Well this is a very random one-shot of Voldemort talking to himself from out of the diary horcrux. Do not read if you take offense at chav jokes. Rated T for language. Slash mentionings. R&R please.
By lil-miss-voldie-woldie and me (:
Conversations with your former self
Voldemort lovingly caressed the horcrux in front of him. It had been so long since he had thought about his former self. He had tried to ignore it but he had changed. The diary lay intact and seemingly dull, but it was Voldemort's world, one of his precious links to immortality.
There were five of these wonderous objects, each of them were dear to him, but the diary in particular he cherished. He thought to himself how different he was back then. Handsome, though it mattered not to him. He never craved the company of others, but to spend so long in exile with not even one human to converse with!
He opened the diary, though not physically as he had no hands or body to open it with, but the power of his thoughts caused the old blank pages to flutter before him, and a shadow of his former self gradually emerged from out some sort of dense fog that thinned until the teenage Tom Riddle was hovering before him.
He was wearing clothes of white. Voldemort registered that they looked like muggle jogging trousers and an over-large white hood was pulled up over a cap. A gold chain was hung around his neck and white trainers gleamed on his feet.
"S'up?" he drawled, chewing lazily on a piece of gum.
Voldemort looked at him in horror.
'Was I really like that?' he pondered incredulously. 'Like some muggle travesty.'
"What you fuckin' looking at mate?" spat Tom aggressively.
For once in life, Voldemort was lost for words.
"What is this?" he managed to shriek.
"Yer Dick'ed!" sneered Tom at the being he did not know to be his future self.
"What did you call me?" hissed Voldemort.
"I said you're a dick'ed mate!" roared Tom.
"I can assure you that I am not familiar with that vulgar term!" answered Voldemort. "Is this really me?" he added to himself.
"You? I'm not you, you fuckin' old git!"
"HOW DARE YOU?! If I could Avada Kedavra you I would!"
"Yer a wizard? No fuckin' way mate!" said Tom in awe.
"Well what did you take me for?!"
"I dunno…some crazy old muggle." Tom shrugged, pulling a packet of cigarettes out of his front pocket. He lit one, and was about to place it in his mouth when Voldemort gasped and cried,
"No! Do not tempt me so! I was reduced to using those silly muggle patch contraptions to rid me of that terrible affliction!"
Tom merely snorted and raised the burning cigarette to his lips.
This was too much for Voldemort who slammed the diary shut in rage. Tom disappeared into the depths of the pages leaving a ghostly mist behind.
Voldemort sat down on a rock listening to the melodious sounds of cawing animals.
How could he have been like that? He hadn't realised how un-Voldemort-like he had been!
"Time to turn over a new leaf Nagini!" he hissed. He opened the diary once again and greeted Tom with a smirk.
"Are you gay?" he enquired.
"Are yer startin', dick'ed?" snapped Tom.
"Oh just answer the question!" screeched Voldemort impatiently.
"Well…yeah innit!" mumbled Tom.
"Oh Merlin! Does that mean I am too? Bella won't be best pleased about this!"
"Can I go now mate?"
"Yes, yes, off with you!" muttered Voldemort distractedly and Tom sank back into the depth of the yellowing pages.
Just as Voldemort was contemplating his predicament, Tom Riddle appeared for the third time, a sheepish expression on his handsome face.
"So like…you wanna go out sometime?" he asked.
Voldemort could only stare at his younger self, horror-struck. He slammed the diary shut and hurled it into the gloom.
Well we hope you liked that lol