This story begins after the events of Impossible Hope. It is not essential that you read that story first, but I would highly recommend it! :) I hope you enjoy this next adventure. Thanks for reading! :)
Chapter One
Barry studied the tissue sample in his new microscope, analyzing the tiny details and structure.
It had been a few weeks since Barry had heard of Oliver's death. It had been almost a week since Iris met him as The Flash on the roof of Jitters and refused to let him cut off contact with her.
"I won't leave you alone in this." Now Iris's words rang back in his ears instead of Oliver's. The hope and support she had given him was so needed. She had shown him a light to move towards, and he couldn't have been more grateful.
The week since had been quite busy. Several patrols had led to preventing crimes or apprehending criminals. The team at S.T.A.R. labs was working together well, ironing out the kinks that had slipped in with Oliver's loss. Oliver might be gone, but people in Central City still needed help. Barry felt like The Flash was back in full form. He couldn't wait to see Iris tomorrow after her late shift and thank her again.
Little did he know that Iris had other plans in mind.
Barry was finishing up the day's work in his lab when a soft knock and a "Hey Barry." brought him up short. Iris was standing in the doorway.
For a split second there was silence between them. Barry found himself wondering how it had come to this: He was more comfortable talking with Iris as The Flash these days than he was as Barry Allen. Considering he spent half of that time vibrating his face and always spoke in a distorted voice to hide his identity, that was really a disturbing fact.
But it wasn't a mystery. Barry knew full well why things between them had become so uncomfortable. One did not just confess feelings of love for your best friend (who was dating someone else) and expect things to remain the same. His suit's mask helped him hide his true identity as The Flash, but Barry Allen had removed another much more personal one. That mask was one that he had been wearing for much of his life. There was no going back.
"Hey." He smiled at her as usual, trying to put as little pressure on her by acting as normal as possible.
She smiled back, but it still didn't hide the look of determination on her face. He knew that look. Whatever she wanted, she was probably going to get. She pushed away from the doorway and moved in for the kill.
"Barry Allen, we are long overdue to spend some quality time together. Eddie is working, and we are going to a movie. Get your stuff."
He raised his eyebrows. He hadn't quite expected this. "Look, Iris. You don't have to feel guilty about-"
"I'm not feeling guilty." She cut him off. " I miss my best friend and I am worried about him. We are going. No arguments." She looked like a fierce mother bear as she stared him down.
Barry laughed. He couldn't help it. "Okay then." he shrugged as he grabbed his coat and bag. "If you say so."
She slipped her arm through his and allowed herself a victorious smile. "I do."
Admittedly, the first hour was a bit stiff as they headed to the movie theater. Barry's world-shattering confession of love hung in the air. Neither referred to it, but it made conversation very stilted. Would some innocent comment be misconstrued? Any tiny thing seemed to have two meanings now. Barry started half a dozen conversations in his head before rejecting each one. However, at the ticket counter a good-natured argument erupted on which movie to see (neither went near rom-com territory or anything that looked to have a love triangle in it). Next followed hassling over how many snacks to buy (Barry's hands were overfilled with a variety of them, Iris ended up carrying half). When they finally ended with a lively discussion over which seat was the best placement, things started to feel a bit more comfortable again. Iris stole handfuls of popcorn like she always had, Barry objected in his usual mock angry way. The laughs and smiles came easier and more often. By the middle of the movie they were trading whispered commentary about unrealistic plot points and giggling about them. Iris felt better than she had in a long time, and Barry seemed more upbeat. It was a good place to start.
The ride home was a bit quieter. Conversation was not stilted, but it wasn't their usual either. Neither seemed to know how to end the evening. She pulled up outside his apartment building, and Barry tried to figure out what to say.
"Iris," he fiddled with his bag strap "I'm sorry-."
She cut him off again, putting her hand on his arm. "Barry, don't. You are my best friend. I don't want to lose that. But I don't want you to be unhappy either. Can we – stay best friends? You seemed really bad the last time I saw you, and the very last thing I want to do is hurt you more. But I miss my best friend. I'm worried about him, and I'm here for him if he needs me."
Barry smiled ruefully. Iris was the person that much of his current pain was stemming from. Now she was offering him support because of that pain. It was truly bizarre. But it seemed to work for them. If he couldn't have her in a relationship, he definitely wanted her as his best friend. That had never changed in all these years. He put his hand on hers.
"Iris, you are still my best friend. Nothing will ever change that."
She looked so relieved that she might cry. She smiled at him. Seeing her so happy made him happy, so he smiled too. They looked at each other for a moment. Then another moment. Then another…
Time seemed to slow for a second. To Barry this was nothing unusual, but as he looked at Iris he realized she was looking at him in a way he didn't recognize, even after growing up together. It was almost like she couldn't figure it out either. When Barry broke their gaze by looking away, Iris realized she felt short of breath. She looked away too and stared out the window a second before looking back, exhaling as she did.
Barry pulled himself out of the car and leaned back in to say goodbye.
"Thank you Iris, we should do this again soon."
She looked up at him, her eyes bright. "I agree. Not tomorrow though, I have plans. Night Bear!" She put the car in gear and drove away, missing how his smile slipped as he closed the door. He watched as she turned a corner and disappeared from sight. He frowned for a moment, contemplating his schedule tomorrow before murmuring to himself. "Me too."
The next evening the rooftop of Jitters was quiet and dark, except for one thing. A heavy metal deck chair was slowly shifting across the floor, one side and then the other moving forward a little at a time. A moment later Iris popped up from behind it and moved to the front, deciding it was better to drag it into position. She heaved and pulled, then breathed a sigh of relief when she felt she had positioned it just right. She stood back and surveyed her work. Pretty good, she nodded to herself. She checked her watch and wondered if she had time to run downstairs. Does one serve snacks at a secret meeting with a hero? She never had before. All their meetings before had been spontaneous or quite short. This was the first time they had scheduled a meeting so far in advance, last week in fact. It was definitely the first time they had scheduled a meeting to include more than just exchanging information and discussing the death of his friend. She looked at her watch again and decided to stay upstairs and wait. She sat down in the chair she had appointed herself and rubbed her arms.
A week had passed since she had last seen The Flash. A week since she had convinced him to keep talking to her. A week since they had discussed The Arrow and his death. She stared at the night sky and wondered how he was doing with that. She had noticed an increase in sightings of him again, and more people being helped that were attributed to him. Hopefully that had to mean that he was doing better.
Iris was fully aware that this was a risky idea; setting up secret meetings with a hero she was quite attracted to. But she was also fully aware that she loved Eddie and she didn't want to ruin their relationship. She wanted to help The Flash, and she was determined to keep it as friends. He needed support. She could do that. She would do that.
A rushing breeze announced The Flash's arrival to the rooftop, blowing her hair off her shoulders. She stood up and looked around. He was half in shadow as usual, standing off to the side. As she watched he approached a few more steps, then stopped.
"Hello Iris." As always, his voice was disguised.
"Hi, Flash." She suddenly felt awkward. This was more of a formal meeting than they'd ever had before. She gestured to the chair setup she had done earlier. "Look, I made us a little area."
The Flash looked at the spot she'd pointed out. Two chairs were set about six feet away from each other. Close enough to talk but not too close. One was out in the main area of the roof, closer to the rest of the tables and chairs. The other was set back away from the rest, farther into the corner. He knew just looking at it that the chair was for him. Sitting in it, his legs would be further out into the light, but his upper torso and face would be in the dark, hidden in the shadows. He stared at it for a moment, touched and grateful. Finally he looked at her, a playful smile curving his lips.
"So is this therapy, then? I spill my guts and you be my shrink?"
She laughed. "No. I just figured you were getting tired of scrambling your face like that. This way you can actually relax. A little. Also, I turned the security camera to a different angle. Just in case."
The Flash grinned. "You think of everything." He moved towards his designated chair, she followed behind.
"I'm a pretty smart girl." Iris settled into her chair. The Flash followed suit. It felt stranger than he'd anticipated. He had never actually sat down before when meeting Iris as The Flash. He sat straight instead of his typical slouch and tried to make his legs sprawl less than they usually did. There was a moment of silence as each tried to figure out a good conversation starter. The Flash got there first.
"Does this mean you don't care about my real identity anymore?"
"No, it means I am willing to let that slide…for now." She leaned forward a bit and asked the question that she really wanted to ask. "How are you doing?"
The Flash laughed. "Okay, now it does feel like therapy." Still, he couldn't help but answer the question. He knew she really wanted to know. "I'm all right. I went to Starling City today."
Iris looked up in surprise. "You did? Why? No, wait. The Arrow has a team doesn't he?"
He nodded, even though he wasn't sure she could see it. "Yeah."
She sighed, thinking about what they must be going through. "How are they?"
The Flash tried to find the right words. "They are…handling it. I guess. That's all any of us really can do. They're trying to keep doing what he always did: Protect their city. I offered to stay and help, but they said they needed to figure it out themselves. They said I had my own city to protect." He thought of the tight hug Felicity had given him, how she was being so strong even though she looked like she wanted to cry every few minutes. Roy's determined face. He was not going to stop the path Oliver had helped him start. That look behind Diggle's eyes, like he had lost another brother. It had taken everything he had to actually turn and leave, even though they had told him to.
Iris thought about that a moment. She could tell he really hadn't wanted to return to Central City. "You're fast, but you can't be everywhere at once." She murmured.
The Flash heaved a frustrated sigh. "I know. But I didn't feel good leaving them. And I feel like there's more they aren't telling me. I know they were glad to see me, but all my questions got vague replies, even the ones about how The Arrow died. And it feels like something is heating up in that city. I hate leaving them alone to deal with it."
Iris nodded. "Maybe they aren't telling you everything because they are trying to keep you safe. Maybe they need to do it themselves. You know, stand on their own."
He shifted restlessly. "I know. But I don't like leaving friends behind. And I really don't like them keeping me in the dark."
Iris laughed. "Says the man in the mask. What was your name again?"
The Flash stayed silent a moment. With his face in shadows, she couldn't tell if he was pouting or pondering. But one of his hands tapped a quick tattoo on his leg. "Secrets are necessary sometimes. And yes, I keep them too. But the longer you keep it, the harder it gets. The more damage it does when it finally comes out. Secrets hurt."
Iris stared at him, shrouded in darkness. She felt a small chill as she realized the many secrets that were adding up in her life. Eddie had no clue about the chain of events that had occurred in the last few weeks. He certainly had no idea Iris now had a standing weekly appointment with the man his task force was assigned to catch. He didn't even know about Barry's confession. The Flash isn't the only one with secrets.
She nodded. "Fair enough. But for the record, I agree with them." He leaned forward a bit in his chair. "Your city does need you. I'm glad you're back in it."
The Flash smiled in the darkness. "Thanks."
"Do you-" She hesitated to ask. "Do you have people close to you that don't know about this? About The Flash?"
The Flash was silent so long she thought he might be just ignoring the question. She was just about to apologize and withdraw it when he finally spoke.
"Yes. But really only one that I regret not telling." He sat up straighter in his chair, leaning further back into the shadows.
She felt a bit of a thrill to even get an answer to such a personal question. "Do you ever think you will?"
"I…don't know." He replied. He sounded more guarded than he had a few minutes before. She almost regretted asking. She was busy trying to find a better conversation topic when he spoke again.
"I worry that she'll find out. Part of me wants her to. But if she did." His words slowed. "I'm afraid…she would hate me."
Iris looked at him. He suddenly looked very tense. His legs almost looked poised to run, even sitting. She filed away the information that this person was a female as she looked for a way to lighten the mood. She smiled at him.
"Oh come on, who could hate a hero like you?"
A reluctant huff of laughter came from the corner. "Thanks."