CHAPTER 1 : ABANDONED THROUGH NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN

The spires of Oxford were in the distance and Merlin experienced the feeling of coming home.

He intended to spend tonight at Arthur's and then return to his residence the following night. He hoped that his room was ready for him and none of the Christmas holidays guests had damaged his newly painted walls. He knew it was time for him to get back into student mode, Hilary Term was starting and he needed to plan his days accordingly.

Arthur said, "We have a choice, eat out or buy some food to cook. We'll still have buy milk but I don't think I want to face shopping without a list. I just buy for the sake of buying and then come home and half of the stuff I bought is not what I needed."

"Then, let's stop before we get in town at the Tesco's near the roundabout and buy stuff for tomorrow. Tonight, I'll take you out for supper."

"You're beginning to become your super organised self but that's all right as I know from experience that the further I take you away from Oxford the more relaxed you are. Did you enjoy your holidays?"

Merlin turned and grinned, "It was something which I had never experienced before, being snowbound and camping in the lounge…" he thought for a moment before adding off handedly, "and the sex wasn't bad either."

Arthur started laughing, "Well, at east I know where my expertise lies, close behind snowdrifts and pretend camping!"

Arthur had never known anyone like Merlin before and he enjoyed every minute they were together. Sitting beside him in a car, watching him watch TV, hearing the wonderful way he said his name and just generally being with him made him feel special. If they were in a crowd, he sometimes wanted to ask everyone to be quiet so that he might announce, 'This is Merlin and he loves…me!'

Coming back to the present, he heard Merlin telling him that if he took the next exit, he knew a shortcut to the Tesco parking lot which would save them at least two lights.

Arthur pulled off the roundabout and drove along until Merlin said, "Right then left."

"As you don't drive, how do you know this shortcut?"

"Toby's mother takes it and I went shopping with them once. You'd be surprised if you knew what I know about Oxford. There are hidden staircases and nooks and crannies that many people do not realise exist. If I find one in our college, we could stock it with food and hide away for a weekend."

"Sounds, great but I have a perfect hideaway called a condo which has all the mod cons which I'm sure your bolt hole will not."

"Yes, but we could come out and join everyone at meals and then disappear again."

"With my luck, there will be dry rot somewhere and I'd suddenly appear on the Dean's Table in the Dining Hall after making a none too elegant descent through the ceiling. If you want to have a hideaway weekend, you can plan if for the time when Gawaine comes to visit!"

"You're no fun!"

"That's not what you said last night." As he got out of the car, Arthur sidled up to him, slipping his arm around his waist, saying, "I already miss not being able to hold you whenever the mood strikes."

Merlin glanced around then placed himself directly in front of Arthur and said, "If you can kiss me before the lady in the red coat with the two kids reaches us, I will be satisfied."

Of course, time flew and it wasn't until a little voice said, "Mummy look, those two men are like Uncle Roger and Matthew, they're in love!"

"That's right, Dear," the woman said, shrugging her shoulders in embarrassment and giving Merlin and Arthur a warm grin.

Arthur turned saying suddenly, "Roger and Matt, are they still at college? I've been away for three years and now that I'm back I'm out of the loop."

"Yes, my brother is now a graduate student tutoring in history and Matt is still following his studies in physics. May I tell him whom I met?"

"Certainly…Arthur Pendragon, I'm back at Magdalen after a time in Bruxelles."

"I remember the name you were in Waynflete with Roger and something about meeting up in New York."

Arthur handed her his card saying, "I can be reached at this number if Roger is interested."

Gathering her brood, the woman thanked him for the card, bid them goodbye and made her way to her car."

"Now aren't you glad that we came to Tesco?" Merlin said with a smile.

"I think you'll like them, Matt is a bit serious for my liking but Roger's a good chap. Anyway, we'll see, as his sister might forget to mention that we met."

Merlin glanced around, no one was nearby, "Can I have another kiss as that one was rudely interrupted?" Arthur obliged, then laughing they made their way to get groceries.

-0-0-

Merlin's nose was out of joint as not only had Arthur paid for all the groceries but also insisted on picking up the tab for supper. "You shouldn't have to pay the whole time, I have money."

"Well, the next time I want a Costa, you're going to have to buy it for me."

Merlin still felt as if he were on holiday, they hadn't gone anywhere near the college and he still had tonight and nearly a full day with Arthur before he had to report back to the college before his courses started.

"Do you think that you can cope by yourself here as I really should go back to London? You'll be busy every hour of every day and we can speak on the phone. I have to be back by next Monday and I would rather check in with my father in town than have him wandering down here. Not that he ever has but you never know…

"One day, I'm going to have to arrange a meeting with you and him." Merlin eyes had opened wide and he had stared at Arthur. Arthur laughed and said, "Well, maybe not for a few years. His bark is much worse than his bite and you're such a lovely little thing that I feel bad depriving him of your friendship."

"I have to be a friend of his? Merlin said looking shocked.

"Not exactly but if I go to business functions in the future, I would like to invite you to accompany me."

-0-0-

Saturday night was deeply satisfying, just Arthur and him. They'd stayed awake talking about growing up and the trials and tribulations of being only children.

Arthur had said as a youngster that he was surprised and fascinated when he found out that some houses had more than one child in them. He thought everyone lived alone with a father they seldom saw, with a nanny who looked after him and other people who took care of his father and the house.

He couldn't remember when he first found out that he had had a mother. Mother was a word not heard in his house. His friend had a mother but he hadn't at four and a half, realised that everyone had mothers.

He had once asked his Nanny, "Why does Bobbie have a person called a mummy? Will I have one…one day?" he'd asked. She had tactfully said that she didn't think so.

Next time he was with his father, he'd asked, "Did I ever have a mummy?"

His father's eyes had hardened even more than normal as he answered, "We don't talk about mothers in this house."

Merlin sniffed, stifling a sob for the little boy Arthur had been.

"I asked Nanny and she sat me on her lap and told me about this lovely lady who had been so happy that she was going to have a baby and be a mother. But she was poorly and after the baby arrived, she got very sick and she had to say goodbye to her little boy and she went to sleep that night and never woke up."

"I was curious so I asked, 'What happened to the little baby?'

"He grew up to be a lovely little boy and he is loved by all the people who know him."

"Can I meet him one day?"

"Arthur, you know him…you are that wonderful little baby all grown up into a little boy."

"I had a mummy?"

"Yes, and she loved you so much."

"Did she have a name?"

"Yes, it was Ygraine but your father called her Dearest."

"My father knew her?"

The older woman smiled, Arthur lived in a home which regularly had kittens and even baby rabbits. However, he had yet to realise the intricacies of life. "Come on, Arthur, time for us to have some lunch." She was happy that she had been able to tell Arthur about the lovely lady who had been his mother. He had the right to know…and she honestly believed that his father would never do it.

Arthur then wanted Merlin to tell him about his father and Merlin told him all he could remember which wasn't much as his father had died when he was three. "I remember playing on the floor in the living room with a man, going to the swings and then I remember my mother crying but little else.

"I so wanted a father that I used to pretend that Gaius was my grandfather, in the junior classes, I told everyone he was. Gawaine thought he was my grandfather until one day Gaius referred to my mother as his niece and the secret was out. Gawaine was so kind as he said that if he had had Gaius as a Great Uncle he would have wanted him to be his Grandfather too."

There was a long pause in the conversation before Arthur suddenly said, "I have a photo of my mother. One day, my father was in Germany and I went through his rooms and found a photo album it was full of pictures of them together. I knew better than to ask permission to have a photo so I took the book to Boots Photo Department and had them copy some of the photos.

"My Nanny Rosa was still alive and I told her what I had done. She was proud of me and happy that I had photos of my mother."

"How old were you?"

Arthur looked sheepish as he said, "Fourteen! Honestly, Merlin, I was too scared before to do anything like that. The whole time I was worried that I would be run over by a car and the album would be destroyed and my father would find out what I had done or that Boots would contact him to see if he was satisfied with the work they had done. Life was hard…"

Merlin wrapped his arms around him saying, "We were two really mixed up kids weren't we?"

Laughing Arthur said, "…and aren't you glad that we grew up into such fine men?"

The finally fell asleep and Merlin had confusing dreams of Arthur being his grandfather and his Mum being the next door neighbour with a nasty little boy called Uther. Arthur's hands woke him and he was glad to be in the land of the living.

-0-0-

Arthur offered to go to church with him and they bumped into Toby who phoned his mother and the two of them were subsequently invited to the Quilley's for brunch. Toby wanted to hear all about their holiday and Merlin was able to tell everyone about his experience of being snowbound, a sanitised version at least. Toby suggested viewing Merlin's photos on the TV and everyone was impressed with Arthur's cottage and the interesting effects of the snowdrifts.

Later, when they were alone, Arthur said, "Luckily, you didn't take any questionable shots of us."

Merlin blushed as he said, "Well, actually I did, but they are locked away safely on another photo card."

"We'll have to look at them one day."

"Nothing, you haven't seen before…" Merlin said.

Arthur felt momentarily uncomfortable but he realised Merlin wasn't intentionally referring to his earlier life just some pictures they had taken when they were fooling around together in Llanrhydian.

-0-0-

Early Sunday evening after they had had supper, Arthur accompanied Merlin back to the residence. He had to sign in to receive his key. Dunn was on duty and was full of apologies as there had been a slip up and his room was still rented out until Thursday. Another room was available and Merlin would have to stay there. He would be allowed back into his old room to get clothes and anything needed for his studies. Dunn explained, "Luckily, we always have a few unrented rooms as someone in the office missed the fact that you are AC and would be back a week earlier than the others. The situation has been explained to the guests. They are due back late today and at your convenience, you can gain access to the room. One of the other porters will accompany you."

Arthur said, "My first thought is that you stay at my place, Merlin, but that's against the rules so, I'll help you get what you need and see you settled."

Dunn nodded, "Are you ready to go up now?"

Arthur and Merlin followed a chap called Dawson up the stairs. In no time Merlin had what he needed for the week and was pleased to see that the room looked in good condition. He handed the key back to Dawson who gave him one to 3-17.

"Can you manage by yourself, Sir, if so, I will go on downstairs?"

"Thank you, Dawson, we can manage from here."

Arthur followed Merlin up the stairs and they found the door. The room was smaller than Merlin's and had a single bed and no sofa. "Shame!" Arthur said. It also was not an en-suite however the bathrooms were next door but one.

"Wonder why this room isn't usually rented over the holidays," Arthur said. At that moment someone flushed a toilet and the sound of running water was quite noticeable in the walls and the two of them burst out laughing.

"Well, at least there won't be too many students here until next week and by then I should be back in my own room."

"One of the disadvantages of having a double bed…" Arthur said with a grin.

-0-0-

Once Arthur had left, Merlin phoned Toby to bring him up to date on his change of floor. They planned to meet at breakfast. Toby telling him that Tina and Beth were back and he'd seen them at supper.

Soon they were back into the routine of tutorials, essays and discussions. The four of them had done well and everyone especially Dr. Ellis was pleased with the results of the first term.

This term Hilary would be slightly different as they would still do eleven weeks instead of eight but of the extra three weeks, two had been tagged on the end of term so their Easter break would be shortened to just one month.

Merlin had a real problem as Arthur's twenty-first birthday was four days before he was to get off for Easter. Laurence had already mentioned that there would be a do in London and was surprised to hear that Merlin wouldn't be able to go.

"Nothing I can do about it as that last week of the AC will be really busy for me. I can't just take off even if it would only be for a day."

Laurence could see that Merlin was disappointed so he said, "I'm sure you and Arthur will be quite capable of celebrating his birthday once you're free. Anyway as Easter never comes at the same time each year, next year you will probably both be off at the same time."

Merlin laughed, "No need to tell me I know, we had it drilled into our heads at school. Easter is the Sunday following the first full moon after the vernal equinox of March twenty-first."

Arthur had walked in at that moment and asked what they were discussing, they both said quickly, "Easter!"

Merlin said, "Arthur, as Easter is a moveable feast, how do the churches know when it will be each year?"

"I don't know, does it come as an announcement from the Vatican?"

As they both shook their heads, Laurence laughed saying, "Close but there is more to it."

So Arthur tried again, "Some antiquated law of the church that alternates it between two set dates so that one year it's early and the next year late?"

Laurence again laughed as he said to Merlin, "Obviously at Rugby, they were oblivious to anything but sports," and then to Arthur, "I'll give you a clue, it's lunar."

Arthur shrugged, "Haven't a clue!" So Laurence enlightened him. Arthur listened seriously and then said, "You're kidding, aren't you?"

"No, he's serious, from 325 AD at the Council of Nicaea," Merlin said joining in.

Arthur wasn't satisfied until he had looked up the calendar on his watch and checked for the full moon. "Well, I never," he said smiling, "I've been to Turkey and to Iznuk but can't remember them mentioning anything about it. Just shows you, you learn something new every day."

"Well, you were probably more interested in the bars and the nightlife."

"Actually, Laurence, for your information, it's a UNESCO World Heritage Site and my father was in Athens and we made a side trip. Anyway, why the interest in Easter?"

Laurence spoke first saying, "We were looking up when this term ends that's all."

"…and we sort of got sidetracked," Merlin said hoping that his smile was convincing

Merlin later wondered if missing the party would maybe be a blessing as apart from Laurence, he knew none of Arthur's friends and if his father was the host of the party, he really wasn't ready to meet him. Arthur could happily celebrate his twenty-first with his old friends.

He wondered what his own twenty-first celebration would be like. If the AC courses continued and he got through everything, he would already be twenty by the time he received his degree. Not that that meant that his university days were over as he intended to continue with postgraduate studies.

-0-0-

He hadn't slept well the first night in his new room. The floor was practically empty and every sound disturbed him. He knew he would get used to it and it was only for three more nights and then he should be back in his own room. He particularly missed having someone lying beside him and his dreams were frequently upsetting.

Finally he dozed off…

Arthur mentions his party and upon hearing that Merlin might be unable to come, he turns on him saying, "So, that's how unimportant I am to you, that you'd rather spend the day here than join me and my old friends in London. Some friend you're turning out to be! I should have listened to my friends. They see you as a passing fancy and suggest that I should strive to meet someone more mature and socially acceptable."

Arthur words sting but he is unable to speak so he just stands there looking at the man he thought loved him, who again looks at him, shrugs his shoulders and walks away saying, "Guess they're right!"

Laurence appears catching the end of the conversation and says, "Arthur, that's not fair!"

Arthur whips around with a raised arm and gets Laurence right across the side of the face.

Merlin realises that it is beyond him and rightly so as when he looks down he realises he is only three and the man in his life has left the room.