The Change

Chapter One

"You do not die on me Kate Beckett"

That's all I heard as I ran down the Emergency wing of the hospital, seeing her get wheeled away further from me, my mind conjuring up worst case scenarios. I can't lose her. Not now. Not after everything we've been through… I love her, I told her, and now she is going to die on me. Why?

"…Lost vitals right in front of us"

My heart instantly stops, no this can't be it. "Please save her"murmuring under my breath, as I hold back the tears that are desperately trying to escape. I see Lanie, her blood soaked gloves, her heavy breathing as she too is trying so hard not to cry. I would have given anything for that bullet to of hit me, anything to save Kate. The doctors wheeling her away to surgery, what I would give to hold her hand and tell her to fight, tell her that everything thing is going to be okay, that she will make it through, that I will always be on the other end waiting for her.

Lanie still shuddering from the shock of her best friend being shot, rips of here gloves throws them to the ground and slides against the wall. I don't think I've ever seen Lanie this discomposed. She is the type of woman that respects and flaunts herself at the same time, for her to show this vulnerability makes me feel ten times worse that I didn't take the bullet. I am now putting Beckett's friends through unbearable pain. I wish I could protect her, like I promised.

I sit down against the wall next to Lanie, my head between my knees, my shoulders beginning to shudder. I don't care that Lanie is here, I need this. I need to cry. I need Kate Beckett to make it through this. Suddenly I feel a warm grasp around my shoulders, no… two grasps. I look up to see Ryan on the other side of me, blood shot eyes, as if he too had just been crying, Esposito next to Lanie, his head on her shoulder.

This is a very dire day.

It feels as if hours have past, only to realise that it has been less than five minutes. I can't take this anymore. Rushing to stand up, I look at my friends' faces, Esposito, that man of steel trying so hard to keep his poker face. Ryan, not even bothering to look at me, but I can tell that he is trying to keep the tears in his eyes, they think of her as a sister, how could I put them through this, ruffling my hair as I try to think straight.

"I'll be back" I stammer out, my voice breaking at every word that comes out. Rushing outside for some much needed fresh air.

I need to call someone.

"Mum. Are you okay? Is Alexis with you?" I croak out, unable to clear my throat.

"Richard, calm down, breath. I am fine. I dropped Alexis over at Ashleigh's house. She doesn't need to be surrounded by this all; she will see it written all over your face anyway."Her voice steady and calm, it always surprises me how composed she can be even in the most dreadful situations.

She continues… "Richard. Be honest with me, what is happening, how is Kate?"Her voice slowly starting to fade, as she says Kate.

"I don't know mother, I heard them say her vitals dropped, and they rushed her off to surgery, and we've just been sitting on the floor waiting, I don't even want to move sometimes. I'm scared mum." Those last few words barely a whisper.

"Richard honey, stop thinking negatively, she will get through this. Kate is a fighter she always has been, and she always will be."

"I just… well I… I umm–"I

croaked out, still unable to form valid sentences.

"Richard dear, speak!" Her voice was assertive, but still extremely calm and nurturing.

"I told her… I told her I love her, she can't die now right?"

There was a pause from Martha, then a soft sigh.

"Son, my dear. It will work out… just have some faith"

Richard took those words in, he never underestimated his mother's wisdom and strength, though he would never actually admit it, he just wished that the surgery would be over so he could see her, so this burden he is carrying can dissipate and he can go back to his charming self.

"Thanks mother, I need to go… I want to be there when she gets out of surgery" Hanging up the phone before his mum could respond.

Walking back to Lanie and the boys, I felt as if I had weights tied to my ankles. Seeing their grim faces as they quietly spoke about insignificant things, I knew that no news had been heard, but I still had to ask.

"Lanie, guys. Have you heard any news about Kate?" My voice was surprisingly calm.
Lanie sighed, looking deep into my eyes, fear visible all over her face.

"Castle, have a seat, we gotta talk?"

My legs shaking as I grab a hold of the rails against the walls. Oh my gosh Kate, Please no!

Author's note:

So hey everybody!
This is my first fan-fic EVERR! I'll try to an update everyday, if not at least every two days. I'm just hoping school doesn't get hella hard so I continue writing this.

thank you so much for reading, and please leave a review.

XX - Quel.