Playing Leapfrog With The Shark:
Chapter 1:
A herd of orange and purple antelope grazed in a field in Danville Park. A strange noise alerted one of the orange antelopes, which raised its head to inspect the premise. It had the triangular head and facial features of Phineas Flynn.
It snorted to tell the other antelopes of the noise, which was by now growing louder. One of the purple antelopes looked up, revealing the face of Ferb Fletcher. The Ferb-antelope cocked its head to listen to the noise:
rrrrRRRRR… vROOOOM! SMASH!
The herd of strange antelopes scattered as a swamp buggy burst through a copse of trees nearby.
In the drivers seat sat the real Ferb Fletcher, guiding the swamp buggy after the fleeing antelopes. Next to Ferb sat his stepbrother, Phineas.
"Okay, guys," called Phineas to the others riding the buggy, "Here we go! Capture Crossbows out!"
The others in the swamp buggy, Baljeet Tjinder, Bufor Van Strom, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro and the local group of Fireside Girls cheered and each picked up a crossbow fitted to throw nets. They weren't out to kill everything, after all.
As Ferb steadily closed in on the antelope herd, the kids readied their Capture Crossbows, ready to capture some antelopes with Phineas and Ferb's heads.
"We are within range," said Ferb, "You may open fire."
The group did so with much enthusiasm, blasting nets towards the antelopes. Almost immediately, one went down, a net wrapped around its legs.
"Woohoo!" called Buford, "I got the first hit!"
"No, silly, that one's mine," corrected Baljeet.
"Are you disagreeing with me?" snarled Buford.
"…Not exactly."
"Good."
Phineas and the Fireside Girls ignored this exchange and simply kept on shooting, bringing down antelope after antelope. Buford and Baljeet noticed this and went back to firing.
Finally, Phineas called to Ferb, "I think that's enough. Let's turn back and check out what we caught."
Ferb quickly swung the swamp buggy around and zoomed back along their path. He slowed when they came by the last antelope that had been brought down.
The gang climbed out of the swamp buggy and went to inspect their catch. Phineas leaned over the net wrapped antelope and frowned.
"Y'know, it's sort of weird to be hunting animals that look like you," he said.
The orange, triangle headed antelope glared at him.
"Hey, didn't we see this kind of antelope when we were going through Candace's subconscious? Her Id was hunting them, I think," said Baljeet.
Ferb nodded.
"Then how come we came across them in Danville Park?"
Buford shrugged, "Who cares? What's next on the list of weirdos to hunt?"
Phineas pulled out a notebook and looked through it.
"It looks like we're going after unicorns next."
The Fireside Girls cheered and climbed back into the swamp buggy.
Buford shrugged, "Ah well, looks like we're going after every girl's fantasy."
"Are you sure?" asked Baljeet, "Unicorn hunts were known for being extremely deadly. The Unicorn usually gored at least one person by the end of the hunt."
"This hunt just got that much better," cackled Buford as he headed back to the swamp buggy. Baljeet and Phineas followed him, leaving Ferb to free the antelopes.
The swamp buggy roared between the trees of Danville Park, avoiding trees, bushes, park benches, and the occasional weirded out pedestrian. Phineas's Mythical Creature O'Meter was measuring the levels of mythical creature, and helping direct Ferb to the unicorn.
Unfortunately, it wasn't always completely accurate. It had directed them to a Griffin, a young dragon, and a very angry tree. So, hopefully this time it would take them to a unicorn.
Suddenly the device beeped and shuddered. Phineas looked at the readout and called to Ferb, "It should be to the left!"
Ferb directed the swamp buggy to the left and into a large copse of trees. Immediately the Mythical Creature O'Meter began to beep slowly and steadily.
"It should be in here somewhere," said Phineas, "Go slowly."
Ferb slowed the swamp buggy, carefully avoiding trees until the Mythical Creature O'Meter began to beep faster.
"Okay, Ferb. It should be just up ahead. Capture Crossbows out, everybody," whispered Phineas.
The group quietly readied their crossbows as Ferb edged the swamp buggy around one last tree, revealing the unicorn.
Thwap! Thwap! Thwap!
Three nets hit the unicorn at the same time, wrapping it up and sending it to the ground. Immediately, Phineas, Ferb, Buford and Baljeet climbed out of the swamp buggy and ran over to inspect their catch.
Phineas looked over the unicorn. It was pretty much a white horse with a black mane and tail. And, of course, it had a single white horn jutting out of its forehead.
Then the unicorn sat up and said, "Ugh, Phineas? What is this?"
Everyone stared at the unicorn. It had sounded exactly like Isabella.
"I-Isabella? Is that you?" asked Phineas.
"Who else would it be?"
"Well," said Baljeet, "You are a unicorn, for one thing."
"What?" said Isabella, then she looked down, "Oh, yeah. That."
"How exactly do you explain spontaneous transformation into a mythical equine?" Baljeet asked.
"The same way you explain that," said Isabella, nodding back towards the swamp buggy. In front of the buggy stood the Fireside Girls. Well, not exactly.
They had somehow become their counterparts from the land of Odd, the Patchkins, and were now doing a Bulgarian Clog Dance.
"Huh?" said Phineas.
"And that," added Isabella, now nodding towards Phineas.
Phineas looked down and realized that instead of legs he now had the body of a horse. He was a centaur.
"Again, huh?" he asked, "Could somebody please explain to me what's going on here? Why am I a centaur?"
"Eh, who cares," Buford said, "I was just coming along to see if the unicorn was going to gore anybody. And, well, she isn't. She's tied up, in fact."
"I might make an exception for you, Buford," snorted Isabella.
"Ooh, I'm scared! Run from the cutesy little unicorn!" Buford waved his hands in the air mockingly. Isabella stood up.
"OHCRUDSHE'SLOOSE," shrieked Buford. "RUN! Run for your sick, twisted little lives!" He skipped out of the way, just in time to avoid Isabella trying to stab him with her horn. She whinnied in rage.
"Get back here so I can tear out your lungs with a rusty fork and feed them to a herd of wild boar!"
Buford started running. "No thanks, I'd like to keep my lungs right where they are, thank you very much!"
Somewhere in the distance, Candace screamed, "AIIEEE! Giant squirrel! Little Suzy! Suzy-squirrel!"
"…Help?" said Phineas, "Since when was I a centaur?"
"Jelly Baby, anyone?" said Ferb.
So, yes. In case you hadn't guessed by this point, Playing Leapfrog With the Shark is utterly insane. I sort of feel like Victor Frankenstein.
Mwahahaha.