert's voice, his gaze quickly settled on him and Robert watched the hurt languishing in the blue eyes quickly turn to hostility.
"What do you want?"
"I'm looking for Diane."
"Well she's not here so go look some place else."
"Do you know where she is?"
"No."
Robert knew Aaron was being deliberately evasive, and the irritation he felt on seeing him there was coming off Aaron in waves. There was so much tension in the air every time they met, it couldn't go on. "Look, your mums been ill, Diane is ill, don't you think we should try and get along, at least be civil to each other for their sakes?"
"I think my mum prefers things the way they are, me hating your guts."
Robert knew that was true, still it wasn't helping matters. "It's not healthy though is it. We both know that. We've both let hate get the better of us in the past, have us do things we regret. Neither one of us wants to end up hurting anyone else because of what happened between us."
"I'm not going to."
"As long as things remain so ugly between us there's every chance you will."
Aaron didn't like admitting it but Robert was right. At some point someone would get caught in the crossfire, he knew he couldn't let that happen. "I can do civil when I have to, I don't have to right now though so piss off!"
Robert couldn't help but grin at Aaron's comeback even though he knew it would only serve to irritate him some more.
"What's so funny?" Aaron demanded,
Robert's grin widened into a smile, "Just your way with words."
"Why are you still here?"Aaron snapped, he didn't like the way his heart had beat a little faster on seeing Robert smile. "You know you're not wanted here so..."
"Not wanted no but needed yes."
"What?"
"There's something troubling you..."
"Yeah you!"
"Admittedly, but there's something else weighing heavily on your mind, if you need to talk about it..."
"What with you? You really think I would?"
"You know I'm a good listener, you told me about Jackson remember..."
"Yeah I remember. I told you everything and what did you do, you used it against me. You used what I told you to hurt and humiliated me ... and more than once."
"I know and I'm sorry... " He hated himself for that "... it was unforgivable. But you know I didn't mean what I said, at the time I was either hurting or scared, I lash out when I feel cornered.. just like you do."
"I'm nothing like you."Aaron spat, stung by the comparison. Yes he'd done a lot of bad things but he didn't come anywhere close to being as cold and as calculating as Robert was.
Ignoring Aaron's response Robert pressed on, "I heard your dad was back." He'd also heard Aaron had been none to pleased to see him, he'd suddenly realised it was Gordon Livesy's reappearance that was to blame for Aaron's unrest, "It's him that's got you in a tail spin isn't it."
The fact Robert had hit the nail squarely on the head infuriated Aaron, he couldn't deny it as much as he wanted to so instead said, "It's none of your business."
"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be interested, that I'm not going to care..."
"Care! About me? Yeah right, The only thing you care about is yourself."
"That's where you're wrong, I care about Diane, about Victoria, even about Andy. I am capable of loving someone Aaron, I'm just...well I've learned how to protect myself from rejection, from hurt. See we are alike." Before Aaron had the chance to object to his statement Robert began speaking again, he was determined to get Aaron talking. "My relationship with my dad was a train wreak too. I screwed up and he sent me packing, he told me to stay away and I did. I didn't see him again, in fact... the next time we were in six feet of each other, I was kneeling by his grave." Aaron had looked away on hearing that comment. Robert knew it had had some kind of an impact on him, he felt sure he was starting to get somewhere now. "Finding out that your dad's been so ill, well that blow sent you reeling too didn't it."
"No. I don't give a shit about him." Aaron insisted even though tears were now welling up in his eyes. He bowed his head hoping to hide the unwanted show of emotion.
"So I see." Robert said softly before moving to where Aaron was sitting, taking the mug from his hand he said, "I'll make us a brew."
Robert knew that in the time it took to make them both a coffee Aaron would have regained his composure. Hopefully he would be more accepting of his presence then too.
An uncomfortable silence had filled the room but Robert thought better that than Aaron telling him to leave.
Just minutes later he was setting a steaming mug into Aaron's hands. As he did so Robert decided to go with something he felt sure Aaron wouldn't take exception to. Seating himself opposite him he said, "I know you've got Paddy, that you'll have talked things through with him, but as supportive as he is well he's not going to get it is he? Not like I do. So come on... out with it?"
Aaron shook his head and eyed Robert scornfully, he wasn't going there again, he'd learnt his lesson where Robert was concerned.
Robert wasn't about to give up his quest, and told himself that if he opened up a little first it would help Aaron to. "I used to worship my dad when I was a kid, I wanted to be like him. He was well liked, well respected, he was a hard act to follow, as it turns out an impossible one. The Sugden family have farmed around here for generations. My dad wasn't just a farmer though, he was a writer, he'd actually wrote a best seller way before I was born! He was a bit of a rebel in his day, was highly opinionated, highly principled and inevitably he argued with his dad and took off, he stayed away for years... we've got that in common I suppose. He wasn't perfect of course, he had his faults, his weaknesses, women for instance. He had affairs when he was married, oh and a son he didn't know about for years. That was my older brother, Jackie, he died, in a shooting accident. My family and guns eh!" Robert eyed Aaron warily, wondering what sort of reaction that weighted comment had earned him, Aaron was staring coldly back at him but that was a better reaction than anger wasn't it?
"I like to blame Andy for the rift between me and my dad, but I think... know that it would have happened whether Andy had come to live with us or not. Me and him just couldn't get along, we didn't see eye to eye on anything. We had some terrible arguments, heated ugly exchanges, the kind that makes you wary of each other. Words hurt don't they, they cause the deepest wounds, ones that fester and never seem to heal." Ok, enough, Robert told himself, he hadn't planned on saying so much, it was Aaron who needed to talk. "I'm never going to be able to put things right with my dad but you still can, you don't have to be the best of friends Aaron, and he's never going to take Paddy's place is he, but you could still have a good relationship with him."
"No!" That was never going to happen
"Aaron you've got the chance to make things right between you and your dad! I wish I could."
"Yeah well I bet your dad never used you as punch bag did he?"
"What?" Robert was stunned by what he'd just heard, at what Aaron's words alluded to. He didn't want to believe it, but as the truth began to sink in he realised it explained a lot about Aaron, about the way he was.
TBC