A is for Afraid.
She was afraid. More then afraid, she was terrified. So many thoughts were racing through her head; she hardly had time to process any of them.
As she held her younger sister as tightly as she could, she prayed that Ryan would reach the top in time. She prayed that Johnny would listen to reason and follow Ryan down. She prayed that this would not end in tragedy, as so many aspects of her life had.
She was afraid of her feelings, afraid of what they meant. Ryan had given her an ultimatum; until she figured out what her feelings were for Johnny, he wasn't going to see her. She was afraid of losing Ryan, the one person who kept her sane. She was afraid of losing Johnny, the first person to tell her that it was okay to not want to go to college.
She could hear Johnny yelling, but she couldn't understand what he was saying. Or maybe she could understand, but she was afraid to listen. Deep down, she knew what was happening, and she knew it was her fault that Johnny was stumbling around on the top of a cliff fucked up beyond belief.
She was afraid that everything was her fault.
She was afraid of the truth.
Her world stopped when she heard Johnny scream and glass break. She turned her hair away, afraid to look at the mangled body of her best friend lying at the base of the rocky cliff. She was afraid to look up at Ryan, hanging over the edge, empty hand grasping at the air.
She was afraid for Johnny's life.
She was afraid of what would happen to her if she lost him.