1.1 The Legend of Zelda: Link's Slightly Altered Adventure
2 Disclaimer: Same old stuff. I don't own anything, blah blah blah. I'm so poor v.v
This is basically a novelization of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, only Link is paired with something far stranger than Navi. Kirby =D (Kind of a self-insertion, but not really). Complete with Monty Python spoof! Enjoy, chapter 2 will be up eventually ^_^
Chapter 1: The Kokiri
It was a beautiful day in the Kokiri Forest this lovely Sunday morning. Too bad Link wasn't awake to enjoy it, the lazy bum. It started like every other day. The kokiri were wandering around aimlessly, Saria was thinking of how best to stalk our hero, and Mido was throwing rocks at Link's house. The usual. What was unusual however, was that Mido had managed to throw a rock through Link's window, and capped him in the eye.
"Ouch!" Link exlaimed, falling out of bed. "What just hit me?"
In an attempt to find out, Link slowly tip-toed to the front door, opened it, and peeked outside. Running towards the house was a short green- haired kokiri, wearing a green shirt and green boots. Since all kokiri wore green and never bothered to change, it was safe to assume that they all wore the same clothing for their entire lifespan. The girl was waving frantically, as if trying to get Link's attention. He recognized the girl. She was the single most irritating creature he had ever encountered. A demon so foul, so horrid, that anyone who heard the shriek of her voice would cower in terror.
Saria.
Link had grown used to the stalking, but not the voice. No one could adjust to the voice. The voice of doom. Dashing back inside and bolting the door, Link's heart began to race. He had little time before Saria reached his home, and he didn't want to speak to her. Again. "That voice of hers makes my ears bleed!" he said to himself. Needing a plan of escape, he spied the shattered window. Beginning to hear Saria's footsteps approaching, he knew he had no more time to waste. Quickly noticing the rock on the floor which happened to have a note attached to it, Link grabbed it and ran for the window. He leapt, and scraped his arm on the way, and read the note as he fell.
"The Deku Tree wants to see you. But I'm cooler than you. It should see me!
~Mido"
"Oh crap." Link thought. "Now the stupid tree wants to see me. Oh well. Might as well go see it". And so, after landing from the 4' fall, Link ran to the east to the "Path To The Deku Tree". Unfortunately, the path was blocked by the gay homophobe Mido.
"None shall pass!" Mido declared, crossing his arms like the gay homo he was. Link was unphased by the statement. He retorted with his own.
"I am Link. The annoying kid you always throw rocks at every morning. I command you to stand aside" He spoke in an unwavering, commanding tone.
"I move….for no man." Mido's tone was dull, and boring. And gay. Just like him.
Link was infuriated. He'd had enough of Mido's crap.
"I've had enough of your crap!" And so Link belted Mido in the stomach as hard as he could, and continued on. The path to the tree was long and perilous, filled with grass and fungi. And annoying little blue things that popped up and didn't do anything. Unarmed, Link had to run for it. And run he did! Look at that little green freak run! At last, after several minutes of running, Link reached the clearing where the Deku Tree lived. Towering over him was a massive block of wood with a face on it. It looked like it was about to topple over. Suddenly, the face spoke. It spoke in a loud, booming voice that anyone within a 20 mile radius could hear.
"COME HITHER, CHILD OF THE FOREST."
Scared witless, Link complied. "Y-yes, oh mighty tree thing?"
"YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. BY ME. TO UNDERTAKE A QUEST AND SAVE THE WORLD FROM A GREAT EVIL. BUT FIRST YOU MUST CRAWL INSIDE ME AND RID ME OF A PARASITIC FREAKY THING SO THAT I CAN TELL YOU SOME COOL STUFF."
"Joy. Don't I get anything to help?"
"YES. HERE'S A GAY SWORD AND A SHIELD MADE OF MY SNOT." Magically, a sword and wood shield appeared in Link's hands. "YOU ALSO GET THIS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT IT SCARES ME AND I NEED TO GET RID OF IT." A swirling ball of golden light appeared, hovering a few feet in front of Link.The sphere slowly lowered itself onto the ground at our hero's feet, and stopped glowing. Beneath the now non-existent glow was a black sphere. The sphere began to crack, and white light emerged from the openings. Several seconds later, the sphere burst in a blinding white flash. Link was forced to shield his eyes for fear of being…well, blinded. What else can a blinding white flash do? When the light subsided, a round, pink creature was standing at Link's feet.
Pink. PINK.
Link didn't know what it was. No one did. Not even the Deku Tree. Link stared at it, his blue eyes shimmering in the light. The creature stared back with it's black, beady little eyes. As if on cue, it started running around in small circles. It's tiny brown shoes made a soft pat-pat sound as it ran. At least, Link thought they were its shoes. Link was a moron when it came to things like this. He failed Kokiri Biology. He thought for a few minutes about the creature's feet/shoes, not noticing it had stopped running until it stared at him, flailed its short, stubby, fingerless arms rapidly, and emitted a most horrid scream.
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Link nearly toppled over at the sound. It wasn't nearly as bad as Saria, and was somewhat soothing, but the shock nearly killed him. It spoke again.
"I'm Kirby! The big tree thingy says I'm supposed to help you on your quest thing! Can I hug you? Please? Pretty please? You're so huggable and I wanna hug something socanIhugyoupleaseIreallywannahugsomethingandyou'resoclosesocanIhugyou???"
Without waiting for an answer, the tiny pink creature that called itself "Kirby" jumped onto Link's face, and hugged him. Link nearly suffocated before pulling the creature off himself.
"Um…k." was all Link could say.
"SO BE IT. YOU'RE NOW ALL PREPPED AND STUFF. NOW ENTER THE VOID OF MY STOMACH AND KILL THE DEMONS WITHIN!" The Deku Tree spoke softly. Well, softer than usual, at least. And it opened its mouth, beckoning Link and Kirby into the abyss.
~*End of Chaper 1*~
So whadja think? Read and review please ^^ (A few ideas for future chapters wouldn't hurt, either)
2 Disclaimer: Same old stuff. I don't own anything, blah blah blah. I'm so poor v.v
This is basically a novelization of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, only Link is paired with something far stranger than Navi. Kirby =D (Kind of a self-insertion, but not really). Complete with Monty Python spoof! Enjoy, chapter 2 will be up eventually ^_^
Chapter 1: The Kokiri
It was a beautiful day in the Kokiri Forest this lovely Sunday morning. Too bad Link wasn't awake to enjoy it, the lazy bum. It started like every other day. The kokiri were wandering around aimlessly, Saria was thinking of how best to stalk our hero, and Mido was throwing rocks at Link's house. The usual. What was unusual however, was that Mido had managed to throw a rock through Link's window, and capped him in the eye.
"Ouch!" Link exlaimed, falling out of bed. "What just hit me?"
In an attempt to find out, Link slowly tip-toed to the front door, opened it, and peeked outside. Running towards the house was a short green- haired kokiri, wearing a green shirt and green boots. Since all kokiri wore green and never bothered to change, it was safe to assume that they all wore the same clothing for their entire lifespan. The girl was waving frantically, as if trying to get Link's attention. He recognized the girl. She was the single most irritating creature he had ever encountered. A demon so foul, so horrid, that anyone who heard the shriek of her voice would cower in terror.
Saria.
Link had grown used to the stalking, but not the voice. No one could adjust to the voice. The voice of doom. Dashing back inside and bolting the door, Link's heart began to race. He had little time before Saria reached his home, and he didn't want to speak to her. Again. "That voice of hers makes my ears bleed!" he said to himself. Needing a plan of escape, he spied the shattered window. Beginning to hear Saria's footsteps approaching, he knew he had no more time to waste. Quickly noticing the rock on the floor which happened to have a note attached to it, Link grabbed it and ran for the window. He leapt, and scraped his arm on the way, and read the note as he fell.
"The Deku Tree wants to see you. But I'm cooler than you. It should see me!
~Mido"
"Oh crap." Link thought. "Now the stupid tree wants to see me. Oh well. Might as well go see it". And so, after landing from the 4' fall, Link ran to the east to the "Path To The Deku Tree". Unfortunately, the path was blocked by the gay homophobe Mido.
"None shall pass!" Mido declared, crossing his arms like the gay homo he was. Link was unphased by the statement. He retorted with his own.
"I am Link. The annoying kid you always throw rocks at every morning. I command you to stand aside" He spoke in an unwavering, commanding tone.
"I move….for no man." Mido's tone was dull, and boring. And gay. Just like him.
Link was infuriated. He'd had enough of Mido's crap.
"I've had enough of your crap!" And so Link belted Mido in the stomach as hard as he could, and continued on. The path to the tree was long and perilous, filled with grass and fungi. And annoying little blue things that popped up and didn't do anything. Unarmed, Link had to run for it. And run he did! Look at that little green freak run! At last, after several minutes of running, Link reached the clearing where the Deku Tree lived. Towering over him was a massive block of wood with a face on it. It looked like it was about to topple over. Suddenly, the face spoke. It spoke in a loud, booming voice that anyone within a 20 mile radius could hear.
"COME HITHER, CHILD OF THE FOREST."
Scared witless, Link complied. "Y-yes, oh mighty tree thing?"
"YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. BY ME. TO UNDERTAKE A QUEST AND SAVE THE WORLD FROM A GREAT EVIL. BUT FIRST YOU MUST CRAWL INSIDE ME AND RID ME OF A PARASITIC FREAKY THING SO THAT I CAN TELL YOU SOME COOL STUFF."
"Joy. Don't I get anything to help?"
"YES. HERE'S A GAY SWORD AND A SHIELD MADE OF MY SNOT." Magically, a sword and wood shield appeared in Link's hands. "YOU ALSO GET THIS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT IT SCARES ME AND I NEED TO GET RID OF IT." A swirling ball of golden light appeared, hovering a few feet in front of Link.The sphere slowly lowered itself onto the ground at our hero's feet, and stopped glowing. Beneath the now non-existent glow was a black sphere. The sphere began to crack, and white light emerged from the openings. Several seconds later, the sphere burst in a blinding white flash. Link was forced to shield his eyes for fear of being…well, blinded. What else can a blinding white flash do? When the light subsided, a round, pink creature was standing at Link's feet.
Pink. PINK.
Link didn't know what it was. No one did. Not even the Deku Tree. Link stared at it, his blue eyes shimmering in the light. The creature stared back with it's black, beady little eyes. As if on cue, it started running around in small circles. It's tiny brown shoes made a soft pat-pat sound as it ran. At least, Link thought they were its shoes. Link was a moron when it came to things like this. He failed Kokiri Biology. He thought for a few minutes about the creature's feet/shoes, not noticing it had stopped running until it stared at him, flailed its short, stubby, fingerless arms rapidly, and emitted a most horrid scream.
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Link nearly toppled over at the sound. It wasn't nearly as bad as Saria, and was somewhat soothing, but the shock nearly killed him. It spoke again.
"I'm Kirby! The big tree thingy says I'm supposed to help you on your quest thing! Can I hug you? Please? Pretty please? You're so huggable and I wanna hug something socanIhugyoupleaseIreallywannahugsomethingandyou'resoclosesocanIhugyou???"
Without waiting for an answer, the tiny pink creature that called itself "Kirby" jumped onto Link's face, and hugged him. Link nearly suffocated before pulling the creature off himself.
"Um…k." was all Link could say.
"SO BE IT. YOU'RE NOW ALL PREPPED AND STUFF. NOW ENTER THE VOID OF MY STOMACH AND KILL THE DEMONS WITHIN!" The Deku Tree spoke softly. Well, softer than usual, at least. And it opened its mouth, beckoning Link and Kirby into the abyss.
~*End of Chaper 1*~
So whadja think? Read and review please ^^ (A few ideas for future chapters wouldn't hurt, either)