Description – Will Ryuichi's honesty actually lead to dishonesty?

Disclaimer – Gravitation doesn't belong to me.

fate weather.

By miyamoto yui

When had I become so dissatisfied with not being able to touch you?

It was then that I felt Tohma's stare at me. He was on my left side and I could feel his eyes burning into my skin. But all I could do was look up to the stage. My eyes couldn't leave the boy that had looked at me years ago and I was now doing exactly what he had done.

When he dropped to his knees that day, I was satisfied with putting him in his place, having known that he was my rival. I had acknowleged him as such, only to find that by teaching this kid, I had let the wheels of Fate work against me.

Wasn't it sick that you would fall in love with your own creation? It was like incest, having more than modest affection for your child?

Yet, I was still fascinated. Allthemore, I was so angry and frustrated at myself.

When would I get into the 'change'? But it was as if my 'henshin' was not taking place today as I watched him under the lights, sweating as he held onto the microphone with one of his hands. He was holding onto his trenchcoat with one hand, revealing some of his leg as if he'd never stripped on stage before.

But all the same, it looked seductively new, even if a million people had done it before. He made himself a virgin to something he'd done so many times on stage.

It was making me dizzy with delight. I licked my lips.

On this day, five years ago, we'd appear as rivals to see whose single would become the number one hit on the charts. On that day, I had claimed everything once more.

In a way, I was very disappointed because he was so close.

But now…

…I had seen the product of what I had done.

He was now out of control.

Who was I to stop him though? I loved him for it.

I began to understand why until now fans were still watching my every move, waiting anxiously.

The more I watched him, the more I knew what I had done. Somewhere, as I saw him shout with all his heart, I had given birth to a yearning admiration and cut-throat hurt that would never leave him.

He wasn't holding back anymore.

He showed himself on stage as if there was nothing to hide, crying his tears of the pain he had for his love. Until now, he could not understand that romance novel writer, and it came out through his lyrics.

That fact alone didn't lessen my burden.

"Ryuichi, you are not serious…" Tohma said as whispered into my ear.

"What's wrong?" I innocently asked, while still watching the stage change into multiple-colored raindrops.

"Are you that gone over that boy? Next to you, he is nothing. Even now, he knows that," he told me in a firm voice, enunciating every word in a harsh manner.

"But what does this all mean to me if I cannot get what I want?" I plainly retorted.

He sighed. And then, he gave a warning. Like dry ice that ate away the flesh, he said my name in a scathing tone, "RYUICHI."

"You know it's a sickness, Tohma," I laughed as I looked at my black, fingerless gloves. "I will always want what I cannot have. And the more I can't have it, the more the scratching want within makes me want to tear my own flesh off."

I was losing my mind.

Point-blank, he cornered me. "Are you going to ruin everything just to get Shindou Shuichi?"

I smiled wildly. "Watch me."

My transformation had come. And Tohma looked at me in horror. He had known all my ugliness before, but he never thought even I could become this ruthless. Not even him…

The lights were circling around and they appeared to be white snowflakes on the stage. As Nuriko started the melody off, I began to sing, holding onto the microphone stand with both of my hands. But as I took the mic off, I fell to the ground.

I groped onto the floor. Then, Tohma and I exchanged. With a kiss of the mic, he began his verse as I took over the other synthesizer.

It was then that he began to sing, but Nuriko also left her place. They were singing into the microphone as I managed both of the synthesizers.

During the short pause, I took the microphone again and I winked at Shuichi.

"Higher and higher,

I'll tie you against me

until you can't ever leave.

Don't you know that this is your fate?

I don't care if you hate me,

it's all the same to me.

For love or hate,

the intensity's the same,

suffocating me all the way,

your words lick my neck.

I always get what I want…"

Shuichi's wide eyes gave me a scared expression. I had cut another impression deep within him. I had done it all over again.

And that made me happy, but he tipped his head a bit so that his bangs could block his eyes.

The only thing I saw was his white trenchcoat, the black belt, and that evasive, confident smile.

I grinned out of my own fear and excitement.

As I looked at the audience, I found Tatsuha staring at me with a worried, disappointed look. He took a deep breath. He shook his head at me.

I gulped and started to feel guilty.

And I wondered why Fate was this cruel: Why was it possible to love two people at the same time but unable to get either one?

If I go for you, I'll ruin everything for you, Tatsuha…

"…even if it isn't meant to be mine."

At that moment, I got off the stage and sang one last verse. Then, I grabbed Shuichi's collar and kissed him on the mouth. Because I would always be able to capture him in the world I had made for myself, he kissed me back.

Whether it was to Ryuichi the person or Ryuichi the singer, I didn't care who he was responding to.

There was an uproar and people began to shout and go crazy.

But for me, I didn't hear anything. Everything was becoming deaf to my ears.

I opened one eye to find Tatsuha standing up from his seat.

I want you to hate me now before you even learn to love all of me and then I won't let go of you.

When I pulled away from Shuichi, I winked at him again and the song ended. Afterwards, I went immediately to my dressing room. Without knocking, Tohma looked into the reflection and I watched him stand at the doorway from the mirror.

The door closed and he held onto the knob behind him.

"Ah, is that how you're going to play it?" He was shaking with anger.

I continued to watch him. "What are you talking about?"

"If you hurt Yuki indirectly through this, I will kill you."

My eyes squinted. Then, I turned around to push myself off my seat to walk towards him. "If I hurt Tatsuha, he will be upset. If I take Shuichi, he will be mad. What do you want me to do, Tohma?"

When I was in front of him, I pushed his chest so that he'd press against the door. "You made me what I am today, Tohma. So, you get to decide what I do next."

"I never thought you'd be like this, Ryuichi."

But the magic had run out.

My hands desparately grabbed onto his dark, navy jacket. A tear fell onto its velvet surface. "I cannot get close to Tatsuha because everyone will harass him once I pay too much attention to him. And though I'm attracted to Shuichi, I'm not in love with him. I just love the fact that he's challenging me in an unusual way, a distraction of not being able to get to Tatsuha."

Having finally said it, relief settled in before a wind of pain began crashing onto my chest.

Unable to take the blows, I slipped to the ground and cried.

I had worked so hard to get to this place and yet with all the admiration I had accumulated, the more isolated it became. People pushed themselves away thinking I was out of reach and yet I wanted to see what was at the top. However, the higher I went, the lonelier I became. Was I being punished for doing as I pleased? For living as I'd wanted to?

Even now, at the top of everything, I still couldn't reach out for what was most important to me. And nor could I decide which one I wanted more.

Then, it began to thunder and I looked up to watch what was going on outside of our window. The red and orange leaves were shaking with the pouring rain.

Slowly, my blurry eyes turned back to look down at my gloved hands. Each tear that fell pushed my palms closer to the floor.

Yes, even now, the crown I held within my trembling hands was nothing but sand.

But I couldn't throw it away because it was mine.

It was all I had.

Owari.

--

Author's note: I had wanted to make a fic that was quick, intense, honest, something a tad different, and a bit closer to the new Gravitation timeline (though the concert bit is in the anime).

Love,

Yui

10/15/2006 7:47:48 AM - LA

10/15/2006 11:48 PM - Tokyo