Author's notes: Just in time for the Christmas season, a little tale of vengeance. Megamind demonstrates why trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the Master of All Villainy is a very, very bad idea.

The Mugging

The years had not been kind to Justin Henkler. The brashness and confidence of his youth had given way to a weary acceptance of his fate as a small-time crook. Prospects low, squatting in a run-down tenement, he had been asked by Boggs to join the gang for a spot of mugging, just for the night, as they were short a man. Who knew, maybe there'd be other jobs for Justin in the future, if the night went the way it should.

An arctic blast of wind poured into the alley. Justin hunkered further down into his coat. He should have been sheltered there in the alley, but of course the wind blew right into his face. At least it had stopped sleeting. He could hardly wait until he got out of this stinking weather and he could crawl back into his nice warm pile of rags. They hadn't waylaid anybody all night. With the Christmas season coming up, there should have been more people heading for the mall, but this lousy weather must've...

He heard the sound of footsteps. It was about time! He readjusted his grip on the gun. Once the marks passed the mouth of the alley, he would step out and block their retreat, and Boggs and the others would confront them.

His ears picked up the faint sound of...what was that? Sounded familiar, almost like...

Megamind strode into view. There was no mistaking that profile, that collar, that cape. The electronic hum of the brainbots that accompanied him filled the alley as they too came past, the noise amplified by the narrow space, making Justin's teeth vibrate. Justin gasped, then clapped a hand over his mouth, but it was too late.

Megamind's head whipped around. The street light glinted off his eyes as they sharpened on Justin. As if they were one being, the glowing red eyes of half a dozen brainbots were suddenly, intently focused on Justin as well. He backed away, and bolted, but not before he saw Megamind raise his hand and heard the command.

"Brainbots! Fetch!"

He was going at a full sprint when the brainbots dropped down in front of him. He skidded hard and yanked out the gun, but two more brainbots tangled him up in their pinching arms and pried it out of his hand. They lifted him into the air. He struggled and writhed as they flowed back down the alley toward the street, back toward Megamind's laughter, the excited barking of the other brainbots, the gunshots, the flashes of laser light, and, above all else, the screaming.

He gave another frantic twist, and suddenly they dropped him. He fell hard on his hands and knees. He looked wildly around. A wide circle of brainbots fenced off the sidewalk and most of the street. Their glowing eyes combined to give a hellish red sheen to the proceedings.

Some brainbots were stripping Graham of his gun and his right shoe. They dropped him unceremoniously onto the street and he curled up in the fetal position.

A heavy footstep sounded off to the left. Justin looked up. And up some more. Minion was staring down at him. A brainbot dropped Graham's confiscated items into Minion's hand. Minion slipped a razor out of the shoe.

"Good boy," Minion said.

"Bowg!" said the brainbot happily.

The henchfish turned his attention to Justin. He leaned over and squinted at him.

"Oh, it's you," Minion said, straightening up again and grinning, and any faint hope that Justin had of remaining anonymous evaporated. Minion held what looked like a speed scanner in his hand. He pulled the trigger and Justin was enveloped in a painless field of light.

The scanner beeped.

"Knife. Right ankle," Minion said. A brainbot swooped down, yanked up Justin's pant leg, forcing him into an undignified handstand, and removed the knife from its sheath. It dropped him and flew over to Minion, who stowed the knife somewhere, but Justin was too busy taking in the rest of the scene to take much note at that point.

The broken remains of brainbot lay in a heap on the street, occasionally giving off a pathetic spark. Another brainbot plucked at one of the broken bot's tentacles. "Bowg," it said, sounding almost sad to Justin's ears.

Graham was curled up, cheek pressed to the ice, staring bleakly at nothing. Terry was sitting on the curb with his hands tangled in his hair, rocking back and forth and moaning. Boggs was kneeling and weeping, his hands clasped together and pressed to his mouth. A few strangled sobs leaked out.

Boggs. This was a man who routinely kicked puppies and had once sold his own sister for dope, and he was blubbering.

What had happened to them? What had Megamind done?

Megamind, de-gun in hand, was walking around Boggs with slow, measured steps.

"It was a very simple arrangement, Boggs," Megamind said. "And you had to try to be clever." He sighed and shook his head, lips stretching into an evil smile. "I am astounded, just astounded, that you really expected to fool me."

Justin's heart sunk. So this wasn't a chance encounter. Megamind had been hunting for Boggs. Damn! If Justin had known that, he wouldn't have joined up with Boggs' gang, not even for a night.

Terry gave a heart-rending wail, as if he were trapped in a private hell that only he could see. Megamind gave him an irritated look.

"Minion, would you do something about that? I can barely hear myself think," he said.

"Right, Sir," said Minion briskly. Shaking a spray can, he walked over to the moaning, rocking Terry. The hiss of spray was followed by a quiet thunk as Terry slumped to the ground.

Megamind looked at the sky as if collecting his thoughts, then resumed his slow stalk around Boggs.

"I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything less from a scum-sucking toad, but your actions show an utter lack of respect that is extremely disturbing," he said.

He stopped behind his captive, and leaned over to growl in Boggs' ear. "Not only do I need to make an example of you, but you owe me the cost of a brainbot. And, after tonight, you may find it difficult to pay me back." Boggs whimpered.

Justin was still kneeling. His hands felt like they were fusing to the frozen ground. For the first time he saw, far down the street, another squad of brainbots blocking the road. He heard a distant squeal of tires as somebody made a sharp U-turn. How many of the damn things were there? He glanced up at the brainbots encircling them. Were these bots only paying attention to Boggs? Did they only look where Megamind was looking? Minion didn't appear to be watching him, either. Maybe it was just possible to slip away. The alley was so close...

Carefully he began to sit back on his heels, and peeled his hands off the icy pavement. Quickly three brainbots swooped down over him. One of them snapped jaws like a bear trap at him.

"Bowg! Bowg!" it said angrily, snapping the air by his head. Justin hastily knelt down again.

"Nothing but work, work, work," Megamind said, flinging his arms wide. He let them fall by his side again, and tapped the de-gun against his leg in a thoughtful way. "Still, I consider myself a reasonable villain. It is a special time of year, after all. And I did find out where the real diamonds were hidden, it posed no difficulty for my superior intellect. I'll be willing to forget this whole wretched incident...except for the brainbot you shot, of course...if you would perform one last chore for me."

He stopped pacing. "It seems my boots need a good cleaning. It's this in-clee-ment weather, makes everything dirty. You've shown your incompetence at thieving, so let's see how you are at bootlicking."

Minion snickered. Boggs' eyes darted around in anguish, from Megamind, to the grinning Minion, to Justin, then returned to settle helplessly on his captor. Megamind tapped his foot impatiently.

"Come now!" he said, eyes gleaming. "What part of 'bootlicking' do you not understand?"

Justin's mouth fell open. Oh. My. God, he thought.

Boggs seemed to be having trouble breathing. "You can't be serious," he said in a hoarse whisper.

Megamind chuckled and his grin widened. "Oh, I am dead serious," he said.

"Maybe he needs a little extra incentive," Minion said ominously, stepping forward.

"Now, now, Minion," Megamind drawled, "Boggs doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do. It's a free country. He has a choice. He can lick my boots clean, or I can try out a few more of these other settings." He hefted the de-gun, and spun the dial.

"Already used demoralize," he said. "Destroy. That one's messy. I've forgotten what decoupage does. Shall we find out?" He gave the de-gun a final click and aimed it at Boggs' head.

Boggs had to get down on his elbows to do the job properly.

I can't believe he's doing it, Justin thought. He stared in horror and awe, unable to look away. Terry was unconscious, Graham was incoherent, and there didn't appear to be anyone else on the street, but Justin was watching, and he was willing to bet there were other, unseen eyes watching from the shadows. Boggs' reputation was toast. No one would have any respect for him after this.

A whole minute dragged by. To Boggs, it must have seemed like an eternity.

"Oh, evil god in heaven, that's enough," Megamind said abruptly. "You're leaving streak marks. You just aren't good for anything, are you? Back to your original position." Gagging, Boggs scuttled back and scrubbed his tongue on his sleeve. Megamind didn't spare him another glance. He walked around, scratching a few of the brainbots on their heads.

"Who's a good boy, den? Who's a good boy?" the Master of All Villainy cooed. The brainbots blinked their glowing red eyes and bowg-ed happily.

Minion cleared his throat noisily. Megamind glanced at him, gave a brainbot a final vigorous rub and walked toward Justin. His cape billowed in the wind. Justin couldn't help but notice he was still holding the de-gun.

The suave, arrogant, well-dressed man that was striding over now bore little resemblance to the scrawny, squeaky-voiced, little blue runt that Justin and his cronies had once tormented in the prison. If Justin remembered those days, then Megamind did as well, and probably much more vividly.

Megamind smiled grimly. "Well, well, well," he said. "A bonus! Justin Henkler, as I live and breathe. As you no doubt hope to continue to do."

Justin gave him a convulsive grin of terror.

"Hey, man, how you doin'?" Justin trilled. "You look good! Been workin' out?"

Megamind raised a single eyebrow. "I think we've had enough bootlicking for one evening," he said drily. "Looks like your career as a third-rate cat burglar isn't going too well, if you have to take up with this crew." Megamind tilted his head at the comatose thugs behind him. "You may want to be a little more cautious about the company you keep, in the future."

Justin nodded madly. "Yeah! Yeah, you bet! I'll do that. I'll-"

"Speaking of the future, I can't help but be reminded of the past," Megamind interrupted lazily. Justin's grin froze.

"Seeing you again brings back so many memories," Megamind continued. "What happened to your hair? Did it die of natural causes?"

Justin automatically placed a numb hand over his shaved scalp. "Oh...you know...the style," he mumbled. He shaved it all off because he believed it made him look cool.

Megamind pursed his lips. "Perhaps you should leave the bald look to those who can actually carry it off," he said. "But enough about fashion! Let's re-live the good ol' days. What a time we had! The rousing laughs, the banter, the relentless teasing..."

Justin's grin was getting shaky.

"...the name-calling, the attempts to trip me, the kicks, the punches, and the noogies. Thank you so much for introducing me to the noogie. I don't know how I ever survived without it." Megamind was the only one of them who was smiling anymore.

"I'm sorry," Justin whispered. "It was just...a long time ago. I'm sorry."

"Well, that means a lot to me, really, it does," Megamind said, examining his glove. He sighed and holstered the de-gun, much to Justin's relief. "It was, indeed, a long time ago. I suppose I could just let you go."

Justin held his breath, and dared to hope.

Megamind smiled. "Right after I mug you. Minion?"

A grinning Minion filled the world. Minion picked Justin up by the ankles and shook vigorously.

Loose change, cigarette cartons, and used tissues rained down onto the pavement. Megamind went to examine the broken brainbot. He gestured to two other brainbots and they carefully lifted their fallen comrade and flew away down the street.

"All right, Minion, I think you emptied his pockets," he said, glancing over the contents that littered the ground. "He doesn't seem to carry anything of value." Minion let go and Justin collapsed, panting.

Megamind nodded at the hovering brainbots. "Let him pass," he commanded. They parted, leaving an opening in the circle.

"Run along now, and spread the word of my evil deeds," said Megamind, waving his hand. Justin scrambled to his feet and fled.

Megamind paused beside the broken shell that once was Boggs. "I'll be back to collect on the brainbot," he said. "Say, seven thousand? It's a bargain, really, I'm feeling unusually generous. In a week. You should be able to scrape that together. But don't sell your sister to get it. I find that sort of thing very unsavory." He walked on.

"A very satisfactory evening all around, Minion," said Megamind as they left the carnage behind them, brainbots trailing along.

"Yeah, that was nasty, Sir," Minion said, chuckling. "What would have happened if you'd pulled the trigger?"

"He would've been covered in a charming montage of snowflake patterns."

Minion laughed.

"The demoralize function worked quite well," Megamind said, continuing to walk down the sidewalk. "It will be interesting to see how long the effects last." His brow furrowed. "If only it would work on Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. I would make him crawl, I would..." He raised a hand and clenched it into a fist.

"Si-irrrr," Minion complained. "No more business! You promised!"

Megamind ground his teeth for a second, then relaxed. "Of course, of course." He clapped his hands together and smiled. "Very well, then. You get to decide. What shall we do next?"

"Ooo, can we go downtown, Sir?" Minion said excitedly. "There's a new display at the mall!"

Megamind laughed. "Minion, you old softie. Let's go, my scaly friend! The brainbots should clear it out in no time, and we can peruse the stores at our leisure."

They proceeded on into the night.

Endnotes: According to the dictionary, decoupage means "the technique of decorating a surface with cutouts, as of paper." And according to KBJones, decoupage "is when you coat something with glue and decorative paper. The glue goes all over it, so it forms kind of a hard surface." Which is a rather more helpful definition. I toyed around with how this might apply to the de-gun, but somehow the ideas I came up with all seemed too gruesome, so I didn't try to expand on it in this tale. Getting coated with a glue that hardens would be rather unpleasant, and possibly fatal. And where do the cutouts come from? Does the de-gun just rearrange the molecules of...? Okay, you can see why I didn't want to examine this matter too closely! (But then, I am a little squeamish.)

Happy Holidays!